04. Book Store
"Jazzy, I saw it and we have to go!" She squeals at a sound level which only can be heard by vampires and dogs.
"Alice, what's wrong?"
"Emmett's buying slash porn to put in Edward's room to embarrass him when Bella comes to visit. She'll see it and she'll either run thinking he's secretly gay, or that he's trying to initiate her into some weird vampire sex cult. Either way it doesn't end well, they break up, Bella goes nuts and Edward goes to the Volturi to end himself."
"Damn it, Emmett." Freaking cockblock! Alice was giving him a kick ass blowjob before the idiot struck.