For all those duffers out there (Pixi and Chaos that means you) who seem to have gotten the idea that Klaos is some sort of comic character who doesn't do anything but sleep through everything... well, what can I say? It's true.

This is rated PG for teen drinking, use of language, and implicit innuendo (but only if you're really looking for it, in which case you can find it anywhere, you dirty little hoodla).

Mourning Sickness

We (And by that I mean "I") apologize for the terrible title. We (I) are (am) sorry if it causes offense. Not really.

"Honey, I hope you don't mind I invited some people over for dinner."
Klaos stopped working, but remained in his position, staring down at his breastplate, of which he was in the process of dyeing.

"Well," Pai continued, acutely aware of Klaos's phobia of people who were more experienced than he was, "I thought that we should celebrate in some special way."

Klaos remained silent, still staring down at the silvery liquid that was pooling on his armor.

"It's just a few close friends," she continued, "You know, some of the people from the Guild, and some close friends. Not a lot of people."

"Et qui sunt?" Growled Klaos very, very softly.

"Oh, you know, Grimm, Jimmy, Jao, and Maia Hii. Oh, and I invited some of the instructors, oh and Mhenlo and some other people, but they all had some big thing to do about protecting the stupid peasants from those exploding dead people."

"Maia Hii est... tua amica ludo?"

"Yes, we were in ballet together, and oh! She said she was going to bring her boyfriend so we could meet him!"

"Feminae." Muttered Klaos.

Pai looked hurt.

"Maitent, c'est mon petit ami et ton petit ami et tous ces petits noms comme je-ne-sais-pas, mais je crois que les femmes sont folles quand tout qu'elles parlent c'est les hommes."

"Darling?" Pai moved her face closer, forcing Klaos to look up, "You're speaking nonsense in languages again. Don't do that, sweetie, okay? You know how much it confuses people, especially when you keep switching."

Now it was Klaos's turn to look hurt. However, much as it pained Pai to force Klaos to speak a language foreign to himself, she knew it was necessary if he were to become a vital member of the population. He did try -- she knew that -- but whenever pressed, he would always return to his native languages. (Yes with an "s", we do edit these, you know. -Lurbe) Fortunately, Pai had learned most of them in school, and Klaos was very careful (most of the time) to speak plainly and to not use obscure conjugations, or syncopated forms or funny tenses, so that she could understand him, even if what he said was grammatically incorrect. And he worked so hard to get the words in the right order. Still, thought the nationalist in Pai, if his going to live here, he should speak the language. Pai sighed, got up, and went off to collect Klaos before he wandered too far away.

That evening, the invitees gathered in the Lagoon, where Klaos had spent most of the day asking his brothers to clear out for a bit, because he wanted to be alone with his family, and driving out the Crimson Skulls and the like who didn't listen, or decided they didn't like him (or just wanted to catch him in bed with a girl) so that they could stay outdoors in the privacy of grass huts, as opposed to the filth and squalor of the inns and hostels where he and Pai usually stayed while they traveled around.

"Pai!" Maia Hii shrieked across the room, 'It's soooooo good to see you again!" She ran over and gave her friend a big hug, before introducing her companion. "Pai, Klaos; this is my boyfriend, King Tagawalaga of Persia." Pai and Klaos each shook hands with the strapping young warrior.
"How do you do?" Asked Pai.
"Am being. Not so un-good," responded the monarch.
"You'll have to forgive Shrek -- that's what I call him -- a bit," apologized Maia Hii, "He's new and doesn't speak the language too well."

Klaos perked up, "Dicesne lingua romani?"
King Tagawalaga looked slightly less confused, "O! Non bene, sed milites romani meam patriam superaverunt, et nunc lingua omnis populi dicenda est."

Klaos was so shocked and excited, not only by meeting a fellow person of colour, but also one who spoke his language, that he forgot to go on his racist rant (which he did at every gathering of people, no matter how small or large), about how all the civilian and military leaders were all light-skinned and how it was such a pity that young people of colour didn't have anybody to look up to as a role model, and that's what led to them all leaving the continent to go elsewhere or to become violent criminals or hoodla who went around and harassed people in the international zones.

(Of course, it was once pointed out to him, by Grimm, that at least none of the bad guys, like Shiro, were black, so at least you could say that they didn't provide a negative image of minorities. While it was thought to have been a good idea at the time, this only led to Pai's going off on her feminist rant about how all the enemy were men, and why can't women be evil, corrupt turncoats as well. With the result that the "bad guys aren't black" argument was never used again.)

