Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyrght infringment is intended.
Author's Note: Sorry to take so long to update again. I had some deadlines I needed to meet. I know that was an awful place to leave off and I hope this chapter will make up for it.
She did not know Hell had so many levels. The first time her daughter had told her that she hated her, she had entered the first level and didn't think anything could hurt that bad. Lorelai was twelve and they had fought over Christopher. That was the only thing she could remember about the fight--that it was about Christopher, but she would never forget the slap those words had as her only child yelled them in her face. She had been so angry, banishing the child to her room, yelling up the stairs that she didn't want to see her for the rest of the night. As soon as she had heard the door slam, she cried out in pain as if she had been physically hurt. Each time after that she shut down a little more. When her daughter left her, it ripped open a hell that was more deep, more terrifying than anything she could imagine. Night after endless night of crying for her baby. During the time she and Richard had separated and spent their dreadul months apart she had come to know another type of Hell as she was apart from the man she loved. And then they had reconciled only to lose her daughter again on the night of their vow renewal. Time and time again, each time her daughter hurt her she experienced a new facet of Hell, Rory left her and opened up a whole new pain, and then just a few months ago...there was the girl from the club where she had been exercising telling her that she had a phone call. She needed to get to the hospital, and she needed to hurry. And now...there was a new Hell, one that brought a raw terror unlike anything she had ever experienced. She had been scared when Richard had his heart attack, she had been terrified of losing him...but this was different. She remembered back to when Annabelle Sudberry's son had been killed in Desert Storm. She had come to her friend, who was staring out the window and sat with her. Annabelle didn't speak, just stared until finally after an hour and half whispered, "No child should die before their mother." She had turned to Emily and said in a haunting voice, "Something in you dies the day you bury your child." Those words resounded in her head. Yes, she had been terrified that Richard would die. But the thought of losing her child, knowing that a part of her was hurt and could be...She ran her hands through her hair. "Hurry Richard," she whispered in a terrible voice.
But Richard, with his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were as white as snow, needed no prompting to hurry.
"Try her again Emily," Richard said after they turned on the street to the hospital. Emily pulled out her cellphone and pushed 3 on the speed dial.
"Hi, this is Rory," her granddaughter's familiar voice picked up as soon as she had dialed, "I'm away from my phone, please leave me a message."
She cursed under her breath and then tried the best to clear the fear out of her voice as she heard the beep, "Hi Sweetie, it's your grandmother again, give me a call when you get this message. It's important." She didn't want to tell Rory what had happened over a message, especially since they didn't know anything yet.
"Where is she?" Richard whispered hoarsely.
"It's only seven in California Richard," Emily said, "She's probably at some sort of rally."
They pulled into a parking lot and Emily was out the door before the car stopped completely. She grabbed Richard's hand and they hurried into the ER.
She wasn't sure if it was the smell of the alchohol, the deafening cry of a baby down the hall, or the words, "ICU" "Needs surgery" and "You need to wait over there," that caused the undoing the last thread control she had over the situation. This time she did not argue, didn't yell, she simply turned and walked through the doors determined to find her child. Calls for her to wait, from Richard and the nurses, went ignored. She was oblivious to all else as she strided through the halls like a mad woman looking at every chart for Lorelai Gilmore. Finally she felt Richard's strong arm around her, steadying her, and he whispered,
"She's not here Emmy, she's in ICU."
She turned towards the nurse who was out of breath from following her, "How do I get there?" she asked.
The nurse drew in a deep breath, "Mam, I know this must be frightening to you, but I need you to come to the waiting room. A doctor will be out there shortly to speak with you."
Emily Gilmore drew herself up to her full height and pursed her lips, "It seems to me you have a simple choice, you can either tell me where my child is, or you can call security and have me restrained, its entirely up to you," she said firmly and wrenching herself from Richard's embrace she continued down the hall. Richard made no attempt to stop her after that, just grabbed her hand and held on to it, as if to assure her that he had her and that he wasn't going to let go. They found ICU on the third floor and there was a doctor waiting for them at the door.
"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore," he said, "I'm Dr. Keller I'm one of the physicians that has been working on your daughter, "I'm told you need some answers."
