A/N: My thanks to everyone who has reviewed the story so far you keep me writing and to those I have not replied to I am sorry. I'm also sorry for the long break since the last update but my life has gone to hell in a hand basket.

Chap 5 - Was I meant to feel happy, That my life was just about to change

Christmas Eve 1999 (four months after the party)

"I said no Ron. Nothing's changed." Her voice was frim and unyielding as she stared into the semi darkness, her eyes never leaving Ron's. The weak afternoon light shone through the small window in the chicken shed fighting to illuminate the gloom.

"How can you say that! You're pregnant Hermione, pregnant with MY kid." Ron's voice exploded from him causing the chickens scattered around their feet to take fright. Clucking madly they surged around the room, looking for escape as the humans ignored them.

"I don't want to get married to you Ron, that hasn't changed." Despite her determination to stay calm Hermione could feel her patience beginning to fray. She crossed her arms, the thick woollen fabric of her outer traveling robes warming her fingers up.

"Then we'll move in together, and start dating until you do want to marry me." Frustration seemed to radiate from him as they stood facing one another.

"No Ron. I'm sorry but I can't be anything to you other than a friend." The run down shed didn't allow for much distance between them and Hermione wished she could step back.

"Nothing but a friend?" Disbelief rang in his words. "We've fought You Know Who together, you lost your virginity to me, and you're the mother of my child! WE'RE A LOT MORE THAN BLOODY FRIENDS!" Ron's hands ran through his hair as he pulled great gasps of air into his lungs.

He just couldn't understand how this had happened. Ron stared into the face of the woman he loved, not believing that she wouldn't marry him.

"Look I know that night, I was a bit over zealous and wasn't any good. But I talked to Bill about things, and he explained how I should have spent more time on the, you know, foreplay. I can do better, next time I'll be better. Please 'moine I love you."

"You spoke to your brother about that night?" Hermione's arms fall to her side as her eyes widened. How could he have done that? How was she meant to face Bill again knowing Ron had told him details about her.

"Yeah." He shrugged his shoulders "I had to understand what I did wrong." The total lack of comprehension was unbelievable. Every time she thought she truly understood how little emotional capacity Ron had, he proved he had less.

Hermione held her head in her left hand, her hair falling around her. Cutting her off from the world for a moment as she fought to accept the fact her first experience of sex was a topic of conversation. It only solidified her belief in the decision she had come to about the child.

"Ron you didn't do anything wrong, I'm not in love with you. And I'm not going to move in with you." She just had to make sure he understood this wasn't something he could change her mind on.

Ron threw his hands up in the air.

"You're pregnant Hermione, P R E G N A N T. you have no job, no money and your family are still somewhere in Australia with no memory of you! See sense, if you don't want to sleep together fine, but give us a chance, at least for the sake of the baby." Ron's hands were gripping Hermione's shoulders lovingly, his thumbs rubbing small circles against her woollen robes. And for a moment Hermione wavered, would it really be so bad? Wouldn't it be better for the baby to have both of them?

Hermione's eyes focused on Ron's shoulder, she could let herself sink in to his embrace, rest her head on that jumper covered shoulder and let herself be taken care of. Slowly Ron leaned in his solid lips gently pressing against hers.

She felt nothing.

No spark, no joy, not even mild pleasure. The kiss was flat and empty, lacking even the comfort that a kiss between family provided. Pulling away, Hermione turned her back on Ron, choosing instead to stare out the open door towards the bungalow. A cold wind whistled past, thick clouds drifted across the sky obscuring the rapidly fading sunlight. Hermione wrapped her arms around, there was a chance it would snow tonight making for a magical snow covered Christmas. The whole of the Weasley clan was there, enjoying a firewhiskey and trading stories as the wireless played Christmas carols. A perfect Christmas, and she was about to ruin it.

"I'm sorry Ron. I've made my decision. Why don't you take a few minutes while I go explain things to your family." She ignored the numbing cold creeping into her fingers, Hermione could almost hear Molly's voice calling her a cold bitch. Without waiting for an answer the bushy haired witch began walking towards the Weasley family home.

Ron stood and watched as everything he wanted in his life walked away from him. Tears ran down his face lacking the will or strength to wipe them away he let them fall where they may. He had always assumed Hermione telling him she was pregnant would be one of the best days of his life. Now he wondered how much firewhiskey it would take for him to wipe this day from his memory.

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Hermione pushed open the battered wooden door of the bungalow, her heart pounding so hard she wasn't sure it wasn't about to give out on her. Taking a deep breath of the pine scent air to try and calm her nerves she pushed forward into the living room. Dropping her hand into her pocket she clutched at the powder there. The fine gritty substance dug into the grooves of her hand, grounding her, giving her something to focus on other than the bile twisting in her stomach.

The scene that greeted her in the living room belonged on a hallmark card. A fire crackled merrily consuming the wood within the grate, and pushing back the winter chill. Arthur sat in a chair next to Molly, their hands entwined as soft, warbling carols wrapped around the room. Firelight reflected and sparkled off the shiny ornaments decorating the large pine tree whose traditional, (at least by Weasley family standards), gnome fairy brushed the ceiling.

In front of the tree, Percy and George sat by a small table building a house of cards with what looked suspiciously like exploding cards. Charlie watched them, his face alight with mirth. One half of the sofa was taken up with Harry and Ginny, the other half by Bill. His wife, Fleur sat on his lap her hands playing with the ends of his long hair. Hermione stood and stared at them all, soaking up the moment, all so perfect, all so happy. She didn't belong, she never had. She was broken.

Harry turned to meet her, his brow creasing, and he tightened the arm wrapped around Ginny. Everyone else's gaze was soon trained on her. Molly's excited eyes lost their sparkle as she saw the expression on Hermione's face. That was not the face of a woman who was here to inform them she had changed her mind and accepted their son's marriage proposal.

