Chapter: 7/?

Word Count: 3037

A/N: I'm sorry for the delay. It should have been longer, but I decided to split it in two parts. Go take a look to my Tumblr (noattentionspan89) for replies, notes and more. If you like what you read, please review. *Pouts*

This chapter's song is "No Light, No Light".

Enjoy and review.

Chapter VI

No Light, No Light (Part I)

New York, 12 September 2017

She leaned against the brick wall, a stream of smoke exiting her parted lips, head tilted up towards the sky. A cigarette dangled through shaking fingers, hashes falling gently to the ground. She tapped her foot against the concrete, trying to calm her frayed nerves. She often wondered why fate had such humor and why he always used it at her expenses. For a second pondered if the blonde had chosen this day on purpose, with the ultimate motive to hurt her. She quickly dismissed the thought as soon as it came. She couldn't be so revengeful; it wasn't in her nature.

Her tan skin glowed in the morning light accentuating her beauty and several people walking down the street stared at her in passing. She didn't notice it, busy crashing the butt of her cigarette to the ground with her heel. She turned to come back inside the shop when suddenly something crashed into her legs. She almost doubled over, but luckily managed to steady herself putting a hand to the wall. She looked down and scared blue eyes stared back at her. A little kid of five, six at most, had fallen down at her feet and was looking at her with tears glistening in his light blue eyes. She kneeled down, leaning her weight on the balls of her feet, and directed a warm smile in his direction.

"Hey, little guy. Are you ok?" She extended a hand in his direction, unsure on what to do.

"I'm not little!" He replied indignant. She smiled at his outburst.

"I'm lost." The expression on his face was so guilty that she couldn't help but take his hand gently in hers. "Come on. I'll help you find your mom. What do you say?"

The smile she received was almost blinding, dimples forming at the corners of his mouth, that she felt a pang in her heart. He nodded sending shaggy light brown ringlets over his eyes. Irritated he blew a breath through the corner of his mouth sending them flying in every direction. The gesture was so similar to one that she had seen another person repeat thousand of times that her chest constricted again.

She stood up and took his small hand in hers guiding him towards the general direction in which she had seen a police officer before. To keep him calm she tried to distract him with small conversation. "I'm Santana. What's your name?"

"I'm Tommy."

She gave him a warm look, before her gaze returned to wander around them. "It's a nice name." She gave up her research, being unable to watch over the people surrounding them, and cursed mentally at her height. "Tommy, it's cool if I raise you on my shoulders so you can look better?"

He nodded again and with ease, luckily he was scrawny, she lifted him over her head and put him in place. Santana held his hands between her own to make sure he didn't fell down while he glanced around. "Tell me when you see your mother or a police officer and I'll try to move us in that direction."

She felt his body move with his nod. "Careful, buddy, or you'll fall off."

"I told you my name is Tommy, not Buddy." He huffed.

She smiled in spite of herself, charmed by the kid.

"Look! She's there! Mom!" He shouted and waved his arms.

She held him tighter. "Wait. I'll put you down and walk in her direction, okay?" And with day she brought him back to the ground. The second his feet touched the concrete, he gripped her hand in his, dragging her in his excitement. A laugh escaped unbidden through full lips at such enthusiasm, trying to keep up and not lose him in the crowd.

When she heard a woman shout his name, she let go of his hand, following at a much slower pace. A tear fell slowly from her eye at seeing such a heartwarming scene. His mother's arms wrapped tightly around him engulfed Tommy's small frame and Santana could only smile at them from afar. After whispering in the boy's ear, the woman pushed herself upright and took his hand in hers.

Pulling his gaze away from her mother, the child found her smiling at them and, catching his mom's attention, gestured to her. "Santana helped me find you!"

"Really?" Another set of blue eyes turned to her.

The Latina took another couple of steps until she was in front of them and held a hand out for the other woman to shake. "Santana Lopez."

"Andrea Connor." The handshake was firm. "Thank you so much, Santana. I don't know what I would have done if…" She trailed off, looking troubled at the mere thought.

The brunette shook her head. "It was the least I could do. He's such a cutie."

He scowled at the compliment and crossed his arms. "I'm not cute. I'm handsome."

"Sorry. You're right." She amended with a smile threatening to lift her lips upwards. "Handsome."

He smiled brightly puffing his chest out in pride. "When he's no running around having a tantrum…" He deflated and whined. "Mooom!"

The two women had a laugh at his expenses, while he pouted.

"Here." Andrea fished a card from her purse. "These are my numbers and address. I'll call you so I can treat you to dinner as a thank you."

Santana tried to refuse, but it was impossible. A gentle hand stilled her arm. "Please, I insist."

With reluctance she accepted the piece of paper and when their hands brushed she noticed that her ring finger was empty. "Okay."

"I'll call you for the details. Say bye, Tommy."