"How is she?" Richard asked, his voice sounding as though he was gasping for air.
The doctor took a deep breath, "She was trapped in the car for forty-five minutes after the accident. She was pined up against the headboard. As a result, she is bleeding internally. She's being prepped for surgery right now. She has a severe concussion, three broken ribs, her left leg is broken in seven places, her right lung has collapsed and we had to insert a tube down her throat to help her to breathe. She lost a lot of blood at the scene and so..."
But the mother could hear no more, for at that moment it became clear to her just how deeply, how fiercely she loved her child. "Get out of my way," she said. "I want to see her."
"Mam, we can't allow you to..."
"Get out of my way!" she thundered. Richard reached forward and held her back. "No," she cried out, trying to wrench out of Richard's hold on her. "Let me see her!" she yelled, "I want to see my baby!" Richard whispered gently to her, as he tried to move her down the hallway but she was oblivious, "Let me see her! Richard I want to see her!" she screamed.
"I could give her something," the doctor said to Richard, but he shook his head, "She'll be fine. Please let us know the minute our daughter is out of surgery."
"No!" Emily screamed again and finally made her way out of Richard's grasp. She hurried to the doctor, "Please," she said desperately, "Please, I just need to see her, I won't say anything, please just let me see her for a moment."
"Alright," the doctor said after a long pause, "Just for a few minutes."
She reached back for Richard's hand and the two of them went through the doors into ICU. The doctor motioned at the second room down the hall. They came into the room and Emily took in a sharp breath at the sight of her child--so still, so white, lying in the bed. Three nurses were quickly over her, preparing her for surgery. The only sound in the room was the sound of the machine, beeping out proof that her daughter still was alive. She walked closer, and reached out her hand to touch her. She brushed her fingers over her daughter's hand.
"I love you,"she whispered, tears spilling over onto her cheeks. "Lorelai, I love you."
"We have to go," the doctor said as he stepped forward and placed a hand on her elbow, "Mrs. Gilmore I promise we will do everything we can." They moved the bed out the door and Richard and Emily followed it down the hall until they could go no further. Dr. Keller turned to them as they watched their daughter being rolled away.
"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore," he said gravely, "Lorelai is in a very weakened state right now. She is very unstable right now, but I have to tell you that if she does not have the operation, she will die."
Emily sucked in a deep breath.
"We will do everything we can, but we have to tell you, that because of her weakened state, she may not survive the operation."
Richard put his arm around his wife, who was starting to fall, "Do everything you can," he whispered and the doctor disappeared down the hall.
"I was so angry," Emily whispered as Richard turned her and led her to the waiting room, "I was so angry at her, and all that time...Richard, all that time, she was there trapped, alone, and afraid..."
The poor woman could go no further and her husband reached down and picked her up in his arms, carrying her down the hall to the waiting room. When he opened the door, they saw Luke sitting in a chair, with his head in his hands.
He set his shaking wife down in a chair, his heart pounding so hard he could hear it in his head. Once again he had to be the strong one when he felt no strength himself. His wife held onto his shirt for a moment, as if she was trying to draw strength out of him. There was silence in the room for a long while, none of the three knowing what to say. Emily felt embaressed at being so vulnerable in front of Luke, but was too lost in fear to care. Richard kept his hand on his wife's shoulder, and Luke looked at them and envied them for having someone there to comfort each other.
"Luke, have you heard from Rory?" Richard asked hoarsely and at the mention of her granddaughter's name, Emily stifled a sob.
"No," Luke said, "I've been trying since I heard. She's got her phone off."
"Did you tell her anything on the message?" Richard asked.
"No," he replied simply, and then it was back to silence.
