A/N Sorry for not replying to inbox messages for ages, my fanfiction inbox is screwed up and I cant message on it atm, I've been getting them though.

Jasmine's P.O.V

Every morning, on December the 13th, I'd be woken in the early hours by the clatter of Mum's heels on the stairs as she brought the decorations down from the attic into the living room. She always did it on this day, exactly twelve days before Christmas - she always was hugely organized like that. While Dad, Seth, Riley, Jem and I were sleeping, she'd turn the house into a winter wonderland. It was always to impeccable taste, but still seemed fun and friendly too. We'd have around four Christmas trees in total, two in the lounge and another pair in the kitchen, silver and blue tinsel and ball-ball's entwined around them, joined by the sparkling fairy lights.

I was the only one who ever seemed to be awoken by the decorating - every-one else always slept straight through it. I'd wait until I was certain Mum was downstairs before sneaking out to the hallway, sitting on the bottom of the stairs and looking into the lounge as she transformed the house.

"Jasmine", she'd tut when she inevitably caught me, "you should get back to bed". She'd never tell me off for more than a few moments before inviting me in to help with the decorations. I loved it - just me and Mum, creating Christmas for the family - no questions as to when I was going to start showing an interest in clothes and make-up, or lectures about boys - just myself and her. For me, the morning of December the 13th was more magical than that of the 25th.

I found memories of years past spinning through my head as I tossed and turned in bed, desperately trying to regain my slumber. It was the same every year - I no longer needed the sound of my mother's shoes on the staircase of our London home or, in my last year of living with her, our Hollyoaks home - to wake me on this particular morning - I did so automatically.

In California I'd spent the morning, as Jason, crying silently into my pillow. This year however, as soon as I'd woken I'd been aware of a clatter on the stairs. In my tired delusion, I'd rushed to the bannister, squealing of elation at the prospect of coming face to face with my mother again. Of everything being okay once more - back to normal. I didn't know why I was so shocked at being greeted by silence and darkness, but I had been - for minutes I'd stood there, frozen to the spot as I contemplated what I'd expected to find. Who I'd expected to find. Her shiny, bouncy golden-blonde hair, scraping her shoulders. Her dazzling smile that may well have cost her a fortune but was worth every penny. Her annoying tendency to wear clothes aimed at a much younger age range than her own. How warm and comforting her hugs could be, whether you were suffering from a broken finger or a broken heart. How she'd never really stopped mourning for Jasmine, yet tried her very best to be welcoming to Jason. How she'd never know her dreams of her daughter returning had become reality.

Now, back in my bed, I couldn't seem to do anything. I could tell from the frost mounting up on my windowsill that it must have been cold in the room, however I felt nothing. I couldn't seem to sleep as every time I shut my eyes I saw him - Silas - yet keeping my eyes open at this level of tiredness made me feel as if my eyelids were being set alight. I most certainly couldn't form tears, no matter how much I wanted to cry and scream. There seemed to be some kind of emotional block on my body.

There was a thud on the stairs. At first I assumed it was my delusion again, however my mother's steps had always been more delicate and that was how I would remember them, even in subconsiousness. I found myself walking to my bedroom door, for some reason curious as to who it was. As I opened the door, reaching for my dressing gown simultaneously, I saw my twin brother sat on the stairs, about three down, staring at the ground.

"Seth?"

He looked up, startled.

"Holy shit Jas you freaked me the hell out".

"I'm not the one sitting on the stairs by themselves at three in the morning", I replied, sitting down beside him. "You okay?"

"Just ... thinking", he replied eventually.

"Finally found some brain cells then?"

"More than you - you're dating Bart McQueen".

"Enough with the Bart jokes alright - what's up with you?"

"It's stupid".

"I've lived with you for the majority of my life. I'm used to stupid".

He nudged me gently, laughing slightly.

"Mum always used to decorate today", he whispered finally.

"I know", I whispered back.

"You always used to help her", he sighed. "Sneak down and do the decorations together".

"How do you know that?" I asked, confused - I was pretty sure that was a story I'd never told him.

"I used to watch", he told me. "As a kid, I mean. Until I was about eight or so. It seemed to magic".

"Yeah", I agreed. "It did".

"She liked everything to be perfect", he continued, still seemingly staring into space. "It didn't matter what was going on in her life - whether Granddad was ill again", he grimaced slightly as he spoke the last part of the sentence, "or Dad was having another affair - she always liked to keep up appearances. Make sure we still had the perfect Christmas, for our sakes. She'd hate to see the flat this year".

I laughed slightly. What had once been the perfect portrayal of a front cover of Vogue Home, if there was such a thing, now looked more suitable to be featured in an advertisment for Grimebusters. Mitzeee did her best but there was only so much she could do when she was living alongside two guys, a baby, and a girl that was messier than all of the above three put together. The sofa's and tables were constantly covered by a sea of take-outs and empty beer cans while the floor was littered with everything we had yet to put away.

"Should we, you know - decorate the place a bit?" I offered. Seth thought for a moment before turning towards me and nodding.

"I'll get the ladder", he smiled.

