Disclaimer: The events that will transpire are intended to entertain you, the reader. If you feel that these events are highly unlikely or purely stupid, it's because it is meant to be. Hence why the genre is humor. in other words, don't be trollin'. Enjoy the chapter!

Rated T cuz Mer's a big perv. You are warned.

X. The Baker, Surrenders

I started to nervously wring my hands. Demon? My dearest Sebastian? I felt my heart drop into my stomach as Faustus looked rather smug. He wasn't wearing my butler's face anymore. His complexion was as pale as the moon, and his hair was slightly swept to the side.

"Have you ever wondered why he seems so capable of accomplishing every task given to him? Why he never seemed to have time for you?" he interrogated, making extremely valid points. "Demons, when motivated properly, will do anything for their daily bread."

This brought on a slew of questions. Despite my internal sexual monologues, I was a God-fearing young lady. Would I automatically be sent to Hell because I was in love with a demon? Or could that be a transgression wished away with a few prayers for forgiveness? I ultimately came to the decision that God would simply accept me as I am:

A horny baker girl.

Mer Sullivan, restored to her prime, stood before the pearly gates of Heaven. She had died a doting grandmother, loving to all of her fifteen children. An angel guided her to meet God, the figure she had prayed to everyday for the loins of her husband, a demon who went by the assumed name of Sebastian Michaelis. She wanted to thank him personally for such an awesome life.

"Welcome home, my child," said a disembodied voice, booming from some unknown location. "Why the surprised look on your face?"

Mer blanched. "Oh, Heavenly Father, I thought I was going to banished to Hell for loving a demon."

"Nonsense, Mer. You're already forgiven for that."

"What?"

"Who do you think let you get that ass in the first-" God started, but was interrupted by some sort of feedback noise. "B-Beryl, you can't be here, yet!"

"God, please! You're gonna spoil it!" the authoress cried.

"Jesus, woman, you're taking too long to get to that point so I might as well."

A man with long brown hair appeared next to the perplexed Mer. "Did someone call me?"

"Well?" Faustus called, wanting a response out of me. "You don't expect to believe that Michaelis is worthy of your attentions? He is simply goading you on to complete his own goals…for his little master."

There was a glint of lust in his golden eyes that put my Ultimate Rapeface to shame when he mentioned Ciel. I finally gathered enough courage to speak.

"That may be true, Mr. Faustus, but you fail to understand how much work I put into getting even a simple word of praise from him," I said, lightly stroking where my butler kissed me and I smiled tauntingly. "Unless you are jealous…?"

A stream of moonlight conveniently hit Faustus's glasses lens, shielding his reaction to my accusation.

"I should be asking the same of you," he retorted cleverly, adjusting the spectacles. "Every task he does is for Earl Phantomhive. That is only focus, his only goal. You have your own tasks, I suppose, yet your mind is absorbed by what tactics you need to resort to in order for Michaelis to look at you."

Damn you, Wikipedia! So he was right. What did he want? A cookie? There were times I was considering giving up my pursuit. I would return to being a simple girl, unknowingly sleeping in my brother's sexual filth and bathing myself in the frosty Thames river. I wouldn't be full of that fiery determination Sebastian filled me with.

Faustus continued to voice his opinion. "However, I would not be as cruel as he."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You might think me as an impostor, Lady Mer, but I am still every bit of capable as your beloved butler," he replied and I chucked a dagger at him. He moved quickly to the right, but the blade nicked the bridge of his nose. A drop of blood trickled down to his chin. Suddenly, the seven-inch appendage known as his tongue lapped the crimson mess up into his mouth. He smirked, as if he knew about my mind and its perverted tendencies.

"Is that all you have to offer me?" I questioned, acting as if I hadn't been impressed when I really was thinking if Sebastian had something on his person that lengthy.

"Only the attention you deserve," he tempted, turning his palm towards me. I decided that…

After Sebastian apprehended the Aristocrat Assassin, he didn't seem to question my odd silence as we were escorted back to the Phantomhive manor. Once we reached our destination, he happened to notice that I didn't try and grab his ass as we walked into the foyer. Ciel seemed to be back from his small vacation with Elizabeth at my family's villa.

"I trust that you've solved the case," he supposed, sporting his arrogant shota expression.

