Disclaimer: Think about it, folks. "Fanfiction." Get it? A "fan"
writing "fiction" of someone else's creation. If I was the real creator
and/or owner, why would I be writing this "fanfiction." Logic, folks,
logic. I never did nor will I ever own Sailor Moon. The only thing I'm
guilty of is not being up to par with the orignal stuff.
' denotes thought
AN: =author's notes
denotes mental messages
Important note: I'm such a dumbass! I accidently wrote in the last chapter that it was chapter four when it was actually chapter five! Excuse the typo...I'm too lazy to revise right now.
Dear gassy2: Three's a charm! You're the third person who has put me on a favorites list! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
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The Winning Losers Chapter Six: The Past has Passed, So Let it Go!
**Present time on Earth**
At two o'clock in the morning, Nephrite woke up violently, his sheets soaked in sweat.
'At least I didn't wake up screaming, this time.'
During the past eight years, the same nightmare haunted him every now and then. *Her* face taunted him, and he relived the pain and humiliation all over again, as if the incident happened just yesterday. The nightmare would always end the same way: him coming out of the abused bathroom, him seeing his teeth that disgusting color, and him swearing Princess Makoto to hell.
For that entire week eight years ago, his digestive system went totally berserk. He was almost tempted to steal a diaper from the royal nursery--that was how bad it got and how desperate he became. One minute, he was chatting with one of the palace guards, the next, he was running to the restrooms like a boy being chased by a lion that hadn't been fed for five days straight. After Nephrite would suddenly awaken from the nightmare in the wee hours of the morning, the following events of that cursed day played in front of his eyes.
He remembered how he tried frantically to brush his teeth back to its normal clean color, but the dye would not come off entirely. It left a greenish residue with brown spots that wouldn't disappear, no matter how hard he brushed. Kunzite said that he didn't have to go to dinner, but Nephrite insisted that he went because it would be rude to skip the first dinner of their visit. At the dinner table, he hardly made conversation, fearing his teeth would cause more commotion than desirable, and when he did have to reply to someone, he made sure his lips hid his teeth, or he would use the napkin and act like he was wiping his mouth while he talked. Queen Gwendolyn, King James, and Queen Serenity asked him worriedly if he was feeling fine, and he would nod his head and smile with pursed lips in response.
The queen of the Moon and her daughter sat at one end of the long and wide dining table, and the Earth's ruling couple sat on the other end with Endymion. The four Earth princes sat opposite the four inner planet princesses on each side. Unfortunately for them, the table was too wide for them to kick each other under the table or fling food at each other without being noticeable. The opposing groups glared at each other, imagining the steak on the plates that they were slicing apart were the people sitting in front of them.
Princess Makoto was merciless. She smiled openly, too openly, to everyone at the table, but mostly directly at Nephrite. It was no coincidence that she sat straight across from him--she intentionally saved that seat. She flashed her beautiful smile almost throughout the entire dinner, showing off her perfectly aligned and dazzling white teeth. She was doing it in spite of him, and she knew he knew she was doing it to mock him. To embarass him. To put him in his place. And she really couldn't care less. She enjoyed herself immensely that night.
Nephrite sat up in his bed and glanced at his alarm clock. It was two-thirty A.M. He had spent half and hour reliving his personal hell, and he knew that he would spend the rest of the morning moping over it and replaying the event in his head.
'Jed's right. I need psychiatric help. Badly.'
He dreamed of going back into the past and living that evening over again. 'I should have trusted my first instinct!' He would have acted much differently. He would have kicked her out of the room, literally, and thrown the cookies at her sprawled form on the ground, one by one, until just one cookie was left. And with that very last cookie, he would shove it into her mouth and make her swallow it whole, forcing her to taste the vileness of her own medicine. Nephrite would obsess over what could have been until the rest of his friends woke up.
It always went that way.
The golden rays of the sun pierced the blue and lavender sky and outlined the majestic mountain ranges surrounding the Terran castle. The morning's dew created a field of diamonds, almost as blinding as the proud sun, and mingled with the verdant and resilient blades of grass. The gray mists began to subside, and the hardworking business owners and street vendors of the kingdom were already up and bustling, hollering at each other and bargaining with the villagers.
The larks chirped in perfect harmony, telling the people to arise from their dreamy stupor and begin another glorious day. Their sweet songs were nature's pleasant wakeup call, and the birds were nature's agreeable alarm clock.
An alarm clock that Zoisite would have gladly shot if he had a rifle next to his bed.
In exactly six hours, twenty-two minutes, and thiry-seven seconds, he would be setting foot on the marble floor of the Silver Millennium's nucleus: the Moon. He had not been in the Moon palace since he was barely a preteen, and he hoped he would die, by natural cause or even by brutal murder, before he ever had to return.
Zoisite didn't want to get out of bed. He didn't want to leave the warmth and security of his blankey (and yes, he still treasured his blankey that was over two decades old and drenched in years of drool), and he didn't want to take one step away from it, for one step away from his blankey would be one step closer to the palace on the Moon. He would rather lock himself up and die of starvation than face the past again, but he knew that sooner or later Kunzite would break down the door and drag him by his long hair if he had to. Duty was duty to Kunzite. Zoisite told his friend to get a life. They had a mutual understanding.
Although Zoisite was too vain and too proud to admit he was scared of something, or in this case, someone, his reason for loathing the afternoon trip was not as simple as Nephrite's fear of being ruthlessly attacked. Unlike Nephrite, he was not particularly worried about facing the one who tormented him eight years ago. He was worried about his bruised ego; he was afraid that he would be bested again by a prissy, petite, blue-haired genius. He was scared of being outsmarted and beaten by a *girl*.
Zoisite reluctantly got out of bed and shuffled his fuzzy bear- slippered feet to his personal bathroom adjacent to his own room. The reflection in the mirror showed a handsome but worn-looking man. His long strawberry hair was more ruffled than usual, and there were slightly dark circles under his droopy eyes. He was absolutely appalled. First, he brushed his teeth to a sparkling white. Then, he washed his face three times, each time with a different cleanser. Finally, he gently rubbed his cherry blossom scented firming/sunscreen lotion all over his blemish-free skin. Unlike his macho-nacho comrades, Zoisite rarely had to shave.