Two hours later, I was certain the flat looked far worse than it had done before. Seth and I had both failed miserably at correctly putting together the tree and so had followed his at the time seemingly genius idea of using one of the large plants in Riley's room. Admittedly, decorated in ball-ball's and tinsel it didn't look too bad, and I was sure that later in the morning Mitzeee would be able to fix the actual tree for us. However the amount of pins scattered on the ground, having missed the celling in our attempts to hang up dangly decorations, was sure to be a safety hazard, especially considering our small baby nephew was due to visit today. The star at the top of the plant - tree – whatever you wanted to call it – had fallen off multiple times, twice of them being into Seth's eye, which was now constantly covered by his hand to the sound of his groaning. As I put wrapped out last piece of tinsel over the mantelpiece, knocking over five photographs in the process, I stepped back to admire our work.

"Mum would hate this", I observed. "What she used to do fitted the family perfectly".

"The family's not the same anymore though, is it?" Seth queried, standing beside me, still covering his eye. He was right. We were far from the seemingly perfect D-list family, with the WAG Mum, the premiership footballer Dad, blonde twins with a brother looking promising to follow in his father's footsteps, constantly in and out of minor articles in celebrity gossip magazines. We were misfits – the family who included personalities so varying, but who somehow managed to stick together, no matter what life threw at us, and eventually always come out the other side. We'd been to hell and back on multiple occasions – we were now living without any adult supervision – Riley may have been a father but he was still lacking maturity levels in many ways, Mitzeee was hardly the most responsible either – but we managed.

I looked around the room once more – at the overly decorated plant, wobbling under the weight of the amount of unnessicary decorations, the photographs scattered around the floor, the fairy lights that refused to go properly around the plant so had instead been draped across the window.

"You're right", I agreed. "And this does fit us perfectly. Now".

He nodded.

"They will catch him, won't they, Seth?" I asked, desperate, although I knew there was no way my brother could possibly know the answer to my question.

"Of course they will", he told me. "They have to. They'll catch the bastard and he can rot in jail".

"With higher security this time", I added, in a failed attempt to lighten the mood. Seeing through my act, Seth pulled me into an embrace – something we didn't do often.

"I know you miss her, Jas", he told me, his voice quiet. "I know you wish you could turn back time and stop her going out that night. I do too. But we can't. She's not here anymore and we need to stop conning ourselves that she is. I mean both of us waking up this morning – seriously?"

"We need to try and move on", I agreed. "Things changed".

"They defiantly did", he smiled, looking around the room himself. "Mum would freak out if she saw this".

We both erupted into fits of laughter then, giggling non-stop for what must have been at least ten minutes, even though to an outsider it probably wouldn't have been a funny situation in the slightest.

"Oi", Mitzeee laughed as she and Riley walked into the room. "You two. What's so funny you had to wake us both up at five AM?"

She stopped speaking as she looked around the room.

"Holy crap", Riley laughed. "What the hell have you done with the place?"

"Well, it looks … unique", Mitzeee reasoned, evidently trying incredibly hard not to join Riley in his laughter.

"It looks dysfunctional as hell", Riley smirked. "But pretty damn awesome too".

"So", Mitzeee smiled. "Who's up for breakfast?"

As we all sat around the breakfast table, at five in the morning on a freezing December day, near our – as Mitzeee had put it, unique – decorations, I didn't think I'd ever been more proud to be a part of the Costello's.

"So when are they leaving?" Bart asked me as we walked to the coffee shop hand-in-hand.

"Around six I think", I replied. "But I'll text you when they're gone to make sure".

"Okay babe", Bart smiled giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Seth's going out tonight then?"

I shook my head.

"Tomorrow", I told him. "Tonight's the party".

"Who's getting the drinks?" Anita, who seemed to be sticking around at the McQueen's for a while, asked me.

"Well that's the thing", I told them. "Riley's left Jack Osborne in charge and you know what he's like, he'll check the tills every five minutes. So if everyone could just bring a little bit that would be great".

"Shouldn't be a problem getting any from my place", Bart laughed.

I laughed with him in agreement.

"So where are they going again?" Anita asked. I knew she was only trying to make conversation but the questions were starting to bug me. Especially in this particular subject.

"Riley's at football training", I told her, repeating the same lie I'd told most of the village. "And Mitzeee's…" I struggled to remember my cover for her. "She's going away with Nancy to work on her book".

"Oh right", Anita replied. "Cool".

"Jas", Bart looked concerned. "Can I talk to you?"

"What is it?" I asked once we'd walked out of earshot from Anita or any other passers-by, to a stretch of grass not far from the folley.

"This weekend".

Oh God. He was going to ask about sex.

"With Riley and Mitzeee going away", he continued. Jesus Christ. I'd known I had to face this conversation some time but I'd been hoping to postpone it for as long as physically possible. "You use a different excuse every time some-one asks you".

Shit. That had not been the direction I'd been expecting him to go down. I'd actually rather he wanted to have sex.

"Your excuses aren't much different. But I can tell. Look, Jas", he took hold of both my hands and looked me in the eyes. "If there's something going on – you know you can tell me anything, don't you?"

