Author's Note: Alright, this is the ninth chapter, and I still don't know what I'm doing. I'm just going with whatever my fingers type, I guess. All well. Sorry this took so long. I wanted to write a little more at the end, but I lost inspiration at the last minute, so this is what it amounts to at the moment. Anyway, there's going to be another time skip. I need to take this story back to school, or else it'll lose it's appeal. Plus, I wanna write another fight scene. I've been finding lots of songs that would help inspire me to write fight scenes, in fact, I'm sketching one out right now? Who knows. Anyway, I'm getting excited. NatsuHaru is done, so I'm moving on to the SasuSakuInoKarin situation. And some NaruHina. I think Hinata and Naruto's moments are going to be a running gag throughout this story. I don't hate NaruHina, but it's so easy to make fun of them. But anyway, I hope you enjoy this guys. And sorry Sakura's so weak in this chapter...And I hate it. Oh! New OC appearing next chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I own Tamura Misaki and Tamura Natsu. That's it.
Was I really that bad of a person? Had I really been the reason why Natsu had chosen to leave Haruhi? And why, of all people, was he holding onto me as desperately as he was? I didn't deserve to be held. I didn't want it, the warmth that surged through my veins at his touch. Sasuke…I was imagining Sasuke, again. He'd never held me, and he never would. But Natsu…Natsu was different. Not only was he 29 years of age, therefore making this look illegal, but he was reminiscent of an older brother to me. I would comfort and soothe him at any cost, no matter what. I could be noble. Well…When I wanted to be, at least. And right now, I wanted to be. More than anything.
The desire to be noble, the need to be strong, the hunger of love, was this what it meant to be human? I wanted to be loved, to be held, deep, deep down in the bottom of my heart. I called that selfish desire vulnerability, but was that really what I lacked in life? Was I really that cold-hearted to Natsu? Could I really not see the stretch of the love between them? Was I that mean and bitter? I let the tears that begged for release slid down the sides of my face, as Natsu held me tighter. The arrival of my tears meant only one thing to me. I was getting soft. I normally didn't cry at things like this, but seeing as how I'd already shed tears for Sasuke's sake twice already, so of course my desire to be strong would be weaker than normal. But crying…it wasn't in my nature. I'd already made up my mind to be strong.
When I was a little girl, I'd always been rejected by the boys I had crushes on. I'd be the sweetest thing to them, and yet, they'd never return my feelings. They'd always fall for the fake and stuck up girls with no personalities. Over time, I'd grown accustomed to rejection, and no longer bothered to try crushing on someone. There had been no point. They still rejected me. I grew up shunned by love, and I'd convinced myself one night, that I didn't need it. My heart had begun dying from that rainy night onwards. I had one foot in the grave because of my weakness, my vulnerability. I was half dead because I was vulnerable deep inside. But…
I'm still alive.
The next year, I'd met Sasuke. At first, I hadn't thought anything of it at first, but as time passed, I'd grown to long for him. His beautiful eyes, so full of innocence. He hadn't been touched by the world back then. He'd been the one to breathe life into my long dead heart. I could feel again. I could cry again. Because of him. That's why I'd wanted to find him; I'd wanted to thank him. But when my search had turned up empty, I hadn't known what to do. I'd been so lonely without Sasuke. And I'd only met him that one time. I'd known him better than he'd originally thought. He was so much like me, it was pathetic. I was pathetic, still. I thought I was strong, but in all reality, I was the weaker of the two of us. That hadn't changed.
The price I'd have to pay, the sacrifice I'd have to make, it weighed down upon my shoulders, the heavy burden I'd placed upon myself my cross to bear. I'd have to live with the fact that I loved him. I'd have to lock my heart up in a metal cage and cry on the inside. I couldn't let Sasuke know about it. He wouldn't understand. And that was simply because he was a boy, and boys couldn't possibly imagine how to comprehend a girl's heart. And from what I knew, Sasuke wasn't the type of person to even bother wasting his time with feelings and emotions. He seemed that cold to me. That, or heartless. Besides, I knew he wouldn't even listen to what I had to say anyway.
My chin lifted upward as I looked up at the sky, the swirling blue colors painting pastels of azure and powdery ice across my jade irises. The swaths of white lace lay still across the blanket, as ethereal as the loose grip of arms around me. Natsu wasn't trying to hold me still. No one could bind me, and he knew that. He was giving me the choice of pulling away or not. But how could I, when I was the one who'd caused all of this because of my ignorance? I hadn't known the depths of love and devotion, and I didn't claim to know it now. But I understood it better. I understood this feeling called "love". 'I love you'…I knew that phrase better as well. I knew that it no longer was a joke. But it had never been a joke in the first place, right?
