Chapter 14 – For the respect I have for him…
I sat down and looked at my wife. She picked up her book, I looked over and saw Thomas press his Ipod, and this song started. It was a slow soft song..starting with a piano
Esmeralda looked at me when the lyrics started…
Sabes amor, nunca te he olvidado,
Te recuerdo a cada noche,
Te recuerdo en cada estrella que siempre aparece.
Sabes amor, siempre te he recordado y te miro en cada flor,
Que el colibrií se ofrece,
Saber que yo siempre te encuentro, en cada pájaro que canta,
Y cuando amanece y anochece.
I translated the meaning to myself "do you know love that I have never forgotten you, I remember you every night…I remember you in every star that appears in night. Do you know love that I have always remembered you and I see you in every flower."
"what the hell?" I said and looked at my wife
"ignore it" Esmeralda said and smiled at me and looked back at her book
"no…you are not, pretending to read so…so why don't we do something more productive" I said and grabbed her book and pulled her neck towards me, I kissed her passionately, I opened my eyes in our kiss and saw Thomas's eyes were closed…I need him to see this. I hit him with the book. He opened his eyes…he looked at me kissing Esmeralda and he with tears in his eyes he forced a smile and gave me a thumbs up. A THUMBS UP!.What the hell! If I was him, I would go crazy…lose my mind but he smiled and gave me a thumbs up and then holding the book he closed his eyes again.
"no..no" Esmeralda said and pushed me
"I love you" I said and kissed her again but she moved her head
"no..it is not right, Thomas sitting next to me" she said
"his eyes are closed and he can't here us" I said and kissed her again..she moved her head and pushed my shoulders
"no Nathaniel, I love you but but..my other love sitting next to me" she said with tears in her eye
I just glared at her "don't look at me like that…you know why I stopped loving him perfectly well and and well you know I love you but for the respect that I have for Thomas, please I beg you to not kiss me again" Esmeralda finally said
"okay Muneca" I said
She smiled and said "and tonight I will dance for you"
I smiled and wanted to kiss her but I did not. "and your outfit?"
"well we are going to Dubai so.." she said and faced her seat. "my book" she said and then saw that Thomas had it in his hand..eyes closed.
She looked at me and raised one eyebrow. "didn't you take my book from me" she asked
SHIT! He will tell her that I hit him with it so he could open his eyes and see us kiss
"excuse me" Esmeralda said and tapped his shoulder.
Thomas opened his eye and took one ear plug out and looked at Esmeralda. "you have my book..why? how do you have it" she said
Thomas smiled and looking at me "you dropped it..I think..here" he said and gave it to Esmeralda. She took it and opened it.
Thomas looked at me and just smiled and put the headphone back in. Really….
This song started….
Que podre decirte en el corto tiempo
en que se vive una ilusión
que podre dejarte tan pegado al alma
que se quede alli en tu corazón
yo no pretendo enseñarte
lo que es el mundo me falta también
pero vale la pena disfrutar cada dia
porque me has regalado el privilegio de amarte
Di lo que sientas,
Haz lo que piensas
Da lo que tengas
Y no te arrepientas,
Y si no llega
Lo que esperabas,
No te conformes
Jamas te detengas.
Pero sobre todas las cosas,
Nunca te olvides de Dios
The meaning of the song was oh God…so Thomas. It is so Thomas…a girl and a man were singing togetheh It started of like this " What can I tell you during the short time when an illusion is lived? What can I leave you
so it can attach to your soul and that it will remain in your heart? I do not pretend to teach you What the world is, missing for me too But it's worthwhile to enjoy each day because you have given me the privilege to love you. Tell what you feel Do as you think
Give what you have and do not regret it. And if what you were awaiting does not come do not resign yourself Never stop.
But above all things. Never forget about God."
"GOD I HATE HIM" I said and growled
"Love it is just a song...it means nothing" Esmeralda said looking at her book
"really..he is says he has given himself the privilege of loving you and that is all he cares about" I said looking at her
Esmeralda signed and laughed. "no Muneca..it is not funny" I said, it really is not.
