Chapter 9

'The most important thing you have to know, is how to protect other people when you're transforming. Everyone has got to find his or her own way. It really depend on the situation, of course. When I was at Hogwarts, the head of the school, professor Dumbledore, had planted a huge three, which beated everyone who touched it. Unless you pushed a button.

Every month at full moon, for a few nights, I had to sit and wait, until the moonlight fell upon my skin and made me transform.'

David and Stella looked interested at Lupin. He realised it sounded interesting, but he shivered at the thought of the horrible, painfull transformations.

Lupin was walking through the living room. For some reason, he couldn't just sit down in a chair. He was nervous. But why? Was it the subject?

He never felt comfortable when he was talking about his werewolve-being.

'I don't know how you would like to protect other people when you're transformating.

You have to find your own way, as I have said. You can lock yourself up in a room,

just like I did.' Lupin laughed, without humour.

'I'm just being honest, but the whole room gets destroyed.

The furniture... Ah well, I don't know if you two have got a room which isn't used...?'

Or was it the two children who made him feel nervous? He didn't knew them. But he was good with children, wasn't he? He teached at Hogwarts, a great, famous magic school.

'There is another opportunity. You can ask somebody to tie you up. It's really...'

Lupin was searching for words. He almost couldn't say how terrible it was.

'I really don't like it,' he finally said. 'It's not comfortable being tied up, of course. And it's very, very dangerous. When you're transforming, you body changes completely. You can easyily escape, if the other person hasn't took attention the fact that you get the shape of an animal: you get shorter.' But the real truth about the ties was, that it made him remember of the few times when his mother had tried to controle him in that way. Things went terribly wrong: he broke free from the ropes. Half of the house was destroyed. He felt so sorry for his parents. He really didn't meant to hurt them, of course not, he loved them so much.

His parents escaped for a night. He remembered well how he was found by them, trembeling and naked, crying because of the damage he had done to the house, to his parents...

He still felt uncomfortable. He slowely realised there was a third opportunity for his feelings.

He saw Tonks standing, leaning at the kitchentable, slowely smirking at him. Lupin blushed.

He really still wasn't used to that kind of attention! He gave Tonks a semi-irritated look.

She chuckeled. David and Stella looked quite interested to the two adults, when Lupin remembered he was supposed to tell the children something about their werewolve-being.

'The last thing you could do, is to drink Wolvesbane,' said Lupin, breaking the eyecontact with Tonks. 'Wolvesbane?' aksed David. 'Yes,' said Lupin, 'Wolvesbane is a potion you can drink to avoid your transformation. Serverus Snape made it for me when I was teaching at Hogwarts.' Tonks made a funny noise; somewhere between a gasp and a growl.

'What was that?' said Lupin anxiously. She shook her head. 'No… it's a… nothing.'

But the look in Tonks's eyes made him worry: she looked scared.

'Wolvesbane is a very, very complicated potion, and there aren't a lot of wizards who can brew it. And it's expensive.'

'What does Wolvesbane taste like?' asked Stella. 'And can we get it?'

'Well... it tastes bad. It's… sour. Really sour.

But it's wonderful stuff if you are in an emercency! And... I don't know if we can get it.

I will go to the Potionshop tomorrow, I think... But... we don't use it this time.'

'Why not?' said David. 'That's ridiculous!'

'You can't avoid it every time! And there is no reason to use it.'

'Of course there is,' said Stella. 'I'm scared. It's painful. I might hurt somebody.'

Stella's eyes went red and she snobbed. Tonks walked to her and wrapped her arms around her. 'I don't want to be a werewolve,' said Stella silently. 'I just don't want it. My whole life is already... It makes everything so much more difficult...' Tonks stroke her hair, while Stella was crying in her arms. David looked very absent-minded and stared to the couch.

Lupin felt horrible. He knew how she was feeling, and he knew he couldn't do anything about it. Lupin wanted to say something to Stella, to made her feel better, but he couldn't.

Tonks gave him a look of pure miserable. Lupin shrugged helplessly. 'What can I do?' he wispered. Tonks looked away. He felt some kind of embarresed, standing next to the table in the sittingroom, and thinking what to do...

'I'm going for a walk,' he finally said, allthough knew it didn't made sense.

On his way to the door, he heard Stella saying: 'No, please... it's allright.'

She had stopped crying, but her voice was still trembeling.

'I'm... I'm fine. And I'm very thankful, that you and Tonks are doing this for us.'

'No, no,' said Lupin, 'don't thank me.' 'Why not, Remus,' said Tonks, sounding bright.

'Mabye you have to learn to accept thank-you's and compliments.

It's not a bad thing, you know.'

Lupin didn't said anything. He still felt embarresed.

Why didn't he embraced the child by himself? He wasn't that cold normally.

He shook his head. He felt so strange these days, like he wasn't himself anymore.

Like pieces of him were disappared, and some pieces were given to him.

Like the puzzle, him being Remus, had become a choas of unknown pieces who hadn't had a place yet, and the empty holes in the puzzle which hadn't had new pieces to be filled up.

'I'm going for a walk, anyway,' he said. 'Still.'

'You go,' answered Tonks friendly. David stared at her like he had never seen her before.

Lupin walked to the door, closed it behind him and walked further, through the entrace hall.

But then, he stopped. He heard the voices of Stella and David, both talking to Tonks.

He couldn't ignore his curiousity and felt very childish. But he walked to the door of the livingroom, and putted his ear very close to the door... He heard the soft voices of Tonks and the children.

'What?' said the gentle voice of Tonks.

'Go after him,' he heard Stella's girly voice. Lupin's heart was beating hard. Did he had to leave right now? It wasn't very polite to eavesdrop them.

But Tonks already replied: 'I can't. I can't just leave you and David.

Who knows what will happen? You're an easy capture for the Death Eaters. These days…'

'You want him,' said Stella.

'Badly,' completed David.

Tonks giggled nervousley. 'This is crazy.'

'It is,' wispered Lupin silently. It was completely insane. Two kids were telling Tonks that she had to follow him. They were 11 and 9.

Right...!

He heard Tonks saying something, but he couldn't figure out what she said.

He assumed it was a protective spell...

'I'm leaving,' said Tonks, who sounded pretty unconfortable.

'I spoke a very strong protective spell out over the house.

Nobody, or... nothing can hurt you in this house.'

'We already got pretty good spells, but thanks,' laughed David.

He heard Tonks's footsteps coming closer to the door...

Lupin hurried to the door of the entrace hall, and closed it behind him.