Disclaimer: Dost thou thinketh that mine imagination hath given birth to
this precious commodity, this "Sailor Moon"? Fear not! I dareth not
staketh a claim on it, for it belongs to another. Though, most assuredly,
this story is mine own. Translation: I don't own Sailor Moon, but this
particular story is my creation.
Author's notes: How do other authors do it? If I ever finish this story, I'm going into retirement. Find a nice place in Florida or somethin'. Forgive my tardiness, but at least I have recovered, and I'm ready to write again.
Thanks to the following people who've made me one of their favorite authors: Joanna, Mintora, Lizzie, and bad 'n' wicked. Bless you all!
And many hugs to my editor. What a pillar of support and encouragement!
Cast of Characters:
Princess Usagi Serenity (Moon) Princess Ami Mizuno (Mercury) Princess Rei Hino (Mars) Princess Makoto Kino (Jupiter) Princess Minako Aino (Venus)
Prince Endymion Anima-Mundi King Kunzite Acoupser King Zoisite Aufait King Jadeite Amerveille King Nephrite Jusdivinum
' denotes thought
AN: =author's notes
denotes mental messages (Senshi communicate privately this way to each other, and Shittenou do the same. Blood relations can also communicate mentally.)
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The Winning Losers
Chapter 13: A New Start to an Old Feud
When left in the command of nature, the gravity of the Moon is much different than that of Earth. Objects on Earth would weigh much less on the Moon, so one would expect to see things floating around aimlessly and people unintentionally drifting toward each other. Fortunately for the Lunarians, the legendary Imperial Crystal, the source of the solar system's power, stabilizes the force of gravity, therefore anchoring everything and everyone to the comfort of the ground. Possessing that knowledge, Zoisite was utterly at a loss as to why he was feeling all light-headed and queasy. The world seemed to spin at ludicrous speeds, his eyes involuntarily crossed, and he swore that the ground beneath him had caved in.
'This is what it must be like to be a drug addict,' he thought groggily. Of course, he was never known to come in contact with illegal substances. They ruined one's complexion.
Suddenly, he was shocked back into reality by a searing pain on his forehead, but the burning sensation was not like a flaming coal against his bare skin. It was more akin to the feeling one would get by dunking one's hands into a tub of ice water while pressing one's unprotected head against a glacier at subzero temperatures for several hours on end. Zoisite jumped back abruptly, nearly tripped over his own feet, and then realized what had happened to him. Lady Mercury stood directly in front of him with the back of her hand inches away from his face. Because the nausea had not entirely settled yet, instead of seeing just one cerulean-haired princess waving a hand in front of his face, he saw three.
He was about to have a heart attack.
"Lord Aufait? My lord, are you alright?" she asked. 'Ye gods!' he internally exclaimed. 'What a ghastly voice! Damn near froze my ear!'
While suppressing the urge to rub his ear, he shook his head and blinked hard a couple of times until the triple image of Ami Mizuno merged into one. Alas, he could not completely gather his wits in time. "Good lord, woman! Do you inject your veins with ice water?"
She replied in the same icy tone. "It comes naturally." Minako and Makoto, who stood to the side with the other three Shittenou, perceived the faintest smile tug at the corner of Ami's lips.
"I think you freeze-killed the nerves that got within a yard of your fingers! And what were you doing laying hands on me?" This last part he asked with a little more curiosity that he would admit.
"Pardon me for noticing that you did not look too well. I only wanted to feel if your temperature was high--"
"With hands like yours, I'd be amazed if the infernos of hell could make them feel a single degree warmer."
Kunzite had had enough. "Hold your tongue, Zoisite. Anyways, you do look paler than usual. Lady Mercury, would you be so kind as to escort him to your infirmary?"
An ominous shadow passed over her face, but with surprising affability, she complied. "Certainly. Come this way, Lord Aufait."
Before Zoisite could protest, Kunzite gave him a deadly look that said, "If you give her a hard time I'll make sure I'll do the same for you." Zoisite shot one back that said, "If she kills me, I'm coming back to haunt you, you bastard." Contrary to his code of chivalry, he did not offer his arm to the fair lady, but she was quite content with walking swiftly three yards ahead of him.
So Minako and Makoto were left to entertain the three leftover guests, but Kunzite was already set on business. "It is a pleasure to be here on vacation--" though his face showed no trace of pleasure whatsoever "--on the Moon. But since we are to stay her for such a considerable amount of time, I would like to be enlightened about the security system of the Silver Millennium."
It had only been a minute since the beginning of conversation, and already he had put Minako on the defensive. "You needn't worry about that. I assure you that our security is of the highest class."
"I can only be sure of that when I have reviewed it," he countered. "It is the job of the Shittenou to protect our young liege. I, as leader, only wish to fulfill my duty, as you, head of the Senshi, should understand."
Minako gave a rather scornful laugh. "Yes, I understand perfectly. Why, if I were on Earth, I would probably be ten times more cautious than you, my lord." Kunzite chose not to acknowledge the insult.
"Hate to interrupt this loving family reunion," proclaimed Jadeite, "but I really have no interest in studying maps and plans and the like right now. I think I will take a leisurely tour of my delightful surroundings, so please excuse me." He wasn't actually going to wait to be excused, so he sauntered off with a careless wave of his hand.
Nephrite sorely wanted to leave with Jadeite, but he felt guilty about leaving Kunzite to fend for himself against two of the Senshi. The two men nodded their heads gravely at each other and then offered their arms to the pair of remaining ladies. Minako and Makoto glanced sideways at each other, made a tacit agreement, and took the proffered arms; Minako graciously took Nephrite's arm, and Makoto courteously linked herself with Kunzite. And so they made their way toward Aresian Headquarters, otherwise known as the heart of the Moon palace's security system.
