Step 5: Presto Chango! Clothes Make the Man . . . er . . . Woman?
"Stop staring already," Alfred told her brother. "Do I look that strange? I guess I shoulda dried my hair at the house." Matthew had insisted that Alfred take off her baseball cap, and her hair had dried in amber-colored, wavy curls. She reached up and touched her hair self-consciously. She ran her fingers through it as if she really was trying to comb it out.
Matthew finished chewing his mouthful of pancake and swallowed hard. Since when did Alfred care about his . . . um . . . her hair? he wondered. "S-s-s-sorry, it's just . . . I'm still in shock," he said. Why aren't you?
"Yeah, I know," Alfred said, laughing. "Who woulda thought that Artie was planning on literally cross-dressing for his costume?"
"You're sure it was intentional?" Matthew asked. I don't know Arthur as well as Alfred does, but I don't think that he has that kind of a sense of humor, he mused.
"Yeah. He said as much before you came in and that cloud-thingy hit me," Alfred said, stuffing her mouth with more than a forkful of chocolate-chip pancake dripping with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.
"Don't eat like that!" Matthew said.
"Meeph luuk Wmphh?*" she asked through the pancake still hanging out of her mouth. Tiny pieces of pancake went flying toward Matthew. The chocolate sauce dripped down her chin, and somehow, a dab of whipped cream managed to deposit itself on her cheek.
"Like a guy," Matthew replied, feeling flustered as he heard some woman nearby whisper something about bad manners. "Like you're starving. People are staring. You need to eat like a girl. And don't talk with your mouth full; not only is it disgusting, but girls aren't supposed to do that either."
Alfred inhaled the pancake and swallowed. She wiped her mouth. "You sure they aren't staring because I'm hot?" she said, wiggling her eyebrows.
Matthew rubbed his forehead with both hands and groaned. If he wasn't my brother . . .
"Sorry, you're right," Alfred said. "So how do I eat like a girl?"
Matthew reached across the table and cut what was left of the pancakes into small, bite-sized pieces. "Eat each piece one at a time," he instructed.
Alfred frowned. "That will take forever," she said, "but I guess I need to get into my role if I'm going to pull it off." She stabbed two pieces, put them in her mouth, and then chewed them as delicately as a guy-turned-girl could.
Matthew sighed. It was an acceptable compromise. "Um, you've got something right here," he said, pointing at his own cheek.
Alfred reached up, wiped off the whipped cream, and then licked it off her finger. "Thanks, Mattie. Hey, guess what? I have some great ideas for what to wear with my 'costume'," she said, holding up her fingers to put quotation marks around the word "costume" when she meant "body". "I can't wait to buy some skirts and shit."
Matthew frowned. "You need to watch your language too," he said. "Not very lady-like."
"Yeah, I guess," Alfred replied. "Not sure I can stop that though; it's a habit of mine." She took a drink of the mocha-chino she'd ordered to go with her pancakes.
"At least try," Matthew said, "or you won't pull off being a girl at all."
Alfred nodded, but Matthew felt irritated at her response because she kept glancing off to the right at something behind him. "Hey Mattie," she whispered as she leaned forward a little, "those guys are totally checking me out." She smirked and nodded her head toward some young men sitting two tables away.
She giggled. "Of course, with your good looks and long hair, they might be checking you out," she reasoned quietly, winking at her brother.
Matthew felt his face grow hot. "Don't be silly," he said. It's definitely you, he thought. Even though she was dressed in jeans and a navy-blue sweatshirt over a white T-shirt, she still looked adorable. Her bomber jacket was too big for her, and her hands barely peeked out from the sleeve cuffs, making her look petite. The rolled up jeans looked trendy and fit her a little too tightly in the hips because they were designed for a guy.
The spell must also be making her ooze pheromones, Matthew speculated as he recalled how difficult of a time they had just getting to the restaurant. She was hit on by a guy while they were waiting for the Underground, and then while riding the Underground, another guy asked her for her number. When they asked for directions, the young man she'd asked then asked her for a date. Each time Alfred had clung to Matthew and turned the guy down.