'When was the last time I had facial stubble? Half a year ago?'
The other three kings and Prince Endymion always mocked him for being so unusually feminine. His face was as handsome as any man--"In fact, the most handsome!" he loved to crow--but his features were less strong and angular. They were soft curves that made him look innocent and childlike. He was also a little shorter than the rest of his friends. The fact that Zoisite practically didn't need to shave and the fact that he had silky, long, carefully conditioned hair gave them more reason to call him the "effeminate" one or use their favorite nickname for him.
"Girly-boy Zoi! Do you sleep in front of the mirror or something?"
'Girly-boy Zoi. Can't they at least come up with an original sounding nickname for me?!' "Why do you care, Jed? You have your own bathroom, so go drink the water out of your own toilet bowl!"
"I would, but you used all of it's water because you wasted too much of your own water supply on shampooing your hair!" Jadeite yelled back through the bathroom door.
"Don't listen to him, Zoi," advised Kunzite, who just stepped into Zoisite's room. "He just wants you to get out of your bathroom so he could use it because he clogged his toilet again."
"Kunzite! Shhhh!" begged a flame-faced Jadeite.
"HA! That's the third time this week you did that, Jadeite."
"Go swallow some aftershave, Zoisite...oh wait--you don't shave!"
"Better smooth and sweet than hairy and unattractive like you."
"Both of you just shut up for a second," commanded Kunzite. "I came over to remind you guys to pack up all your necessities and toiletries. You can take up to two large suitcases of clothes and an extra smaller travel bag."
"Make that three suitcases of designer clothing for Zoisite!" Jadeite yelled loudly.
Both Zoisite and Jadeite were the wise guys of their clique of friends. The remarks they exchanged with each other seemed to be devastatingly scathing to an outsider, but it was something only best friends could understand and appreciate. A day without one smart-ass comment or one witty putdown was a dull day, indeed.
As Zoisite exited his bathroom, Endymion danced merrily into his room while humming a happy tune. He was about to try to get Jadeite to dance with him again, but he remembered what happened the last time he tried to get Jadeite to waltz with him, so he quickly backed away a jumped up and down on Zoisite's bed.
"Damn it, Endymion! I just got finished making my bed!"
"Who cares! In exactly six hours, I get to see my Serenity again! Hey..." Endymion counted the number of people in the room: "1, 2, 3...where's Nephrite?"
"I don't know. Before I came to talk to Zoi and Jed, I looked into his room, and his bed was already made. He probably went down for an early breakfast."
Jadeite looked worried. "You mean to say that he had that same nightmare again. Funny, I didn't hear him scream like a mad woman last night. I told you eight years ago, and I'll tell you again: those Senshi girls are no good, rotten scoundrels."
With the mention of the Senshi, the room went dead quite. After an awkward silence, Kunzite cleared his throat. "Does everyone know what time to be at the portal?"
"Two forty-five," the other three answered automatically. Kunzite was not satisfied. Jadeite and Zoisite sighed and then added, "in the afternoon of today." Having reassured his fellow kings couldn't try to pull tricks to get out of this vacation, he also told them that breakfast, brunch, and lunch would be served at the same time that day until they left.
Kunzite felt that he forgot to say something important, but he remembered in a second. "Don't forget to pack your two and a half month's supply of feminine products, Zoi."
"My what?"
"He means your tampons!" cried Endymion, adding his two cents in the "make fun of Zoisite because he's more in touch with his feminine side than what's considered healthy" fest.
Having had their fill of poking fun at Zoisite, Endymion and company left the room like a pack of giddy sailors.
Zoisite was used to being teased by his friends. He knew perfectly well that they didn't aim to really hurt him. In fact, he said worse things to them on a daily basis. It was all part of the manly ritual of saying stupid things to make oneself feel more manly. Zoisite didn't mind at all. He knew he spent more time on his looks than was necessary; women loved him no matter what.
'Sure, I'm called the pretty boy of the Shittenou, but I'm also dubbed the "royal court's resident womanizer". Seems pretty fair to me. I mean, I can appreciate a woman and her morning rituals, can't I? Doesn't make me less of a man. What woman can resist a man who knows how to present himself? Uh huh, I'm too hot for this planet. Maybe I can add a couple dozen women on my "to do" list. The Silver Millennium is famous for breeding the most beautiful women in the galaxy. This trip might not turn out so bad after all.'
Zoisite could have had any woman he wanted, not just because he was impossibly good-looking, but because he knew how to treat a woman. He knew exactly what to say to a woman to make her puddy in his hands, but contrary to popular belief, he truly did respect the female sex. Sure, he had his share of one-night stands, but those women knew he was only looking for a fling. He made sure that every woman he was involved with knew and agreed to his intentions. They were content with spending just one meaningless night with one of the Earth's most eligible bachelors.
People wondered how Zoisite knew how to please a lady better than any other man on the face of the Earth and why he too was a little on the feminine side, though he was clearly a man in the mental and physical sense.
Zoisite was the way he was thanks to a certain blue-haired Mercurian princess.
**Eight years ago on the Moon**
Young Zoisite was surprised that the ten-foot wide dinner table didn't stop the future Senshi and the future Shittenou from jumping over it and strangling each other. The tension was so thick that the spacious dining room of the wonderous Moon palace felt uncomfortably stuffy. The elder royals, who during the whole time were too caught up in memories to notice the tense atmosphere, were surprised when all the warrior-training children, including Princess Makoto the food enthusiast (of all people!), excused themselves before dessert was served. Luna and Artemis surreptitiously glanced at each other and shook their heads simultaneously, but Little Serenity and Endymion enjoyed one banana split together.
Before the boys went to bed, they all took turns trying to get the horrid rotten colors off Nephrite's teeth. Around midnight, Zoisite miraculously whipped up a generally harmless bleaching solution by using some of the ingredients from the bathroom and the complimentary refrigerator, but Nephrite's tastebuds were really affected. Whether it was the potion that the princess of Jupiter used or Zoisite's bleach that almost destroyed Nephrite's sense of taste, they never found out.