Walking to the front of the fire Hermione cleared her throat, forcing her head up and her shoulders back. The weight of everyone's gazes settled on her, she could feel her knees threatening to give way beneath her. She stood frozen until George cleared his throat. "Going to tell us what the news is love?"

Woodenly Hermione nodded. She had practiced several speeches, but it seemed her memory to betray her. She couldn't remember a fucking word of them. Self-disgust rose in her, how pathetic, she really hadn't changed since that first year of Hogwarts, scared she would fail a test. Finally Hermione's jaw unlocked and the words spilled forth.

"I'm pregnant with Ron's child. I'm not getting back with him, I'm leaving the country." With that Hermione turned her back on the stunned faces and threw the floo powder into the fire. She whispered the words "Leaky Cauldron" as she stepped into the green flames and span away from the silent room.

Not even bothering to brush the soot from her robes, Hermione walked quickly towards the bar. Tom seeing her coming nodded and limped towards the end of the bar. As he passed her the small satchel which contained everything she owned Hermione felt herself relax marginally.

"Thanks for looking after this for me Tom." Reaching into her pocket she retrieved a galleon and handed it over.

"No problem miss, no problem." He beamed a wide toothy smile up at her.

Nodding goodbye Hermione quickly made her way towards muggle London, knowing it wouldn't be long before she was followed. She wondered how Ron would take it when he learned she had left the country. Stepping into the rundown street she watched the sunset blaze across London. Checking no one was watching, she turned sharply on the spot, disappearing with barely a sound.

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The fire in the Leaky Cauldron flared and Harry Potter stepped out, concern and worry evident on his face. Seconds after he left the fire, he was joined by Ginny Weasley.

"Tom, Tom." The old proprietor turned towards them surprised to find himself so busy on Christmas eve. Most of Diagon Ally had closed for the day at noon with shoppers already home and huddled round their fires.

"Master Harry, what can I do for you?"

"Have you seen Hermione Granger?" Harry's voice was almost frantic, and Tom raised his eyebrows wondering just what was going on.

"Only a few moments ago, she headed out into muggle London." At his words Harry began striding out the door.

"Did she have any luggage with her? Or meet up with anyone?" The young woman's voice was much calmer but the concern for her friend shone in her eyes.

"Just the satchel she left with me earlier in the day." Ginny's shoulders dropped, she knew now her friend was gone.

"There's no sign of her. She must have apparated, we should head to her flat. We can probably catch up with her." Harry said as he made his way back to his girlfriend.

Ginny shook her head. "She's gone Harry."

"We don't know that."

"She picked up a bag while she was here, you know how she can pack. Hermione's already left for wherever she's going." Harry pulled her into a hug, both of them needing to feel the reassurance of the other.

"God Harry what if something happens to her?" Her muffled words spoken into his shoulder made Harry hold her tighter.

"She's the smartest witch we know, she'll be ok." He buried his head in his girlfriend's neck and desperately hoped that the friend who had never deserted him would be alright. God what was Hermione thinking?

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Hermione breathed in the frozen Romanian air as she rested for a moment. Hermione had taken this route a few months ago during her first trip to search for her parents. Lacking the funds for a muggle plane ticket, she had explored magical means of making the 10,000 mile journey.

Broom travel was out, Hermione doubted she could last ten miles never mind 10,000. The knight bus didn't leave the country, and the way to floo out was through the ministry which required permissions and forms stating your destinations. In which case she may as well have invited Ron along. The Sunshine Boat regularly left port in Dover and travelled all over the world but the cost was almost as bad as a plane ticket. Which left only apparition.

It had been surprising to learn the ministry recommended that no one apparated further than 200 miles due to an increase in the chances of magical exhaustion and splinching. It also became more difficult to correct the effects and reattach any missing body parts. During her time on the run Hermione had regularly apparated further than that - often side along apparating Harry and Ron. And she had been confident that apparating much larger distances posed no real risk to her safety.

Several experiments later and Hermione found that she could apperate nearly 2,000 miles and feel only mildly tired. It had meant she could make it to Australia in six apparitions - water got in the way forcing an extra apparition. Sighing Hermione gathered her power and disappareated before any immigration wizards arrived. Being caught entering the country without permission would probably result in her spending Christmas in a jail cell.

Hopscotching across the continent Hermione made it to Thailand. Feeling weary down to her bones Hermione decided to rest for a few hours. Luckily Thailand was much less concerned with traveling witches and wizards, so there would be no visit from irate immigration officials. It had taken her perhaps an hour to make it half way across the world, add in the time difference and it was now a few minutes into Christmas day. Heading out on to the quiet streets Hermione made a bee line for one of the many hostels aimed at backpackers. It looked clean and welcoming but more importantly it was nearby. Her body ached, the stress of the day weighing her down and she tried to push away the memories of Ron's broken face.

"Merry Christmas! Welcome, you need a room? We have good rates, best around." The small Thai woman behind the counter grinned, her eyes sparkling happily.

"Do you accept US dollars?" Hermione had found a surprising number of places accepted them. She pulled her father's old wallet from the inside of her cloak, her fingers caressing the worn leather fondly, mentally checking the amount of money.

"Of course, of course. How many nights you want to stay?"

"Just the one night please."

"Ok $30."

Too tired to haggle Hermione handed over her money and followed the kind woman into the hostel eagerly. A few hours rest and she would be in Australia searching for her parents. Her right hand rested over her belly, soon we'll find your grandparents and everything will work out I promise.

However it wasn't thoughts of her parents that lulled her to sleep, but memories of a soft Scottish burr and laughing emerald eyes.