I rested the side of my head against Natsu's shivering temple, and sighed. How to apologize. I wasn't good at this kind of stuff, like admitting I was wrong and stuff. I've never been good at it. Expressing my inner thoughts and feelings was never my strong point, and wouldn't ever be. How could I find words to explain how I felt? How could I personify my regret? There was no way to do so. What was done was done. Damage wasn't retractable. I couldn't take what I said back. Life didn't work that way, and it never would. I'd learned that the hard way, from a very early age. But, of course, I'd never kept to those lessons I'd learned that way. I didn't take to discipline very well.
"Natsu, I'm sorry," I murmured gently, as he held onto me tighter, his choked sobs echoing in my ears. He was so vulnerable, weak. All those things I hate. But that didn't matter to me, because it was Natsu. Not only that, but it was also my fault that he was crying. "I…I'm so sorry...If I hadn't of told you to let her go, then you wouldn't be-"
"Just stop. It's not your fault. You were right; I put up with her crap for long enough. I'll miss her, but it isn't worth it," he replied, pulling backwards. I watched his hand slide down the side of my face, to hold my right cheek ever so slightly. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. I have you, Misaki, and S-Sasuke."
My jade eyes trembled, as I nodded. "Yes…"
Natsu turned to the door, and opened it slowly, his hand lingering on the handle lightly. I bit my bottom lip as he turned to look back at me, his brown eyes soft and gentle. I knew he wasn't angry at me, but I was at myself. I'd caused so much pain and suffering that I wouldn't be able to make up for. How could I, despite the fact that I was a medic patch up a wounded heart? How? Was that even possible, let alone probable? I let my head drop, the salt streaks I'd previously wiped off my face sliding back into existence as tears began flowing again. Why did I constantly have to cry at everything? Why was I so weak, why was I so vulnerable? Why was I so human?
"Sakura, are you coming?" I jerked my head up in surprise, my pink hair swiveling beside my head as I faced him, tears and all. Natsu's expression softened instantly. "Sakura?"
"Tch, just get going Natsu." I swung around, blinking tears away from my trembling jade irises. "I'm heading home."
A hand caught mine as I took a step toward the street. "You're forgetting something, Sakura."
"Something very important," another voice chimed in, feminine this time. I turned around, the smiles of Natsu and Misaki beaming back at me. Misaki tilted her head, and smiled. "You came for something, didn't you?"
"Wha-?" I glanced past their smirking forms to the shadowed figure standing in the back of the shop, beady ruby eyes glaring back at me. I could almost imagine the sinister smile he was wearing on his face. But that didn't matter. I was going home. I pulled my hand away from Natsu's, and huffed. "That doesn't matter. I'm leaving."
"But Sakura, Misaki and I-" Misaki folded her arms over her chest, and snorted.
"Natsu, she's stubborn. Just let her go." The pair of red eyes at the back of the shop softened ever so slightly.
They could see right through me, with their spinning black comma shaped markings deep in the ruby laces. I watched them, oblivious to the conversation that babbled from Natsu and Misaki, the black pupils of the eyes blooming into the three interwoven ellipses. The points of the stars flashed bright red, as the scarlet blood filled the insides of the stars, the magic that lay deep inside the cores of the irises sparkling in front of my eyes. What were those eyes? Why was he staring at me with them? Could he see my heart in the depths of my eyes with them? Regardless of why, he had me crucified in their depths, the stars spinning from the shadows of the darkness in his pupils. I couldn't move. His gaze was…spellbinding. Why was that? Why could he make me feel so weak with one glance? I bit down, and using every last shred of my strength, I swung my head away from his eyes. The twin halves of the shield slammed together in front of my heart, protecting it from his malevolent eyes. He wouldn't reach me now.
Why was it that every time he looked at me with those eyes, I could feel my walls breaking down? Why was that? I didn't understand. And so I took one step toward him. One, single step. One tiny little step. But he saw it, with those eyes. Those red starred eyes. I knew they weren't human, I knew they were extraterrestrial. But I couldn't help but continue toward him. My concrete heart wasn't beating, and something about the soft, quivering look in his eyes made me wonder if he wanted to breathe life into it. So devoid of love, so lost without warmth, what was I? A wounded being? No, that was overdramatizing it. I wasn't wounded. I was just stubborn. Stubbornly clinging to the shield I'd erected around myself. What was I trying to protect myself from? Those eyes. The ones that could stare right through a shield or defensive wall, and leave you feeling vulnerable.