"My father owns seventy-five percent of the fuel on Io. In fact, it's been a family enterprise since the dawn of time, and someday I'll inherit it. Hell, we practically own the whole damn moon, and I wouldn't be surprised if we expanded into Jupiter. We certainly have enough money to buy that damn planet, and by God, we'd actually run things the right way! Ha ha! But I can only keep the legacy in my family if I find a suitable queen. I'm handsome, strong, and wealthy. how hard could it be to find a wife who's as beautiful as me? Surely, she must come with a generous dowry and a noble title, too. I mean, it would be a disgrace if I were to mix my family's noble blood with that of a peasant or commoner. What a scandal that would be! Very few women fit such a lofty position, but that is what makes you, my dear, such a favorable candidate. You are definitely easy on my eyes, and because of your royal blood, you will not get ugly with age. You shall remain youthfully beautiful, and what a trophy you would make at soirees! Every man will be jealous of me, and women will envy you for being my wife. I'd be very sympathetic to those women though, for it is understandable that they would want me so badly. Who says I have no compassion? But as I was saying, your family is as dignified as one can get! Just think, my precious kitten, what a pair we would make. We could hold the universe in our hands! I know that you are amazed that I have just honored you by proposing our eventual marriage, but our union makes perfect sense. Oh, you look so lovely when you blush, my darling doll, but do not feel bashful! Just say yes! Say yes, my love!"
Viscount Edgeworth was quite mistaken. Princess Serenity was red in the face not because of a shy blush, but because her rising anger made the blood rush to her face. It took every drop of will power in her body to keep her hands in her lap in order to keep them from slapping some sense into the insolent man. She had spent the last hour listening to the viscount repeat praises about himself and insist that she was perfect for him.
'I know that I promised Mama that I wouldn't hurt another a suitor, but what if I summoned my Senshi to disguise themselves and do the dirty work for me? Technically, it wouldn't be *me* hurting him.' For the duration of their meeting, she kept formulating various ridiculous schemes, but she knew that her mother would see through each and every one of them.
"Oh, come now princess," he crooned as he rudely glanced at pocket watch. "I don't have all day for you to play this hard-to-get game."
Serenity jumped to her feet. "I beg to differ--"
"Oh, lookie there, honey, aren't they cute!" squealed an old, raspy voice behind them. The viscount and Serenity whirled around to face a plump, ancient couple gazing back at them in senile geniality. The woman who made the remark was a pear-shaped creature with a thin scarf framing her pasty, wrinkled face. Dull gray bangs brushed her bushy silver eyebrows. She smiled, revealing a mouth with only four teeth left, all of which were rotten. Although she was nearly twice as wide as the man beside her, she was an inch shorter than him. She could barely see over the bench. Her partner, who looked like he was born when the universe was created, was thinner than a metal rail but just as shiny. Light reflected off his bald head, and his skin was rather oily. His eyes were sunken in, making his bulbous nose look grotesquely huge, and he wore large olive green sunglasses. In his gnarled right hand was a wooden cane.
"Who are you?" demanded Viscount Edgeworth. "This is private property, and the Princess and I are having a private discussion."
"Shut up, you mealy-mouthed, rat-faced brat!" barked the little old man. "Didn't your parents teach you any manners? Show your elders some respect! Don't make me take off my belt and whip some manners into you!"
The old woman whacked her husband with his own cane. "Oh, don't mind Rutherfurd, here. And don't take off your belt, dear, because your trousers are too big and they're too young to go blind." She then turned to Edgeworth and Serenity. "We're the gardeners, don't ya know."
"For Heaven's sake, Ethel, we don't need to tell these ungrateful whippersnappers a damn thing. We've known these grounds since before Queen Serenity remodeled them. In my day, we had to do build with our own bare hands and cut the wood and stone with toothpicks. We didn't have all these fancy-schmancy machines. And we rarely depended on magic, even though magic back then was a hundred times more powerful that the wimpy parlor tricks you kids do nowadays."
If it was possible, Viscount Edgeworth stuck his nose even higher at the newcomers. "Well, aren't you going to bow and curtsy to me? You should at least be groveling at the feet of Princess Serenity, heir to the throne of the Silver Millennium!"
"No, please don't," begged the princess. "Excuse my. ugh. companion. These grounds are open for public enjoyment. That is why my mother beautified them."
The old couple turned their attention toward Princess Serenity. The old woman hobbled over to her and beckoned her to kneel down. Serenity obeyed. "Yes, she is very beautiful," she said to herself, holding the princess's face between her craggy hands. After a few moments, she let go of Serenity's face and walked back to her decrepit husband. "I used to be this pretty, remember Rutherfurd?"
"Eh? What? Who are you? Get off of me!" cried the old man.
"Stop being an idiot, Rutherfurd. You're not that old. Did you take your medication today?"
He began to throw a temper tantrum like a two-year-old. "Last time, you said that stuff was candy! It was awful! You tricked me, and I got angry, so I fed it to the peacocks. They seem happier now."
Princess Serenity giggled. The dark eyes of the old woman immediately shifted to her, and it was then that Serenity first noticed how lovely those eyes were. They were the only remarkable attribute of the old woman. "I like this one!" praised the elderly woman. "You have a beautiful heart, princess. Whatever are you doing with this horny dog nipping at your heels?"
"What do you mean by that?!" cried the viscount.
"I meant exactly what I said, but don't be offended. As a matter of fact, I like 'em a little lusty. My Rutherfurd over here hasn't been "on the job", if you know what I mean, with me since. Goodness, I don't even remember."
"Well, if you looked at yourself nude in the mirror, Ethel," cackled the old man, "you'd see why I get tired just thinking about it. But don't you kids ever think that I wasn't much of a lover. Why, when this prune of a wife beside me and I were in our heyday, we'd go at it like two ferrets-or perhaps weasels would be a more appropriate analogy."
"For God's sake, stop! That's disgusting!" cried Edgeworth. "I think I'm gonna vomit."