The famed rose gardens of the Moon were always calm and quiet, except for that night. In the center of the enormous hedge maze stood the five young princesses. Serenity, Rei, Minako, and Makoto stood in a circle with their arms raised up and each person with their hands clasped to the person next to them. In the middle of their circle kneeled Ami in front of a single lit wax candle and a tray that held a pen, a piece of paper, a lock of golden hair, a length of red ribbon, and a clean sewing needle. Each girl was in deep meditation, and they all chanted in low voices in an ancient tongue. Ever so slowly, the chanting stopped, and only the wind rustling through the willow branches and the hoot of an owl disrupted the silence.
Rei, with her eyes still closed, whispered instructions to Ami. "We have recited the old but powerful spell of the honored dead for an hour, but only you, Ami-chan, can complete the ritual. If you do not concentrate and focus your energy into the flame of the candle, the spell may backfire and take its toll on you. Are you sure you want to go through with this?"
"Positive, Rei-chan. Tell me what to do."
"Alright. First, write the name of the one from whom you seek vengeance."
Ami picked up the fountain pen and wrote "Zoisite Aufait" in her perfect handwriting on the scrap of paper.
"Good. Now wrap the lock of hair that you took from the one who offended you in the paper you just wrote on."
Right after they had excused themselves from the dining table, Ami "accidentally" bumped into Zoisite. What she actually did was quickly slice a lock of his light hair, but he thought she was just clumsy and unobservant.
After Ami had done what she was told, Rei told her to tightly tie the roll with the red ribbon. "Now burn it," she added when the ribbon was secured. "Watch the flames intently. Imagine you see the face of the one you hate in the flames. Put all your energy into that tiny fire. As your desire to avenge yourself grows, the flame should grow taller. As your concentration increases, the flame should grow brighter." The small flame on the candle did indeed grow taller and brighter. "Finally, Ami-chan, you must prick your finger and allow a drop of blood to fall into the candle's flame."
Ami, the princess who was considered too innocent and shy to participate in such arcane activities, readily picked up the needle, and without a second thought, pushed it into her index finger. A bead of crimson liquid began to form and fell into the candle. The flame burst so violently that the girls were all blown backwards. Then the flame completely disappeared, leaving the five young girls bathed in darkness.
Minako let out a shuddered breath. "Rei-chan, was that supposed to happen?"
"Yes, that means it was a success."
"But are you sure it will work?"
"I can't be entirely sure because we are forbidden to use this type of magic, and I'm not sure if these spells will work the way we want it to."
"Hold on. What kind of magic is it anyway?"
"Dark magic."
Minako nearly fell backwards again, and Serenity, Makoto, and Ami covered their mouths in horror.
"Dark magic?!" gasped Serenity. "Mama's gonna kill us! I didn't even get to say goodbye to Endymion yet!!"
"Shhhh! It's not as bad as it sounds," Rei promised them. "It's called 'dark magic' because the spells were developed during the Dark Ages of Mars. They are only forbidden to us because only the elders are given the privilege to practice this kind of magic. The elders fear that young people like ourselves do not have enough experience in performing the rituals correctly. We could hurt ourselves. It has nothing to do with evil forces."
Makoto let out a sigh of relief. "For a moment there, you scared me so badly. Look at poor Ami-chan. She went dead pale after you said it was dark magic, and she's already as white as snow."
"When will the spell take effect?" asked Ami with the color back in her cheeks.
"It will be effective by sunrise, and it will last for thirteen and a half hours," replied Rei.
"It's late," complained Serenity, "and I'm tired. Can we go in yet?"
"Sure, Usa-chan," answered Makoto. "We're all a little exhausted. But I'm sure the fatigue was totally worth it for you, wasn't it, Ami- chan?"
"If this whole thing works out," said Ami, "Sleep will be the last thing on my mind. I'll be too busy looking around for a camera to remember the joyous occasion."
Zoisite woke up bright and early the following morning. He had never felt so energized in his life, nor did he ever wake up before eight o'clock in his life. 'Must be the new energy drinks I've been mixing,' he thought. But something was not quite right. Though he felt charged up an well- rested, he felt the top half of his body feel a little heavier. 'I probably just have to get used to waking up early in the morning. Or maybe that muscle buildup workout is really paying off. Feel the burn!'
His fellow princes were still asleep. They had two rooms that were joined together with one door. Each room had a separate bathroom, but the room contained two separate king-sized beds. Zoisite shared a room with Nephrite, and Jadeite roomed with Kunzite. Endymion's quarters were across the hall. Zoisite hopped out of bed and into the bathroom to admire himself in the mirror like he did every morning.
One slip on the bathroom rug evoked a squeaky, shrill scream from his throat. It wasn't his normal "ouch!" when he fell hard to the ground, it was more of a high-pitched "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Zoisite never "eeked". He suddenly realized that the scream was not him, or at least, it wasn't his voice. 'What the hell is going on?' He ran to the mirror to see what was wrong with him.
He didn't see himself in the mirror. *HE* saw *HERSELF* in the mirror.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!" screamed the girl. Zoisite heard his normal voice in his thoughts, but when he spoke, the girl in the mirror moved her mouth and a girl's voice came out. His....her hair was still the same length, but then he figured out why he felt a little heavier. Somehow over night, he had grown a modest chest!
"Hey, not a bad size. I'm at least a B cup. My hair's softer, and my skin's a lot smoother too...WAITAMINUTE! I'm not a girl!! Why am I...How did...What's going on?!" Involuntary tears welled up in his eyes, now surrounded by long, flirtatious lashes, and poured down his cheeks. Zoisite the boy never shed a tear in his life! His mother could attest to that!
"Zoisite?"
Zoisite almost shrieked again, but he refrained from doing so. 'What should I do? Should I let the guys know? NO WAY! They'll laugh me out of this galaxy if they find out that I have somehow changed into a girl.' He decided to keep his unwanted sex change a secret. A secret for life. Dropping his girly voice as low as possible, he replied, "I'm alright, Neph. I just...uh...feel a little congested this morning."
