Jasmine's P.O.V

Riley had taken the news really well - after we'd sat down on the sofa and Riley had gotten us some drinks, refusing to give either Seth or I anything alcoholic as we were still technically underage just to be annoying, we'd all talked. Talked a lot. Although for obvious reasons he'd been confused at first, as he understood more, I learnt that although he and Seth had accepted me as Jason and loved me either way, they'd spent over fifteen years of their lives with Jasmine as supposed to a year living with Jason and couldn't help missing her and a part of them hoping she'd one day return.

We didn't just talk about me, we also discussed how living with Dad had been - the lifestyle, amazing, the home life not so great, how things had worked out for Riley - he was loving being a Dad to Bobby, although he and Mercedes weren't on good terms which worried him on Bobby's behalf, and teased Seth a lot about his lack of a life. I did discover later, however, when it was just he and I in my room, that he had been seeing Ruby for a few weeks, but broke it off when she refused to go public about it. Although I knew the only reason Ruby didn't want to make it official was because she was ashamed of Seth, which really made me want to slap the bitch, I was secretly quite pleased that to make a change it had been my brother that had done the ditching, espeicially when it was a girl like Ruby.

Seth was back in his room now, after our little heart-to-heart where we'd also talked about my love life, discussing the current situation with Bart aswell as talking properly about life in California and how much we both missed Mum, which had brought us both to tears at points, and how much we had actually missed each other. Riley was downstairs talking to Mitzee who I'd heard come in a few minutes ago, I assumed he was explaining to her about me, so I didn't want to go downstairs and see her until she'd been properly filled in.

It was only early evening, about six o'clock, so it was definatly too early to go to bed, and besides, I wasn't tired. I didn't feel like going out either, though, I knew people would be talking about me all across the village by now and just because I was aweare it was happening, it didn't mean I wanted to go outside and risk hearing it for myself. So in the spare time I had to myself in my room, I'd found myself lying back on my bed with my earphones in, listening to the latest Kelly Clarkson album, every lyric of every song reminding me of Bart.

I forgive you,

We were just a couple of kids,

Trying to figure out how to live,

No shame no blame,

Cause the damage is done and I forgive you.

I forgive you, I forgive me,

If I hate you what does that do,

So I breathe in and count to 10.

The chorus of the song made me sit upright, pause the music and remove my earphones. As much as I doubted the song was written about a couple that had been through exactly what we had, I could completly relate to it. We'd been younger, we'd both screwed up. I'd been so focused on him having been the one causing the heartbreak and turmoil, but as he'd pointed out earlier, I'd done my fair share too. But the damage was done. How did hating him do anybody any good? We could stay stuck in the past, constantly hurting, or we attempt to make a go of it - the only thing that would make either of us truely happy.

Excited by my realization, I opened my wardrobe and took out a coat Mum had bought me the last time I'd been Jasmine. I put it on - it was cold outside, and glanced in the mirror. The last time I'd looked in this bedroom mirror as Jasmine, it had been to cut off all of my hair before shocking my family by coming out as Jason, on Christmas Eve of all times. Thinking back, I probably could have chosen a better day.

The longer I stared at my reflection, the more insecure I became. I was about to go round to Bart's and tell him I loved him. I wanted to look my best for him. I took my coat off again, flinging it on the bed, and opened my wardobe door once more. I thought about the last time I'd gotten dressed up for Bart - for our first date, I'd worn a pretty dress with a short demin jacket and a little bit of make-up thinking that dressing girly would give me the power into twisting Dad around my little finger and getting him to allow me to go on the date. However it hadn't worked, so Bart had never seen it. There wasn't much in my wardrobe, I'd taken most of it to America, and the few remaining items were boy's clothing anyway. The coat had only stayed as it worked for either gender. I unzipped my suitcase and rummaged around until I found my only dress. I still wasn't the dress type of girl, Dad had bought it for me and so far it remained unworn, but for Bart, just this one time, I was willing to make an exception. I was about to tell him I loved him too, talk everything through with him, hopefully get back together with him, if he'd still have me after earlier.