The old woman plunked herself on the bench right beside him. "Oh, you don't feel good? Let mommy make it all better." Her dry white hands had a mind of their own, and they soon found their way into his well-groomed hair and up his thigh.
"Princess, help me!" he screeched. The old woman was doing everything short of consummating a marriage.
Clearly, Princess Serenity was enjoying the little episode. "Oh, but my lord, a mature woman has infinitely more experience in." insert snicker ".whatever she is doing to you right now."
"You two-timing man-whore!" roared the little old man. "Stop harassing my wife! Get off!" With every curse and every demand, he struck the viscount with his sturdy cane. "Get off! Get off! Get off!"
Tears began to fall down the viscount's badly bruised cheeks. "I'm - OW! - not doing anything to - ACK! - her! She's - AH! - attacking me! HEY!" The old woman had somehow managed to unbuckle the viscount's belt and unzip his pants, allowing them to fall to his knees and reveal lavender silk underwear. With a final surge of panicked strength, he pushed the savage couple off him, pulled his trousers back up, though not completely, and shuffled away as quickly as he could.
Princess Serenity rushed to the aid of the aged couple. As she helped them to their feet, she apologized profusely. "I'm so, so terribly sorry. Did he hurt you? Oh, I'm so glad you two are unharmed." She giggled again. "I can't say the same for Lord Edgeworth, though. Please, sit with me." A wrinkled body sat on either sides of her, sandwiching her quite cozily. "I want to thank you both for scaring off that horrid pig. He would not leave until he got my promise of marriage. I've never met a man so into himself or one as coarse as the viscount. If you had not come to my rescue, I probably would have committed a capital murder. Thank you, thank you again."
"That's what friends are for," replied a very familiar voice. Serenity whipped her head to her right, and to her absolute astonishment, she was not sitting next to a funny old woman. Smooth, creamy skin replaced the ashy wrinkles, and rich violet-black locks substituted the dull gray whiskers of hair. 'But those eyes.' The beautiful dark eyes of the old woman were laughing back at her, and then it struck her like bolt of lightning. Those were Rei's eyes.
"Rei-chan? Oh gosh, Rei-chan! But how. and who is.?" Ever so slowly, Serenity turned her head 180 degrees to her left. Not knowing why, her heart began to race, and every nerve in her body was trembling in excitement. Her limpid sapphire eyes clashed with penetrating indigo ones, and for what seemed to be a blissful eternity, she forgot everything else. Only those glorious indigo eyes.
"Hello, Usako. Long time, no see."
Aresian Headquarters was definitely one of the most impressive areas of the grand palace. Just to gain access into the secondary chambers, one would need to have an iris scan, fingerprint check, deoxyribosenucleic acid examination, hair follicle test, voice wave confirmation, and full body figure laser scan. Designed by the elite laboratories of Mercury, each test took less than five seconds. The princess Mercury was known to make weekly trips to Aresian Headquarters to update the systems and maintain its status as the vanguard of security programs. The phrase "state-of-the-art" was defined by the technology in the Lunar palace. Entering the Executive Council Room was nearly impossible. The only people who could open the doors were the queen and the Senshi, and they did so by shooting a beam of energy, completely unique to each person, into the "keyhole". It would take an intruder with magic a hundred times more powerful than the Imperial Crystal to successfully trespass into the Executive Council Room.
It was within the walls of this room that a new world war was about to erupt.
"For the millionth time, you pedantic paper-pusher, if invaders from the fifth dimension were to attack the southern border, we would be prepared with an armed force of 25,000 troops!"
"What if the invaders were to attack on all sides? If the whole army is having trouble defending just one frontier, the invaders will break through the city's walls in less than an hour! You can't possibly mobilize quickly enough!"
"Who said that the army would have trouble defending the palace? I don't know how you Earthlings train your armies, but in the Silver Millennium Coalition boot camp, we make sure that every man and woman is stretched to the limit of his and her ability. And how dare you take us as a second-rate army! Do you actually think we only have 25,000 troops? That's not even one-sixtieth of our army!"
"Don't raise your voice to me, little girl. You obviously don't have enough military experience, because a *good* general would not put all his money on numbers. Never underestimate the power of an unknown attacker."
"Ha! If you were listening to my earlier statement, you would have heard me say that we train our soldiers to be the best that they can be, and if you had taken the time to study our statistics, you would know that the Silver Millennium Coalition is the best defensive and offensive army in this dimension. Even if we didn't have such a massive reserve of manpower, we'd still destroy any opposing force within two hours. Go read a history book. I'm sure it will inform you about the unparalleled skill of our generals and warriors"
"You mention a coalition. With such an eclectic gathering of super powers and super egos, I'm surprised it's able to function as one. How sure are you that your neighboring planets will come to the aid of the Moon in time? How do you know that they won't miraculously come to their senses and realize how silly it is to sacrifice their own people for the safety of one controlling state? A coalition is a dangerous thing. The Earth has been strong enough to keep itself from getting assimilated into the Moon's empire, unlike the other planets of this system." Kunzite sat in one of the fine black leather chairs with his hands resting placidly on a large geographical map. One clean, white eyebrow was haughtily raised, and his stone-cold eyes met Minako's blazing blue ones in a defiant challenge. "And the best of your fighters may not compare to the best of other unidentified aggressors," he added for good measure.
Minako glared daggers at the pompous platinum-haired king, and she actually twirled a steel dagger between her fingers quite viciously. She had spent the past hour shouting back at his presumptuous comments; her throat began to feel sore.
The situation was really quite simple: Kunzite was trying to make Minako look inferior to him, for he thought that she was too immature to deserve such a distinguished position, and Minako was painting Kunzite as a know-it-all wannabe. 'He's trying to make me look bad on my own territory,' she thought dryly. 'What a dip-stick.'
In the middle of the argument, Makoto, who was thoroughly offended, got up and was about to tackle Kunzite and beat the crap out him when Nephrite stopped her with a firm hand on her shoulder. Angrily, she shook his hand off, but she remained seated in her chair. She was too furious to speak coherently. Nephrite just sat silently, taking in everything that went on around him.
