Today is the day.
Yep, my period comes.
This is gonna suck hanging out in the jungle.
I stick in the Super Mumbo Jumbo tampon, provided by Edward, and start the morning by eating Eggos.
Cinnamon dresses me in water-proof, fire-proof, teeth-proof clothes.
They are tight as hell. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a yeast infection.
Mike, my mentor, whose tongue is now purple, gives me a last piece of advice. "There will be a bow and arrows. Do not get them. Head straight to the woods unarmed, unprotected, and hide. But make sure you look for water while running for your life. This still might not help, but do as I say. I am your mentor."
I shrug, and enter a clear glass cylinder. Cinnamon gives me the thumbs up. He licks his lips at Edward. Mike continues to sip on his Kool-Aid.
The countdown begins.
5.
4.
3.
7.
I told you I was dyslexic.
THGTHGTHGTHGTHG
When I enter to the top of the arena, I watch half of the tributes get slaughtered by Emmett.
This is gonna scar me for life.
I do exactly what I'm not supposed to do. I run for my weapon of choice.
I do so quickly, and manage to live.
Because if I died, this would be a short-ass story.
I race through the jungle, looking for water.
I find none. I look high, and I look low.
Then I pull out my iPhone and search Google Maps.
Oh, there it is.
I walk the fifteen meters and put water in my mug. It was provided by the Volturi. It has a picture of all of us characters.
It costs us $19.99, but we get an additional one free. Just pay shipping and handling.
I drink some water and climb a tree. The limbs are placed deliberately every two inches to make me appear as if I do this all the time.
I sleep in fear of my life.
I see Edward run by with the other tributes. He formed an alliance with them.
That bastard.
How dare he.
Now I will have to kill them all.
Right after I change my tampon.