"Let Me Try"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on immediately after Downward Spiral Part Two

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

Aaron was alone, and out in the village, he stopped outside Leyla's and he saw Adam across the street. "Adam! You got a minute?" he shouted over to him.

Adam continued walking without acknowledging him. "I can't even look at you right now mate never mind talk!"

Aaron lowered his head and sighed. "Please mate just two seconds?" he looked up again and watched Adam and after a few seconds he stopped.

Adam growled to himself in frustration. *How the hell can I ignore him?* he thought to himself and turned on his heel and walked over to his mate. "You shouldn't be out alone you know?"

Aaron nodded. "Paddy saw me out and left the door ajar and watched me down the street, I took the path today...fancied a change" he raised his eyebrows and chuckled.

"Yeah...your face is bad mate..."

"My mam put some cream on it last night; I'll be alright...listen about last night..."

Adam lowered his head. "I don't really wanna talk about it Aaron"

"Well that's fine but you can listen...It's a fresh new day but I haven't gone back on what I said to you last night...in confidence."

"In confidence? How can I keep that to myself! I can't help you and I won't!" Adam spat as he leaned down right into Aaron's face.

"You can help me Adam"

"Truth is yeah I could..." Adam sighed. "But I don't want too, I couldn't sit there, help you die by whatever means you're thinking up in that head of yours, it would kill me if you weren't here anymore, you're loved around here more than you think you know"

"Yeah I get that but peoples love can't help me get my body working again can it?"

"If you love the people you supposedly care about enough you wouldn't have said that, there love *CAN* help you, push you to do the physio...make you fight for your old life...and yeah it mightn't work but you'll never know if you don't try. You're bailing out already because you can't be bothered and that's the truth."

Aaron sighed and closed his eyes. "You don't understand"

"Well then explain it to me!" Adam stepped back.

"Put yourself in my shoes..."

"Like I haven't done that over and over in my mind since your accident" Adam replied as he looked away.

Aaron waited for the villagers to walk far enough away from them after they left the shop before he continued. "I can imagine for you it's really hard to imagine not being able to move or feel anything...but it's like..." he began to get choked up. "It's like I see my body and this so so stupid but I'm just a head...that's all I can feel I can't even feel my heartbeat for god sake, unless I get so angry its pounding in my neck! I feel so useless Adam, I 'am a burden to everyone, whether they say I'm not I don't care because I know the truth"

Adam was silent, tears in his own eyes as he listened.

"I just...I just wanna be free because I can't take this no more!" Aaron yelled and began to get worked up and moved his head around frantically as he began to cry as he spoke. "I can't take it anymore!" he sobbed.

Adam stepped closer. "Aaron! Aaron...!" Adam yelled and placed his hands on either side of his face and forced him to stop.

"I'm still not helping you but I wanna try and make you see that life is worth living...please..." Adam gasped, caught in the emotion with his best mate. "Please let me try"

Aaron cried and Adam did too and he hugged him as best he could. "Please Aaron?" he whispered again as tears dropped from his eyes.

Leyla walked outside after hearing the commotion. "You two alright?"

Adam stood up and wiped his eyes and nodded. "Yeah" he breathed. "One of those days..."

Leyla nodded and looked on sympathetically. "If you need anything just gimme a shout"

"Thanks" Adam replied as she walked back inside.

"Alright..."

Adam turned to Aaron again.

"Give it a try..." Aaron told him.

Adam smiled he couldn't help but not.

"You're gunna have to tell Jackson aren't you?" Aaron asked.

Adam nodded. "Yeah mate, and besides you're a tough one you are, I'm gunna need his help" Adam smiled.

Aaron nodded slowly. "Might not need to try, he might just kill me then and there when he finds out"

"No mate, I'm gunna explain it properly and make sure he's alright...well not alright but...he'll be calm..."

Aaron nodded.

"You wanna go to the pub?" Adam asked.

"No mate, can you erm...just make sure I get back alright..." Aaron asked.

Adam nodded. "Course I will, come on then"

After Adam had settled Aaron back onto his bed, he'd left and Jackson was walking up the stepping stones to smithy. "Jackson, can I have a word?"

"Why what's happened? Is he alright?" Jackson instantly panicked.

"I'll tell you let's just go sit down somewhere...the cricket pavilion...its quiet there..."

"You're worrying me now mate..."

Adam just gave him a look as if saying. *You will be...* and off they went.

"So...?" Jackson asked in the silence.

"J-Just gimme a sec, this is hard enough as it is mate..." Adam explained.

"Come on Adam it can't be that bad!"

"Oh you reckon? Last night my best mate poured out his deepest thoughts to me...he was a mess and he asked me something..." Adam explained as he paced in front of Jackson as he was sat on the steps.

Jackson frowned. "What Adam?"

Adam closed his eyes and sighed, he opened them again as he spoke "He wants to die Jackson."

Jackson's heart skipped a beat and not for the reasons it should have. He felt like he'd been hit hard in the chest by a heavy blunt object and the pain hurt so bad it brought the tears to his eyes and he began to shake his head. He snorted a chuckle. "Nah..."

"Jackson, I'm telling you the truth, he can't handle it anymore, he wants to be free, ask him yourself if you don't believe me..."

Jackson just dropped his head into his hands and cried. Adam rushed to him and sat down beside him and placed his arm around him. "I know it's hard, it's difficult to imagine him not being here...that's why you have to listen to me alright..." Adam took a breath. "I managed to get him to agree to let us show him that life is worth living"

"B-B-But" he stuttered. "If he loves me that should be enough...I'm trying my best Adam, I really am..." Jackson sobbed and dropped his head on Adam's shoulder.

"I know you are but this has gone way beyond love, he knows everyone loves him and he loves us but...it's just beyond that now and I guess I can understand...but we have to try Jackson"

Jackson nodded and lifted himself up. "Yeah..." he sniffed and wiped his eyes. "We have to"

Adam partly smiled. "Good, now promise me you won't go mad with him?"

Jackson nodded. "I won't"

"Good, go on...he needs you, forget what happened yesterday...be there with him..."

Jackson nodded and stood up then frowned. "You not coming?" he asked.

Adam shook his head. "Nah I need a minute..." he told him.

Jackson knew the moment he was gone Adam would break down but he was going to give him that time. "I'm scared Adam" he admitted.

"Me too" Adam agreed.

Jackson turned away sadly and made his way back to the village.

TBC...