Disclaimer: The events that will transpire are intended to entertain you, the reader. If you feel that these events are highly unlikely or purely stupid, it's because it is meant to be. Hence why the genre is humor. In other words, don't be trollin'. Enjoy the chapter!

XVII. The Baker, Thwarted

I've never thought I would feel this embarrassed since the whole incident that caused me to be in the Phantomhive Manor. My face was radiating heat, my heartbeat increasing. Even as I stood in a motionless shock, my mouth moved, trying to give an explanation as to why the object in his hands even existed. My eyes-blinking rapidly and unnecessarily-avoided his as I stuttered incomprehensively, drumming my fingers against my upper lip.

Oh, why did I choose not to put that dreaded thing under the bed?

I gathered enough courage to look at the butler. His eyes were unbiased as they swept over the pages and pages of salacious notes that concerned him. To my chagrin, he kept reading the foolish scrawl and I could swear that there was a gleam in his eye that meant he was amused. A whimper threatened to break past my lips, but I let it die in my throat and huffed softly. Index fingers touching in a nervous habit, I coughed lightly as Sebastian stopped his reading and focused his attention on me.

"I apologize that you had the dissatisfaction to read that, S-Sebastian," I managed to croak out, my voice timid. "But you must understand…that was back when I was, well-"

My apology must have been too long-winded for him because he casually stowed the book away underneath his vest and walked towards me, his gaze hypnotizing. It was too much for me to make eye contact with him so I turned my back to him, clasped hands pressed to my chin. I was half-expecting the demon to be true his nature and devour me for writing such ridiculously lewd things about him, but I realized I was mistaken when I felt his arms circle around my waist.

"No excuses, pet." His breath tickled my neck as he spoke, ghosting over my skin like a spider's web. He placed his lips gently against my pulse. "I'd rather much prefer that behavior when we're alone. It's endearing."

"Endearing?" I repeated, scoffing. "You deserve someone better than that."

The sound of his short laughter rumbled through my back. I silently enjoyed the sensation, but it was robbed from me when the demon turned me around. I glanced up, attracted to the magenta glow his eyes emitted.

"Is the human afraid to lay claim to what she so rightfully deserves?" Sebastian asked, his tone taunting. I huffed childishly, crossing my arms over my chest. "I long to see all those thoughts you wrote about me come to life. Or do I have to act on them myself?"

The butler's wandering hand caused me to jump out of my determined stance.

"You cheeky devil!" I exclaimed, smacking his hand away then becoming somber as I recalled something important. "But didn't you say that the Young Master ordered you away from me?"

"Not quite. He said that whatever dealings I had with you must not interfere with my duties as his butler," he explained, scooping me up into his arms and setting me down on his lap once he sat on a nearby bench in the yard. "In rough translation, that means that I can do what I wish with you, as long as it does not impair my ability to carry out my responsibilities."

"What you wish?" I parroted, blushing as his maroon eyes crinkled with a strange emotion I did not have the intelligence to name at the moment. "Don't I get a say?"

"Not a word," he whispered cryptically, kissing behind my ear as he ignored my cries of protest. I was trying to voice the concern of someone being able to see us. However, he kept shutting me up by distracting me with his dizzying kisses and teasing caresses. Before he could successfully manage to make me putty in his very much skillful hands, I allowed some of the inner pervert's expertise to aid me in retaliating Sebastian's actions.

"Ginger, why are you following me? Are you here for Mer, too?" a very familiar voice inquired. The butler obviously did not care for the intrusion, continuing on getting lost in passion as I instantly became mortified. That voice…! Where did I hear it before, and who did it belong to? Quickly (regrettably), I halted Sebastian's further teasing, removing myself from his lap.

"Did you hear that?" I hissed to him, keeping my voice low.

"It sounds like Lady Cornelius," Sebastian informed, sounding annoyed at the interruption. "She's brought company, as well. Unwanted company, to be precise." As I was just about to ask who else, another familiar voice-shrill and dramatic-answered my unvoiced question.

"Heavens, no! I'm here for my Bassy and nobody else~!" Grell Sutcliff answered. I was personally glad to hear that he was still pursuing Sebastian, especially after he had lectured me on how he was faithful to "his man." If you failed to do so, please observe the sarcasm.

Sebastian and I, after making ourselves presentable for our unexpected guests, stepped out of our obscure hiding place and greeted the pair. Naturally, Grell made a noise that was in between the range of a squeal and an orgasm and immediately tried to latch onto his object of affection. The butler swiftly dodged the tackle, leaving me to receive the full brunt of the redhead's unrequited love.

I was too stunned by the death god's strength to be disgusted enough to push him away, but strangely took the time to observe that he smelled like he used some fruit-scented perfume.

"You smell nice, Miss Grell," I complimented shakily, gingerly parting myself from his embrace. He made another one of those hard-to-identify noises; this time, it was between a repulsed groan and the sound a child makes after eating something not pleasing to the taste buds.

"Thank you," he replied rigidly, nearly shoving me away like an unwanted toy. I teetered, unstable for a moment before Sebastian steadied me by touching the underside of my forearm. I started to smile at him, then remembered that Lady Aubergine was present so I directed the smile at her.

"Lady Aubergine, how are you?" I welcomed, bowing my head slightly.

"I'm just fine. How has it been here?" she replied. I bit my lip. How was I supposed to tell my family's benefactor-namely the one who suggested me for this job-that my father decided that I was suddenly more important than his money? Luckily, Sebastian covered for me.

"Miss Sullivan has been an excellent co-worker at the manor, Lady Cornelius. The Young Master has taken a liking to her," he said to the purple-clad young woman, who nodded her head. She turned to see Grell's stiff posture and popped him on the back of the neck. He yelped, rubbing at the sensitive area and staring daggers at the offender.

"Don't look at me like that, Ginger."

"May I ask how you know Mr. Sutcliff, my lady?" Sebastian questioned.

"Oh, you could say that he's a very close friend," she responded vaguely, now patting the death god on the back-a casual gesture that was commonly shared between two people linked by camaraderie. Grell grimaced, grinding his shark-like teeth together. "What's the problem?"

"Are you blind, Ollie?" he growled, aiming his deadly green eyes at me. "This girl…I can smell Sebastian all over her!"

"And…?"

"And it's entirely unacceptable!"

Unacceptable? Just who was he to judge what was unacceptable when he was practically throwing himself on Sebastian? I struggled to keep my composure as the barrage of insults began to spew out of the raging redhead's mouth, even going so far as to grab at the hilt of the weapon I kept hidden on my person. My knuckles were turning white with restraint, the thought of seeing Grell choke on the shaft of my sword was strangely delighting. Sebastian must have sensed my anger because he put a reassuring hand upon my back.

"Mr. Sutcliff, if you are having a difficult time accepting my involvement with Mer, you surely won't be against a competition with her?" he suggested, glancing at me with a confident look that said, "I'm trusting you to destroy this gender-confused idiot."

Lady Aubergine chuckled, rubbing her hands together. "You mean a battle to see who's the best woman? That, my friend, is rich!"

Grell grinned predatorily, extending his hand. "Agreed. May the best woman win."

I returned the grin and shook his hand. "Likewise."

A/N: It is on! A battle begins next chapter and marks the end of this story. Review!