Kunzite wasn't done. "And look at this area on the map. You have naval bases all along the coast except at this point. Seventy-six degrees north latitude, one hundred and nine degrees west longitude. There isn't a naval base for two hundred miles. that's just begging for an attack."
"No," growled Minako through her teeth, "but there is a battleship stationed five miles from the coast of that zone."
"Where?"
"RIGHT THERE!" With the dexterity of a magician, she grabbed the handle of her dagger and violently stabbed at the map. It vibrated menacingly between Kunzite's middle and index fingers.
Someone in the room let out a faint whimper. To this day, Kunzite maintains that Minako, who realized what a major faux pas she had just made, was the one who whimpered. Minako swears that the whimper came from a very frightened Kunzite. Makoto and Nephrite were too shocked to really tell who did it.
"Ahem. Nice aim."
"I wasn't aiming for the map."
Makoto finally found her voice. "Well, I think we've already dissected every aspect of our security system that can possibly be dissected."
"But we haven't discussed theft alert or gone over the plans of the palace itself!" exclaimed the high commander of Earth.
"Princess Ami is more well-informed than anyone. I'm sure we can track her down and have her give you a complete lecture later."
"Yeah," Nephrite interposed. "We've just got here. Our minds will be better prepared to digest all this important information tomorrow."
"Let us go to the stables," suggested Makoto in an attempt to ease the tension. "I was planning to go there anyways. It will be. fun."
It was agreed. They left Aresian Headquarters and reached the imperial stables in fifteen minutes. Princess Makoto spent the majority of her free time around the royal horses. One could say that she was a regular resident, and she was often seen riding around on her beloved steed or grooming the other horses. As the four royals walked through the stables, she lovingly petted the horses' manes and fed them carrots. Nephrite was taken aback by this display of tenderness.
"You seem to be very well-acquainted with the horses," he observed.
"Know them? Mako-chan reared and trained them all," boasted Minako. "She's the best rider, too, though that's no surprise since the horse is the emblem of Jupiter."
"Emblem?" questioned Kunzite. "What do you mean?"
"You mean that Earth has no representative animal on its coat of arms?"
"I see. Yes, we do. It's the lion."
"That makes sense. If you take that intimidating mane away, all you have is a pussy cat."
Makoto cleared her throat and nudged Minako in the ribs. "Yes, well, each planet of the Silver Millennium also has one or two animals on its coat of arms. We actually have a couple of them in these stables -- the animals that one can actually saddle." One by one, she introduced the two Earth kings to the unique inhabitants of the Lunar stables.
In the first stable was a pristine white Pegasus. The feathers of its majestic wings were softer than clouds, and its mane and tail glittered with diamond dust. Crowning its head was an ivory horn that was over a foot in length, and its eyes were iridescent rainbows. "This is Mystique. She's an alpine mountain unicorn, the emblem of the Moon."
"Correction, princess! I'm an *oriental* mountain unicorn," Mystique articulated. Kunzite and Nephrite were ready to go into apoplexy.
"And she talks," added the Jovian princess.
The next stable, marked with the Mercurian coat of arms, was the home of a dignified snow wolf named Perspicacity. Its fur was mainly a snowy white, but its paws, ears, and tail were a wintry blue. It had lain quietly on a voluminous navy mattress as it watched its visitors with its strangely clever eyes. Nephrite could not shake the feeling that the eyes had a keen human quality. "The snow owl is Mercury's other national creature, for it is a symbol of wisdom."
The next stable could barely contain its tenant. A stunning tiger, twice the size of a Terran Siberian tiger, prowled around its rectangular room. Its coloring was also the inverse of an average tiger. Instead of dark brown stripes, its body was streaked with ribbons of gold, giving a stark contrast to its midnight-black fur. When it saw Minako, it jumped on its hind legs and leaned its powerful forepaws on top of the gate. It then proceeded to give her an adoring lick on the face. Minako rubbed its face playfully. "Hey there, Sparky! I've missed you!"
"Sparky?" asked Kunzite incredulously. Nephrite shrugged his shoulders.
Makoto picked up from her earlier commentary. "You might have noticed that you have not seen any creatures from Mars, besides Princess Rei herself." She couldn't help but smile. "The Martian emblems are the dragon and the phoenix, both of which are too large to house in our commodious stables. And now we come to the best part of our tour!" As if on cue, one of the stable hands walked out and handed the reigns of a superb stallion to Makoto. Its coat was a lustrous ebony, and although its mane and tail were just as dark, the light revealed deep green highlights. There was also an unearthly glow that surrounded it, though it was barely perceptible. The emerald sign of four, the symbol of Jupiter, twinkled on its forehead.
"And this must be the Jovian envoy," declared Nephrite. "What generic name did you give it? Thunder? Lightning? Stormy? Twister? Whirlwind?"
"Would you stop naming different natural phenomena? That could go on for a long time," stated Makoto matter-of-factly.
"Okay, so what's her name?"
"Sweetie Pie."
"Sweetie Pie?"
"Yes, Sweetie Pie. And it's a he, not a she."
"That's cruel."
"What? It's a cute name!"
"Riiiiight, but for a male? If I were him, I'd probably drown myself in the nearest river for having such a sissy name."
"Sissy, huh? I bet you two-thousand gold coins that I could whip you in a half-mile race!" With a blatant dare like that, Nephrite could hardly refuse.
"I get to be judge!" announced Minako. "But I must warn you, Lord Jusdivinum, that you are bound to lose. Mako-chan has never lost a horse race in her life."
"Until now," he confidently stated. "And raise the stakes to five- thousand."
The race was on.
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Sorry, but I've decided to hold off the race between Makoto and Nephrite for the next chapter.
Thanks to the people who e-mail me and write reviews to remind me that I still have a story to finish.
