Disclaimer: The events that will transpire are intended to entertain you, the reader. If you feel that these events are highly unlikely or purely stupid, it's because it is meant to be. Hence why the genre is humor. In other words, don't be trollin'. Enjoy the chapter!

Rated T cuz Mer's a big perv. You are warned.

IV. The Baker, Plotting

If there's one thing you need to know about me, it's that I'm a Creep. Now, to get a better understanding on what a Creep is, I would suggest that you go watch the video for "The Creep" on Beryl's profile, but for now, I'll explain to the best of my ability. A Creep is not a stalker. A stalker follows their subject and is secretive about it, while a Creep openly pursues their target and has no qualms admitting their infatuation.

When Sebastian was showing me around, I was figuring out ways to excuse my soon-to-be Creepiness. I mean, what would you say in defense of being openly pervy like I was? I was going to settle with "There was a really persistent speck of dust on your slacks" or "It was calling me, baby!," but I didn't think those would work so I was going to be completely honest.

I decided to make my move as we were walking through the corridor. I was carrying my luggage and I pretended that I was getting slightly tired. Making a commotion out of dropping them, I watched as the butler courteously stopped and bent over to retrieve the briefcases. Chance! He flinched momentarily then got a grip of himself as he took my things.

"Allow me to show you to your room, Mer," he said, acting as if I didn't try and give him a prostate exam on the spot. I followed him, my Ultimate Rapeface beaming as he lead me to a pleasantly decorated room. "Maylene has this room, as well."

"Thank you, Mr. Sebastian. I look forward to working with you," I said, keeping my eyes on him while he placed my possessions on what would be my bed, where I hoped to work him, if you know what I mean.

"Likewise," he replied, smiling widely and going elsewhere.

Oh, yeah. He wanted it.

I unpacked my clothes, swords (those will be explained later) , and my most important thing, my notebook. Why this notebook was precious to me? It was going to be an essential item in my pursuit of Sebastian's ass. It held different sections for various characteristics of most men I pursued. Currently, there were four sections: Deadly Sexy, Adorably Sexy, Mysteriously Sexy, and Lovely Sexy. I think Sebastian could go under "Deadly Sexy" so I wrote his name in that part and wrote "Turn-ons" beneath that. I had yet to figure those out, but I had plenty time!

To pass time, I decided to go outside.

Everything was nice and I was about to let my guard down up to the point I started to notice the burnt trees. Now, what could cause that? As soon as that thought ended, the ground began to tremble underneath my feet and I was attacked. A massive beast tackled me to the ground and started nosing around where it shouldn't.

Instinctually, I went for the dagger I kept strapped to the inside of my thigh. Before I could successfully reach it, the giant monster was thrown off of me. My savior was none other than Sebastian, who had a slight look of disdain on his face. He straightened his expression, concern replacing the disgust as he offered his hand to me.

"I apologize that you've had the misfortune of meeting that hound," he said, sincerely sounding remorseful. "Though, I must ask that you must not divulge its existence to anyone outside of this household."

"My lips are sealed," I promised, really wondering how in the hell did he get something ten times his size off of me? I looked at the giant dog creature and noticed it was shrinking. The form pounced on the butler and I was paralyzed by what I was witnessing. A naked man appeared, hanging off of the annoyed man. Even though I was a shota fan, I was particularly fond of yaoi and this wonderful sight that has fallen before me made my senses override a bit.

"What's his name?" I asked dreamily, hands clasped together.

"Pluto," Sebastian answered, materializing a suit out of nowhere to put on the red-eyed man. He released the dog-man, who scurried by my feet. He was panting happily, like a canine would. I pet him on his head and he seemed to love it, so I indulged on him. "Don't spoil it too much; it'll get attached."

"Really?"

I didn't mind that. I liked dogs, just not to the point of bestiality. Pulling away from the shaggy-haired man, I took a moment to open my notebook and write "Turn-offs" on the page next to Sebastian's "Turn-ons". I listed dogs as a "Turn-off".

"May I inquire as to what you're writing, Mer?" questioned the butler, curious. I hid the book, smiling brightly.

"Just a few notes," I replied honestly.

"Is that right? I can tell that you're going to be more capable than I expected you to be."

Underestimating me again, is he? For someone so polite, he had a way of making someone feel like crap. What a contradiction. It was sort of like sour chocolate, a sweet lemon, or…a pregnant man.

Sebastian Michaelis sighed as he poured another glass of scotch and dumped it down his throat. We all very well know that he can't get too far out of his mind through using human means such as alcohol, so let's just say he went through a couple bottles.

Now, our demon was getting a bit wasted because a certain redhead's wish became true. In a confused bout of passion (which would probably never happen, so don't bite my head off, trollin' fans!), Grell magically made his junk turn into a vagina and was glad to know in the next couple of months that he was happily pregnant with his unrequited lover's baby. He made William the unwilling godfather and his best friends, Victoria Perez and Elizabeth Ren, the godmothers. They supported him as he delivered the demon-reaper hybrid baby successfully.

Today, Grell went to see Sebastian, thinking that he'll be thrilled by the news. The demon disguised himself as a hobo in an alleyway, but you know that this guy isn't too gifted in the area of concealment so the reaper wasn't really fooled by that guise.

"Bassy, look! It's our baby," he said to the newfound drunkard, bringing the infant to the disturbed man. He immediately pushed the baby away.

"Get it away from me…" Sebastian groaned.

"But Sebastian~! He's our little bundle of joy!" Grell argued, cradling the sharp-toothed baby boy. "Look, he was even born with gloves on his hands."

The chubby child's hands were covered by gloves. Sebastian had to admit that had caught his attention. He put the two-hundredth bottle of scotch down and held out his hands. The redhead squealed delightedly and put the baby in his arms.

"What did you name it?" the demonic butler asked.

"Eight-Hours," Grell answered.

"Why would you name it that?"

"Because that's how long we went, Sebas-chan~!"

"You should've named it 'Eight-Yards.'"

"Why would I do that?"

"Cuz that's how far he's gonna fly, you disgusting bitch!" he reasoned, dropping the baby and punting it like a football, watching in satisfaction as Eight-Hours went sailing in the path of a speeding carriage. He was alright…that is, until Claude the pedophile made off with him.

I took his somewhat insulting compliment with a smile and went on my way to the inside of the manor, plotting my next move. It was clear that the second phase could be put into activation. Shameless flirting was my specialty and it was proven difficult to ignore my advances when I started. I was sure that Sebastian will be glad to be my personal manservant after I was done with him. You would wish me luck, would you, stalker readers? No? Haters.

A/N: Child, it hasn't even been a day, yet! Mer's one arrogant cookie, but will that work on our Sebastian? Review to find out!