Chapter 4 is finally up. Sorry, I've been really busy and been bouncing between stories as well as homework. I hope you guys enjoy! Oh and hey! You should check out my other ME story. "The Lost Girl".

Chapter 4

Carter clung to my hand as the medics rolled Kaidan away. When I didn't immediately follow, he looked up at me. "Are we not going too?" Carter asked.

Liara answered for me. "We have to speak to the Council."

James nodded behind her. "Right."

The big blue eyes widened more than I had ever seen them as we neared the balcony. The hustle and bustle of the Citadel was unlike anything else in the galaxy, I would know. He grabbed the railing and went up on his tiptoes to get a better look over the railing. Somehow, even in the cautious I found myself smiling at his excitement.

I took a step closer to him and joined him admiring the view. The Citadel truly was amazing.

"Commander Shepard. Got word you were arriving." Immediately I turned around to see an old ally with a knowing smile.

I took a step toward him and offered out my hand with he took with a certain authority that I could respect. "Captain Bailey. Good to see you again."

He seemed to nearly smirk at this as Carter appeared between us watching him curiously. He was really beginning to adapt to this new life quickly, embracing the uniqueness rather than fearing it.

Bailey, like most, ignored him. "You too, though it's 'commander' now."

I stared at him for a moment analyzing the way he spoke. The new title didn't seem welcomed. I raised my eyebrow. "Congratulations?"

Liara seemed to try to distract Carter by pulling him out of between me and Bailey and directing his attention to a flashy shuttle flying by. All I could manage was a nod for a thank you as Bailey continued.

"Uh, thanks. Now half my job is dealing with political bullshit and escorting dignitaries around," he looked up at me and gave me a smirk. "No offense."

Maybe the years just hadn't been kind to Bailey, but I didn't remember him being so cranky. The dry humor was enough to make me realize that at least I was on his good side.

I gave him a small smile. "None taken. So you're here to bring us to the council?"

Bailey merely turned around and I waved Liara and the others to follow. Carter fell into step beside me as the James and Liara followed behind.

"I'm here to tell you that the council is expect you but they're dealing with their own… problems. With the war and everything. They apologize for the inconvenience, and blah, blah, blah… meet them here at Udina's office. They'll be ready soon enough."

I groaned inwardly. Of course, that's the classic council. "Alright." I glanced down at Carter, he wasn't going to want to sit around and wait. Telling him we were going to have to put off exploring even longer didn't exactly seem like it was going to be easy to tell him.

Bailey caught my glance and smiled at Carter. "Cute kid, didn't know you had one."

The small smile that appeared on my lips as James picked up the little boy to a better view of the picture of the old council and the boy trying to guess what kind of aliens they were. He guess the Asari and Salarians but the others were a mystery to him.

"Kind of a new thing," I replied feeling almost a little stupid for the amount of affection I had for the child.

Bailey raised his eyebrow. "Don't worry commander. You're secret is safe with me. As many people as you pissed off in this galaxy, it's a wonder you don't keep him locked up somewhere."

I blinked at him. I honestly hadn't stopped and thought about it yet, but he was right, very right. There was a line of people, mercenaries, hell just plain dumb asses that would love to hurt me in some form or another and before I didn't have a weakness, now I did. Now I had Carter.

Regret filled my body. How stupid could I be? Did I really just open my heart and place a target on the boy's head? It felt like it. Then again, there was a war going on that many people believed only I could end. Would this make them less likely to attack?

I must have kept my emotions hidden with a stone face because Bailey only shrugged it off. "You probably have time to go by the medical center, if you want to check on progress over there."

All I could do was nod and thank him as he disappeared into his office. Carter smiled brightly up at me and pointed to a krogan that was walking by. "Janey, what that?" he asked curiously, and also perhaps bluntly.

Janey, hmm, Mom used to call me that… I thought as I took his hand pulled it down. "That's a krogan. They're not exactly the friendliest of aliens, and it's rude to point." The moment I added the last part I realized my jump into guardianship. Somehow I had just turned into my mother. Not that it was a bad thing, considering my mother was one of the toughest soldiers I knew and she taught me the best way to live my life.

"What do you say you and I grab something to eat and then we go see Kaidan?" I glanced over my shoulder at Liara and James. "Why don't you guys go explore? There's really no point you following me around."

Both of them nodded a politely dismissed themselves. Carter clung to my hand as I we walked past a small restaurant. We took a seat inside and much to my surprise Carter slid in beside me in the booth. A young human waitress came up almost immediately.

"Hello, my name is Katara, can I start you off with one of famous lemonades? They say it taste just like it does on Earth," she said pleasantly. I could already tell that she had most likely never been to Earth but she at least did enjoy the drink.

"Lemonade?" I asked Carter who nodded vigorously. "We'll take two."