"Yes, m'lad," I answered, trying to disguise the fatigue in my voice. "May I be excused?"

Ciel seemed taken aback. Usually, he was answered by a more cheery tone since I was convinced that he was way too cute for his own good. However, that wasn't the case. "Of course, Mer."

I went up to the room that belonged to Maylene and I, ignoring Merry's concerned meows as I collapsed onto the bed and slept like a baby. On the next morning, I woke up and saw that there was a brightly-colored ball gown laying on the corner of my bed. A note was on top of it.

Dear Mer,

The Young Master wishes for you to wear this dress when our special guest arrives. Do not come downstairs until I give you permission. I am preparing the downstairs area and I would like for you and the rest of the servants to not disturb me.

-Sebastian

I wondered who the special guest was because if it was Ciel's fiancée again, I was going to ask Finni to kill me by means of hugging. Pluto setting me on fire would suffice. Or Bardroy could put a couple sticks of dynamite around me to blow me to bits. That way, my soul would be deaf and I wouldn't have to worry about hearing "Ciel~!" ever again.

But enough about how I could kill myself.

I refreshed myself and put on the cerulean dress, sitting on my bed to go over my "Sebastian's Turn-ons" notebook. The two items were still the same: Cats and Information. There was a knock on my door. I hid the notebook and got off the bed, answering it. Sebastian was on the other side.

"We're about to receive our guest, Mer. Would you join me?" he said, lending me his arm. I gladly obeyed as he guided me down the hall to the stairs.

"Why is this particular guest 'special'?" I inquired.

"Today is the day she was born."

"Is that so? It just so happens…"

I am so stupid.

"Happy Birthday, Mer!" exclaimed the Phantomhive servants, along with other houseguests. My brother was the only face I recognized.

"You are a very cruel man, Mr. Sebastian."

"You must even be more cruel than I not to reveal such an important event. Lord Sullivan wanted to make up for his behavior towards you," the smirking man explained.

There were several reasons why I hated my birthday. I never got what I wanted (which I'm pretty sure applied to Sebastian's ass), something embarrassing always happens at the party that was required in everyone's birthday celebration. Of course, in the last celebration, my father was so ashamed that I had to get a job and reimburse him one-hundred thousand pounds.

"Mer, I took it upon myself to have your birthday celebration here. Is everything to your liking?" Ciel asked. I finally got to do what I've been itching to do since I was chastised for it:

I glomped Ciel, all while saying, "Thank you for being so kind, m'lad. Even though I wasn't expecting this…"

He straightened his clothes once I released him. "Well, I'm glad that you feel that way. Try to enjoy yourself; it only comes once a year."

That's what he said. The Earl gestured to Sebastian. What was next? It was then my love for my butler reached a whole new level when he started to sing "Happy Birthday" to me in French. He urged me to blow out the candles on a ridiculously sized cake. I did as told and went on to cut a huge piece of vanilla cake. So I was a glutton. So what? My brother joined me.

"Tell me, sister," he goaded, eyebrows high. "Was he as good as he is attractive?"

I tittered nervously. "Of course. I couldn't barely cut the cake, I'm so tuckered out."

"You were interrupted, yet again?"

"Yes."

Creux sighed, placing his fork down on his plate. "I expected as much. Solving a murder doesn't leave much room for romance, does it?"

I nodded my head, staring at my feet. Black shoes came into view. I glanced up and saw Sebastian's panty-dropping face.

"May I have this dance?" he drawled. He didn't have to ask me twice! We danced for a few moments and in the time we did, he began to speak to me about last night's events.

"If this is about your devilishness, then your secret is safe with me," I told him, curtsying once our dance was over. He smiled.

"You are rather accepting, Miss Sullivan. Perhaps a symptom of becoming one year older?"

"Yes," I said, standing on my toes to kiss his cheek. I didn't seem to enjoy it, considering what was coming. "That is why I have to tell you that I resign from childishly pursuing you."

I walked away from Sebastian, not before taking a gander of that wonderful tush of his before I was taken away by Claude and his promises of devotion.

A/N: Betcha didn't see that coming! Mer officially has surrendered! What will happen now that she has given up on Sebastian? Will she give the only thing that's precious to her to Claude, instead?

Review to find out! Oh, and one more important thing:

Strawberries or Cherries?