"Are you okay? I heard someone scream. Do you need help or anything?"
"NO!! I mean, thanks, but I'm okay."
"What's wrong with your voice, man?"
"Remember? I feel sick."
"I've heard you sick before. You've never sounded like this. Maybe it's really serious. Let me call a doctor."
"NO!!!! I'm fine, damnit! Just tell the guys not to bother me today. I feel lightheaded, but I'll manage. Tell King James, Queen Gwendolyn, and Queen Serenity I'm sorry."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure, Neph. There's medicine in this cabinet. I'll be fine, so don't worry, and tell the others not to worry either. Just make sure they don't bother me while I sleep, okay? Don't let any chambermaids in our room unless I want them to, got it?"
"Uh, sure Zoi. If you need anything, just call me or Kunz or Jed through the mental link. I'm going down to breakfast. See you later, Zoi. Hope you feel better."
"Thanks." 'Finally, he's gone! Now I gotta figure out why this happened.' Zoisite took another good look in the mirror. Yup, he was definitely a girl now. He ran over to the door and locked all three locks.
He couldn't go to the library and do some reseach, lest he be seen by his comrades. He was still recognizable, only female. He refused to disguise himself in women's clothing. It would have been the smart thing to do, but Zoisite's stupid boyish pride wouldn't allow one petticoat or stocking to touch his skin, nor would he allow one foot to be squeezed into a girl's low heel slipper.
Throughout the entire morning and afternoon, Zoisite agonized over his predicament. Nothing made sense. Science actually failed him! That only left one reason: magic. Someone used magic to terrorize him, but who? And how long would he stay a girl? Another hour? Another day? For the rest of his life?!
The most awkward part of his day was going to the restroom. 'How do girls pee sitting down?! It's so much easier being a guy, being able to stand up and do your business and go on your way. Then there's the whole toilet paper issue...it's far too complicated and time consuming! How do they deal with public bathrooms? Aren't the seats dirty? It sucks being a chick.' And while he did his business, he tried his best not to look down, and though he was very curious, it would just be too weird looking at himself but not really seeing himself at the same time. 'It could be worse. At least I'm not *gulp* menstruating. If that happened, I wouldn't know what to do.'
In the evening, he heard a knock on the door. Zoisite immediately panicked. He was about to tell the intruder to go away in the same low voice he tried to use earlier when he noticed an envelope slipped under the door. He heard the light echo of footsteps die away in the hall, so he determined that it was safe to go over to the door and pick up the envelope. Zoisite was shocked to see "Zoisite Aufait" written in neat calligraphy on the envelope, and he savagely tore it open. 'This could contain an answer to my problem!' his heart sang. His eyes skimmed over the lines of the card inside. His eyes widened to an inhuman size and twitched uncontrollably after he finished reading the message. Then he dropped the papers, letting them float to the ground. The message read:
"Now when you talk about girls being 'materialistic', you can speak from experience. Do you still think the male sex is the 'superior sex'?"
"Princess Ami Mizuno," Zoisite cursed under his breath. "She did this to me. That little bug-eyed wretch did this to me! I'll kill her, I swear I'll--"
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Zoisite? Zoisite? You haven't been out all day! Dinner is starting in ten minutes, and you haven't eaten anything since your last dinner. Come on, Zoisite, answer me!" pleaded Endymion. "The guys and I are really worried about you."
"Zoisite," warned Kunzite, "If you don't unlock this door right now, the four of us will break it down and drag you out!"
'Oh no! My cover will be blown!' "Alright, alright! I'll unlock the door, but only one of you can come in. I need space to breathe, you know."
"Fine," agreed Endymion. "I'll go in."
"Zoisite quickly unlocked the three locks and ran at lightning speed to his bed. He hid his entire body under the covers. He pretended to cough a rattling cough to make the act more convincing.
"Hey, Zoi. You had us worried there, buddy. If you're sick, you have to eat something, so go downstairs and eat dinner with us, or at least have someone bring some food up."
"Umm...I can't..."
"Why?"
"Well, I mean, I'm too tired."
"Too tired to eat? Food gives you energy!"
"No, but....." Zoisite couldn't think of a good or at least plausible excuse. He had to agree or else the consequences could get ugly. 'I'll just have the maid bring something up. I could just tell her to put it on the table while I'm still under the blanket and tell her to leave. It's still dangerous, but it's better to do that than go downstairs.'
"Okay, Endy. Tell one of the servants to bring up some food then."
"Great! I hear the cook made something special tonight. I'm sure you'll like it even if your...sickness might affect your tastebuds. At least you'll be able to taste more than Neph, right?" In a meant-to-be- friendly gesture, Endymion punched Zoisite in the chest and went out the room to call a servant.
Zoisite wanted to cry. He had never felt such a mind-numbing pain in his life. Now he understood clearly why girls were so protective of their chest area. He had just discovered the hard way that it hurt! Especially since he was, at the moment, the equivalent of an adolescent girl, which meant that his newly acquired chest was still developing, which meant that if someone punched him there, it would hurt like hell.
Zoisite promised never to make fun of girls ever again if he could just go back being a boy.
As if the gods were listening to his earnest plea, Zoisite felt his body transform slowly. The chest he had began to...deflate was the only appropriate word...and he grew back to his original height. He ran to the bathroom, and to his great belief, he saw his own reflection, his real reflection. He kissed his reflection like he had never kissed before, and he hugged himself, slumped down against the wall, and cried in sheer happiness. For the first time in his life, as a boy, Zoisite cried. "Thank you, God!!! Oh, thank you!! I'm me again! The old, beautiful, *male* me again! Hahahahaha!!!!" He laughed and cried in overjoyed hysteria until the servant brought up his food, and even after he finished the meal, he laughed and cried some more until he fell asleep from happy exhaustion.
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Sorry this took so long. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Damn volleyball! Damn it to hell! I don't mean to offend any volleyball enthusiasts, but I hate it with a passion. It takes away the time I've planned to devote to my loyal readers.