So thanks to liz, one of the few people who write directly to my mailbox.
And Andy, I do not hate you. I adore all my readers.
Keep reviewing, peeps. It's a great cure for writer's block.
Author's notes: How do other authors do it? If I ever finish this story, I'm going into retirement. Find a nice place in Florida or somethin'. Forgive my tardiness, but at least I have recovered, and I'm ready to write again.
Thanks to the following people who've made me one of their favorite authors: Joanna, Mintora, Lizzie, and bad 'n' wicked. Bless you all!
And many hugs to my editor. What a pillar of support and encouragement!
Cast of Characters:
Princess Usagi Serenity (Moon) Princess Ami Mizuno (Mercury) Princess Rei Hino (Mars) Princess Makoto Kino (Jupiter) Princess Minako Aino (Venus)
Prince Endymion Anima-Mundi King Kunzite Acoupser King Zoisite Aufait King Jadeite Amerveille King Nephrite Jusdivinum
' denotes thought
AN: =author's notes
denotes mental messages (Senshi communicate privately this way to each other, and Shittenou do the same. Blood relations can also communicate mentally.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The Winning Losers
Chapter 13: A New Start to an Old Feud
When left in the command of nature, the gravity of the Moon is much different than that of Earth. Objects on Earth would weigh much less on the Moon, so one would expect to see things floating around aimlessly and people unintentionally drifting toward each other. Fortunately for the Lunarians, the legendary Imperial Crystal, the source of the solar system's power, stabilizes the force of gravity, therefore anchoring everything and everyone to the comfort of the ground. Possessing that knowledge, Zoisite was utterly at a loss as to why he was feeling all light-headed and queasy. The world seemed to spin at ludicrous speeds, his eyes involuntarily crossed, and he swore that the ground beneath him had caved in.
'This is what it must be like to be a drug addict,' he thought groggily. Of course, he was never known to come in contact with illegal substances. They ruined one's complexion.
Suddenly, he was shocked back into reality by a searing pain on his forehead, but the burning sensation was not like a flaming coal against his bare skin. It was more akin to the feeling one would get by dunking one's hands into a tub of ice water while pressing one's unprotected head against a glacier at subzero temperatures for several hours on end. Zoisite jumped back abruptly, nearly tripped over his own feet, and then realized what had happened to him. Lady Mercury stood directly in front of him with the back of her hand inches away from his face. Because the nausea had not entirely settled yet, instead of seeing just one cerulean-haired princess waving a hand in front of his face, he saw three.
He was about to have a heart attack.
"Lord Aufait? My lord, are you alright?" she asked. 'Ye gods!' he internally exclaimed. 'What a ghastly voice! Damn near froze my ear!'
While suppressing the urge to rub his ear, he shook his head and blinked hard a couple of times until the triple image of Ami Mizuno merged into one. Alas, he could not completely gather his wits in time. "Good lord, woman! Do you inject your veins with ice water?"
She replied in the same icy tone. "It comes naturally." Minako and Makoto, who stood to the side with the other three Shittenou, perceived the faintest smile tug at the corner of Ami's lips.
"I think you freeze-killed the nerves that got within a yard of your fingers! And what were you doing laying hands on me?" This last part he asked with a little more curiosity that he would admit.
"Pardon me for noticing that you did not look too well. I only wanted to feel if your temperature was high--"
"With hands like yours, I'd be amazed if the infernos of hell could make them feel a single degree warmer."
Kunzite had had enough. "Hold your tongue, Zoisite. Anyways, you do look paler than usual. Lady Mercury, would you be so kind as to escort him to your infirmary?"
An ominous shadow passed over her face, but with surprising affability, she complied. "Certainly. Come this way, Lord Aufait."
Before Zoisite could protest, Kunzite gave him a deadly look that said, "If you give her a hard time I'll make sure I'll do the same for you." Zoisite shot one back that said, "If she kills me, I'm coming back to haunt you, you bastard." Contrary to his code of chivalry, he did not offer his arm to the fair lady, but she was quite content with walking swiftly three yards ahead of him.
So Minako and Makoto were left to entertain the three leftover guests, but Kunzite was already set on business. "It is a pleasure to be here on vacation--" though his face showed no trace of pleasure whatsoever "--on the Moon. But since we are to stay her for such a considerable amount of time, I would like to be enlightened about the security system of the Silver Millennium."
It had only been a minute since the beginning of conversation, and already he had put Minako on the defensive. "You needn't worry about that. I assure you that our security is of the highest class."
"I can only be sure of that when I have reviewed it," he countered. "It is the job of the Shittenou to protect our young liege. I, as leader, only wish to fulfill my duty, as you, head of the Senshi, should understand."
Minako gave a rather scornful laugh. "Yes, I understand perfectly. Why, if I were on Earth, I would probably be ten times more cautious than you, my lord." Kunzite chose not to acknowledge the insult.
"Hate to interrupt this loving family reunion," proclaimed Jadeite, "but I really have no interest in studying maps and plans and the like right now. I think I will take a leisurely tour of my delightful surroundings, so please excuse me." He wasn't actually going to wait to be excused, so he sauntered off with a careless wave of his hand.
Nephrite sorely wanted to leave with Jadeite, but he felt guilty about leaving Kunzite to fend for himself against two of the Senshi. The two men nodded their heads gravely at each other and then offered their arms to the pair of remaining ladies. Minako and Makoto glanced sideways at each other, made a tacit agreement, and took the proffered arms; Minako graciously took Nephrite's arm, and Makoto courteously linked herself with Kunzite. And so they made their way toward Aresian Headquarters, otherwise known as the heart of the Moon palace's security system.
