April 24th, 2000

'Doug, stop stressing. Everything's going to be fine,' Carol said as she watched Doug pace the living room floor, almost wearing a whole in the hardwood.

Today was the day. The day Doug's life was going to change forever. He would be an idiot for not admitting he was scared. Scared out of his wits by all the sudden thoughts he was having. He was trying to be optimistic about things but come on, this is Doug Ross were talking about here. Doug Mess Everything Up Ross. Doug Totally Unreliable Ross. Doug Scared Of Commitment Ross. He tried to tell himself he was a changed man and up until yesterday he kind of believed that, but now, all the awful things he had done was replaying over and over in his mind. Most of all the look on Jake's face when he realised his new found father figure was a complete loser. Or the look on Carol's face when he ran from Chicago without a backwards glance. God, how did he think he was ready for this? Ready to be responsible for someone else. Had he not proved in the past that the one person he looked out for best was himself?

Carol shook her head and got up from the couch. She approached Doug, stopped his pacing and took both of his hands in hers.

'Everything is going to be fine,' she said again, slowly this time, pronouncing each and every word perfectly, her eyes holding his. Doug exhaled deeply, not realising he had even been holding his breath. He felt himself starting to calm down. How could he not when Carol stood so close, looking at him as though he was the most perfect man she had ever laid eyes on. He nodded mutely.

'I don't think I've ever seen you this nervous,' she commented, a playful smile playing across her face. He forced a smile too.

'I'm too used to Doug All Confident Ross,' she added and Doug snorted loudly. If only she knew what he had been thinking a minute ago, the descriptions of himself. All confident definitely wasn't one of them.

'I think I'll go check the room again,' he muttered after a few seconds and, dropping Carol hands, hurried from the room.

Carol shook her head as she watched him go, but couldn't help smiling too. She liked seeing this side of Doug. It was not a side of him that just anyone could see. This side of him was reserved especially for her. No one else knew how vulnerable he could be, how unsure of himself. She loved knowing it was just her who really knew this side of him. It made her feel as though she was privy to his best kept secret, that only she truly understood him and loved him for it.

A quick tapping on the slide door made Carol turn quickly to find Erin standing on the deck, smiling in at her. She crossed the room and unlocked the door and let her new friend in.

'Are they here?' Erin asked immediately, looking very excited.

Carol shook her head. 'Delayed flight. It will about another half hour or so.'

Erin looked more disappointed that Carol had felt when she got the call. But she quickly replaced her excited grin and said, 'Well that's okay, another half hour isn't so bad. How's Doug?'

Carol smiled and looked in Doug general direction. She could hear him moving about in one of the spare rooms upstairs.

'He's...nervous. He can't sit still for two seconds. It's kind of cute,' she told her friend.

Erin gave a little smile. 'Well he has fantasized about this day for over five months. He's bound to be nervous,' she reasoned and Carol nodded in agreement.

'Well, I'll leave you to it. Give us a shout when you're ready,' Erin added and turned for the door.

'Thanks Erin. See you soon,' Carol said and shut the sliding door behind her. Then, with a sigh, she left the living room and climbed the stairs to the second floor.

The door of the spare room was open and she could see Doug moving around inside. She crept closer and leaned against the doorframe, watching him with a mixture of love and amusement.

Yesterday afternoon, Doug had dragged Carol into the city of Seattle. He brought her to the hospital and introduced her to nearly every employee, all of whom seemed to know her and their story. Then he brought her to a huge department store and up to the fifth floor Baby section and had bought just about everything. Paint, beds, cribs, toys, teddies, pictures, mobiles, changing tables, bottles, comforters, soothers, clothes, diapers, car seats. He refused to listen when Carol pointed out that she had already bought a lot of this stuff, that the babies didn't need any more clothes or toys. So she decided to let him have his fun and they ended up buying so much, they had to use the offered delivery service to get it all home again. Then once at home, Doug had set to work clearing out a spare room and started to paint. Carol helped at first but once it got dark and Doug refused to stop working, she went downstairs to make dinner and ended up falling asleep on the couch. It was past three in the morning when Doug woke her and took her upstairs to see his work.

The two starter beds had been stored away for the future, when the twins would be big enough to use them, but all their other purchases, minus the car seats that had already been loaded into the car, had been used in the decorating of the girls' bedroom. The two cribs stood under the window, each against the opposite walls. Inside them were the new comforters and teddies, both so colourful it made Carol smile. Between the cribs stood a dresser, piled high with teddies, toys and baby books, plus a rocking chair stood beside it. The walls had been painted a bright, sunny yellow and stencils used to draw flowers, birds and butterflies, all a mass of colour. The biggest surprise was the words Tess and Kate stuck up on the wall, over the respective cribs, in large pink letters. Even some of the photographs Carol had sent Doug had been placed in frames around the room.