If the spell isn't to blame, it might just be Alfred's usual affinity to others, Matthew mused. He hated to admit that his brother had a natural ability in which the opposite sex easily became attracted to him; although, Matthew could never figure out why. He's such an airhead and obnoxious and loud; what makes him so attractive to them? But then he remembered that Alfred also could be clever, generous, kind, and sensitive to others, and bit his lip. Is it the duality that does it?
"Should I flirt with you, so they don't come over here?" Alfred asked quietly. "I think they're gonna."
"What?" Matthew replied loudly, crimsoning.
Alfred stood up and kissed her poor flustered brother on the cheek.
Matthew felt his whole head burn with embarrassment.
"That's right sweetie!" she said in a louder, sugary voice, sitting back down. "You'll make the best father!" She patted her abdomen.
Matthew choked. Good Lord! What is my sis . . . no . . . brother implying? he thought.
The young men both scowled. "Damn! She's with him?" one of them hissed to the other. They both stood up.
"I could have sworn they were siblings, man," the other said. "Wonders never cease." They paid and left.
She smiled and continued her meal.
Matthew pushed up his glasses and tried to get back to his meal. "Hey I've been wondering," he said. "Why aren't you wearing Texas?"
Alfred laughed. "Mattie, I don't need glasses to see," she said. "I use them for a totally different reason. Besides, as a girl, I think I look cuter without them. Don't you think so?" She winked.
You are having too much fun teasing me, Matthew thought as he finished up his meal.
Alfred hailed a taxi as soon as they stepped outside of the restaurant. She crawled in before Matthew could protest, so he had to follow her.
"Where to?" the driver asked.
Alfred plopped onto the seat and smiled. "Victoria's Secret," she said excitedly.
The driver blinked, then stared.
Matthew blushed three shades of red. "Is there a La Senza in London?" he asked.
The driver nodded and took them over to Oxford Street.
"Oh I see!" Alfred said as the cab pulled up to the store. "I guess this is the equivalent?"
Matthew nodded and paid the taxi driver, crimsoning again.
"I never dared to go into a VS in the States," she said as she stepped out of the taxi. She grabbed her brother and dragged him over to the doors. "Well, let's go in!"
"No. Please. I'll stay out here." Matthew struggled fruitlessly against Alfred's strength as she hauled him inside.
"How may I help you?" a sales clerk said, walking up to them.
"I'd like to make these look really sexy but still natural," Alfred said, indicating her chest.
Matthew felt like he wanted to dig a hole and hide in it.
The clerk smiled.
Matthew thought he saw English pound signs flash in her eyes.
"That won't be too difficult," she said. "We have a variety of styles and colors, whether you're into lace, ribbons, satin, silk, or something a little more risqué."
"Well, I'm going to need your help," Alfred said. "I've never worn a bra before."
I want to die, right here, right now, Matthew moaned internally as he face-palmed. I can't believe what this idiot just admitted.
The sales clerk raised an eyebrow. "Never?" she said, eyeballing Alfred's chest. She cleared her throat. "Well, gravity appears to have been very kind to you then. Let's not tempt it though . . . This way," the sales clerk said, indicating toward the fitting room.
Alfred followed her, dragging her hapless brother right behind her.
Once they reached the fitting room, the clerk looked at Matthew. "Is your boyfriend joining us?" she asked, a playful smile crossing her face.
Alfred immediately released Matthew and laughed quietly, shaking her head. "He's not my boyfriend," she said. Her cheeks turned a slight pink in color.
"Oh? So is there someone else we need to keep in mind when picking out colors then?" the sales clerk asked.
Alfred blushed more profusely, fell silent, and looked down, fiddling with the hem of her sweatshirt.
That's a weird reaction, Matthew mused.
"Well, let's get your size first, and then you can decide afterward," the clerk concluded.