I slipped the dress on and sat down at my bedside table, where I quickly realized I didn't actually posess any makeup. I'd had a few items in California but the strict liquid allowence limit on the flight here had prevented me from bringing most of it with me, and as I hardly used my other beauty products I'd forgotten to pack them. Luckily for me, I was sure Mitzee probably owned more cosmetics than Boots Pharmacy. I made my way downstairs, where I was greated by a squeal, something that was just becoming the usual for today. Mitzee ran towards me, flinging her arms around me and squeezing tightly.

"Jas", she grinned. "Aw, it's really great to see you sweetheart".

"Hey Mitzee", I smiled. As irritating as the woman could be at times, she was family, she'd been our rock throughout everything with Mum and Grandad, and I really had missed her. She took a step back to look at me properly.

"Good God", she exclaimed. "You really have changed - a dress? It does look gorgeous though, you've always had a figure to die for". She paused, her eyes watering slightly. "You look beautiful, Jas".

Riley, who had been looking on from the sofa, letting Mitzee have her seeing-Jasmine-again moment free of interuptions, now walked over, nodding.

"You do look great Jas", he agreed.

"Thanks. That's what I wanted to ask, Mitz. I haven't changed that much by the way - the dress is for Bart and it's a one-off, but I was wondering if I could borrow some make-up?"

"Of course", she told me, taking my arm and leading me upstairs, in the direction of her bedroom. "And some shoes too, because if I know you, Jas, your entire collection consists of trainers only, and you do not mix converse with a dress like that". I smiled, she knew me too well. It was so great to once again be surrounded by people that knew exactly who I was, and immideatly accepted me.

Twenty minutes later I emerged from Mitzee's room, having had my make-up done and hair straightened, why Mitz had felt the need to straighten it I wasn't sure as it was fairly straight naturally anyway, although I had to admit it did look slightly more professional this way. I also had a sparkly silver necklace that she'd made me promise not to get a scratch on, and that I had to admit was gorgeous, and some mid-height black heels. Making my way to the stairs, I saw Seth coming from the bathroom. He opened his mouth slightly when he saw me.

"Wow. You look different", he told me.

"Well yeah, I wouldn't spend ages on my appearence just to look the same. It is okay though?"

"Let me guess, it's for Bart".

I sighed.

"Just answer the question Seth". I was starting to feel even more insecure dolled up that when I'd been in my casual clothes with no make-up. Maybe I should just wipe it off, get changed and turn up at Bart's the same as he'd always seen me.

"He's going to be one happy guy", Seth told me. "And that's the closest to a compliment your getting".

"Oh ignore him", Mitzee laughed. "You look amazing, you're going to knock him dead. Now go before you change your mind and wipe all my work off". She really did know me far too well.

Walking in heels was a nightmare. From just walking the distance from the pub to Drive'n'buy I was in enough pain to safely say that Bart was only ever going to see me in heels once. By the time I reached his house, I felt like I'd been walking on shards of glass for the past few minutes and I was wobbling like a drunk.

Jacqui's husband Rhys opened the door.

"Oh my God Jacq", he called through to his wife, who came to the door. "Theresa wasn't making it up". I couldn't be bothered with this right now, not until I'd spoken to Bart.

"Well let her in then", Jacqui scolded, whacking his arm. "Bart's upstairs", she told me. I was thankful for Jacqui's calm approach to the situation. Then again, the ammount of dramatics Jacqui had experienced in her thirty-three years as a McQueen probably meant that a girl wanting to be a boy then changing her mind wasn't that much of an occasion. I made my way up the stairs as Rhys and Jacqui started a domestic, scanning my brains for the right words to use to Bart. Screw it, I was just going to burst in there and come out with it.

"I love you!"