As for this story, I warn you now that it will be a long story. I don't believe in rushing things. I want to focus on the comedy first, and all other things I've promised will come in time.
Review!
REVIEW!!
' denotes thought
AN: =author's notes
denotes mental messages
Important note: I'm such a dumbass! I accidently wrote in the last chapter that it was chapter four when it was actually chapter five! Excuse the typo...I'm too lazy to revise right now.
Dear gassy2: Three's a charm! You're the third person who has put me on a favorites list! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
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The Winning Losers Chapter Six: The Past has Passed, So Let it Go!
**Present time on Earth**
At two o'clock in the morning, Nephrite woke up violently, his sheets soaked in sweat.
'At least I didn't wake up screaming, this time.'
During the past eight years, the same nightmare haunted him every now and then. *Her* face taunted him, and he relived the pain and humiliation all over again, as if the incident happened just yesterday. The nightmare would always end the same way: him coming out of the abused bathroom, him seeing his teeth that disgusting color, and him swearing Princess Makoto to hell.
For that entire week eight years ago, his digestive system went totally berserk. He was almost tempted to steal a diaper from the royal nursery--that was how bad it got and how desperate he became. One minute, he was chatting with one of the palace guards, the next, he was running to the restrooms like a boy being chased by a lion that hadn't been fed for five days straight. After Nephrite would suddenly awaken from the nightmare in the wee hours of the morning, the following events of that cursed day played in front of his eyes.
He remembered how he tried frantically to brush his teeth back to its normal clean color, but the dye would not come off entirely. It left a greenish residue with brown spots that wouldn't disappear, no matter how hard he brushed. Kunzite said that he didn't have to go to dinner, but Nephrite insisted that he went because it would be rude to skip the first dinner of their visit. At the dinner table, he hardly made conversation, fearing his teeth would cause more commotion than desirable, and when he did have to reply to someone, he made sure his lips hid his teeth, or he would use the napkin and act like he was wiping his mouth while he talked. Queen Gwendolyn, King James, and Queen Serenity asked him worriedly if he was feeling fine, and he would nod his head and smile with pursed lips in response.
The queen of the Moon and her daughter sat at one end of the long and wide dining table, and the Earth's ruling couple sat on the other end with Endymion. The four Earth princes sat opposite the four inner planet princesses on each side. Unfortunately for them, the table was too wide for them to kick each other under the table or fling food at each other without being noticeable. The opposing groups glared at each other, imagining the steak on the plates that they were slicing apart were the people sitting in front of them.
Princess Makoto was merciless. She smiled openly, too openly, to everyone at the table, but mostly directly at Nephrite. It was no coincidence that she sat straight across from him--she intentionally saved that seat. She flashed her beautiful smile almost throughout the entire dinner, showing off her perfectly aligned and dazzling white teeth. She was doing it in spite of him, and she knew he knew she was doing it to mock him. To embarass him. To put him in his place. And she really couldn't care less. She enjoyed herself immensely that night.
Nephrite sat up in his bed and glanced at his alarm clock. It was two-thirty A.M. He had spent half and hour reliving his personal hell, and he knew that he would spend the rest of the morning moping over it and replaying the event in his head.
'Jed's right. I need psychiatric help. Badly.'
He dreamed of going back into the past and living that evening over again. 'I should have trusted my first instinct!' He would have acted much differently. He would have kicked her out of the room, literally, and thrown the cookies at her sprawled form on the ground, one by one, until just one cookie was left. And with that very last cookie, he would shove it into her mouth and make her swallow it whole, forcing her to taste the vileness of her own medicine. Nephrite would obsess over what could have been until the rest of his friends woke up.
It always went that way.
The golden rays of the sun pierced the blue and lavender sky and outlined the majestic mountain ranges surrounding the Terran castle. The morning's dew created a field of diamonds, almost as blinding as the proud sun, and mingled with the verdant and resilient blades of grass. The gray mists began to subside, and the hardworking business owners and street vendors of the kingdom were already up and bustling, hollering at each other and bargaining with the villagers.
The larks chirped in perfect harmony, telling the people to arise from their dreamy stupor and begin another glorious day. Their sweet songs were nature's pleasant wakeup call, and the birds were nature's agreeable alarm clock.
An alarm clock that Zoisite would have gladly shot if he had a rifle next to his bed.
In exactly six hours, twenty-two minutes, and thiry-seven seconds, he would be setting foot on the marble floor of the Silver Millennium's nucleus: the Moon. He had not been in the Moon palace since he was barely a preteen, and he hoped he would die, by natural cause or even by brutal murder, before he ever had to return.
Zoisite didn't want to get out of bed. He didn't want to leave the warmth and security of his blankey (and yes, he still treasured his blankey that was over two decades old and drenched in years of drool), and he didn't want to take one step away from it, for one step away from his blankey would be one step closer to the palace on the Moon. He would rather lock himself up and die of starvation than face the past again, but he knew that sooner or later Kunzite would break down the door and drag him by his long hair if he had to. Duty was duty to Kunzite. Zoisite told his friend to get a life. They had a mutual understanding.
Although Zoisite was too vain and too proud to admit he was scared of something, or in this case, someone, his reason for loathing the afternoon trip was not as simple as Nephrite's fear of being ruthlessly attacked. Unlike Nephrite, he was not particularly worried about facing the one who tormented him eight years ago. He was worried about his bruised ego; he was afraid that he would be bested again by a prissy, petite, blue-haired genius. He was scared of being outsmarted and beaten by a *girl*.
Zoisite reluctantly got out of bed and shuffled his fuzzy bear- slippered feet to his personal bathroom adjacent to his own room. The reflection in the mirror showed a handsome but worn-looking man. His long strawberry hair was more ruffled than usual, and there were slightly dark circles under his droopy eyes. He was absolutely appalled. First, he brushed his teeth to a sparkling white. Then, he washed his face three times, each time with a different cleanser. Finally, he gently rubbed his cherry blossom scented firming/sunscreen lotion all over his blemish-free skin. Unlike his macho-nacho comrades, Zoisite rarely had to shave.
