Chapter Two is up! I hope you all enjoy… I know, I know. Tense is a very confusing thing for me, but I try. I originally wanted to make this kinda present tense but as I continued I realized that it's just easier to write in past tense. Who knows what I'll do next time? Hehe. Well, enjoy!
Carter was clinging to me as I moved through the Normandy with an irritable James on my heels. "What the hell's going on? Where's Anderson? Where are we going?" James demanded not even glancing at Carter as I hurried on. He stopped, obviously fed up with unanswered questions. "Hey!"
I glance behind me but keep walking. "We're leaving."
"Leaving?" he asked so shocked his voice nearly cracks. I don't satisfy him with a reply, instead I take control of the computer near Kaidan.
The seriousness of the situation hits Kaidan immediately. "What's going on?" he asks much more calmly than James, but the concern still evident. For some reason I find myself replying to him easier.
"Anderson wants us to go to the Citadel, get help for the fight," I explain.
"Bullshit!" James snapped causing Carter to cling to me tighter. "He wouldn't order us to leave!"
My posture straightens as I squeeze the little boy's hand. The leader inside of me comes out, but with enough emotion to make him understand that I hate this as well. But this wasn't the time to argue; there was too much to do. "Don't you think I'd rather stay and fight? But without help this war is already over!"
James takes a threatening step towards me that immediately grinds my nerves. In the time I had known him never had he struck me as the insubordinate type, yet there he was challenging my every step.
"Then you can drop me off at the nearest depot, because I'm not leaving!"
All I can do is speak through gritted teeth so I don't snap right there. "I get it, you don't want to go. But this isn't the time to fight me! We are on the same side and if we don't find more to fight alongside us, this is done!"
I don't bother trying to argue any farther, instead I turn back to the screen.
"Commander!" a voice calls breaking my concentration.
"Joker?" I ask utterly surprised, but just the sound of a familiar voice made me smile. "Is that you?"
"Alive and kicking!" The smile in his voice is evident, but it quickly changes back to business. "I have an emergency transmission from Admiral Hackett for you."
"Patch it through," I reply leaning into the screen more.
The transmission is broken up and it's difficult to understand but I get the general idea: Earth is in bad shape without help. Nothing I didn't already know.
"I'm already on my way to the Citadel, Anderson's orders." I reply, ready to go on to tell him that I know the priority mission.
"First I need you-outpost on Mars- Before we lose control of the systems. -been researching Prothean archives there with Dr. T'Soni. -Found a way to stop the reapers. -Only way to stop them. -In contact soon. Hackett out."
All I can do is nod as static fills the screen just before it goes blank. I inhale deeply then raise my blank gaze to directly ahead. "Joker, set our path to Mar's Archives."
"Mars?" Kaidan asked blinking.
"Yeah, Mars," I replied. I move across the room to the gear. I pick up the my helmet and ran my hand over the familiar N7. Holding that armor again increases my heart rate. The mix of emotion that I never had time for sprang to my stomach.
A little hand reached out and touched the armor as well. "Do I get to go?" he asked looking up at me.
I shook my head and kneeled to his level. "Afraid not, little man. You're going to have to stay on this ship. But don't worry, Edi and Joker will look after you." I look up, almost as though I am talking to the heavens. "Isn't that right Edi?"
"Of course Commander Shepard. Though I have no experience in child rearing I will be sure to study up in my free time," the electronic voice replied.
Carter didn't looked completely convinced. "What about you?" he asked. "Who's going to take care of you?"
Kaidan stepped in from behind me and put a hand on my back. The mere closeness brought back many memories from the first time we touched, even the pain of Horizon. But I wouldn't trade any of it. Kaidan was the one thing that kept me fighting those years ago. Now I had another person to fight for.
"Don't worry about her," he teased. "She can take care of herself, but just in case she needs some help I'll be there to be sure she makes it out okay."
Carter looked up at Kaidan and nodded yet he didn't look completely convinced. He looked more closely at what Kaidan was wearing and suddenly relaxed a little more. "You're Allience? My dad was Allience." His eyes fell to the ground and suddenly afraid to look up at either of us. "But he died."