The words I'd made this visit to say were said aloud, and for a moment I wondered if I just hadn't realized the words had been leaving my mouth, I wouldn't have been too surpised by this as I was starting to become a nervous wreck. However I was certain it hadn't been my voice. The accent was Northern, and coming from the other side of the door to Bart's bedroom. Frozen to the spot, I stayed outside, listening.

"I know", Bart said quietly, using the same guilty tone as he had that time in the woods. "And I'm sorry Sinead. I am so, so sorry. But Jasmine..." His voice trailed off. As usual he was backing out of saying what he really meant, instead forcing her to fill in the blanks.

"You really love her?" I couldn't hear a response, so as Sinead answered him I assumed he must have nodded in replacement of words. "That's bullshit", she told him. "If you really loved her you would have stayed with her through anything, even as Jason, instead of sticking with me".

Although it wasn't me they were aimed at, her words stung, cutting at me like knives. Did she have a point? Did he even actually love me, or was it all just a part of the facade? I heard footsteps across the room, then Bart's voice.

"See this?" He asked her. "I can't throw it away. Two years after we broke up and I still can't get rid of it". More footsteps, the sound of a door opening. "She left this jacket here the last time she was here, as Jasmine. I couldn't bear to give it back to her, because it was the last thing I had left of her. There's traces of her all around this room. Mostly up here". I figured he was gesturing to his head. "In the memories, and in my imagination". He paused, not saying anything for so long that a small voice of doubt in my mind told me they could be not talking because they were too busy doing something. "So don't you dare tell me I don't love her, Sinead. Just - just don't.

All doubt dissapeared instantly. That was all I needed to hear. Slowly I opened the door, Sinead rolled her eyes and looked up to the celing at my arrival, blinking back tears.

"Jasmine", Bart whispered my name as he looked me up and down. "You look ... beautiful". I smiled.

"Can we talk?"

"Of course". He turned to Sinead. "Can you, like...?" He left out the main part of the sentance again. It slightly annoyed me, the way he was treating her. He'd told her he loved her only to discard her like trash as soon as the girl he loved returned. I knew all too well what that felt like and I didn't want it to happen to any-one else.

"I'm sorry Sinead". I really was. In all my dreams of getting back together with Bart over the past two years, feeling bad for Sinead had never been part of the equation. However now, seeing her expression, knowing exactly how she was feeling, I felt almost as if I was looking at my former self, at Jason, being played by Bart yet again.

Of course the Jason situation had been slightly different as Bart had actually been in love with me more than Sinead, but only as Jasmine, to be fair to him it was a pretty confusing, surreal situation for any-one to be in, but for Sinead the feelings would still be simular to what I'd gone through.

I desperatly wanted to comfort her but it hardly seemed appropriate, I looked after her as she slowly left the room, then ran down the stairs. I heard the front door open and close as she left, then Jacqui yelling at Rhys.

"Why didn't you think to mention Sinead was up there!"

"You never asked?"

"I told Jasmine to go on up. I would've thought it was pretty obvious that you should have pointed it out!"

"Well you've got to admit Jacq, it was entertaining".

"Well I'm glad you think so Rhys because it's the only entertainment of any kind you'll be getting tonight".

Bart groaned.

"Too much information", he told me, imitating shoving his fingers down his throat.

I laughed. Just being alone with Bart had instantly lifted my spirit, I hadn't even thought about the throbbing pain of my feet in these ridiculous shoes since hearing his voice. It would be so easy to just fall back onto the bed and have a laugh with him, perhaps watch a film, snuggle up to him, kiss, go back to being a couple. But I couldn't allow myself that luxury yet. We needed to talk. As painful as it was going to be, there were certain things that needed to be said.

