Just Me

The rest of spring break passed in a blur. I worked two of the days and pretty much spent the rest of my time at La Push. I made an apple salad to take Friday, the day of the funeral. I went along as moral support for Charlie and Jacob, but I did my best to stay in the background, cleaning the kitchen and rearranging the constant influx of food.

Faster than seemed possible, it was Sunday night the day before we headed back to school. I finally got a chance to spend more than just a fleeting moment with Jacob. We were walking hand in hand on First Beach in silence, just enjoying each other's company. We sat on our drift wood for a rest.

"All that you've done this week," Jacob began, making small circles with his thumb on the back of my hand, "it means more to me than you could imagine. And that's just me. I know Sue Clearwater is very grateful too."

"I was glad to help," I said sincerely. "Everyone here has been so nice to me." I chuckled just a little before adding, "I think Leah is even warming to me."

"Really! She doesn't warm to anyone!"

"She asked me how to make my apple salad," I told him. "And then we talked for at least twenty minutes about our favorite recipes."

Jacob stared at me like I was speaking a different language.

"It's a girl thing," I said playfully nudging him with my shoulder. "She offered to make me her chicken tortellini sometime. It sounded good when she described it."

"Maybe she'll make it tomorrow."

"I think it would be sort of rude for me to ask her," I said incredulously.

He snickered at me, his tone saying the "Bella, Bella," without actually voicing it. "I have a favor to ask of you, well two favors really."

"As long as you don't want me to ask Leah to make supper for me," I qualified.

Jacob let out a slight laugh. "You don't work tomorrow, right?"

"Nope. I have three days off." I smiled at the thought.

"I drove Sue's car home from the funeral home the other day. She is due for an oil change, so I offered to do it. I wanted to see if you would stop and pick up some oil and a filter on your way over here tomorrow, and I wanted to see if you would keep me company while I worked." He gave me the smile that I loved to see to punctuate his request. The smile that says, "No matter what crap is going on in the world, I am happy to be next to you."

"It's a date!" I told him, squeezing his hand. "You'll have to write down exactly what you need, O.K. But Tuesday, we need to get back to the books," I said seriously. "We haven't had a study night in a long time."

"I guess I should put more effort into my school work again," he admitted. "We still haven't seen any signs of Victoria since the day Harry died, so Sam said we are going to back off on the patrols a little. Her trail is gone from her last time, so we should be able to smell her as soon as she comes near the area."

I shivered involuntarily at the thought of Victoria. Each time I would start to feel like I could relax and take inventory of my surroundings, the thought of her made me shake with fear.

Jacob leaned in and placed his warm arms around me, pulling me to his strong chest, "Don't worry, Bells. We'll protect you."

Jacob and I quickly fell back into a routine that was very similar to that of the one prior to him becoming a werewolf. We would study a couple of evenings a week. We would ride our bikes or spend time together talking about anything and everything when he didn't have to run patrols with his pack. When I wasn't at La Push, I worked my usual time at Newton's and I found that I was actually enjoying myself at school more and more all the time. Angela and I had become rather close; it didn't even bother me that Ben was a constant presence. I could talk with them and not feel like I was jealous of the tenderness they shared. What kind of a friend would I be if I begrudged her that? Jessica and Lauren were pleasant sometimes and downright nasty at others, but I had come to accept that as their natural states.

It had been almost a month since I had made my resolution. I had good days and bad days, but I had noticed that even on a bad day, my chest didn't seem to hurt as much. I could comfort myself with a hand over my sternum; people looking at me would probably just think that I was deep in concentration. I no longer needed to hold myself together with a tight hug. I thought about Edward nearly every day, but it was becoming easier.

It was a Thursday and it had been relatively uneventful. The normal lunchtime chatter was going on around me. I wasn't really listening. I had my Calculus book open, for the excuse of checking over my homework. But I had looked the same problem over four times, and I still couldn't figure out how I had gotten the answer that I did. I saw Angela's hand wave in between the book and my eyes. I looked up.

"Earth to Bella," she said smiling at me. "What are you so deep in thought over?"

"Nothing really," I answered honestly.

She leaned in a little closer. "Do you need to talk?" she asked looking very concerned. "You have been so cheerful lately, like you turned over a whole new leaf. I just don't want to see you…um…slip back into a fog again."

