A/N: Hey all! I am updating as promised :D the only thing is that my beta reader is a tad busy with work and all. She has not had the time to get to read my chapters that I have sent to her yet. When I do get the edited chapters I will repost them. Thanks for being patient with us both! I hope you enjoy this chapter anyways, it is a bit sad though : (
Without further ado….
Chapter 10: I miss you
BPOV:
I take Edwards hands in mine and take a deep breath. It takes a lot to go back to that night that happened 7 months ago.
"Can you at least tell me who Brett is first?" He asked with pleading eyes.
"He is like a brother to me, one of my very good friends that I had in Phoenix. I promise you have nothing to worry about with him." I say giving him a soft smile; I noticed that he started to relax a little more.
"Thank you, I can tell that whatever you are about to tell me is hard for you to talk about, so you can take your time." He tells me and gives my hands a soft squeeze.
"It was 7 months ago, Jake and I were going out with two of our friends, we were going to dinner and bowling. Brett and Amanda were meeting us at my house. We always take two cars in case on couple would want to leave early or if something would come up that we always had another car there." I took a deep breath before I continued.
"Jake and I were arguing over who was going to drive, Phil said we could take his car as long as I was the one driving, I loved that car, it was a 2008 Camaro. It was blue and it drove like a dream." I said smiling as I remembered driving that car. I noticed Edwards smile too.
"Jake liked to drive, it made him feel manlier or something, I actually won the argument and was the one driving. We all got into the cars and I let them pull out in front of me. Everything was going great until we started to go through an intersection." I paused for a minute to regroup my thoughts and fight back the tears. Edward pulled me towards him and gave me a hug. It was like he knew a little of where this story was going.
"Brett was going the speed limit and everything, a car came from the side street, and it was going too fast. It hit the back end of his car and spun it sideways. I tried to stop in time, I hit the brakes and swerved but I wasn't fast enough." I was crying silently by this time and Edward had placed me in his laps and was soothing me as best he could.
"The back end of the Camaro hit the passenger side door. Then another car behind me hit the back of the Camaro crushing the side even more. The paramedics say she was killed instantly and wouldn't have felt the pain." I sobbed as I remember the flashing lights, the sound of the sirens and my screams from that night.
"Bella, I am so sorry, I can't imagine what that must have been like, losing a friend." He gave me a kiss in my hair and hugged me tighter.
"I blamed myself for the longest time, Jake and Brett told me it wasn't my fault." I cried even harder.
"It wasn't Bella; you did your best to stop..." He tells me.
"I know, Jake helped me a lot, but he also uses that against me. That is what I really want to talk about, but I wanted you to know the whole story." I get off his lap and turn and look him in the eyes before I continue on.
"Brett never blamed me, neither did Amanda's parents, it was the drunk drivers fault. I know that now. I have been having trouble talking to Brett since she is gone now, I love him to death, but it is hard to be reminded." Edward nods as if he understands what I am saying.
"Jake was a godsend after the accident. He helped me in ways that my therapist couldn't. Jake was there, so he knew what to say and how to explain it to me. I listened to what he said and eventually it sank in."
"Jake never let me forget after that. He kept telling me that he was the only one who could ever help me keep my life together, that he was the only thing that helped me cope. Which in a way was true, but he made it seem like he held all the power over me." I sighed as I saw Edward tense at my explanation.
"Is that why you are worried with him coming here? That he is going to make you think that you need him?" He asked with a shocked look on his face.
"Yeah, and I think that he probably thought, I wouldn't have the courage to tell you something this important. You make it easy to trust you, and I know you deserve to know this, I just wish it wouldn't have had to been so soon." I sighed again and looked down to my hands. Edward then reaches over and grabbed them.
"Bella, it takes a lot for you to tell me this and I get that, I am glad you feel that you could talk to me. You don't need Jake, I hope you know that. You being able to me this proves that." He said.
"I know, and I think Jake will figure that out too. Especially since I have never talked about it besides with my therapist and with Brett and him."
"I know I shouldn't want to do this now, but when you are ready, do you mind if I kiss you again?" He asked with a blush creeping up on his cheeks. I couldn't help but laugh at him. After getting all the heavy conversation out of the way, it felt like a weight had been lifted. I leaned closer to him and left him take the lead from there.
EPOV:
After Bella told me that story, I understood her reaction early a bit better. I get that she is still coping with what happened and I love that she was able to tell me everything. What Jake did to her wasn't right though. I could have beaten the shit out of him after that. I hope that I can control myself when I meet him. I knew I shouldn't want to kiss her. It was all I could think about after the incident in the hall today. Bella seemed pretty receptive to it right now though. As she leaned towards me all I could think about is what I want to do with her. I am still a virgin and I am not sure if she is. I know we have to talk about it. I just don't care right now; all I want to do is kiss her.
I leaned in and pulled her closer to me. I slowly let me lips meet hers. She has the softest lips I have ever kissed. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips as she pressed herself closer to me. Kissing her was definitely as close to heaven as I have ever been.
After a few seconds Bella started to deepen the kiss as I felt her tongue slowly and tauntingly trace my bottom lip. I opened my mouth and granted her access. We kissed for what seemed like forever, but we had to soon pull apart to breath. I never let my lips leave her skin though. I kissed along her jaw and down her neck. Then I slowly worked my way back up to her lips. I then felt her lean back and pull me towards her. She was slowly laying herself down on the couch.