'When was the last time I had facial stubble? Half a year ago?'
The other three kings and Prince Endymion always mocked him for being so unusually feminine. His face was as handsome as any man--"In fact, the most handsome!" he loved to crow--but his features were less strong and angular. They were soft curves that made him look innocent and childlike. He was also a little shorter than the rest of his friends. The fact that Zoisite practically didn't need to shave and the fact that he had silky, long, carefully conditioned hair gave them more reason to call him the "effeminate" one or use their favorite nickname for him.
"Girly-boy Zoi! Do you sleep in front of the mirror or something?"
'Girly-boy Zoi. Can't they at least come up with an original sounding nickname for me?!' "Why do you care, Jed? You have your own bathroom, so go drink the water out of your own toilet bowl!"
"I would, but you used all of it's water because you wasted too much of your own water supply on shampooing your hair!" Jadeite yelled back through the bathroom door.
"Don't listen to him, Zoi," advised Kunzite, who just stepped into Zoisite's room. "He just wants you to get out of your bathroom so he could use it because he clogged his toilet again."
"Kunzite! Shhhh!" begged a flame-faced Jadeite.
"HA! That's the third time this week you did that, Jadeite."
"Go swallow some aftershave, Zoisite...oh wait--you don't shave!"
"Better smooth and sweet than hairy and unattractive like you."
"Both of you just shut up for a second," commanded Kunzite. "I came over to remind you guys to pack up all your necessities and toiletries. You can take up to two large suitcases of clothes and an extra smaller travel bag."
"Make that three suitcases of designer clothing for Zoisite!" Jadeite yelled loudly.
Both Zoisite and Jadeite were the wise guys of their clique of friends. The remarks they exchanged with each other seemed to be devastatingly scathing to an outsider, but it was something only best friends could understand and appreciate. A day without one smart-ass comment or one witty putdown was a dull day, indeed.
As Zoisite exited his bathroom, Endymion danced merrily into his room while humming a happy tune. He was about to try to get Jadeite to dance with him again, but he remembered what happened the last time he tried to get Jadeite to waltz with him, so he quickly backed away a jumped up and down on Zoisite's bed.
"Damn it, Endymion! I just got finished making my bed!"
"Who cares! In exactly six hours, I get to see my Serenity again! Hey..." Endymion counted the number of people in the room: "1, 2, 3...where's Nephrite?"
"I don't know. Before I came to talk to Zoi and Jed, I looked into his room, and his bed was already made. He probably went down for an early breakfast."
Jadeite looked worried. "You mean to say that he had that same nightmare again. Funny, I didn't hear him scream like a mad woman last night. I told you eight years ago, and I'll tell you again: those Senshi girls are no good, rotten scoundrels."
With the mention of the Senshi, the room went dead quite. After an awkward silence, Kunzite cleared his throat. "Does everyone know what time to be at the portal?"
"Two forty-five," the other three answered automatically. Kunzite was not satisfied. Jadeite and Zoisite sighed and then added, "in the afternoon of today." Having reassured his fellow kings couldn't try to pull tricks to get out of this vacation, he also told them that breakfast, brunch, and lunch would be served at the same time that day until they left.
Kunzite felt that he forgot to say something important, but he remembered in a second. "Don't forget to pack your two and a half month's supply of feminine products, Zoi."
"My what?"
"He means your tampons!" cried Endymion, adding his two cents in the "make fun of Zoisite because he's more in touch with his feminine side than what's considered healthy" fest.
Having had their fill of poking fun at Zoisite, Endymion and company left the room like a pack of giddy sailors.
Zoisite was used to being teased by his friends. He knew perfectly well that they didn't aim to really hurt him. In fact, he said worse things to them on a daily basis. It was all part of the manly ritual of saying stupid things to make oneself feel more manly. Zoisite didn't mind at all. He knew he spent more time on his looks than was necessary; women loved him no matter what.
'Sure, I'm called the pretty boy of the Shittenou, but I'm also dubbed the "royal court's resident womanizer". Seems pretty fair to me. I mean, I can appreciate a woman and her morning rituals, can't I? Doesn't make me less of a man. What woman can resist a man who knows how to present himself? Uh huh, I'm too hot for this planet. Maybe I can add a couple dozen women on my "to do" list. The Silver Millennium is famous for breeding the most beautiful women in the galaxy. This trip might not turn out so bad after all.'
Zoisite could have had any woman he wanted, not just because he was impossibly good-looking, but because he knew how to treat a woman. He knew exactly what to say to a woman to make her puddy in his hands, but contrary to popular belief, he truly did respect the female sex. Sure, he had his share of one-night stands, but those women knew he was only looking for a fling. He made sure that every woman he was involved with knew and agreed to his intentions. They were content with spending just one meaningless night with one of the Earth's most eligible bachelors.
People wondered how Zoisite knew how to please a lady better than any other man on the face of the Earth and why he too was a little on the feminine side, though he was clearly a man in the mental and physical sense.
Zoisite was the way he was thanks to a certain blue-haired Mercurian princess.
**Eight years ago on the Moon**
Young Zoisite was surprised that the ten-foot wide dinner table didn't stop the future Senshi and the future Shittenou from jumping over it and strangling each other. The tension was so thick that the spacious dining room of the wonderous Moon palace felt uncomfortably stuffy. The elder royals, who during the whole time were too caught up in memories to notice the tense atmosphere, were surprised when all the warrior-training children, including Princess Makoto the food enthusiast (of all people!), excused themselves before dessert was served. Luna and Artemis surreptitiously glanced at each other and shook their heads simultaneously, but Little Serenity and Endymion enjoyed one banana split together.
Before the boys went to bed, they all took turns trying to get the horrid rotten colors off Nephrite's teeth. Around midnight, Zoisite miraculously whipped up a generally harmless bleaching solution by using some of the ingredients from the bathroom and the complimentary refrigerator, but Nephrite's tastebuds were really affected. Whether it was the potion that the princess of Jupiter used or Zoisite's bleach that almost destroyed Nephrite's sense of taste, they never found out.