For an hour the silence went on, the only sound being the methodic tick of the clock. Emily concentrated on breathing--in and out, in and out, and it was if she was trying to breathe for her girl, somewhere in that hospital. Luke lay back in his chair and stared at the ceiling, trying to count the number of little black dots, trying to concentrate on anything other than the woman he loved...yes, the woman he loved. He didn't know how much until he had gotten that call. When she had left him, walked away down the street to another man's arms, he was angry he couldn't see straight. All he knew was the anger, and then later on, as the anger died down he had realized how deeply he was hurt, how terrible it was to be with out her. Slowly, bit by bit, they had patched their wounds, told each other that they were sorry and had been able to build a friendship back. Then finally, at a glorious moment she had kissed him and there was a God. He held her close and there was such a thing as redemption. He took her face and held it in his hands and he knew he could go home again. And now, he had got her back, only to face losing her again.
Richard was sitting next to his wife and holding her hand. Finally, he stood, "I'm going to try Rory again. If I can't get her cellphone I'll call the police and have her tracted down," and made his way to the door. He had to do something.
"Richard don't leave me," Emily said, speaking for the first time in an hour.
"I'm going to find Rory," he said, putting his hand on her shoulder.
She looked up at him, shaking violently, "Don't leave me."
"I'll go," Luke said and Richard nodded to him and Luke left.
Richard placed a hand over his wife's.
She closed her eyes and tried to remember a time when she felt no fear.
She was tired, oh she was so tired, but she was not afraid.
"Push!" Joshua commanded, "Push hard!" and she bore down and gave it all she had. There was a person inside of her, a real person that she and Richard had created and she was depending on her. She knew it was a girl, from the first moment she found out she was pregnant she had known it was a girl.
"Keep pushing, keep pushing!" Joshua prodded, "We almost have it."
Perspiration dripped off of her like a faucet, and with each contraction she felt as though this little girl was draining all the life out of her. She longed for Richard, wanted him near her, but also knew that if he was, he would probably be fainting.
"Okay, sit back Emily," Joshua said, "We're there on the next contraction."
"Is...she...okay?'" she gasped as she tried to catch her breath.
"The baby's fine," Joshua assured her, "Can you hang in there with me?"
She nodded as she felt the next wave of pain hit.
"Push Emily! Push hard!" Joshua was shouting, "Keep going! You can do it!"
She was dying, she knew it. She felt no more life in her. Her eyes shut, welcoming death
Richard...I love you.
And then, beyond the haze, beyond the pain...she heard a baby cry.
She opened her eyes again and saw the nurse wiping off the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. It was a baby, a real baby with thick dark hair and a wail that could probably be heared halfway down the hall.
"Congratulations Emily," Joshua said, "You have a beautiful baby girl."
"Give her to me," she pleaded as she held out her weak arms. The nurse placed the baby in her arms. "Congratulations Mommy," she said smiling.
Mommy...she was a mommy. She would never in the years to come after that be able to describe what happened when they placed her baby in her arms for the first time. She placed shaking along the side of her baby's face--it was so soft. The baby had stopped crying and was looking at her with big blue eyes that seemed to be studying her as well. A feeling washed over, like one of the giant waves that crashed on the sea at her childhood summer home. It was like being inside joy, and was so intense, so beautiful, that tears coursed down her cheeks and trickled down onto her daughter...her daughter! She didn't know it was possible to love something so completely, so perfectly. She reached down and nuzzled the top of her baby's head, "I love you," she whispered, "I will always love you."
"Emmy," she heard him call her name and she turned to him, standing in the doorway. She could tell from his eyes that he had been through his own fourteen hour ordeal, forced to wait and worry. "Are you alright?" he asked hoarsely.
She nodded, "I'm fine Richard, I'm just fine," she tilted the baby towards him. "Come meet your daughter."
He stepped towards her, and she had to smile at how nervous he looked. Oh how she loved this man. She handed him the little girl, and smiled in delight as the new daddy took her in his arms. He had an almost reverent look on his face, as he gently held the child who watched him with fascinaton. She looked so tiny in his arms. He sat down on the bed next to his wife and looked into her eyes.
"I love you Emily Gilmore," he said, touching the side of her face.
Her eyes filled with tears again, "I love you too Richard," she said smiling. He shifted the baby to one hand and then cradled his wife's head against his heart with the other.
"I love you too," she said again, in speechless and absolute happiness.
