Matthew looked up as he finished the first entry. No one was saying anything, they all seemed lost in their own thoughts.

" Shall we take a break, people, or would you like to continue?, " General Hammond asked them.

For a second no one answered, then Sam spoke up. " I would like to go on now, if it's all right, Matthew, " she said. " I remember her so well now, it's like hearing her voice again."

The others nodded. Daniel cleared his throat noisily, and then Matthew smiled. "All right, no problem, " he said.
"Let's go on."

" Dear Diary.

Today we went and got some clothes for them at a roadside shop that had cheap racks of stuff out front. It was actually great stuff, and Sam looked so cute in the peasant skirt and blouse she bought. I gave her a flower, and she smiled and hugged me. Sam and I are becoming friends in such a short time.

We spent a whole couple of hours walking and talking, and getting to know each other. At least she was getting to know me, she still isn't letting on a whole lot yet about herself. I learned that she is military, that Jack is her commander, and that's about it. She had a look on her face that sort of warned me not to ask anything else, because she wouldn't answer. She seems to go so far and then stops dead. I'll talk later on to me tonight, maybe she will open up a bit more when she gets comfortable with me.

She asked me how long I had been with Michael and stuff, and I told her that I knew him in high school, but we didn't really become involved with each other until this year. I told her about when they got on, the things they said about trouble with the establishment. She said yes, and I said I had had a big huge problem. It was the reason that Michael and I took off.

Diary, I feel that things somehow are better when I am writing about it. I don't know, maybe I have been bottling it all up for so long. I started to talk to Sam when all of a sudden I started to cry.

I guess she reminded me of my big sister that I miss so much.

I just needed a girl to talk to again.

I just let it all out.

I told her what happened to me.

You don't know, diary, because no one knows. Except Michael. And my sister. And my father.

I was raised in a rich family. Lots of money, fancy schools. My older sister was the smart one, the one my father loved, and wanted to follow in his academic footsteps. She was almost seven years older, and really like a mother to me. I was the screw up, the pretty one, the flighty one. I never felt jealous of her though, because she was so good to me and loved me so much. Always giving me clothes, covering up for me with homework I didn't understand, and making me feel good about myself.

She was the best.

My father was tough.

Never a family man, always a loner.

Always hard on himself, and others. Couldn't accept failure.

When I was sixteen, I met a boy at a party. He was also a rich kid. Andrew Millington. Everyone called him Drew. He was a great looking boy. Blond hair, and the bluest eyes you ever saw.

I think I fell in love with him right away, but it wasn't just his looks. He seemed nice . Only my sister warned me. For some reason, she didn't like him .She had already gotten married by that time. To this professor she had been dating for a while. I really, really liked him. He was so steady and nice, and you could tell that they were happy together, always kissing, and hugging when no one was looking, and teasing each other with little jokes. They had been trying for a baby, but no luck yet. I teased her that you have to stay home once in a while, not just work every day and night, in order to get pregnant, and she just laughed and threw a pillow at me.

Well, diary, you can guess the rest. I went out with Drew all summer. Warm days, and even warmer nights. Beaches, and barbeques, and the drive in movies. The loving little things we whispered to one another. . and all winter and Christmas. Laughing in the snow. Snuggling together and making love in front of the fireplace. And I thought everything was great. Until that horrible day.

I can still remember that shocked, horrified, panicked look on his face.

"What do you mean, you're pregnant? You can't be!"

But I was. Almost three months along.

He didn't want it.

He didn't want me.

I blocked out the awful things he said, about it not being his, trying to trap him into marriage, why didn't I get rid of it…

My sister was my savior. My sister took over. My wonderful, darling sister.

She told father. Father, who wouldn't speak to me after that day.
I can still close my eyes and remember the look of horror and disgust on his face.

And the yelling.

She said she would 'adopt' the baby. . Until I got on my feet again.

I can still remember the day he was born like it was yesterday.

Beautiful blue eyes. The softest, downiest head of hair.

I just wanted to kiss his little toes forever.

And my sister had him for the first few weeks.

And then months.

And I just couldn't take it anymore.

The shame and guilt my father made me feel.

The worry about what I was going to do.

How I was going to support myself.

I couldn't even take care of my own baby.

The anger.

At myself.

At Drew.

Michael was my only refuge.

My sweet Michael who would never betray me, never let me down.

I knew that I loved my baby so much, but he would have a better chance with my sister looking after him.

So I did it.

I gave my darling baby Daniel to my sister Claire.