I know his story isn't unique in anyway but it still hurts me. Burns me even. To think of the short life this boy has had and the pain he has already gone through and now the world is literally crashing down around him. All I wanted to do was fix it, tell him that this was all a bad dream and when he awoke tomorrow, he'd be back on Earth safe in his bed. Perhaps the worst feeling of all was knowing that if I didn't make it through this all, another fraction of his life would be taken away. Yet if I failed, if the reapers won, it didn't matter.
The universe's last hope. I never asked to be this person, but it was who I was and who I had to be.
Kaidan touched my shoulder, a simple jester that told me he knew what was running through my brain and reminding me that he was there. He was ready to stand beside me like he had so many years ago. Granted there were many things that we still have inbetween us, but both of us remember that night before Saren. The night I will not soon forget.
"I'm going to take him to the observation deck and put a vid on for him. Let him get settled on the couch and maybe get some sleep," I tell Kaidan wanting to ignore my professional obligations and fall into his comforting arms.
He nodded in reply as I reached out for Carter and guided him to the elevator. He clings so tightly to my hand I almost wonder if he is afraid of the enclosed space, but as we arrived on the floor he only clung tighter.
I walk down the hall, past the crew sleeping quarters and into the observation deck. It's by far the most child-friendly area of the ship, though I'm not sure if I am qualified to determine child-friendliness. As I attempt to let go of his hand to turn on a vid, he only clings tighter.
It was then that I realized what he was truly afraid of. This child had already lost his father and his home had been destroyed before his very eyes. Everything this boy had was gone and I was the only thing that was willing to hold on to him, to pull him out of that crawl space, to care. In one day this child's life was destroyed.
I look down into the frightened grey-blue eyes and knee to his level. The fear and pain were etched so clearly in his eyes it hurt me more than I would like to admit. I was supposed to be tough Commander Shepherd, but this boy made me see things it hurt me to see.
His eyes dropped to his feet as he stepped closer to me. "Jane?" The mere tone brought shivers down my spine. I wanted to protect him from the world and I couldn't.
"Yes, sweet heart?" I reply giving him my full attention.
"My mom is dead too isn't she? Carter's entire body began to tremble as his hands wrapped around his body, as though trying to hug his own pain away. Tears shimmered in the light as he raised his gaze to mine. "She told me to run and then there was this red light and I didn't see her anymore…"
My own tears threaten to fall as his little chin quivered. "She's with Dad, isn't she? And Dad was in the Alliance and he died and you're in the Alliance…" His words were speeding up now and tears were falling faster.
I pull him against me and shush him gently. His arms wrap around my neck and he buries his damp face into my neck as sobs erupt from his body.
"I'm coming back, don't worry. Kaidan and James have my back. They'll be sure we all come back." I stroke his soft hair until he pulls back and looks at me. His eyes are puffy and blood shot while his cheeks are blotched with tears. Slowly I raise one hand and cup his cheek. "Carter, I'm coming back, but you need to stay here and listen to Edi and Joker. Okay?"
My fingers wipe away a few stray tears that continue to fall and I press my lips to his forehead. I thought back to the time my mother came home from a mission and my father didn't. The terrible memory of her holding me and wiping away my tears as I mourned my father. I was going to be there for him. I was going to protect him from all the terrible things in the world. At least I was going to try.
Carter swallowed hard and nodded. "You're coming back," he said strongly.
"I'm coming back, and when I do you and I are going to the Citadel. We'll talk to the council and then we'll explore. You and me." I took both his hands in mine and squeezed them tightly.
As I put my armor on, I felt suddenly distraught about leaving the boy in such an unstable condition. But having him up there waiting for me gave me even more of a reason to come out of all of this alright. Him, and the man standing next to me also loading his gun.
Hope you all like that chapter! Be sure to review! It always makes me more determined to make time to write when I get you're lovely reviews. Thank you! Love, Marilynn.