for all things must come to an end
A Will/Rachel Fanfiction
Written for Finny
Chapter Two - The Worst
Rachel locks herself in her room as soon as she gets home. She latches the windows and ties the curtains closed. She pushes her dresser up against the bedroom door and slides her vanity stool in front of the door in her bathroom that leads to the hall.
-x-
She doesn't want anyone to bother her.
-x-
She doesn't want anyone to touch her.
-x-
She doesn't feel like Rachel Berry.
-x-
She doesn't feel like a star
-x-
She doesn't deserve to.
She can hear her dads in the hallway, hears them knocking on her door.
But they can't get in. Even if they had the spare key.
-x-
She has no doubt they are worried about her.
-x-
"Rachel. . . Rachel, baby girl?"
She doesn't answer, just hugs her legs and silently cries.
"Rachel?" his voice cuts through the darkness in her room. It's Kurt, dependable Kurt.
"I don't feel much like talking today, Kurt. I am sure I will be back to normal by tomorrow. Please, tell my dads not to worry."
-x-
She comes out of her room almost half past ten that evening. Her dads don't ask her why she was so despondent and for that she is glad. She knows they will ask her soon, but for now they are silent.
She stands in her kitchen eating lukewarm rice and trying not to cry for nearly ten minutes, before she abandons the bowl and the warmth of her fathers' arms for her solitude.
The next morning, Mr. Schuester corners her just outside the auditorium.
"Rachel, I know you took Finn breaking up with you hard-"
"He didn't break up with me. I broke up with him. And if you'll excuse me, I have a class to get to."
She swallows back a cry, and walks away.
-x-
In Glee, she is back to her animated and loud self. She talks about solos and New York and NYADA.
But she refuses to allow herself to look at Mr. Schuester.
-x-
"Rachel, can you stay after please."
-x-
Why won't he leave her alone? Can't he see that she wants to focus on New York and her dream and nothing more?
-x-
She stays behind.
-x-
"Are you doing okay, Rachel?"
She isn't sure why she does it again. But she does. She kisses him soundly on the lips. [one two three four five six] seven seconds.
His stunned look made her feel horribly strange.
She runs again.
"Rach-"
She does not stop running until she's standing at the bus stop just half a block from the school.
-x-
She does not breathe easily again until she's standing in front of Kurt's house.
-x-
Rachel knocks.
-x-
Carole answers the door and at first she doesn't say a word.
"Can I wait for Kurt in his room?"
Rachel can't look up at Carole's face.
She knows she should tell someone and if she looks at Carole she will blurt it all out. Carole Hummel is too easy to talk to. She's the epitome of motherhood.
"Rachel, do you want me to call your parents?" Carole's reassuring voice asks her. Rachel nearly chokes.
"No, it's all right. I will call them. I just really need to talk with Kurt."
"Did something happen with Finn, honey?"
"Mrs. Hummel, I appreciate your concern, but not all my troubles are about your son."
With that, Rachel walks past her into the house.
-x-
When Kurt walks in his room, Rachel starts to cry. It is too much, everything is too much, and she can't control herself any longer.
-x-
"Rachel? Rachel!" Kurt was trying to help, she knew that. But what if she was beyond help? She'd spent so long trying to be a star, that she didn't know how to be herself anymore.
-x-
She draws in a loud and shaky breath.
"Kurt, can you shut the door?"
After closing the door, he settles on the bed next to her and pulls her into himself.
-x-
"Kurt. . . I'm scared."
-x-
It's the first time she's admitted it without a bit (a lot) of alcohol in her bloodstream.
-x-
"And not just because of New York."
-x-
And it's the first time she's saying it aloud to Kurt, not just New York, but all of it. Kissing Mr. Schuester and hiding and being cornered and then kissing him again.
-x-
And knowing he wasn't telling anyone about it.
-x-
"Promise me something, Kurt?"
"Of course, Rachel."
-x-
"Promise me you won't tell anyone? Please."
And he promises her he won't tell. He promises to keep her secret.
There is a strange look on his face, but she ignores it.
Kurt knows, and he's still going to be there for her.
She gets home when it's nearly eight in the evening. Her dads question her, but ultimately, they leave her be.
They don't know.
Mr. Schuester hasn't told them.
-x-
She's not sure why that makes her feel uneasy.
Just after midnight, she pinches a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet.
-x-
A quarter after one in the morning, she sneaks out again.
She doesn't realise how much noise she makes leaving, drunk as she is.
-x-
She walks aimlessly, just trying to clear her head. [just trying to find him]
Within an hour, she finds herself looking up at the yellow light of an apartment, the figure of a man in the window.
-x-
Mr. Schuester.
-x-
She goes upstairs.
He answers the door when she knocks, pulling his shirt down as he does so.
She pushes her way in, and she's not completely sure why, but she pushes her way inside.
"Rachel, you can't be in here."
She laughs.
"Why didn't you tell anyone? I kissed you, twice."
"I know you're trying to work through some things and you're conf-"
"I'm not confused!" she nearly screams it at him.
He's more confused than she expected.
She acts before he has a chance to react.
Rachel hooks her fingers in the fabric of his collar and yanks him down, capturing his lips with her own.
She's at her worst when she's afraid of her best.
End of Chapter Two