Warnings: Angst, slight AU from Guardian of the Moon, Manipulative!Dumbledore, mention of pedophilia.

Notes: I don't actually feel this way about Dumbes, I like him, though I think he should have told Harry everything to begin with the moment he thought Voldy would be back.

Song that inspired this: Disgusting by Kesha, that's what the lyrics are too as well.

She hated every part of this. It wasn't right, she wasn't supposed to be like this. Wasn't supposed to feel this way about anyone. How could she, when she'd killed so many people? She didn't deserve it.

But every smile he threw at her, every compliment, or every laugh made her feel like mush. Or when he'd told her everything was going to be ok before they all headed out for the final fight. The final show down with Byakuran.

It was only made worse when she was the first one sent back to the past and his older self smirked and kissed her hard before stepping back and vanishing to be replaced by his younger self.

She'd fled before he could ask why she was blushing.

She couldn't really pin point when it all started, but if she had to guess she'd say the moment they met.

She'd been escaping from Europe, it was suffocating. Everyone wanted a piece of the Girl-Who-Lived, so she packed up and left, bidding her friends good bye. Her life in Namimori had began, but with in a week the little bastard midget Reborn had drug her into the Mafia, with her protesting the whole way.

But the fucker had dirt on her, something she didn't want out to the public, so she had to comply. But after she got to know the insane group…it was family, she fit in easier than she had with the Weasley's, as much as she hated to admit that. So it wasn't really black mail…but then it got out.

It got out that she'd planned and committed the murder of Albus Dumbledore when the bastard stole her money and tried to marry her off to himself of all people. Europe and other countries pardoned her, but people who didn't believe it- about an eighth of Britian- threw curses at her whenever they saw her. Mind they were usually arrested and fined, but that was beside the point.

Some went as far as to try and track her down then torch her apartment and car- thank Merlin for Dobby stopping it- but thus far hadn't been successful. Then Minister Shacklebolt put his foot down and declared her off limits too people like that. If they tried anything, it was Azkaban for at least one year or more depending on the crime.

And then they got closer in the future where they learned herself, Reborn, Tsuna and Royhei were dead. And she kept despising herself for it.

Every time he'd talk to her, she'd blush- really, it was her first real interest.

Chapter by chapter I'm falling faster and faster

Becoming manic and magic, it so romantic I panic, oh!

Hit the eject button but it must be stuck something's up

What did you slip into my drink, baby?

It's disgusting, how I love you

God I hate it, I could kill you!

Cause your messing up my name

Gotta walk my, talk my fame

But I just wanna touch your face,

It's disgusting!

She hated it, wish he'd get that clue when he started dropping not so subtle hints.

Then she caught Reborn smacking him and telling him to be more direct about it, that she loved him but couldn't see it yet.

She scoffed at that to herself. She bloody well knew! She just didn't want it, didn't fucking deserve that! Why couldn't they understand it? She was good in fights- that was all she was good for. She'd been formed into a weapon from day one, it was all she knew. And the lives she took haunted her every night, telling her it was all she'd ever know. And she knew it was true, so why didn't they?

Then he asked her on a date. She slapped him and told him no, that she never would, but even that didn't satisfy him.

He decided to hell with politeness and cornered her in the training room. "Why?" He had demanded.

She'd glared back, retorting that it didn't bloody matter, muttering where he couldn't hear her about not being worth his time.

But he'd heard her and scowled- unusual action, one she seemed to bring out the most besides Mukuro and Kyouya- and said in his baritone voice with it's too fucking soothing tone, "Is that what this is? You don't think your good enough?"

The way he'd said it just made her snap. She'd yelled and screamed at him that she didn't deserve to be happy like that, that she wasn't made for it and she wasn't worth him wasting his time.

And as calmly, as if they'd been speaking over the weather, he'd answered that, that was absurd, that everyone deserved to be happy, that just because she'd been hurt into becoming someone's tool didn't mean she wasn't human.

That had pissed her off, and before he could blink she'd been knocking the hell out of him and proceeding to fight him. It ended up with half the room tore apart, claw marks from where she'd gone into her animal form for a bit, burns in others, some places blown up, others with sword markings.

Then he pinned her beneath him, both chests heaving for air. He'd sighed, and bent so he was leaning on her to give his straining muscles a slight bit of relief. "You kill people, but stop and think, Elizabeth. So do we, but you don't see us denying something we do deserve. Because none of us ever take a life unless we have to. Don't think you don't deserve something- Elizabeth, I've seen you throw yourself in front of some of us, in front of kids to save them. If anything at all, you deserve to be happy."

And the look he gave her, one of love and hope and even sadness, was enough to make her finally nod and accept it.

"Elizabeth! Hurry up, Kyoko just went to the hospital, she'll have the kid any minute!"

She blinked, setting her Ipod down and following after her husband of two years.

Her Ipod was left on, still repeating the same song. It fit, because it's what she'd felt like back then.