She pulled me with her and soon I was lying on top of her. The feeling that shot through my body was amazing. I knew we would have to stop soon, I was already way to hard and I am sure she could feel it on her leg. As we broke apart for more air she started to push her hips forward. We both let out a very audible moan. I knew then that I would have to pull back. I gave her a quick chaste kiss and pulled us both up so we were sitting again. Bella had a confused look on her face, but she didn't seem hurt. I just smiled at her.
"That was fucking fantastic. I wish I could do that all day with you." I said as I smiled brightly at her.
"I am sorry if I got too carried away, I can't seem to help it when I am with you." She said looking down and turning the most beautiful shade of red.
"It is okay, I promise, I more than enjoyed that! I just think we need to talk about something first." I said. I was more than nervous to have this conversation with her so soon, but I think it is for the best. I have gotten worked up before, but never to this extent. I could have so easily ripped her clothes off.
"Um…okay." She said a bit nervously.
"I don't know how to really say this without sounding like a prude, but I have never actually been with a girl before. I mean I know there are rumors and shit at school, but I am still, you know…" I gestured hoping she would get it so I wouldn't have to actually say it.
"Oh…Well, I want to say that I am too, but Jake was my first, we were together for a year and well, you know, things kind of happened. I kind of regret it to be honest, I love him, but I don't ever think I was in love with him." She explains to me. I feel bad bringing this up.
"It's okay, I just figured, it would be best to get this out in the open. I am sure you noticed things got a little heated. I just want to wait before…Not that I am saying you want to, oh fuck!" I groan. I am making things a hell of a lot better than I was before! I need to shut up!
"It's okay! Waiting is good; don't want things to go to fast." She says winking at me and laughing at my embarrassment. The wink she gave me went straight to my dick. She can have me hard quickly, it is going to be torture, but I love spending time with her. I give her a small smile back and stand up from the couch.
"Well, I think maybe we should head to my house now. I am sure Alice and Jasper are there maybe we can play a game or something or even hang out in my room before dinner." I tell her pulling her up from the couch.
"That is fine with me. I was wondering I want to show you something, do you have a guitar at all?" She asks.
"Uh, yeah, I have an acoustic, I like to play and write my own music." I tell her with a smug smile on my face. I know showing off is a bad thing to do, but I couldn't help it! I wonder why she was asking though.
"You mind if I use it? Mine is still in Phoenix. I wanted you to listen to something." She says and walks out the front door and locks it. I think it will be awesome to see her playing my guitar, not to mention hot.
"You can use it anytime you want! I didn't know you played."
"Yeah I play, not very often anymore, Brett and I played all the time. Amanda and I had been working on a song before she died, I finished it, and I want to play it for you." She confesses as we head down the road towards my house.
"I can't wait to hear it, it probably means a lot to you. I am glad you want to share it with me." I smile at her and squeeze her hand.
"Can we listen to some music? I have my iPod and there is a song I really want to listen to." She asks while she is pulling out her iPod. I take it from her hand and get it all hooked up. I then hand it back to her so she can listen to the song she wanted.
"You can listen to anything you want." I tell her.
Soon the song "I Miss You" by Blink 182 is coming through the speakers. I have not heard this song in a while. I smile as I remember the times I have heard this song. I watch Bella as she starts to sing the song…
(I miss you, I miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends
(I miss you, I miss you)
(I miss you, I miss you)
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
I listened to Bella sing the song the whole way to my house. She has an amazing voice. There were a lot of feelings in this song though. I am sure she misses how things used to be. It has to be hard, and having to talk about everything that has happened, it has to be hard. I reach over and grabbed her hand as we pulled up in the drive way.
"You have an amazing voice Bella." I say with a smile. She looks at me and leans up and gives me a kiss on my cheek and says thanks.
"Are you ready for Alice to come attack you?" I laugh as we walk up the steps to the front door. No sooner do I reach to open then it comes flying open.
"Bella, oh my god, I am so glad you are here! Do you want to come hang out with me for a little while, have some girl time?" My overly obnoxious sister squeals in Bella's face, while dragging her into the house. Bella looks at me over her shoulder. I laugh because Bella has a look of pure terror on her face.
"Umm…I…" Bella starts to mumble, but I figure I would save her the hassle and save her this one time.
"Bella and I are actually going to go hang out in my music room for a little while." I explain to Alice. Her face fell slightly, and then she had a mischievous smile spread across her face. That is not a good thing for Alice. Once she has a plan, it is sure to be pure hell for the rest of us.
"Well then, on Saturday, we are going to have a small party at the house!" She exclaims.
"Fine, just as long as you don't bother us for the rest of the evening we will gladly attend your "party," as long as there are not a lot of people here." I resign to Alice. She would have gotten her way anyway, but at least I got the rest of the day with Bella.
"Good, now Bella, you will have to stay here on Saturday then. I want you here extra early though, I can't wait to play Bella Barbie!" Alice says over her shoulder as she sprints back up the stairs, presumably to her room. Bella still has a look of pure terror on her face and I couldn't help but laugh even more.
"You really don't need to be scared, besides I got us the rest of tonight for us to be together." I wink at her and her cheeks get the amazing red tint to them.
"Okay, so when I am subjected to the torture, that will be Bella Barbie, you will get to be relaxing in your room all night! That is not fair!" She fake yells at me. I just pull her close and give her a quick kiss and shut her up.
"Come on let's go to the music room. You can go play the guitar and show me what you wanted to earlier if you are still up for it." He said grabbing my hand and taking me upstairs.
A/N: There you have it! How was it? Good? Bad? Please leave me some reviews; I love them when I get them! And whoever reviews will get a preview of chapter 11, which will be posted hopefully no later than Friday, it is already written as well!