Matthew sighed a breath of relief as the sales clerk led Alfred into the fitting room without him. He sat down in a chair nearby, obviously there for those who have to wait for their sisters, wives, and girlfriends. He tried not to listen as the clerk instructed Alfred to take off her jacket, sweatshirt, and T-shirt.
"Eek! What are you doing?" he heard Alfred say after a minute. "No, stop! I'm ticklish." Alfred started giggling.
Some customers nearby giggled and looked at Matthew. He blushed and looked at the ceiling. I'm not with her, he desperately wanted to tell them, but that would be more embarrassing than just bearing it.
The clerk came out of the fitting room and picked up several styles of sample bras. Matthew made a point to not try to see what cup size the woman had just picked up. He didn't want to know.
There were some shuffling noises as the clerk helped Alfred try them on."Wait . . . Now what are you doing?" he heard Alfred say. "Whoa! Watch where you're putting your hands, Lady! I'm flattered, but I don't think I'm your type. Not right now anyway."
"Don't be silly. Hold still!" he heard the clerk say. "You have to tuck them in like that, or the bra won't cup you properly . . . no, you have to adjust the straps, not the cup."
"Wow. I never knew that this would be so complicated," he heard Alfred say. "Are panties as hard to put on?"
"You mean knickers? No, they're as easy as those boxers you're wearing; only they'll look better on you than those do. If you know what colors or styles your lover likes, we can match them to any style of bra you pick," the clerk said.
That does it! I'm out of here, Matthew told himself as he stood up and walked over to a shelf of "Heat Me Up" plush animals§. He read the description of what they were and felt an urge to buy one; he couldn't explain why. He just had to have the reindeer one. He bought it and then he walked out the door and sat on one of the benches outside to wait for Alfred.
"Wow! That was great!" Alfred said as she walked through the door 45 minutes later. She sighed, smiling contentedly. "I felt like a princess or something. They all treated me so nicely!"
"Amelia!" the clerk called as she came out the door, looking around before spotting the siblings.
Alfred looked at Matthew, then at her. "Yes, Phyllis?" she replied.
Matthew raised an eyebrow.
"I forgot to give you the bonus item that comes with the purchase of £100 or more," Phyllis said. "A 10 milliliter bottle of Burberry's London for Women. It's a special for this month. You're lucky because today was the last day, and we only had one left." She held up a little bottle of perfume, which she slipped in a little La Senza-brand shopping bag and handed to Alfred/Amelia. "Your boyfriend is guaranteed to love it," she said, smiling. "It's the perfect scent for romantic evenings."
"Thank you so much for bringing it out to me!" Alfred/Amelia said. "I love free stuff!"
"You're welcome," Phyllis said. "By the way, your boyfriend's got great taste. All those colors looked great on you."
Alfred/Amelia blushed profusely at this comment.
Phyllis laughed at Alfred/Amelia's expression and then walked back inside the store.
"Amelia?" Matthew asked.
Alfred/Amelia let out a small laugh. "Well, I couldn't say my name was Alfred, could I?" she said. "I mean, who names their gorgeous, awesome daughter something like that?"
"Uh-huh. Okay. Who's your boyfriend?" Matthew asked.
"Not you, Mattie, that's for sure," Alfred/Amelia replied, blushing to her ears. "I told her you were my brother."
Matthew folded his arms and waited.
"Look, she kept asking about my boyfriend or lover or husband or whatever," she said, sighing dramatically. "She was very persistent, so I just made some stuff up. I had no idea that's how women talk when trying on underwear. It was actually kind of fun."
"How can a made-up boyfriend 'have great taste'?" Matthew asked.
Alfred/Amelia looked down at her tennis shoe and toed the pavement. "I might have texted someone and asked for an opinion," she said almost inaudibly.
"Who?"
Alfred's cell phone started playing the song "London Bridge is Falling Down". She looked at the phone's screen.
"I can't answer this! It's Artie," she said, throwing her cell phone at Matthew and causing him to drop his plushie's bag. "He'll know I stole his costume if I answer with this girly voice; I don't want him to take it back."