The party continued.

Sometime around 2300, Pai, who was the least drunk of all, on account of her situation, screamed, 'DRAGON LILY!" The camp rose to action, accompanied by a lot of tripping and drunken groping around looking for swords held in the other hand.
"Idiots," muttered Pai, and blasted the Dragon Lily with a flare. Blinded by the bright flash, Grimm Shadow-Stepped in, but ended up stabbing Jimmy instead of the beast. Klaos, who had forgotten that he was an assassin, started raising minions, before realizing that there were no dead in the immediate area. Maia Hii and Pai stayed at the back, chatting while casting Flame Strikes and healing the menfolk who were too stupid to get out of the way in time. King Tagawalaga showed remarkable talent at falling down on account of hitting nothing with his sword. This continued for some time.

About half an hour later, the drunken partygoers mustered the coordination required to kill off the beast. Most likely on account of having worn off some of the alcohol due to time and adrenaline.

"Hhheyyy," stuttered Jimmy, "Wwwee sshuld gggo fffight ttte Boggg Beasssstte."
This suggestion was greeted with rounds of approval from those present. They quickly formed a party to go and dispatch the beast while it slept.
As the party began to head out in four different and wrong directions towards where each of them though the beast was, King Tagawalaga stood up and proposed a toast, which was fortunate for them all, who no doubt would have been killed had they actually gone off on such a quest.

"This a toast in honour of the Klaos Pai and is being. Luck to you am wishing, and if boy girl or are you knowing?"

Pai smiled shyly and thanked the King, saying 'Well, actually, we thought we'd wait and just see when the time comes."

Klaos, on the other hand, was so embarrassed, he turned bright red and went down to hide under the pier. Grimm, not realizing this, turned and caught sight of Klaos's armor, which was still drying, and which Klaos had hung up outside. "He's gone skkkinny dippping!" cried the assassin.

It was too late to stop them. Within a minute, they were gone down to the pier to join Klaos, except for Pai, who was too disgusted to move, Maia Hii, who was laughing too hard to move, and King Tagawalaga, who was too confused to move.

It only took a few minutes before a stunned Klaos came staggering back to the main camp.
"O mi di! Sunt nudii... sunt... sed... mi di..."

He and King Tagawalaga went off to the corner together to share the shock and trauma in their own language, while Pai and Maia Hii stayed behind and cleaned up this dishes by hiding them under the men's things and hoping they would have enough sense to deal with the dishes themselves.

After a while, the party wound down. Jimmy had fallen asleep at the table, and King Tagawalaga and Klaos had been going on for ages about Persia and whether it's easier to cross the Alps with elephants or camels, and had anyone heard any juicy gossip about Cleopatra's supposed elopement with Mark Antoni? Pai and Maia Hii were still playing cards -- what game it was, nobody was sure, and they didn't feel like sharing -- and Grimm had long since left to go find a collector that supposedly lived nearby and would get rid of some of his stuff for him.

Everyone left slowly but surely. Grimm came back with a whole pack of Afflicted after him, which were dispatched by Pai and Maia Hii, because nobody else noticed them there. Eventually Grimm was bribed into taking Jimmy back to the Guild Hall along with a case of Rice Wine. King Tagawalaga became more and more acutely embarrassed until they decided to slip away, leaving Pai and Klaos alone by the pier, where they lay under the stars, with Pai resting her head on Klaos's outstretched arm. Eventually, Pai realized that Klaos was simply asleep, and not being romantic after all, and she decided that she was sick and tired of being stuck out in the cold and wet with Dragon Lilys and dead Crimsons all around -- who cares if they're related to Klaos or not, it's still disgusting - and woke Klaos up to tell him that she was going back to the inn to spend the night in a warm, dry, locked room.

Klaos slept through it all.

Needless to say, when Miki came back in the morning to find her younger brother all alone, asleep, after having eaten all the food, trampled over all the flowerbeds, and burned and slashed down the huts in a struggle with a Dragon Lily, not to mention with hordes of Afflicted waiting nearby to exact revenge on something human, she was not pleased.

Note from Pix: It's a girl. Trust me.

Lurbe: Not that any of Klaos's siblings fall into neat little gender categorizations...