Bart's P.O.V

Jasmine was looking gorgeous. As I'd told her, she looked beautiful. That had been an understatement, and she always looked beautiful anyway, but I wasn't ready to share that much emotionally with her yet. She'd been the only person I'd ever fully let my guard down to, told absolutly everything, the darkest, meanest, most caring, corniest thoughts I'd ever had, up until a year ago, she'd known them all. I gotten so close to her that I couldn't feel whole without her in my life and look what it had brought me. Two years of heartache and suffering in exchange for only a matter of months that we'd had as a couple. How was that fair? So I was being more cautious this time around. I hoped we'd get back to that level again, but it was going to take time. Or maybe even just talking. Which is what she'd come around to do.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, looking on edge. I desperatly wanted to put my arm around her, help her relax, but I understood perfectly well why she was so tense, and the feeling was mutual. Hopefully, though, tonight was going to change that.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier", she said.

"It was true", I admitted.

"Yeah", she agreed, not looking at me. "But the way I said it was uncalled for. You told me you loved me and I had a go at you".

"Wait". I was confused already. "Are we talking about in the folley or outside the pub?"

"I was thinking about the pub", she replied. "But that too".

"I'm sorry too", I told her truthfully. The things I'd said had also been true, but I never wanted to hurt her.

"I've been thinking about what you said".

"Yeah?" And? Just telling me you've been thinking about it isn't helpful. After thinking about it have you decided to give us another chance or that I'm a total bastard who can't be trusted?

"Yeah". She played with her hair nervously. "And I think we both screwed up. Pretty magiorly. I heard what you were saying to Sinead, before I came in. Is it true? That you kept my jumper?"

"And that", I said, gesturing towards the photograph. She smiled, getting her phone out of the small bag she'd been carrying. She pressed a few buttons then held it up for me to see, displaying the same picture I'd just pointed out to her.

"Snap".

"Do you remember it being taken?" I was about to go into a detailed reccolection of that day but she cut me short.

"Yeah", she replied briskly. "But we need to stop avoiding the main topic".

"Which is?"

"Everything that went wrong. And how we can make it right".

"Well you can start off by telling me how your suddenly back to being a girl. Not that I'm complaining at all".

"Can we just leave that for another day?"

"No". I felt myself getting angry again. "No, we can't".

"Fine", she sighed, looking towards the celing. She'd avoided looking at me since she'd got here. "As soon as we arrived in America, I made sure Dad was keeping to his promise about progressing my treatment. We increased the ammount of blockers I took, booked the operation, went to countless ammounts of therapy sessions to check I was really ready for it. I was already starting to have doubt by then but I'd assumed it was just nerves so I pretended I was still desperate to go ahead with the op. They believed it, even the top consultants. I've learnt I can be a very good actress when I want to be". We both smiled. Seeming embarassed at the moment we'd just shared, she looked straight back to the celing. What was so interesting about the bloody celing? "I don't really know for sure why I started having doubts. But as time went on, the thought of the operation scared the hell out of me. I pretended to be ill the first time I was due to have it done, so they postponed it. The second time, just as I was about to take the medicane to make me sleep through the operation, I backed out. Literally at the last minute. I passed the medicane back to them and ran out of the hospital. I spend the next few days locked in my room, refusing to come out. While nobody was around I could try out living without my bandages, seeing how comfortable I could be in my body. I realised I felt more free as a girl then I'd ever had by becoming a boy. I thought that was what I wanted - to be a boy. To be Jason".

She slammed her fist in the same place I had the previous night.

"I don't get why things changed", she continued, clearly annoyed. "How can some-one go from being trapped in a girls body to almost trapped in a boy's? How can that even work?" She calmed herself down slightly before continuing. "I had so many theraphy sessions to follow that. Eventually they said it was an incredibly rare phase. I still find that hard to believe. I'm certain now that I want my life as Jasmine back, for good, but being Jason - that didn't feel like a phase. It was who I was. Argh, it's so confusing".

I couldn't help it - I reached my arms out and held her, stroking her hair softly.

"It'll be okay", I reassured her. "I promise, everything will be okay".

She redirected her gaze to me and smiled, leaning in. Our lips were just about to touch when we hear the shrill scream coming from outside.