"Downward Spiral Part One"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on after Joint Efforts

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

It was the morning after the night before and Aaron woke up groaning, his head was banging from last night's alcohol consumption. His groans woke Jackson. "Morning sexy"

"Oh god don't shout..." Aaron said quietly.

"Someone feeling a bit delicate?" he asked. "We did try telling you but nope Aaron Livesy knows best" Jackson smirked.

Aaron turned to look at him with his trademark scowl. "In an ideal world I would have slapped you for that"

Jackson smirked and for a laugh slapped himself. "Ow..." he winced. "that hurt actually" and then both men began to laugh.

"it's so good to see you smiling" Jackson watched with such love.

Aaron smiled again. "And anyway...it was mum's fault who am I to turn down free drinks? And I was following your orders …erm what was it you said again hmm?" he pretended to think "Oh yeah *have a good time*" he smirked.

Jackson shuffled closer to Aaron and started stroking his head "And did you?" Jackson asked seriously.

"I suppose I did yeah"

Jackson sighed and shook his head quickly. "Do you ever give straight answers Aaron!" he sighed again, while Aaron laughed

"Where's the fun in that?"

Jackson leaned over the top of Aaron, both their bodies touching, gazing in each other's eyes "Good job I love you" Jackson then leaned further down and gave Aaron a passionate kiss which carried on for some time.

After their long embrace, Jackson had rested his head on Aaron's chest and had fallen back to sleep. , Aaron lay awake as a silent tear fell down his cheek; a little while later Jackson woke again and saw that Aaron was crying.

"Aaron? What's wrong? What is it?" Jackson asked in concern.

Aaron squinted as his eyes filled up and more tears streamed down his face. "I- I wanna hold you so bad and I can't Jackson. I just wanna feel you so bad" he cried

Jackson wiped away Aaron's tears "Ssh its ok I know" He then lifted up Aaron's arm for him and put it over his shoulder and laid his head on Aaron's chest "There just like old times hey" Tears began falling down Jacksons face.

Several hours later Jackson had just had a shower and walked back into the bedroom area dripping in just a towel which he swiftly took off to get dressed. He looked at Aaron who was checking him out. Jackson wiggled his bum which made Aaron laugh; he then continued to get dressed. "Right your turn" Jackson smiled at his boyfriend then pulled back the duvet revealing Aaron in just his boxers and put his arm under his legs and around his back and carried him into the wet room and placed a gentle kiss on his lips before he rested Aaron down onto the hoist.

Both men emerged about half an hour later after Aaron had been bathed. He lay Aaron down on the bed and then went to get his blue t-shirt, black hoodie and trackies.

Aaron was now ready and sorted and Jackson sat on the edge of the bed.

"Mmm I feel peckish what do you fancy?"

Aaron curled his lips and raised his eyebrows "Whatever. Not bothered. Foods food."

"Noodles? Soup? Bacon? Me?" Jackson winked, expecting at least a smile from Aaron, but got nothing. "Or we could grab something at the Cafe? or Pub?" he suggested.

"No. Just cook anything I don't care Jackson." Jackson went into the Kitchen and opened the fridge "Bacon it is" he shouted. He took the packet from the fridge and placed some rashers in the pan.

As it was cooking the smell filled the room "Mmm I just love the smell don't you Aaron?" he called from the kitchen.

"It's food not aftershave" he snapped with a frown.

Jackson threw a tea towel over his shoulder, turned the bacon down and left it to cook and went into the room with Aaron and sat on the edge of the bed again. "What do you want to do for the rest of the day then?" he asked with a smile.

Aaron scoffed "What would *I* like to do today hmmmm" he replied sarcastically "Well" He continued "I would like to go for a ten mile run, play football, go ice skating, but oh look I can't do any of those things now can I Jackson? So really the question is what do YOU want to do hmm? he spat.

Aaron you need to stop this, there's still loads we can do you know, come on you've come so far don't take a step back Aaron"

Aaron scowled "What can I do? Talk? Watch things? Eat? Oh wait I can't even do that myself….The only thing I'm good for is..." he sighed. "Well noth-"

Jackson stopped him there "Aaron we can still go for walks, meals, cinema, anything. You've got me to help you Aaron, we can do whatever you want"

Aaron shot a look at Jackson. "Right I'll go fetch a film from mums, I left a couple behind, won't be long, do you need anything else?" he asked

"A new body thanks" Jackson knew better than to answer him when he was in that mood.

About half an hour later Jackson came back. "You took your time didn't ya?" Aaron scowled.

"Yeah sorry you know what my mum's like, can talk for England doesn't know when to shut up" he laughed.

"What if I needed something Jackson hmm? What if something happened?" he questioned

"I-.." Jackson was interrupted

"Save It. You're not up to caring for me are you? Being here twenty four seven. Cause it's not what you signed up for. Your only still here out of pure guilt. Let it go. You're forgiven ok? Relived of your duties" he shouted before turning his chair.

Jackson was in shock "Aaron what the- Where's all this come from? I Love you that's why I'm here. Of course I'm up for caring for you. I'm learning Aaron. I'm here and I always will be until the day I die." Jackson sighed. "Please you must stop pushing me away I'm your boyfriend Aaron."

Aaron threw his head back " You just don't get it do you! This isn't a relationship Jackson. You're my carer. I can't kiss you. Touch you. Have sex with you. Nothing! I think you should find somebody else who can do all those things. Don't waste your life with me. I'm stuck Jackson you're not. I'm giving you the chance to go" As he was ranting tears ran down his face, as did Jackson.

"I love you Aaron" Jackson sniffled "And you love me I know you do"

Aaron shook his head "No I don't" he said softly.

"Please Aaron I'm sorry I took ages earlier it won't happen again. I want to be with you and care for you, please!" Jackson pleaded "NO! Go find someone else Jackson I don't want you anymore, we're over!"

Jackson ran out of smithy cottage in floods of tears, he was distraught to the point he fell to his knees on the grass outside and he sobbed so hard, it hurt.

Aaron remained in his chair, he hated doing that but he didn't want Jackson to rot alongside him, it wasn't fair. Jackson was able, he was not. He deserved to live his life and move on without Aaron. He had no intention of holding Jackson back.

TBC...