Now Doug was moving about the room, moving frames, teddies or toys. He had been doing this all day. Whenever he got too nervous, he would retreated to the room and move things around, then stand back to see its effect, then shake his head and move it again.

'You know, I don't think the twins are going to notice if their teddies are in the cribs or on the dresser,' she said aloud. Doug jumped and turned to face her, smiling sheepishly. Carol went to his side and he wrapped his arms around her.

'Just relax,' she told him and she felt his head move against the top of hers.

Just then they heard a car pull into the driveway and stop. A second later a car door banged shut and then came the sharp knocking on the front door.

Simultaneously, they took a deep breath and moved out of the room. Carol led the way down the stairs and across the hall to the door. Doug hesitated at the base of the stairs, unsure.

Carol shot him a reassuring smile before finally pulling back the door.

'Hi mom!' she said brightly, embracing her mother. Helen Hathaway smiled, glad to see her daughter but when her eyes fell on Doug, she frowned.

'So, the girls are in the car,' was all she said. Carol looked back at Doug and smiled encouraging. He left the stairs and joined her as she exited the house and approached the car. She opened one of the back doors and immediately, Doug heard an excited squeal and lots of gurgling sounds.

'There's my babies. Mommy missed you,' Carol cooed and she unstrapped one twin and took her from the car. She turned to smile at Doug and then reached out with the tiny baby in her arms.

But Doug was frozen in place. He couldn't move, or even breathe. There, right in front of him, was one of the little beings he had helped create and it scared him to death. He couldn't step forward and take the offered child. He'd drop her or do something else insanely stupid.

Carol frowned and, instead, handed the baby to her mother, then stepped around the car to take the second child from the car. She covered the little baby in kisses and was smiling like Doug had never seen her smile before. But it was easy for her. She knew their children, knew them inside out, their likes and dislikes, their personalities, their smiles, their laughs. And what did Doug know? Their names. He wasn't their father. He didn't know them, and they didn't know him. They would probably wail loudly if he got too close, terrified of the stranger.

A stranger, that's all he was to his own children. It was heartbreaking to realise that and the reality crushed down on him as he stood watching Carol and her mother smiling happily down at the two little girls that were his daughters, but only in the biological sense.

They moved inside and it seemed like an invisible force was dragging Doug along behind. They entered the living room. He followed. Helen sat down on the couch while Carol swayed on the spot, still smiling at the baby in her arms.

Then she looked up at Doug again. 'Doug, come here,' was all she said.

He hesitated, but followed her command. She pushed him down into the armchair beside her and then quickly placed the little baby in his arms.

He couldn't take his eyes from the baby's face, not for a second. He was mesmerized, captivated, as if the little girl had cast a spell over him. Little tufts of brown hair stuck up from her head, already starting to curl slightly. She was looking at him curiously, a tiny smile upon her perfect pink lips. Her chubby cheeks were flushed red and long, thick, black lashes framed her dazzlingly brown eyes. She was the most beautiful creation in the whole world.

A great love swelled in Doug's chest and he knew with absolutely certainty that there was nothing, absolutely nothing on this earth he would not do for this beautiful little person.

'Doug, meet Kate. And this is Tess,' Carol said gently and quickly placed another baby in his arms.

He looked back and forth between the two of them, confusion slowly creeping into his features. Wow, they really were identical, right down to the last strand of hair. He began to panic, what if he couldn't even tell his own daughters apart? What he if mixed them up and they suffered from an identity crisis later in life, not really knowing if they were who they were because their stupid father couldn't tell them apart.

But then, Carol sat down on the arm of the chair and ran a hand over Kate's head and smiled. 'You'll get used to it. They do have their differences, I promise,' she said.

Doug looked up at her, lost for words, then back down to his daughters, equally speechless.

The calm was returning now, now that Carol was closer. Happiness crept back in. These were his daughters. He was holding them for the very first time. They were all together at last and they could finally be a family.

He knew, though, that he would never give up trying to make it up to them. His family deserved the best and that's exactly what they were going to get from now on.

'They're perfect' he whispered, then looked up to Carol again, smiling widely. She bent and pressed her lips into his hair.