"My father owns seventy-five percent of the fuel on Io. In fact, it's been a family enterprise since the dawn of time, and someday I'll inherit it. Hell, we practically own the whole damn moon, and I wouldn't be surprised if we expanded into Jupiter. We certainly have enough money to buy that damn planet, and by God, we'd actually run things the right way! Ha ha! But I can only keep the legacy in my family if I find a suitable queen. I'm handsome, strong, and wealthy. how hard could it be to find a wife who's as beautiful as me? Surely, she must come with a generous dowry and a noble title, too. I mean, it would be a disgrace if I were to mix my family's noble blood with that of a peasant or commoner. What a scandal that would be! Very few women fit such a lofty position, but that is what makes you, my dear, such a favorable candidate. You are definitely easy on my eyes, and because of your royal blood, you will not get ugly with age. You shall remain youthfully beautiful, and what a trophy you would make at soirees! Every man will be jealous of me, and women will envy you for being my wife. I'd be very sympathetic to those women though, for it is understandable that they would want me so badly. Who says I have no compassion? But as I was saying, your family is as dignified as one can get! Just think, my precious kitten, what a pair we would make. We could hold the universe in our hands! I know that you are amazed that I have just honored you by proposing our eventual marriage, but our union makes perfect sense. Oh, you look so lovely when you blush, my darling doll, but do not feel bashful! Just say yes! Say yes, my love!"
Viscount Edgeworth was quite mistaken. Princess Serenity was red in the face not because of a shy blush, but because her rising anger made the blood rush to her face. It took every drop of will power in her body to keep her hands in her lap in order to keep them from slapping some sense into the insolent man. She had spent the last hour listening to the viscount repeat praises about himself and insist that she was perfect for him.
'I know that I promised Mama that I wouldn't hurt another a suitor, but what if I summoned my Senshi to disguise themselves and do the dirty work for me? Technically, it wouldn't be *me* hurting him.' For the duration of their meeting, she kept formulating various ridiculous schemes, but she knew that her mother would see through each and every one of them.
"Oh, come now princess," he crooned as he rudely glanced at pocket watch. "I don't have all day for you to play this hard-to-get game."
Serenity jumped to her feet. "I beg to differ--"
"Oh, lookie there, honey, aren't they cute!" squealed an old, raspy voice behind them. The viscount and Serenity whirled around to face a plump, ancient couple gazing back at them in senile geniality. The woman who made the remark was a pear-shaped creature with a thin scarf framing her pasty, wrinkled face. Dull gray bangs brushed her bushy silver eyebrows. She smiled, revealing a mouth with only four teeth left, all of which were rotten. Although she was nearly twice as wide as the man beside her, she was an inch shorter than him. She could barely see over the bench. Her partner, who looked like he was born when the universe was created, was thinner than a metal rail but just as shiny. Light reflected off his bald head, and his skin was rather oily. His eyes were sunken in, making his bulbous nose look grotesquely huge, and he wore large olive green sunglasses. In his gnarled right hand was a wooden cane.
"Who are you?" demanded Viscount Edgeworth. "This is private property, and the Princess and I are having a private discussion."
"Shut up, you mealy-mouthed, rat-faced brat!" barked the little old man. "Didn't your parents teach you any manners? Show your elders some respect! Don't make me take off my belt and whip some manners into you!"
The old woman whacked her husband with his own cane. "Oh, don't mind Rutherfurd, here. And don't take off your belt, dear, because your trousers are too big and they're too young to go blind." She then turned to Edgeworth and Serenity. "We're the gardeners, don't ya know."
"For Heaven's sake, Ethel, we don't need to tell these ungrateful whippersnappers a damn thing. We've known these grounds since before Queen Serenity remodeled them. In my day, we had to do build with our own bare hands and cut the wood and stone with toothpicks. We didn't have all these fancy-schmancy machines. And we rarely depended on magic, even though magic back then was a hundred times more powerful that the wimpy parlor tricks you kids do nowadays."
If it was possible, Viscount Edgeworth stuck his nose even higher at the newcomers. "Well, aren't you going to bow and curtsy to me? You should at least be groveling at the feet of Princess Serenity, heir to the throne of the Silver Millennium!"
"No, please don't," begged the princess. "Excuse my. ugh. companion. These grounds are open for public enjoyment. That is why my mother beautified them."
The old couple turned their attention toward Princess Serenity. The old woman hobbled over to her and beckoned her to kneel down. Serenity obeyed. "Yes, she is very beautiful," she said to herself, holding the princess's face between her craggy hands. After a few moments, she let go of Serenity's face and walked back to her decrepit husband. "I used to be this pretty, remember Rutherfurd?"
"Eh? What? Who are you? Get off of me!" cried the old man.
"Stop being an idiot, Rutherfurd. You're not that old. Did you take your medication today?"
He began to throw a temper tantrum like a two-year-old. "Last time, you said that stuff was candy! It was awful! You tricked me, and I got angry, so I fed it to the peacocks. They seem happier now."
Princess Serenity giggled. The dark eyes of the old woman immediately shifted to her, and it was then that Serenity first noticed how lovely those eyes were. They were the only remarkable attribute of the old woman. "I like this one!" praised the elderly woman. "You have a beautiful heart, princess. Whatever are you doing with this horny dog nipping at your heels?"
"What do you mean by that?!" cried the viscount.
"I meant exactly what I said, but don't be offended. As a matter of fact, I like 'em a little lusty. My Rutherfurd over here hasn't been "on the job", if you know what I mean, with me since. Goodness, I don't even remember."
"Well, if you looked at yourself nude in the mirror, Ethel," cackled the old man, "you'd see why I get tired just thinking about it. But don't you kids ever think that I wasn't much of a lover. Why, when this prune of a wife beside me and I were in our heyday, we'd go at it like two ferrets-or perhaps weasels would be a more appropriate analogy."
"For God's sake, stop! That's disgusting!" cried Edgeworth. "I think I'm gonna vomit."
The old woman plunked herself on the bench right beside him. "Oh, you don't feel good? Let mommy make it all better." Her dry white hands had a mind of their own, and they soon found their way into his well-groomed hair and up his thigh.