The waitress nodded and hustled away. Carter was looking over my shoulder at the holographic menu, every once and a while touching a selection that showed us an image of the actual meal. Finally he decided on a burger and I decided on a chicken salad. After all, Anderson had made it clear to me earlier that I needed to get back into shape.

When the waitress arrived with our food Carter watched me with his usual observing eyes, every once and a while taking a bite of his burger and fries. I offered him a bite of my salad which he cautiously accepted, but after swallowing scrunched his face and stuck out his tongue.

"My mom's not coming back, is she?" he asked so suddenly I nearly choked on a bite of my salad. "Because the bad aliens got her right?"

I frowned at him. The truth was his mother could still be alive. There was always a chance, but the possibility was extremely thin. I hated to admit it but this boy was now alone, except for me. He had me.

"Sweetie, I don't know, but I'm going to be here for you okay? I'll take care of you."

We ate in mostly silence, every once and a while Carter would look up at me and ask me a question but nothing very serious. When he was finally finished, I laid credits on the table and offer the little boy my hand. It was time to go see Kaidan.

As I walked into the medical bay, Carter clung to my hand. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar face watching me curiously. Doctor Chakwas.

"Shepard, there you are," she said as though expecting me. Then again, I suppose she was.

"Doctor Chakwas. You're here?" I replied shocked, but happy to see an old friend's face.

She shrugged. "I'm working at an Alliance R&D lab down at Sheko Wards. Coordinating closely with Admiral Hackett. I heard you escaped Earth in the Normandy and that someone was critically injured. I came as fast as I could." She looked down at Carter and smiled. "I always picture you with a kid, but I don't recall you ever mentioning him."

I raised an eyebrow. Yes, technically I could have had a child before I met Chakwas, but even I wouldn't be able to hide a child for several years. Plus, Chakwas had access to my medical records.

"You know me," I played casting a small smile in her direction, "always full of surprises." I cleared my throat and glanced toward the main hospital. "Have you heard anything about Kaidan?"

"He's doing very well, all things considered. I'm impressed with his resilience," she smiled, if only for my benefit.

"You know, you belong on Normandy's medical bay and not in some lab," I replied absentmindedly running a hand over Carter's smooth hair.

She caught my drift and stood a little straighter. "You say the word and I'm back with you on the Normandy."

I extended my hand towards her. "The Normandy wouldn't be the same without you, Doctor. Get your things. Docking bay D24."

She took it. "Yes commander, and thank you."

I shook my head and looked down at Carter who was listening patiently. He looked up and met my gaze with beautiful eyes. The things he had seen the day before hidden somewhere behind them.

"Don't thank me just yet," I replied almost gravely before looking up to her with a near mischievous smile. "Remember, Joker's still aboard."

There was a small chuckled that escaped her. "And I'd be surprised if he's been remembering his medication."

I laughed softly as she shook her head and walked away. In a way, I needed that. The small part of normalcy before I experience the hell that roared in every direction. A large part of it laid in a bed only yards away.

Carter grabbed a hold of my shirt as I lead the way to Kaidan's room. The door slid open silently as I held in some sort of hope that he was going to be okay. That he was going to wake up and be my Kaidan again. But right then, he wasn't going to.

He looked so weak. His eyes bruised underneath and the paleness of his face made me hurt. Slowly I approached him, finding his hand and carefully squeezing it. Be okay.

Carter stepped in between me and the bed and laid his hand on top of both of ours. "Do you love him?" the little boy asked simply, as though it was an everyday type of question.

My gaze never left Kaidan's face. "Yes, very much. I love him more than I could even tell you." Without thinking, my grip tightened around Kaidan's hand. "That's why you have to wake up!" I snapped harshly at the unconscious body before me. "You have you fight! You have you be okay. This galaxy needs you. I need you."

Hot tears burned behind my eyes. I wanted to scream at him and cry into his chest. I wanted to be able to be the weak one, just for a second, but I couldn't. I never was allowed to be weak. No, weak was too human for a spectre. But I was human. I was hurting. And I hated the universe for taking everything from me.

Don't you dare take him away from me too. Ashley, the best friend I ever had, you took from me. You've killed me and brought me back, but if you take Kaidan I will give up this fight. I will spend the rest of my living days reminding myself what living is actually like.

"Janey?" Carter tugged on my clothing looking up to me with concerned eyes.

I forced a smile and looked back at Kaidan. "I don't know if you can hear me, but…" I trailed off. He couldn't tell me to get the hell out at the moment either, but I decided against it in front of Carter. Instead, I cleared my throat and placed my other hand on Kaidan's arm.

"Don't die, Kaidan. You've got to fight. We need you in this." My voice caught slightly. "Seeing you in action, reminding me you're one hell of a soldier. The Alliance could sure use you." I stopped and looked down as a tear trickled down my cheek. "I could use you."

Arms wrapped around my waist and a face buried itself in my stomach.

Wake up, Kaidan. I need you more than ever.

*So what do you think? Please review! Love always, Marilynn Rae.