The child left her mother's hand to give her a hug. "Bye-bye, Santana."

Her smile grew larger at the sweet gesture. "Bye, Tommy. Be good to your mother and don't run away again."

He nodded with energy. His mother took his hand in one of hers and made a little wave with her free one. "See you soon, Santana."

"Bye…" They turned in the other direction leaving the Latina whispering softly to their backs. "…Andrea."

She stayed rooted to the spot, staring at the space they just left, a bittersweet smile on her lips. How often she had envisioned a blue-eyed blonde with a kid so similar to Tommy, darker skinned and haired, but with eyes the same shade of cerulean of his mother, although she understood she would never be able to be inside a so beautiful picture.

You want to hold my hand

You are the space in my bed

You are the silence in between what I thought

And what I said

With a heavy heart she returned towards the bridal shop, said blonde glancing around for her on the front steps. When she noticed the brunette walking in her direction she ran in her direction and took her hand, dragging her with matching enthusiasm showed by the little boy she met mere minutes before.

Pale fingers intertwined with tan ones, until slipping away leaving only the pinkies linked together.

"I thought you had left, San." She pouted.

"Never, Britt-Britt." She squeezed her digit in reassurance. "There's nowhere else I would rather be." And added a smile to cement her answer.

"I need your opinion, I'm wavering between two dresses and I don't really know which one to choose."

"It's my job. I'm the best friend." And engulfed the dancer in a strong embrace hiding her broken expression from view or it would have betrayed her lie. Maybe if she repeated the sentence again and again she would start to believe it herself.

It was bittersweet helping the woman you love find her weeding gown, knowing you were only on the sideline of her happiness.

When Brittany left the stall with the second dress it felt as if time had stopped. She had never seen her so radiant, smile sparkling in the daylight and hair the color of the sun.

For a second she imagined a different future, another person waiting for the beautiful woman at the altar, but the shaking of her hands brought her back to the harsh reality. There was no future for her.

In her distraction the business card still held in her hand slipped through her fingers and landed at the blonde's feet. She bended to pick it up and handed it back to the Latina. The bride-to-be shot her a quizzical look, but the other woman was busy hiding the square of paper inside her bag. She also didn't notice the sudden flash of jealousy flashing through intense blue eyes. Maybe Santana wasn't the only one pretending.

At night, in the confines of her bedroom's walls Santana let her emotions run free. She was able to speak the untold truth that she could never say aloud. The truth that her heart longed to make heard. She could pour her soul to the darkness, knowing that it would keep it hidden from the outside world, and whisper her secrets to the ghosts and the shadows surrounding her. The bliss that came with dreaming never lasted long. As always she woke up trembling, tears flowing copiously down unusually pale cheeks. Her hand touched subconsciously cold sheets searching for something that hadn't been there in a long time. When she realized what she was doing, the bed somehow felt even bigger and colder than before. She was alone with her demons.

You are the nighttime fear

You are the morning when it's clear

When it's over you'll start

You're my head

You're my heart

The hardest parts however weren't the nightmares or the memories of her past. No, it was when the morning light filtered through the blinds, illuminating the room and chasing away her ghosts. Because she could live with them, they made her feel less alone. It was the moment of realization that she had to face another day without her heart. She had given it away a long time ago in a pond in Lima and once she did she knew she would never be able to get it back. If only it didn't hurt this much…

New York, November 2016

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes

I never knew daylight could be so violent

A revelation in the light of day

You can choose what stays and what fades away

She was frozen. Her breath stuck in her throat. She didn't blink, she didn't move. Unmistakable blue eyes stared back at her. Her heart stopped pounding for a second and then it bled with every beat it took at the cold glint in those crystal orbs. She blinked and when she opened her eyes again the blonde had disappeared, swallowed by the throng of people.

On shaky legs she walked the few meters separating her from the nearest closed door, luckily it opened under the pressure of her hand at the first try. She slipped inside and leaned against it, closing it. Cold sweat covered her head and the tremors running through her body showed no signs of stopping. She slid to the ground and wrapped her arms around her knees in hopes of keeping her body still.

It had gotten worse. She had yearned to have more time. Oh, the things she whished…But it seemed the clock was clicking much more quicker than how it was supposed to. This somehow, in a kind of contorted way, made her feel better. This confirmed the choice she made was the only acceptable option.

She tried to repeat to herself that, but the hurt at the cold stare she received didn't lessen. Those eyes had pierced her chest like a sword and cut her heart in two.

Her head started pounding too; reminding her it was time to head home. In her bedroom she could wallow in self-pity all the time she wanted.

She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and used the back of her hands to dry her cheeks. Thank God for waterproof mascara or else she would have been a true mess. Putting a mask of indifference back in place she reentered the party, determined to get away from it all in the shortest time possible.