I guess I have no choice but to answer it, Matthew thought as he hit the send button and put the phone up to his ear.
"Where the bloody hell are you, Alfred?" Arthur loudly yelled through the receiver before Matthew could say "hello".
Alfred/Amelia cringed and held a finger up to her mouth, shaking her head.
"M-m-my brother is unavailable right now," Matthew said, holding the phone away from his ear.
"Oh, sorry . . . um . . ."
"I'm Canada," Matthew said.
"Of course. Matthew, right?" Arthur said. "I thought you were only going out for breakfast by yourself. Where did you two go? Everyone's been looking all over for you."
"We're costume shopping right now," Matthew said. "We forgot to bring some. We'll be back as soon as we can."
"When will that be?" Arthur asked.
"I don't know. Soon, I hope," Matthew replied, glancing at Alfred/Amelia.
She picked up the bag he'd dropped and peeked inside.
"Um, Matthew, Alfred isn't acting strangely, is he?" Arthur asked hesitantly.
Matthew looked again at Alfred/Amelia. She'd fished his reindeer plushie out of its bag and was snuggling with it while giggling.
"No more than usual," Matthew lied, trying to sound indifferent to what he was seeing. "Why do you ask?"
"So he isn't acting freaked out like he's seeing something spooky?" Arthur asked.
Why does he sound hopeful? Matthew wondered.
"Things haven't been flying at you or anything mysterious like that?" he continued.
"No," Matthew said. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh. It's nothing," Arthur said. "See you tonight." With that, Arthur hung up before Matthew could ask any more questions.
"Weird," he said, tossing the cell phone back to his sibling and holding his hand out for the plushie.
Alfred/Amelia pouted. "Let me hold him a widdle longer, pwease?" she said, shoving her phone into her back pocket.
Matthew blinked. Alfred really is acting weirder than usual, but how could I tell Arthur that without spoiling the "surprise"? he thought. "Fine. Let's hurry and get back soon, Amelia," Matthew said to her. "Everyone was looking for us."
Alfred/Amelia grabbed his hand, holding the reindeer in her other arm. "Okay!" she said, smiling as they walked down the pavement. "Thanks for being so patient with me. You're the best brother a girl could have. Better than any old boyfriend, not that I would know anything about that, though."
"That reminds me," Matthew said. "Who did you text earlier?"
Alfred/Amelia froze, then released his hand and walked briskly ahead of him. "Not saying," she said. She held up her arm in the air. "Taxi!"
A taxi pulled up.
This time Matthew was able to stop her. "You'll run out of money if you keep using taxis," he said, grabbing her arm. "This isn't like New York."
Alfred/Amelia blinked and stepped away from the curb. "Sorry! Never mind!" she yelled at the driver who glared at her as his taxi took off with a screech.
"We're already in the heart of the shopping district anyway," Matthew said, pointing at all the stores.
Alfred/Amelia looked around as if she'd just noticed them for the first time. "Oh yeah," she said, laughing and scratching her head. "I guess I was thinking that I needed to go to a mall or something."
Oxford Street truly was the Mecca of shopping. Alfred/Amelia was able to find everything she had on her mental list and a whole bunch of items she hadn't thought of, but suddenly needed.
Did she always like shopping? Matthew mused. Alfred is the type to only like shopping for sports equipment, video games, DVDs, gadgets and stuff like that, right?
"Hey Mattie! What about this one? Does it look cute on me?" she asked.
Matthew looked up from the chair he was slumped in. It had been several hours. Fortunately, they'd stopped for lunch; otherwise he would be tired and hungry. Somehow Alfred/Amelia had managed to "sniff out" a burger restaurant called Eagle Bar Diner, but instead of chowing down on her usual meal of choice, she'd eaten 4 hot-dogs and some fries.
Alfred/Amelia twirled around. She was wearing a white with yellow polka-dots wrap dress, designed like a 1940s-style dress.