I took another step toward the pair of crimson eyes, as my heart unfurled wings behind my shield. It was desperate to fly. "Sasuke…What're you…?"
"Sasuke's picking out all of the spices and stuff that your mother needs." I took another step, and another. There was something about his eyes that compelled me to move forward, to go to him. I couldn't deny it. I was…attracted to him. Sadly. "Sakura?"
"Just let her go, Misaki. She has a crush on him after all," Natsu murmured to Misaki, so quiet that I barely heard it. It was a good thing too. I didn't want to waste my energy by punching Natsu. It wouldn't get me anywhere. Misaki crossed her arms over her chest as I passed her, huffing slightly.
"I miss being young and in love. It was the best time of my life," Misaki answered dreamily, sighing. Natsu narrowed his eyes and snorted.
"Well, I've been in love, and it sucked," he replied bitterly, turning from his sister. Sasuke's red eyes stayed level as I walked toward him, Misaki sighing.
"I have too, and it was so sweet and lovely. I loved, no, I love Daisuke, so quit ruining it for me!" she exclaimed, turning and slapping Natsu across the face, the boy flying into the table beside them. I flinched, my pink hair swiveling beside my head as I stopped in my tracks. Sasuke's eyes widened slightly, before flashing toward Misaki and Natsu, my head turning toward them slowly.
"Daisuke was a huge asshole, Misaki! Don't forget what he did to you!" Misaki turned toward Natsu, and grabbed him up by the scruff of the neck and hauled him up off the floor, and snarled in his face.
"What about Haruhi? She wasn't exactly nice either!" I turned back to Sasuke, and took a few more steps, before looking at him, leaving the two of them to argue and fight. He looked back at me, his smirk fading slightly.
"What?" he asked quietly, blinking his crimson irises away. The ruby swirled into pieces of fire before flashing out of existence, as his serene onyx eyes returned to their normal state. My eyes trembled.
My looking-glasses peered deeply into his, as I watched the lights flicker across the glass-like surfaces of his ebony irises. I could see the curves of his face stiffen, the pale stone statue I was looking into falling still as my gaze lit upon the shape of my reflection in those fathomless orbs. It was a vulnerable face, a soft and gentle face. My face. The pink hair billowed around the cheekbones in the draft that swept through the shop, the sparkling jade teardrops that glittered behind the curtain of cerise bangs lighting the store up with shimmering starlight. Celestial jade. Crystalline green. My eyes were gorgeous. But what about his? The fact that he could bind me with just one look was evident enough that he was strong. But, why? I sighed, and blinked my eyes closed, taking a deep breath.
"Sasuke-kun," I murmured, lifting my chin as I leaned forward, parting my lips slightly. I could barely see from behind my eyelashes his surprised expression. I'd caught him completely off-guard.
"Oh, oh! Natsu look! She's going for it!" Misaki gushed, jabbing her elbow into her brother's stomach. Sasuke's black eyes flickered to them, then back at me, his irises quivering as his breath caught. Completely vulnerable. Defenseless. It was pathetic.
"No she's not. She told us the other day that she wasn't into boys," Natsu replied, as Sasuke's heart beat throbbed in my skull. I could hear it in my ears, feel it on my lips, see it in his eyes. He was completely trapped.
Misaki slapped Natsu again, the cracking noise echoing through the entire shop. "That was 9 years ago, idiot."
Sasuke took a step back, his hands grabbing at my shoulders. "Don't get so close."
Something inside me snapped. I wasn't quite sure what it was, but it stopped me in my tracks. Was it the shaking sensation his voice held? The lack of eye contact between us, even when I opened my eyes? What was it? Was it my own weakness? Damn it all to hell. I was being weak, wasn't I? I nodded my head slightly. Yes, that had to be it. Either that, or I was hearing things. Sasuke wouldn't stop me. If I wanted to have him, he'd let me take him, right? Or was that just a useless assumption too? My green eyes closed again, as I pulled backwards, taking a step back. I was…So weak.
I jerked my head to the left, averting my eyes. "I'm going to get the rest of the spices, Sasuke. You can go on ahead."
Sasuke cocked his head, and blinked. "Sakura?"
"Just forget it!" I exclaimed, swinging around to snatch up the spices he'd already gathered, and stomping off to retrieve the others without another word.
"Tch, you're so annoying," he replied irritably, turning his head to watch me wander among the shelves, waiting for me to come back with a sharp retort, but nothing came. I wouldn't answer, or talk to him. This was the second time this happened. My damn hormones were messing with my head, making me say and do things that I normally wouldn't do. Like try to kiss Sasuke.