Scanning the room for the easier escape route she noticed Berry talking to someone with a frantic expression on her face. She was moving her hands wildly as she tried to plead her interlocutor. From the position she was in Santana couldn't see whom the shorter girl was talking to, but she decided to take pity on her and make up an excuse to avoid a scene. The small Jew had always had a flair for theatrics.

She was almost to her side when Rachel turned and spotted her. Santana responded to the wide-eyed look the other girl was sporting with a quizzical expression. For once she wanted to make a good action…

She directed a smile in her direction and addressed the other person. "Hey, Rachel. Could I borrow her for a-" The words died in her throat and the smile slid from her lips.

"Britt…" She whispered. Suddenly the strange look she received before and Berry's fury at finding her at the party made sense. She knew Brittany would make an appearance during the night.

"Santana." If the stare she stood under was cold her name was stated without an ounce of emotion. Shivers ran down her back, chilling her to the core.

She swallowed the cry that tried to escape from her lips and with a calmness she didn't feel in the least she spoke the first words to the blonde after all these years; after all those horrible lies.

"How are you?"

"Never been better." Another stab to her heart. "And you?"

"Good. I'm good." The lump in her throat was getting bigger by the second. "So…What are you doing here?" It had never been that difficult talking to her best friend.

A flash of irritation passed behind blue eyes. "I came to compliment Rachel. She was wonderful on the stage." For once the diva took the praise silently, trying to make herself smaller. "And she's also such a good friend."

The stab was deserved, so the Latina took the pent-up resentment without uttering a word.

"I wouldn't know. But if she hadn't changed since high school, I would say so…" Santana cleared her throat.

The lack of reaction seemed to enrage Brittany even more. Santana had never seen the dancer so furious, especially towards her.

"You can't-" The blonde started but she immediately stopped when the brunette's hands shot out to engulf one of hers. She threw daggers at their intertwined fingers and tugged hard to free her pale ones from the Latina's dark hands. Santana let them fall lifelessly at her sides.

"Can we talk?" She asked.

"We are talking." Brittany replied stubbornly, hard gaze never wavering.

"Please." Her pleading seemed to weaken that cold exterior, cold blue eyes warming for a second before becoming guarded again.

"Okay."

Santana exhaled a breath she didn't realize she was holding. A bit of warmth touched her lonely soul.

"Can we go somewhere else?" Even if her original plan was shot to hell it didn't mean the situation couldn't improve. This way she could at least apologize for how she had treated the blonde. She could gain some kind of closure.

"No."

The short answer stunned the brunette for a second.

"I wanted to apologize and it's a long story, so here is not the bes-"

"I can't." If Santana's ramble was unusual the dancer's strong refusal was even stranger.

Now she was getting desperate. "I kno-" Brittany shook her head willing her to understand wordlessly.

The arm that wrapped around the blonde's shoulders stopped her from saying more. "Hey, baby." A soft kiss was dropped to the crown of Brittany's hair. "Here's your drink." The guy looked around. "Where's Rach?"

The blonde shrugged. They hadn't even noticed the diva's departure, too caught up in each other. He spotted the Latina. "Hi, I'm Jake." And extended his arm towards her.

"Santana." She rasped; voice lost at the image in front of her. His hand was warm and sure in her clammy one.

"How do you know my Britty?" She mentally cringed at the possessive tone and at the nickname; when they were teenagers the blonde hated it, but now she didn't comment on it as if it was a common occurrence and had gotten used to it.

"We were in Glee Club together."

"Really?" He seemed surprised.

"Yeah. We joined together with Quinn." The Latina added.

He seemed even more puzzled than before. "I thought…" He shook his head. "Never mind. I have the worst memory. So you were a cheerleader too?"

"Yeah. Didn't Brittany tell you?"

The blonde interjected. "No. We weren't that close. I forgot to mention it."

The blow took her breath away. Santana understood the need to not mention the past, but hearing it stated so coldly and with such a detached tone hurt more than she believed possible.

Jake looked at her girlfriend with a surprised air as if he couldn't recognize the usually sweet girl.

The Latina gave a fake laugh to diffuse the tension. "Yeah. It happens. Glee Club was a large bunch."

Brittany realizing her mistake posed a gentle hand on his muscular arm and turned her attention towards him. "I'm really tired. It's better if we go." Then she addressed the brunette. "Sorry, Santana. It's has been a long day. We'll catch up another time" And with a last meaningful glance she spun to leave.

"Bye, Santana. It has been a pleasure meeting you." He said, before guiding the blonde away with a hand on her back.

Santana was left there alone in the midst of nameless people with a heavy heart and a thousands apologies stuck on her tongue. That wasn't how she imagined this encounter to go. At all.

Once stepping on the sidewalk outside she let her tears fall. Tightening her coat around her in the cold night air she made her way home. She didn't notice a pair of sad chocolate eyes observing her from the balcony.