Matthew furrowed his brow. The bodice had a weird undertone to it, as well as the part below the belt. "Al . . . Amelia . . . what . . ." he trailed off when he realized what was wrong. He stood up and walked over to his sibling. "Is the underwear you chose to wear from La Senza plum in color?" he whispered.
Alfred/Amelia didn't have to answer; her blush said it all. She covered her arms over her chest. "What'll I do?" she asked, panicking. "I really like this dress, but I don't want everyone to see my undies!" Alfred/Amelia looked like she was about ready to cry.
Matthew scratched his head. It might just be me, but it seems like she's getting weirder and weirder as the day's progressing, he thought. One moment she's acting almost super-feminine and then the next moment she's back to "normal".
The sales clerk, who was helping them, placed a hand on Alfred/Amelia's shoulder. "You have two choices, dear," she said. "Wear white underwear, or some shape-wear that doubles as a slip."
Alfred/Amelia blanched. "I didn't buy any white underwear," she said.
The clerk smiled. Matthew wished his sibling wasn't so open about certain things. She was making the commission too easy to earn. "Come with me," the clerk said, guiding Alfred/Amelia over to the lingerie section.
Matthew reluctantly walked with them. He touched Alfred/Amelia on the arm to get her attention. "Aren't you spending quite a bit for a nation in a recession?" he asked quietly, pointing at the growing pile of shopping bags. "I mean, you've already bought a bunch of clothes and shoes, not to mention that jewelry earlier that looked very expensive." His sibling laughed, and Matthew was taken aback. Is it just me, or is her laugh starting to sound more feminine than it usually does?
"I'm not using my country's money to pay for all this," Alfred/Amelia said. "This is all my personal money. I've saved and invested a lot over the years." She held a finger up to her lips and winked. "But I won't tell you how much I have."
The clerk helped Alfred/Amelia pick out shape-wear that worked best with most of the dresses she had purchased.
"Well, that's enough for today," Alfred/Amelia said, checking her cell phone for the time and then shoving it back in the "free" purse she'd received for some of her purchases earlier. She went back to the changing rooms to put back on the feminine sweater and jeans she'd gotten at the second store they'd visited. The sweatshirt and other pair of jeans had been put into one of the bags. The bomber jacket, however, remained part of her outfit. "After I buy these, let's start heading back," she said, holding up the dress and shape-wear. "You still need to get your costume, and I need to find materials for a torch."
"You can find torches at the drugstore on the corner outside this shop," the clerk said as she rang up the items.
"Really? Weird," Alfred/Amelia said. "Would there be green paint there too?"
"What would you need the green paint for?" the clerk asked, looking perplexed.
"To paint the torch," Alfred/Amelia said. "It has to be green."
The clerk raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure you can find a torch in green," she said, chuckling.
"Oh. Cool," Alfred/Amelia said. "You Brits think of everything."
When they got to the drugstore, Matthew picked out an Iron Man costume for himself while his sibling asked about torches.
"Mattie look!" she called as she ran up to him with a green one in her hand. "It's a flashlight! Who knew it had another name?"
I knew, thought Matthew. "Great!" he said instead. "Then we're finished?"
Alfred/Amelia nodded her head. "I can't wait to see the look on everyone's face when I show up at the party," she said to Matthew after hailing a taxi and loading the bags in the trunk; riding the Underground would have been too difficult. "I still need another opinion, though, about which outfit will best fit the theme I'm going for, so I guess I'll have to spoil the surprise for Artie, unfortunately."
"You aren't going to ask one of the other women?" Mattie asked.
"Well, this 'costume' was originally Artie's idea, remember?" Alfred/Amelia said. "He's the only one who'll believe me when I tell him that I'm [Alfred]." She said her male name more quietly so that the driver couldn't hear it.
"My costume's theme is going to help the others recognize me," she continued, "but I could have Artie convince them if they don't 'get it'. That's the other reason I need to ask him: he knows me better than anyone else besides you. If they don't know who I am, what's the point in staying like this to freak them out?"
They reached the house, and the driver helped them unload the bags.