Looking back into his eyes, the way he was looking at me, I knew there was no way I could lie to him anymore. Not to Bart. I'd know I was in love with him for approximately two years, however it was only now that it struck me for the first time that I wasn't just in love with him – that he was the love of my life. The One. No way in hell was I keeping something this big from him.

"It's my granddad", I sighed, after a long pause. "Silas", I added, correcting myself quickly.

"What about him?" Bart took one hand away from mine to wrap it around my shoulder, holding me close, his voice full of concern.

"He's escaped prison", I informed him. "God knows how. Riley and Mitzeee are flying over to France to help the police look for him – they're pretty sure that's where he's gone".

"Wow".

He didn't say anything else for a moment – just held me tighter, kissing the top of my head gently, his free hand stroking my hair.

"I don't know what to say, Jas", he replied finally. "But I hope they catch the bastard and lock him in jail".

"Seth said pretty much the same thing".

"Riley and Mitzeee are brave", he said, thinking aloud. "Facing him again".

"They'd do anything to get him back where he belongs. Stop him coming back here".

"Back here? I know he's a psycho but he's not that mental is he?"

I smiled slightly at Bart's momentary lapse of sensitivity.

"Who knows with him", I shrugged, snuggling up closer to him. Somehow all my problems seemed smaller when I could feel the warmth of his body around me.

"You know what I think?" He asked me. "I think you need to take your mind off all of this. You've had more than enough to worry about recently, you don't need anything else to add to it".

"I can't just pretend this isn't happening Bart".

"I'm not asking you to. But just one night, for the party. You deserve to have a good time".

"You're the best", I told him, looking up.

"So I've been told", he replied, grinning.

"You're a total twat sometimes you know", I laughed.

"Oh yeah? How are you going to shut me up then?" He grinned again, leaning in. "Because I've got a few ideas".

Three hours later and the party was in full swing. The music was so loud the floor was vibrating slightly, the alcohol was flowing like tap water and there was a mass of people everywhere you looked. I'd surprised myself by having had a great time so far, chatting laughing and dancing with everyone, even some people I'd hardly spoken to before that night. I assumed it was the alcohol's effect on me because I didn't normally speak to people I wasn't friends with, not after the events of the past two years. Bart had divided his time between myself and Jono and seemed to be having an amazing time also, and even Seth had pulled.

"Hey gorgeous". I turned around to the sound of Bart's voice behind me, wrapping my arms around his neck as he placed his own on my waist.

"You'd better have known it was me", I lectured him, laughing.

"Well I did think you were Maddie but I guess you'll do", he replied. I nudged him, laughing, as we leaned in.

"God get a room", Jono laughed, interrupting our kissing session.

"Shall we?" Bart teased, looking down at me. Although he was saying it jokingly, I knew a part of him was asking in all seriousness.

"I'm fine here", I replied. "Do you want another drink?"

"Yeah sure", Bart smiled, clearly trying to hide his disappointment. "I'll get them. Beer?"

I nodded as he walked to the kitchen table where the drinks were laid out. Watching him go, I felt a rush of something I hadn't felt before surge over me. I wasn't sure if it was strong love or lust but all I knew was that I was certain of exactly what I wanted - Bart was stood getting me a drink, happy to wait and not pressure me, to stand by me through anything. I'd never been more certain of anything in my life.

"Bart", I whispered, wrapping my arms around him from behind.

"Jasmine?" He turned around to face me.

"Let's go upstairs".

I took his hand and started to lead him away.

"I thought you wanted a drink?" He looked confused.

"No, Bart – I mean let's go upstairs".

"Huh? Jas I can't hear you that well over the music!"

Great. My rush of confidence was vastly decreasing – saying stuff like this was hard for me, being forward with Bart wasn't one my my talents. I walked closer to him, looking him right in the eyes.

"Bart", I whispered, making sure I was close enough to be heard. "I'm ready". I smiled up at him as his eyes glazed over slightly.

"Like..?"

I nodded. He grinned, looking slightly concerned also.

"Are you sure though? If it's because of what I said earlier, with Jono – it was stupid and-"

"It's not because of that. Just, please Bart", I willed him. "You either want to or you don't. But don't just ignore the question. I feel stupid enough as it is".

"This is really what you want?"

"Yes", I nodded.

"Well come on, then", he grinned, taking my hand and leading me upstairs. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Seth rolling his eyes as he saw Bart and I heading for the stairs, but I didn't even care. He could disapprove all he wanted. Any-one could. All that mattered to me was that I was in love with Bart and he with me – why shouldn't we do what most couples did without that?

"I love you, Bart", I told him as I sat on the bed, him leaning down and kissing my neck.

"I love you too", he replied, looking up to look me right in the eyes again. I loved the way he was looking at me. "You're the love of my life, Jasmine. The only one I want. You always have been and you always will be. Don't forget that alright?"

"You're the love of my life too", I told him honestly. He smiled, the warmest, most genuine smile I'd seen him give, before starting to slowly peel away my clothes.