"The Visit"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on directly on from Everybody Hurts

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used.

Jackson walked along the corridor to Aaron's room, he found himself feeling nervous, and he didn't know what he was expecting. Yes Aaron had asked for him but he could just want him there so he could shout at him again – he wouldn't blame him in the slightest though. He approached the door and without hesitation he knocked, seconds later he heard Aaron's voice call him in. Jackson smiled a little. He loved Aaron's voice, so sexy.

Aaron looked over to the door as it opened. "Hi" he said softly with a slight smile.

Jackson's emotions sparked again as he walked to him. "Hi" he replied.

"Don't cry Jackson" Aaron told him.

Jackson sat down next to him and took his hand and lifted it up and kissed it. "How can I not? Look at you"

Aaron watched him lift his hand; there was no feeling, no physical reaction to his lips touching him, just...nothing. He forced the emotions in which that experience stirred up to the back of his mind. "I'm alright" he told him.

Jackson just sadly looked at him. He knew he wasn't, but he wasn't going to tell him that, he didn't want to fight. "I'm so sorry; I never meant what I said to you Aaron..." Jackson sighed and looked up to the ceiling briefly. He realised how that sounded to himself. He shook his head. "I've ruined your life Aaron, if I didn't mean it, I shouldn't have said it then you wouldn't have driven off"

Aaron shook his head. "It doesn't matter; you didn't know I was going to drive off..."

"But I know you well enough"

"It doesn't matter Jackson, you didn't know what was going to happen, neither did I...calling me, saying that...it doesn't matter"

"How can you say that?" Jackson asked.

"Because it doesn't...No I can't feel anything except this empty head of mine but I'm alive and I can talk, I can hear your voice, I can see your amazing eyes" Aaron looked down and took a deep breath. He was not going to get upset. He looked back up at his boyfriend seconds later. "What kills me is that I'll never be able to touch you again..."

"I know...But I can touch you Aaron..." Jackson reached out and placed his hand on Aaron's face.

Aaron embraced it with closed eyes but moved away a few seconds later.

"I love you so much Aaron" Jackson said as he looked into Aaron's blue eyes.

Aaron smiled. "I love you too and I'm sorry for what I've put you through since we met and what I'm going to put you through...if..."

Jackson frowned "If what?"

"Well I've been thinking and this isn't going to be any kind of life for either of us, and you need to know how hard this will be and if you can deal with that, great but if you can't then...I'd rather end it now and let you live your life" Aaron explained.

"Are you being serious? I'm not leaving your side, not when you need me the most, I said I loved you all those weeks ago and I've meant it ever since, I want you Aaron"

Aaron didn't reply but he nodded. How can he want me? Wants there to have? He thought to himself.

Jackson rested his elbow on the edge of the bed and rested his head against his hand and looked up at Aaron. "You're taking this too well..." he said as he squinted, a little as he thought.

"Well there's no point in getting angry is there? No point in crying...No point in anything because getting all worked up isn't going to fix the bones in my neck and spine then miraculously cure me is it?" he answered.

Jackson shook his head. "I guess not" The room fell silent for a good five minutes before Jackson spoke again. "If I could trade places with you Aaron, I'd do it in a heartbeat, I mean that, this is hurting me so much to see you like this, I know you probably rather I didn't go on like this but I can't help it, and no matter what you say, what I said matters and I'm responsible for this, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself"

"You have too Jackson, otherwise this won't work"

"You can't ask that of me...Maybe in time I'll learn to live with it but the guilt..." he shook his head. "Nah...This is never going away"

"Try not to think about it" Aaron replied rather bluntly.

Jackson frowned. "Is that what you're doing? Not thinking about it?" Jackson asked.

"Pretty much" Aaron said with a sigh.

"That's not a good idea Aaron" Jackson gently suggested.

"It's working for me, no lectures please..."

"Alright...I'm sorry" Jackson apologised.

"it's fine..." Aaron said as the door opened and his mum walked in.

"Alright love?" Chas asked, trying to be normal.

"Why couldn't you tell me?" Aaron asked straight away.

"Because I was a mess son and I couldn't, I'm sorry, I hope you understand?"

Aaron nodded.

"At least it was someone you knew who told you though right? Better than some stranger doctor"

"Yeah I guess... you're right" Aaron agreed. "What's in the bag?" he asked.

"Well..." Chas opened it and looked inside and took out some grapes and magazines. "The grapes are off Cain..." she frowned and Jackson chuckled. "And I bought you some magazines..." she suddenly felt awkward. "...Me and Jackson can take turns holding them for you" she sighed. How stupid did that sound?

"Are you serious?" Aaron glared at her.

Chas sighed and placed the magazines on the unit at the side. "I'm sorry love, I know this is hard for you aswell, trying to adjust but it's the same for me too and sometimes I'll come out with the wrong things and I'll do the wrong things...it's just a matter of time that's all"

Aaron didn't reply.

"Chas can I have a word?" Jackson asked as he stood up. He leaned down to Aaron and kissed his forehead. "I won't be long" he told him and started walking to the door and out into the corridor.

Chas followed and closed the door behind her. "What's up?" she asked.

"Don't you think this is weird? He's coping..."

"Yeah...I thought about that a few times...it doesn't seem natural for Aaron" she told him.

"Exactly, I feel as though I'm waiting for the storm..." Jackson told her as he stood with folded arms.

"That's because we are. He hasn't even begun to allow himself to take all this in, all that in there, what we've seen from him so far...it isn't real...Aaron thinks it is and that's the way it'll stay until he does." Chas raised her eyebrows and slowly walked past him back to the door.

To Be Continued...