I couldn't deny the fact that I wanted to. I couldn't deny the urges, the desires, the needs, the wants, all of the things that made me weak that I hated with every fiber of my being. But it was Sasuke. Why couldn't I give in to him? Wouldn't that solve everything? I was a wounded, and starving bitter-hearted girl. I knew I needed it, but I was too much of a crazy bitch to man up and ask for it. I knew I needed to get some guts, like Naruto, but what was stopping me? Was it my own heart that continued to stand in my way? Why would that happen? Then it all made sense to me. I'd had my heart broken so many times, that I didn't trust Sasuke to not break it again. It was so tender, so weak, that at the slightest shift or bump, it would shatter into one thousand shards of bloodied glass once more. And I knew for a fact that I wouldn't be able to put it back together again. Not for the hundredth time.
I scooped up the pile of spices from the table I'd set them down upon, and walked toward the register, Sasuke's eyes watching me with acute interest. I paid him no mind, simply not caring. It was because of me that things were this way. It was because of how weak and stupid I was. I snapped my eyes toward Misaki, her brown eyes widening as I parted my lips to speak. "Misaki, could you help me out?"
"Yeah…I'll help you check yourself out…" Her voice trailed off as she watched me slam each of the spices into the counter, my teeth gritted tightly. It was taking all of my will power to not walk up to Sasuke and finish this once and for all. The sudden need to taste the scent of his lips on my tongue was staggering, my left elbow slamming into the side of the counter suddenly. "Sakura? Are you alright?"
I jerked my head up, and glanced over at her, waving my hand across the air. "Oh, I'm fine. Just a little dizzy, that's all."
"Sakura, are you sure?" Misaki asked, leaning forward. Her gaze, those amber eyes of hers were probing. She could see through the lie I was telling. But what was the truth? What could possibly explain that?
Despite my confusion, I nodded. "Yes, I'm sure."
A hand gripped mine, jerking me backwards and turning me around. My eyes locked with my captor's, Misaki smiling slightly. My eyes trembled. "Are you…Positive?"
"Oh Sasuke, you don't need to be so rough with her," Misaki started, gesturing to the raven-haired cockroach that held me. My cheeks flushed with a sudden blush as her lip curled up. "Just give her a nice, soft kiss and everything will be all better."
I tossed my head, my eyes narrowing tighter than slits. "WHAT THE HELL MISAKI SERIOUSLY!"
"What? I was just lending you a hand," she replied innocently, folding her arms over her chest. "It's not like you're going to kiss him yourself, right? Ms. I'm Not Attracted To Boys."
"B-But-" I stammered, my face growing redder and redder, flaming with a ruby scarlet. Sasuke snorted, his grip on my wrist tightening.
"Just shut up," he muttered, turning his face away. Looking at him then, I could barely see the traces of a blush coloring his cheeks. My eyes sparkled. Did he actually want me to go the rest of the way? Or had I been imagining things, like always?
"Sasuke, are you alright?" I asked, cocking my head. He gave me an angry glare in response, my round jade irises narrowing. "What the hell. Seriously."
"Sakura, just lean in and give him a nice big, juicy kiss," Natsu replied, Sasuke's onyx eyes trembling the instant I shifted. But the thing about this was, I didn't want to do it here. I wanted it to be much more romantic, instead of the circumstances now. Besides, Sasuke was shaking like a terrified little girl. Pathetic.
I turned my head to Natsu, and snorted. "Why don't you give Misaki a nice big kiss and shut up?"
"EW! That's incest!" Natsu exclaimed, jumping backwards and bracing himself against the door, trembling like a cornered rat. Misaki smiled mechanically, the corner of her mouth twitching.
"Like I'd ever let that idiot come anywhere near me like that. What kind of sister does that?" I glanced back at Sasuke, his ebony irises glaring back at me. I huffed, and swung around, folding my arms over my chest.
"I'll bet Sasuke's sister came that close to him," I muttered, glancing back him with one jade iris. "I mean, who wouldn't? It wouldn't matter to me if it was incest or not."
"Sakura," Sasuke spat through gritted teeth, his face growing angrier and angrier as the seconds passed. I knew I got under his skin, but why would he show such a reaction? He was known for being emotionless, right? He had lost his touch, apparently. That, or I really, really irritated him.
"What is it, Sasuke?" I asked innocently, turning to face him. Despite the furious look on his face, his eyes sparkled.
"I thought I just heard your mother calling you," he started smoothly, glancing at the door. I swung my head toward it, and blinked.
"There's no one there, Sasuke." I lifted my hands from my chest and reached up, sliding my fingertips against his temples before leaning closer, my callous smirk painting my face with bitter colors. "What are you playing at?"