"Princess, help me!" he screeched. The old woman was doing everything short of consummating a marriage.
Clearly, Princess Serenity was enjoying the little episode. "Oh, but my lord, a mature woman has infinitely more experience in." insert snicker ".whatever she is doing to you right now."
"You two-timing man-whore!" roared the little old man. "Stop harassing my wife! Get off!" With every curse and every demand, he struck the viscount with his sturdy cane. "Get off! Get off! Get off!"
Tears began to fall down the viscount's badly bruised cheeks. "I'm - OW! - not doing anything to - ACK! - her! She's - AH! - attacking me! HEY!" The old woman had somehow managed to unbuckle the viscount's belt and unzip his pants, allowing them to fall to his knees and reveal lavender silk underwear. With a final surge of panicked strength, he pushed the savage couple off him, pulled his trousers back up, though not completely, and shuffled away as quickly as he could.
Princess Serenity rushed to the aid of the aged couple. As she helped them to their feet, she apologized profusely. "I'm so, so terribly sorry. Did he hurt you? Oh, I'm so glad you two are unharmed." She giggled again. "I can't say the same for Lord Edgeworth, though. Please, sit with me." A wrinkled body sat on either sides of her, sandwiching her quite cozily. "I want to thank you both for scaring off that horrid pig. He would not leave until he got my promise of marriage. I've never met a man so into himself or one as coarse as the viscount. If you had not come to my rescue, I probably would have committed a capital murder. Thank you, thank you again."
"That's what friends are for," replied a very familiar voice. Serenity whipped her head to her right, and to her absolute astonishment, she was not sitting next to a funny old woman. Smooth, creamy skin replaced the ashy wrinkles, and rich violet-black locks substituted the dull gray whiskers of hair. 'But those eyes.' The beautiful dark eyes of the old woman were laughing back at her, and then it struck her like bolt of lightning. Those were Rei's eyes.
"Rei-chan? Oh gosh, Rei-chan! But how. and who is.?" Ever so slowly, Serenity turned her head 180 degrees to her left. Not knowing why, her heart began to race, and every nerve in her body was trembling in excitement. Her limpid sapphire eyes clashed with penetrating indigo ones, and for what seemed to be a blissful eternity, she forgot everything else. Only those glorious indigo eyes.
"Hello, Usako. Long time, no see."
Aresian Headquarters was definitely one of the most impressive areas of the grand palace. Just to gain access into the secondary chambers, one would need to have an iris scan, fingerprint check, deoxyribosenucleic acid examination, hair follicle test, voice wave confirmation, and full body figure laser scan. Designed by the elite laboratories of Mercury, each test took less than five seconds. The princess Mercury was known to make weekly trips to Aresian Headquarters to update the systems and maintain its status as the vanguard of security programs. The phrase "state-of-the-art" was defined by the technology in the Lunar palace. Entering the Executive Council Room was nearly impossible. The only people who could open the doors were the queen and the Senshi, and they did so by shooting a beam of energy, completely unique to each person, into the "keyhole". It would take an intruder with magic a hundred times more powerful than the Imperial Crystal to successfully trespass into the Executive Council Room.
It was within the walls of this room that a new world war was about to erupt.
"For the millionth time, you pedantic paper-pusher, if invaders from the fifth dimension were to attack the southern border, we would be prepared with an armed force of 25,000 troops!"
"What if the invaders were to attack on all sides? If the whole army is having trouble defending just one frontier, the invaders will break through the city's walls in less than an hour! You can't possibly mobilize quickly enough!"
"Who said that the army would have trouble defending the palace? I don't know how you Earthlings train your armies, but in the Silver Millennium Coalition boot camp, we make sure that every man and woman is stretched to the limit of his and her ability. And how dare you take us as a second-rate army! Do you actually think we only have 25,000 troops? That's not even one-sixtieth of our army!"
"Don't raise your voice to me, little girl. You obviously don't have enough military experience, because a *good* general would not put all his money on numbers. Never underestimate the power of an unknown attacker."
"Ha! If you were listening to my earlier statement, you would have heard me say that we train our soldiers to be the best that they can be, and if you had taken the time to study our statistics, you would know that the Silver Millennium Coalition is the best defensive and offensive army in this dimension. Even if we didn't have such a massive reserve of manpower, we'd still destroy any opposing force within two hours. Go read a history book. I'm sure it will inform you about the unparalleled skill of our generals and warriors"
"You mention a coalition. With such an eclectic gathering of super powers and super egos, I'm surprised it's able to function as one. How sure are you that your neighboring planets will come to the aid of the Moon in time? How do you know that they won't miraculously come to their senses and realize how silly it is to sacrifice their own people for the safety of one controlling state? A coalition is a dangerous thing. The Earth has been strong enough to keep itself from getting assimilated into the Moon's empire, unlike the other planets of this system." Kunzite sat in one of the fine black leather chairs with his hands resting placidly on a large geographical map. One clean, white eyebrow was haughtily raised, and his stone-cold eyes met Minako's blazing blue ones in a defiant challenge. "And the best of your fighters may not compare to the best of other unidentified aggressors," he added for good measure.
Minako glared daggers at the pompous platinum-haired king, and she actually twirled a steel dagger between her fingers quite viciously. She had spent the past hour shouting back at his presumptuous comments; her throat began to feel sore.
The situation was really quite simple: Kunzite was trying to make Minako look inferior to him, for he thought that she was too immature to deserve such a distinguished position, and Minako was painting Kunzite as a know-it-all wannabe. 'He's trying to make me look bad on my own territory,' she thought dryly. 'What a dip-stick.'
In the middle of the argument, Makoto, who was thoroughly offended, got up and was about to tackle Kunzite and beat the crap out him when Nephrite stopped her with a firm hand on her shoulder. Angrily, she shook his hand off, but she remained seated in her chair. She was too furious to speak coherently. Nephrite just sat silently, taking in everything that went on around him.