The famed rose gardens of the Moon were always calm and quiet, except for that night. In the center of the enormous hedge maze stood the five young princesses. Serenity, Rei, Minako, and Makoto stood in a circle with their arms raised up and each person with their hands clasped to the person next to them. In the middle of their circle kneeled Ami in front of a single lit wax candle and a tray that held a pen, a piece of paper, a lock of golden hair, a length of red ribbon, and a clean sewing needle. Each girl was in deep meditation, and they all chanted in low voices in an ancient tongue. Ever so slowly, the chanting stopped, and only the wind rustling through the willow branches and the hoot of an owl disrupted the silence.
Rei, with her eyes still closed, whispered instructions to Ami. "We have recited the old but powerful spell of the honored dead for an hour, but only you, Ami-chan, can complete the ritual. If you do not concentrate and focus your energy into the flame of the candle, the spell may backfire and take its toll on you. Are you sure you want to go through with this?"
"Positive, Rei-chan. Tell me what to do."
"Alright. First, write the name of the one from whom you seek vengeance."
Ami picked up the fountain pen and wrote "Zoisite Aufait" in her perfect handwriting on the scrap of paper.
"Good. Now wrap the lock of hair that you took from the one who offended you in the paper you just wrote on."
Right after they had excused themselves from the dining table, Ami "accidentally" bumped into Zoisite. What she actually did was quickly slice a lock of his light hair, but he thought she was just clumsy and unobservant.
After Ami had done what she was told, Rei told her to tightly tie the roll with the red ribbon. "Now burn it," she added when the ribbon was secured. "Watch the flames intently. Imagine you see the face of the one you hate in the flames. Put all your energy into that tiny fire. As your desire to avenge yourself grows, the flame should grow taller. As your concentration increases, the flame should grow brighter." The small flame on the candle did indeed grow taller and brighter. "Finally, Ami-chan, you must prick your finger and allow a drop of blood to fall into the candle's flame."
Ami, the princess who was considered too innocent and shy to participate in such arcane activities, readily picked up the needle, and without a second thought, pushed it into her index finger. A bead of crimson liquid began to form and fell into the candle. The flame burst so violently that the girls were all blown backwards. Then the flame completely disappeared, leaving the five young girls bathed in darkness.
Minako let out a shuddered breath. "Rei-chan, was that supposed to happen?"
"Yes, that means it was a success."
"But are you sure it will work?"
"I can't be entirely sure because we are forbidden to use this type of magic, and I'm not sure if these spells will work the way we want it to."
"Hold on. What kind of magic is it anyway?"
"Dark magic."
Minako nearly fell backwards again, and Serenity, Makoto, and Ami covered their mouths in horror.
"Dark magic?!" gasped Serenity. "Mama's gonna kill us! I didn't even get to say goodbye to Endymion yet!!"
"Shhhh! It's not as bad as it sounds," Rei promised them. "It's called 'dark magic' because the spells were developed during the Dark Ages of Mars. They are only forbidden to us because only the elders are given the privilege to practice this kind of magic. The elders fear that young people like ourselves do not have enough experience in performing the rituals correctly. We could hurt ourselves. It has nothing to do with evil forces."
Makoto let out a sigh of relief. "For a moment there, you scared me so badly. Look at poor Ami-chan. She went dead pale after you said it was dark magic, and she's already as white as snow."
"When will the spell take effect?" asked Ami with the color back in her cheeks.
"It will be effective by sunrise, and it will last for thirteen and a half hours," replied Rei.
"It's late," complained Serenity, "and I'm tired. Can we go in yet?"
"Sure, Usa-chan," answered Makoto. "We're all a little exhausted. But I'm sure the fatigue was totally worth it for you, wasn't it, Ami- chan?"
"If this whole thing works out," said Ami, "Sleep will be the last thing on my mind. I'll be too busy looking around for a camera to remember the joyous occasion."
Zoisite woke up bright and early the following morning. He had never felt so energized in his life, nor did he ever wake up before eight o'clock in his life. 'Must be the new energy drinks I've been mixing,' he thought. But something was not quite right. Though he felt charged up an well- rested, he felt the top half of his body feel a little heavier. 'I probably just have to get used to waking up early in the morning. Or maybe that muscle buildup workout is really paying off. Feel the burn!'
His fellow princes were still asleep. They had two rooms that were joined together with one door. Each room had a separate bathroom, but the room contained two separate king-sized beds. Zoisite shared a room with Nephrite, and Jadeite roomed with Kunzite. Endymion's quarters were across the hall. Zoisite hopped out of bed and into the bathroom to admire himself in the mirror like he did every morning.
One slip on the bathroom rug evoked a squeaky, shrill scream from his throat. It wasn't his normal "ouch!" when he fell hard to the ground, it was more of a high-pitched "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Zoisite never "eeked". He suddenly realized that the scream was not him, or at least, it wasn't his voice. 'What the hell is going on?' He ran to the mirror to see what was wrong with him.
He didn't see himself in the mirror. *HE* saw *HERSELF* in the mirror.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!" screamed the girl. Zoisite heard his normal voice in his thoughts, but when he spoke, the girl in the mirror moved her mouth and a girl's voice came out. His....her hair was still the same length, but then he figured out why he felt a little heavier. Somehow over night, he had grown a modest chest!
"Hey, not a bad size. I'm at least a B cup. My hair's softer, and my skin's a lot smoother too...WAITAMINUTE! I'm not a girl!! Why am I...How did...What's going on?!" Involuntary tears welled up in his eyes, now surrounded by long, flirtatious lashes, and poured down his cheeks. Zoisite the boy never shed a tear in his life! His mother could attest to that!
"Zoisite?"
Zoisite almost shrieked again, but he refrained from doing so. 'What should I do? Should I let the guys know? NO WAY! They'll laugh me out of this galaxy if they find out that I have somehow changed into a girl.' He decided to keep his unwanted sex change a secret. A secret for life. Dropping his girly voice as low as possible, he replied, "I'm alright, Neph. I just...uh...feel a little congested this morning."
"Are you okay? I heard someone scream. Do you need help or anything?"