"Nathaniel..my Nathaniel" she said and touched my cheek "how can I make you understand that I only have eyes for you now and that I love you. Just you" she said and smiled at me
I just looked at her.."I want to kiss you" I said
"and..." she said
I gave her a quick kiss and she giggled. "I swear sometimes like you forget all that we have been through these past 40 plus years" she said and looked at her book
"oh never..those forty years have been the highlight of my life combined with my 28 years as a human that I spent with the man sitting next to you" I said and shook my head
"I sometimes wish you two could be friends...I have never seen you two as friends..always fighting for no reason" she said and turned her page
"oh we have a reason" I said and held her hand.
"the reasson is pointless because I love one man" she said looking at her book. I just looked at her "his name his Thomas" she said. "oh my GOD! Look at your face, damn it! It is like you did not hear me all this time. Wow...his name is Nathaniel" she said and laughed laughing. We looked at Thomas and his eyes were closed..no expression on his face.
"don't do that..that was not funny" I said and smiling I kissed her hand
"it was so worth it...your face Love" she said and kissed my hand that was holding hers. Another song started...
Everywhere is still
everything is restless in my heart
i hate the way this feels
suddenly i'm scared to be apart
the days are dark when you're not around
the air is getting hard to breathe
i wish that you would just put me down
i wish that i could go to sleep
loving you is suicide
i don't know should go or should i stay
i'm tryna to keep myself alive
knowing there's a chance it's all too late
but i heard you say you love me
that's the part i can't forget
and i wish that you come save me
cos i'm standing over the edge
"SHIT" I said to myself and looked at Thomas
"ignore" Esmeralda said reading her book
I listened to the song..
"it is not about me..or you, so just let him sleep..try to sleep" Esmeralda said and looked at me
should let you go
tell myself the things i need to hear
but my brain is why you're wrong
that's why i'm loving you when you're not here
feels like i drown in your every word
and every breath that's in between
somehow you got me where it really hurts
it's killing every part of me
loving you is suicide
i don't know should go or should i stay
i'm tryna to keep myself alive
knowing there's a chance it's all too late
but i heard you say you love me
that's the part i can't forget
and i wish that you come save me
boy cos i'm standing over the edge
loving you is suicide
and my world's about to break
and i... had as much as i can take
and love is a long way down
I looked at Thomas and then at Esmeralda "what" my wife asked me
"no…" I said and reached over to Thomas and pulled one of his headphones off. "what are you thinking about" I demanded
He just rolled his eyes and signed "mate..I am trying to sleep" he said
"no..you will not commit sucide…I will not allow it" I growled at him
"you know what…go screw yourself" he said
Esmeralda was just looking at him when he spoke and then to me when I spoke
"hey..hey, we may not talk and hate each other but if something happens to you, I am killing myself after you" I said looking dead in his eyes
"relax Nathaniel..I am a man that keeps his word" he said and then look at Esmeralda "his word" he said and put his headphones on.
Another song started…it was Spanish.
I just looked at Esmeralda and she raised her eyebrows at me. "would you seriously commit sucide if he did?" she asked
"yes" I said
"what the hell…what about me" she said and grabbed my hand and Thomas's hand. Thomas opened his eyes and he took his headphones off
"the both of you.." she said holding her my left hand, his right hand. "swear on my life that neither of you will commit suicide"
Thomas and I just looked at each other. "promise…if one of you dies, I will die too" she said
Thomas and I just looked at each other.
"swear" Esmeralda said looked at me.
"I swear" I said
She looked at Thomas "swear" she said to him
"who the hell do you think you are!...I don't care about you" Thomas said and pulled his hand from her gripp.
"please the both of you, let me sleep. I hate both of you and and I just want to sleep." He said put his music back on, even louder now.
Eyes closed he, started to open the bottom button of his dress shirt sleeves.
"okay..you don't care about me…give me the wedding ring I put in your hand. I am not wearing yours" she said
Thomas just looked at her.
"see" Esmeralda said and showed her hand "I am wearing the ring given to me by the man I love, I threw yours away" my wife said
Ummm that was a lie..I threw her ring into the ocean when I gave her her mother's necklace.. Did she just say this because she was angry that he said he did not care about her"
"give it" Esmeralda demanded.