Kunzite wasn't done. "And look at this area on the map. You have naval bases all along the coast except at this point. Seventy-six degrees north latitude, one hundred and nine degrees west longitude. There isn't a naval base for two hundred miles. that's just begging for an attack."
"No," growled Minako through her teeth, "but there is a battleship stationed five miles from the coast of that zone."
"Where?"
"RIGHT THERE!" With the dexterity of a magician, she grabbed the handle of her dagger and violently stabbed at the map. It vibrated menacingly between Kunzite's middle and index fingers.
Someone in the room let out a faint whimper. To this day, Kunzite maintains that Minako, who realized what a major faux pas she had just made, was the one who whimpered. Minako swears that the whimper came from a very frightened Kunzite. Makoto and Nephrite were too shocked to really tell who did it.
"Ahem. Nice aim."
"I wasn't aiming for the map."
Makoto finally found her voice. "Well, I think we've already dissected every aspect of our security system that can possibly be dissected."
"But we haven't discussed theft alert or gone over the plans of the palace itself!" exclaimed the high commander of Earth.
"Princess Ami is more well-informed than anyone. I'm sure we can track her down and have her give you a complete lecture later."
"Yeah," Nephrite interposed. "We've just got here. Our minds will be better prepared to digest all this important information tomorrow."
"Let us go to the stables," suggested Makoto in an attempt to ease the tension. "I was planning to go there anyways. It will be. fun."
It was agreed. They left Aresian Headquarters and reached the imperial stables in fifteen minutes. Princess Makoto spent the majority of her free time around the royal horses. One could say that she was a regular resident, and she was often seen riding around on her beloved steed or grooming the other horses. As the four royals walked through the stables, she lovingly petted the horses' manes and fed them carrots. Nephrite was taken aback by this display of tenderness.
"You seem to be very well-acquainted with the horses," he observed.
"Know them? Mako-chan reared and trained them all," boasted Minako. "She's the best rider, too, though that's no surprise since the horse is the emblem of Jupiter."
"Emblem?" questioned Kunzite. "What do you mean?"
"You mean that Earth has no representative animal on its coat of arms?"
"I see. Yes, we do. It's the lion."
"That makes sense. If you take that intimidating mane away, all you have is a pussy cat."
Makoto cleared her throat and nudged Minako in the ribs. "Yes, well, each planet of the Silver Millennium also has one or two animals on its coat of arms. We actually have a couple of them in these stables -- the animals that one can actually saddle." One by one, she introduced the two Earth kings to the unique inhabitants of the Lunar stables.
In the first stable was a pristine white Pegasus. The feathers of its majestic wings were softer than clouds, and its mane and tail glittered with diamond dust. Crowning its head was an ivory horn that was over a foot in length, and its eyes were iridescent rainbows. "This is Mystique. She's an alpine mountain unicorn, the emblem of the Moon."
"Correction, princess! I'm an *oriental* mountain unicorn," Mystique articulated. Kunzite and Nephrite were ready to go into apoplexy.
"And she talks," added the Jovian princess.
The next stable, marked with the Mercurian coat of arms, was the home of a dignified snow wolf named Perspicacity. Its fur was mainly a snowy white, but its paws, ears, and tail were a wintry blue. It had lain quietly on a voluminous navy mattress as it watched its visitors with its strangely clever eyes. Nephrite could not shake the feeling that the eyes had a keen human quality. "The snow owl is Mercury's other national creature, for it is a symbol of wisdom."
The next stable could barely contain its tenant. A stunning tiger, twice the size of a Terran Siberian tiger, prowled around its rectangular room. Its coloring was also the inverse of an average tiger. Instead of dark brown stripes, its body was streaked with ribbons of gold, giving a stark contrast to its midnight-black fur. When it saw Minako, it jumped on its hind legs and leaned its powerful forepaws on top of the gate. It then proceeded to give her an adoring lick on the face. Minako rubbed its face playfully. "Hey there, Sparky! I've missed you!"
"Sparky?" asked Kunzite incredulously. Nephrite shrugged his shoulders.
Makoto picked up from her earlier commentary. "You might have noticed that you have not seen any creatures from Mars, besides Princess Rei herself." She couldn't help but smile. "The Martian emblems are the dragon and the phoenix, both of which are too large to house in our commodious stables. And now we come to the best part of our tour!" As if on cue, one of the stable hands walked out and handed the reigns of a superb stallion to Makoto. Its coat was a lustrous ebony, and although its mane and tail were just as dark, the light revealed deep green highlights. There was also an unearthly glow that surrounded it, though it was barely perceptible. The emerald sign of four, the symbol of Jupiter, twinkled on its forehead.
"And this must be the Jovian envoy," declared Nephrite. "What generic name did you give it? Thunder? Lightning? Stormy? Twister? Whirlwind?"
"Would you stop naming different natural phenomena? That could go on for a long time," stated Makoto matter-of-factly.
"Okay, so what's her name?"
"Sweetie Pie."
"Sweetie Pie?"
"Yes, Sweetie Pie. And it's a he, not a she."
"That's cruel."
"What? It's a cute name!"
"Riiiiight, but for a male? If I were him, I'd probably drown myself in the nearest river for having such a sissy name."
"Sissy, huh? I bet you two-thousand gold coins that I could whip you in a half-mile race!" With a blatant dare like that, Nephrite could hardly refuse.
"I get to be judge!" announced Minako. "But I must warn you, Lord Jusdivinum, that you are bound to lose. Mako-chan has never lost a horse race in her life."
"Until now," he confidently stated. "And raise the stakes to five- thousand."
The race was on.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry, but I've decided to hold off the race between Makoto and Nephrite for the next chapter.
Thanks to the people who e-mail me and write reviews to remind me that I still have a story to finish.
So thanks to liz, one of the few people who write directly to my mailbox.
And Andy, I do not hate you. I adore all my readers.
Keep reviewing, peeps. It's a great cure for writer's block.