She couldn't let go of his hand. She held on to it, like it was the cement that was holding everything together. If she let go, she would completely fall apart. He occasionally gave it a squeeze, and occasionally would lean over and tenderly kiss her cheek, murmuring words of comfort.
But she knew he was just as scared as she was.
She wished desperately for some distraction, something to disturb the quiet. Richard had suggested they take a walk, but she was frozen to that seat. She couldn't move.
Luke walked into the room, their eyes met and she could see the torture that was there as well.
"Anything?" Luke asked.
Richard shook his head, "Did you get a hold of Rory?" he asked.
"No," Luke said shaking his head. "She's still not answering."
Emily leaned into Richard's shoulder, "What are we going to do?" she whispered.
"I think we should call the police," Richard said.
"I think that would just scare her more," Luke said. "I think we should keep calling and wait until she hears it from us."
"But what if..." Richard started and then heard his wife draw in a sharp breath. None of them could say it, none of them could even imagine the unthinkable.
...what if she doesn't get here in time.
The silent shroud descended on the room again, the clock ticking away minute after minute.
"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore, Mr. Danes," a voice from behind them caused them to shoot out of their seats.
Dr. Keller was standing at the doorway, looking tired but he was smiling. "She made it through the surgery just fine, we were able to repair the damage inside and to her lung. She's going to have a very long road of recovery ahead of her, but she's going to recover."
"Thank God," shuddered Richard, as he gathered his wife in his arms.
"Can we see her?" Luke asked.
"In about an hour," the doctor said. "She's in recovery right now, and we'll extubate her as soon as she wakes up."
The doctor smiled again and then disappeared down the long hallway.
She did not care that Luke was there.
She broke down sobbing.
Richard held her to him, cupping the back of her head with his hand.
She didn't know that at the same time, Luke's impression of the almighty, snobbish, mean and vindictive Emily Gilmore was rapidly changing, and the cold exterior he had always seen was melting away as her heard her racking sobs. He suddenly felt a kinship with Emily Gilmore, for even if they had nothing else in the world in common, he knew what it was to love a child. Almost without thinking, he reached up a hand and placed on her back, as support and as atonement for all that had gone on between them. Her sobbing stopped soon after that and she turned to him and smiled--like he had never seen her smile before. It wasn't a fake or snide smile, but was like a ray of sunshine had suddenly burst on her face. He smiled back, he actually found himself liking Emily Gilmore.
They sat in the waiting room for another hour, but the wait this time was less maddening as they knew that the woman that binded them together would be alright. A nurse came and got them after awhile,
"She's waking up," she said and they all quickly followed her down the hall.
Lorelai lay in the bed, the large tube still extending out of her mouth, and her face was whiter than the sheets. She was blinking her eyes slowly and in a haze she opened her eyes.
Both Richard and Luke looked towards Emily, as if they expected her to move forward, but suddenly she felt as though she was frozen to the ground. Lorelai looked around in confusion and fear. Luke stepped forward and took her hand.
"It's alright, I'm here," he whispered, "You were in a car accident," he said gently, "But you're going to be fine."
Emily felt a wave of jealousy sweep through her, and although she wanted nothing more than to go to her daughter and hold her, and comfort her, she stood there completely paralyzed.
Lorelai looked towards them, her eyes still full of fear. It killed Emily to see her so afraid, but she couldn't go to her...she just couldn't. Richard stepped forward, coming up to his daughter and placing a hand on her forehead, "It's alright sweetheart," he said. "You're going to be just fine."
Tears burned in her eyes as she watched Luke and Richard comfort her daughter. Hadn't she just prayed to God just an hour again, that she would do anything, anything at all, to hold her daughter in her arms just one more time? Lorelai turned her gaze and looked at her and their eyes locked for a moment. Did she know? Did she know how much she loved her?
Suddenly, Lorelai's eyes were filled with panic and she desperately made the action of writing with a pen. Richard hand her a pen and Luke grabbed a paper towel.
"Rory?" she wrote in scraggly handwriting.
"We haven't been able to get a hold of her," Richard said gently.
She wrote something again with a furor and underlined it emphatically. She held up the paper towel for all to see.
"DON'T TELL HER"