Matthew grabbed as many bags as he could hold while his sibling paid the taxi driver. "Are you going to sneak back in the way you came?" he asked.
She nodded. "If the ladder's still there," she said. "Otherwise, I'll need to put my baseball cap back on and try to sneak past everyone. Maybe you could distract them?"
Did you forget who you're asking? Matthew thought. I'm lucky if they remember my name or don't mistake me for you. "I'll try my best," he said.
Alfred/Amelia grinned a winning smile and flashed him a thumbs-up. "That's the spirit, Bra! I'm counting on you," she said.
"Al, I said this before about your costumes, but I still think you shouldn't go with the first one you bought," Matthew said.
"Why? Because it's too cold to wear it?" Alfred/Amelia asked.
Matthew shook his head. "I just don't think that some of the nations will be able to handle it," he said.
Alfred/Amelia laughed. "You're such a prude," she said. "Okay. I'll think about it. Maybe Artie can tell me if he thinks it's too much."
"I think he'll agree with me," he stated.
Alfred/Amelia got a mischievous look in her eyes. "Well, see," she said. She glanced over at her bedroom window and scooped up several bags. "Cool! No one's removed the ladder yet. Could you take the rest to my room? I think I can only handle these ones."
This is all your crap! Take more than one trip! Matthew thought. He let out a big sigh. "Sure," he said instead.
A/N
10 milliliters = 0.33 ounces (approximately). Yes I know some might say that's too generous of a "sample/free" bottle, but she spent $160+ for crying out loud.
Translations:
Presto Chango! ="Change at Once!" used for a change occurring suddenly and as if by magic
*That's mouth full of food for "Eat like what?"
§Huggable stuffed animals filled with wheat and lavender and guaranteed to help with "pain relief" (if you know what I mean).
Torch (British English) = Flashlight (American English)
I'm going to list the ingredients for the potion again, to re-emphasize their significance (plus it explains some things mentioned in this chapter):
Sweet myrtle: symbol of beauty and chastity
Roses: associated with pure love and femininity
Pomegranate: symbol of fertility (or femininity)
Sugar & the strange spice: from the rhyme "What are Little Girls Made Of?" nursery rhyme- "sugar and spice and everything nice". ^_^ The reverse potion would be disgusting: boys are made of "bits of snails and puppy dog tails". =_=;
Pieces of the Moon: symbolizes woman and has been associated with various goddesses-Artemis, Diana, Hecate, and Kuan Yin (all of whom specialized in chastity, childbirth, grace, purity and so on).
Lilac: symbol of first love
Damiana leaves: used primarily as an aphrodisiac for both sexes [yup, Matthew was right]
Ylang-ylang: has an intense floral, sweet, jasmine-like, almost narcotic sensual, euphoric aroma. It increases libido and energy between lovers and is considered one of the more powerful aphrodisiac scents. (on a side note, it also improves circulation, and makes the hair and skin healthy).
Early purple orchid: used as an aphrodisiac [boy, oh boy; why are there so many of these? What do you think? Hmmm?]
Anise: stimulates libido [Poor America and anyone who comes across him . . . er . . . her; BTW the potion hasn't kicked in at full strength yet]
=_= I didn't mean to go on so long about the clothing and stuff, but it was so much fun to imagine how a guy might react to all the things we girls have to do when buying things like underwear (it's such a surreal experience even for us women) that I couldn't help myself. Sorry if it's not accurate, men. I wish I knew how you guys think but I don't; I've asked my brother, but he wasn't much help. I hope it was fun for you to read anyway. (^_^);
So I'll reveal America's costume choices, who she texted, and Arthur's reaction in the next chapter.
Also, I'll be writing a GerXfem!Ita-centered Gakuen Hetalia AU Gender-bend (I know, quite a mash-up, eh?) fic in the near future. I've created a sorta-Role Play style forum to help out with things like voting for Student Council and helping out with names for nations who haven't received human names yet. Please check out my profile for the current poll and links to the forum (come play with me? I'll greatly appreciate it).