"NO!! I mean, thanks, but I'm okay."
"What's wrong with your voice, man?"
"Remember? I feel sick."
"I've heard you sick before. You've never sounded like this. Maybe it's really serious. Let me call a doctor."
"NO!!!! I'm fine, damnit! Just tell the guys not to bother me today. I feel lightheaded, but I'll manage. Tell King James, Queen Gwendolyn, and Queen Serenity I'm sorry."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure, Neph. There's medicine in this cabinet. I'll be fine, so don't worry, and tell the others not to worry either. Just make sure they don't bother me while I sleep, okay? Don't let any chambermaids in our room unless I want them to, got it?"
"Uh, sure Zoi. If you need anything, just call me or Kunz or Jed through the mental link. I'm going down to breakfast. See you later, Zoi. Hope you feel better."
"Thanks." 'Finally, he's gone! Now I gotta figure out why this happened.' Zoisite took another good look in the mirror. Yup, he was definitely a girl now. He ran over to the door and locked all three locks.
He couldn't go to the library and do some reseach, lest he be seen by his comrades. He was still recognizable, only female. He refused to disguise himself in women's clothing. It would have been the smart thing to do, but Zoisite's stupid boyish pride wouldn't allow one petticoat or stocking to touch his skin, nor would he allow one foot to be squeezed into a girl's low heel slipper.
Throughout the entire morning and afternoon, Zoisite agonized over his predicament. Nothing made sense. Science actually failed him! That only left one reason: magic. Someone used magic to terrorize him, but who? And how long would he stay a girl? Another hour? Another day? For the rest of his life?!
The most awkward part of his day was going to the restroom. 'How do girls pee sitting down?! It's so much easier being a guy, being able to stand up and do your business and go on your way. Then there's the whole toilet paper issue...it's far too complicated and time consuming! How do they deal with public bathrooms? Aren't the seats dirty? It sucks being a chick.' And while he did his business, he tried his best not to look down, and though he was very curious, it would just be too weird looking at himself but not really seeing himself at the same time. 'It could be worse. At least I'm not *gulp* menstruating. If that happened, I wouldn't know what to do.'
In the evening, he heard a knock on the door. Zoisite immediately panicked. He was about to tell the intruder to go away in the same low voice he tried to use earlier when he noticed an envelope slipped under the door. He heard the light echo of footsteps die away in the hall, so he determined that it was safe to go over to the door and pick up the envelope. Zoisite was shocked to see "Zoisite Aufait" written in neat calligraphy on the envelope, and he savagely tore it open. 'This could contain an answer to my problem!' his heart sang. His eyes skimmed over the lines of the card inside. His eyes widened to an inhuman size and twitched uncontrollably after he finished reading the message. Then he dropped the papers, letting them float to the ground. The message read:
"Now when you talk about girls being 'materialistic', you can speak from experience. Do you still think the male sex is the 'superior sex'?"
"Princess Ami Mizuno," Zoisite cursed under his breath. "She did this to me. That little bug-eyed wretch did this to me! I'll kill her, I swear I'll--"
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Zoisite? Zoisite? You haven't been out all day! Dinner is starting in ten minutes, and you haven't eaten anything since your last dinner. Come on, Zoisite, answer me!" pleaded Endymion. "The guys and I are really worried about you."
"Zoisite," warned Kunzite, "If you don't unlock this door right now, the four of us will break it down and drag you out!"
'Oh no! My cover will be blown!' "Alright, alright! I'll unlock the door, but only one of you can come in. I need space to breathe, you know."
"Fine," agreed Endymion. "I'll go in."
"Zoisite quickly unlocked the three locks and ran at lightning speed to his bed. He hid his entire body under the covers. He pretended to cough a rattling cough to make the act more convincing.
"Hey, Zoi. You had us worried there, buddy. If you're sick, you have to eat something, so go downstairs and eat dinner with us, or at least have someone bring some food up."
"Umm...I can't..."
"Why?"
"Well, I mean, I'm too tired."
"Too tired to eat? Food gives you energy!"
"No, but....." Zoisite couldn't think of a good or at least plausible excuse. He had to agree or else the consequences could get ugly. 'I'll just have the maid bring something up. I could just tell her to put it on the table while I'm still under the blanket and tell her to leave. It's still dangerous, but it's better to do that than go downstairs.'
"Okay, Endy. Tell one of the servants to bring up some food then."
"Great! I hear the cook made something special tonight. I'm sure you'll like it even if your...sickness might affect your tastebuds. At least you'll be able to taste more than Neph, right?" In a meant-to-be- friendly gesture, Endymion punched Zoisite in the chest and went out the room to call a servant.
Zoisite wanted to cry. He had never felt such a mind-numbing pain in his life. Now he understood clearly why girls were so protective of their chest area. He had just discovered the hard way that it hurt! Especially since he was, at the moment, the equivalent of an adolescent girl, which meant that his newly acquired chest was still developing, which meant that if someone punched him there, it would hurt like hell.
Zoisite promised never to make fun of girls ever again if he could just go back being a boy.
As if the gods were listening to his earnest plea, Zoisite felt his body transform slowly. The chest he had began to...deflate was the only appropriate word...and he grew back to his original height. He ran to the bathroom, and to his great belief, he saw his own reflection, his real reflection. He kissed his reflection like he had never kissed before, and he hugged himself, slumped down against the wall, and cried in sheer happiness. For the first time in his life, as a boy, Zoisite cried. "Thank you, God!!! Oh, thank you!! I'm me again! The old, beautiful, *male* me again! Hahahahaha!!!!" He laughed and cried in overjoyed hysteria until the servant brought up his food, and even after he finished the meal, he laughed and cried some more until he fell asleep from happy exhaustion.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry this took so long. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Damn volleyball! Damn it to hell! I don't mean to offend any volleyball enthusiasts, but I hate it with a passion. It takes away the time I've planned to devote to my loyal readers.
As for this story, I warn you now that it will be a long story. I don't believe in rushing things. I want to focus on the comedy first, and all other things I've promised will come in time.
Review!
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