Two of the three shots fired hit their mark, pummeling Alex enough that the third one missed, vaporizing a nearby cow (which had materialized on the spot in momentary tangle of quantum physics) and set fire to a former hotdog factory. Greenpeace protesters were outraged, what with all the methane being released.
Before Mercer had time to recover, Marty Stu Robert Randall McTaggart grabbed him by the throat with his kung-fu hand of doom, casually turned, and threw him through the twenty third floor window of a conveniently placed skyscraper, cleverly disguised as a giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
Marty Stu Robert Randall McTaggart, also known as General Awesomepants, had watched his share of Michael Bay movies, and he now figured it was a good idea to fire off another few rounds of hellfire missiles at the Mediocre Maleficent Magical Mundane Monstrous Monotonous Marshmallow Man, bringing the thing down in a flaming, highly explosive and tax deductible wreck. Hollywood copyright lawyers were on the phone immediately, but Marty Stu set his cell ringer to mute.
Several minutes passed. The only noises besides prerecorded tracks of Hollerin Jimmy's black metal band were the flames crackling and hotdog factories collapsing.
General Awesomepants took a deep snort of smoky air, satisfied that ZEUS was dead.
"But wait!" said a voice in his mind. "There's more!"
"Yeah," intoned another. "If ZEUS was dead, then wouldn't this stupid story be over already?"
"Holy tacos," groaned a third source, "you're not helping the plot with these needless internal dialogues."
A small voice originating near Marty Stu's pancreas piped up. "Mmm, tacos. I vote Mexican grub tonight." A chorus of many other voices followed in unanimous agreement.
Ignoring the rumbling from his abdomen, General Awesomepants pulled a Gameboy out of his pocket, popped some bubblegum in his mouth, and walked off to find a comfy chair in which he could conduct important business. A few crows flew overhead, pooping on anything that looked remotely humanoid. Some clouds floated around, occasionally making obscene symbols.
And then the Stay Puft Marshmallow Dude's head burst off of his body.
A/N: haha i bet you guys figured there'd be some more 'and so the author did blahdeeblahblah' crap
nope he died
he was eaten by cerberus syndrome cause now were gettin into srs bsns territory