"Don't touch me," he ordered, as my smirk grew wider against his left jawbone. My lips moved against his ear smoothly, the cocoon of raven hair burying my nose in ebony streaks. His arms slid against my sides, refusing to wrap around me, regardless of the pulse that fluttered against the side of my neck. "Sakura…"
I blinked open my left eye, and turned my head toward him ever so slightly. "Had enough yet?"
"Get off me," Sasuke replied, his upper arms trembling next to my rib cage. "Now."
"Don't act strict with me," I drawled, rolling my eyes. With the next shallow breath he took, I struggled to stifle an evil laugh. And it was unbearably hard. Trust me.
"Uh, should we stop them?" Misaki asked her stricken brother. I smiled. He must still be scarred by the incest comment. Good, served him right. Natsu coughed.
"I'm not going anywhere! Sakura threatened me with incest!" Natsu cried, tossing his head. "I'm scarred for life!"
"Oh shut up, you dolt," Misaki retorted, slamming her fist into the top of his head. Natsu dropped to the floor with a loud thump, much to my satisfaction. I felt evil again, like I didn't give two craps about anyone in this store, except for what I was doing to the boy in front of me.
"Sakura, I'm only going to say this one more time," Sasuke murmured, his voice threading into my ear, soft and melodious. I blinked my eyes open, and turned to him.
"What is it now, Chicken Butt?" I asked lazily, smirking against the side of his head cruelly. I loved playing with him. Seriously.
"Get. Off. Me," he snarled. My smirk grew wider, as I wrapped my arms around his neck, and held him tighter.
"Are you sure, Sasuke…?" I asked sweetly, as he flinched. Case closed. He was a liar. And, he wasn't made of steel, apparently. So much for that. And he called himself an Uchiha? My lip curled up against the side of his neck, much to Sasuke's discomfort. He shivered at the contact, a rush of heat warming his face, and the locks of pink hair that dusted it.
"Get. Off. Me. Now," he answered, his voice low. I smirked, and pulled my face backwards, looking him in the eyes.
His onyx irises faced my jade eyes with quivering breaths, his blush swirling across the sides of his face. I watched it sweep back and forth across his nose with each breath he took. His heart rose and fell against my chest, keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground. He was so far away, still. Things hadn't changed at all. I could see his heart in the depths of his eyes, and yet, despite his lack of breathing and heartbeats, I slid my face forward ever so slightly. He trembled, fear absent from his ebony orbs, at least to my naked eyes. I smiled. My naked eyes. They were so human. They could only see so much, including the extent of the distance between us. I longed to close that distance, but, I was hesitating. How could I take those steps forward when he still didn't trust me? When he was so far away? I had him in my arms, but he couldn't be further from me. I bit my tongue behind my teeth. It wasn't good enough for me. This wasn't ever going to be good enough for me.
I ran my right hand across the left side of his face, and turned his face toward mine, closing my eyes. "Sasuke…"
"D-Don't-" I smiled from underneath fallen eyelids, and gently kissed the side of his mouth, the sweetness that blew off his lips each and every time I came close enough to catch a whiff of it wafting into my nose, stronger than ever. Misaki and Natsu gasped from the display tables as Sasuke's eyes flashed down toward me, his face growing warmer and warmer. "Sakura-"
The urge to slide my lips to the left was killing me. I was so close, so, so close. I could feel the third dose sinking into my bloodstream. That scent of apples that got under my skin so deeply was the reason for my pain and agony, my head turning toward the source ever so slowly. Hesitation glowed in each and every one of my movements, Sasuke's heartbeat slow and heavy against my chest. I knew he wanted it too, but why waste this moment? I didn't want to give up my innocence in front of a crowd, especially not Misaki and Natsu. And what happened to bearing this burden until I couldn't take it anymore? I smiled against his lips. I could take much more than this. I didn't have to make a move just yet. But all of this give and take was making me crazy. It had gotten to the point where I dreamed about him; kissing and holding him. I would just have to wait a little longer. I would bear this cross until I couldn't anymore, that was a promise.
I pulled backwards, and lowered my arms, wrapping them around him and laying my head on his chest. "Who am I kidding, taunting you like that?"
"Hn?" I blushed against his beating heart, and smiled brighter. This longing, is my burden to bear.
"I'll just keep longing, like the princess in my dream," I replied quietly. Sasuke shifted, looking down at me. I could see his look of surprise and confusion in my head well enough. But instead of lifting my eyes to meet his, I sighed and relaxed, closing my eyes.
"Sakura…"