I reached over the table and patted her hand. "Thank you for asking, but I'm really just in a mood, I think," I said with a shrug. "I don't know how else to describe it."

"O.K.," Angela said looking at me skeptically. "But if you need to talk, I'll be home tonight."

I finished out the school day and drove home in much the same manner, not sad, not happy, not really much of anything. I tried to figure out the reason for my mood. I knew that one of the pack would have notified me if Victoria was back in the area, so I didn't think that was what was bothering me.

I wanted to call Jacob. Talking to him usually helped me put things in perspective, but I knew that he had a group project due in his Biology class. He was staying after school so he, Embry, and one other partner whom I did not know could get it done. Jacob would then be on patrol, so I wouldn't be able to talk with him most of the evening.

I decided to make lasagna for supper after I had my homework all done. As I browned the hamburger, I had a revelation. I had not thought of Edward at all since yesterday afternoon, when someone mentioned Emmet and Rosalie in passing. Maybe I was officially over my mourning period. Was my mood the marker of an end to an era? I continued in this vein of thought as I finished preparing supper. In all honesty, the last several times I had thought of him, I had thought of the entire family, not him alone. I really missed Alice, but I had to admit that Edward may have been right that it was easier to move on without any of them here. However, I did still think of him often. Maybe I always would; he was, after all, my first love.

I thought about my current circle of friends. A smile spread across my face as my mind drifted to Jacob and all of the time we spent together. But, he was not the only blessing I had. I had Angela for girl talk at school and Leah for girl talk a lot of times at the reservation. Emily was a good one to visit too, always cheerful and chipper. It was a little awkward being friends with Leah and Emily at the same time, but I was careful not to mention the other person's name while visiting with one of them. I had Charlie for quiet companionship, and I loved him for it. I determined that I was a very lucky young woman.

Charlie's timing was perfect, arriving home just as I pulled the lasagna out of the oven. "Smells great, Bells," he said and we sat down to eat.

With only a few bites left on our plates, I opted to open up the conversation I had been contemplating. "Dad, can I ask you a question? It's kind of personal, so if you don't want to answer, it's O.K.," I qualified.

"Shoot," he encouraged.

"When did you figure out that you were over mom?"

He looked a little surprised by my frankness, but tried to cover it quickly. He moved a stray piece of hamburger back and forth across his plate, staring at its progress. Finally he placed his fork down quietly and looked at me. "I guess I would say when I stopped trying to figure out what I had done wrong and just accepted that it was what it was." He cleared his throat. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm just in a strange mood today," I told him. "I can't really describe…" I cut off mid way through my sentence.

"What is it, Bells?"

"I think I just figured out that this is me," I said as a smile started to spread across my face. "I feel like the hold he had on me is gone. Does that make any sense?"

Charlie leaned over and kissed my forehead. "It makes perfect sense to me."

I was back, just me. I had always wondered why Edward liked me. I thought I was ordinary and he was so much better. But as I got to know him, I realized that there was a lot of ordinariness to him too. And in turn, there was some extraordinary to me. I liked me, possibly better now than before I ever met him.

Charlie headed for the living room and I started to clear the table. My smile grew wider and wider as I let the past roll away behind me. I jumped when the phone rang and pulled me away from my racing thought processes.

"Hey, Bells," I heard Jacob's husky voice bellow.

"Jacob!" I was so happy to hear him; I tingled all over. "Did you get your Biology project done?"

"It's done and it's brilliant, if I do say so myself," he said in his playfully pompous way.

"You're so modest Jacob Black," I teased.

"Hey," he said getting down to business, "I just called to let you know that all's clear. I'm going to get some sleep and take over for Jared early in the morning. He'll be around your place tonight. And, I wanted to ask you to a bonfire tomorrow night. We're welcoming a new member," he said, his tone rising at the end of his sentence.

"Quil?" I blurted out.

"Yep, and he's psyched. He loves it!"

"That's great, I guess," I said, unsure how to take the news. Jacob and the others had accepted their fate, but they worried about Quil having to share it with them.

"He really doesn't seem to mind it, at all," he assured me. "You work until seven, right?"

"Yeah, I'll come straight out there when I get off."

"I can't wait," he said. "I miss you, Bells."

"I can't wait to see you either." And I really couldn't.