From Hell To Heaven
A/N I'm going to start with an apology. Usually, I always reply to my reviewers with a private message. Unfortunately, recently I've been swept off my feet by college work and have been making do with acknowledgements at the start of chapters. Good news, I am now determined to continue the thanks by message as well. So thank you to maerae93, courtneylovejason and spacekitten2700 for your reviews, and not being put off by the lack of message in reply. lol
EOforevertogether, you gave a momentus review for the last chapter. To answer some of your questions, In the car: Elliot tends to outburst and put his foot in it a lot. I thought it would be so easy for him to screw up the stability between him and Liv, but I also wanted a true reaction and I thought he would be so protective of 'Livia that he would get annoyed by her determination to be at fault. Second, transferring Harris: I know that in reality the chances of bringing a prisoner from prison is extremely unlikely. However, bringing Harris back in to the precinct, Liv's 'territory', it would be more threatening to her than if she'd gone to the prison. Not only that, if there had been some big visitation arranged it would be easy for Elliot to prevent Liv seeing Harris. But I really wanted that interaction, so having him at the precinct makes him more accessible. After she overhears them about him being transferred in, I was going to have a big scene in the cribs for them about it. But by now I'm surprised if Olivia has any tears left and I thought it was about time she actually got some rest. lol And she needed rest before this chapter ;)
This is it; the EO chapter I've being furiously scribbling down, crossing out, rewriting and reediting for a while now. I did seek advice from a certain *cough, cough* someone lol I was unsure if this boarders on M or not, so forewarning, read at your own discretion if sex scenes aren't your thing. Really hope you enjoy this one, it is quite long but it's an emotional rollercoaster and finally leads to what we've all been waiting for ;) xx (Italics at the beginning are a dream, well nightmare x)
Chapter 11-Cribs Caress
She crouched lower. She could hear her heartbeat, so loud she was sure he would hear it, leading straight to her. She froze as she heard him getting closer, leaving a path of destruction behind him. 'No, no, no' she chanted, trying to will it all away. Her heart plummetted as the blinding beam of his flashlight settled on her.
"Guess whose ass is mine now." he said, with a finality that turned her stomach and made her very being shudder in fear.
An ear splitting scream resonated around the room as Olivia frantically sat up. Her eyes searched the room as she heard movement, blinded by tears and darkness.
"'Livia?" Elliot panicked. The cribs came in to Olivia's swimming view as he flicked on the lights.
Her frantic breathing slowed as she glanced around. No stacks of chairs. No flashlight. No Harris. She let out a deep breath, rubbing her clammy forehead in frustration with herself.
"Liv, are you ok?" Elliot asked, hesitantly standing a few paces away.
After a few fumbling seconds, she forced a smile. "I'm-I'm fine, El, really, I-er-I just had a bad dream."
"I guessed." he said, lowering himself on to the edge of the bed beside her, still monitoring her reaction.
Olivia sighed in frustration. "I'm ok, elliot. I don't need your skepticism."
"I'm not doubting you, Olivia. I'm just concerned." She refused to meet his eyes. "Want to talk about it?" he dared.
"No, I don't! There's nothing to talk about. It was just a dream." she affirmed.
There was a pregnant pause. "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume you were dreaming something that felt pretty real; got you on edge. And judging by your dilated pupils, you're still pretty shook up."
She looked away from him as she sat up, swinging her legs out from the blanket she only just noticed. "Why are you so determined for me to be frightened? Does me being scared give you a reason to be here?"
This time he didn't allow himself to get defensive; one angry detective was enough for this time of night.
"Olivia, you know I'd still be here, even if you didn't want me." Her eyes tightened at his words. She angrily punched at her pillows in a futile attempt to plump them up. When she sighed slightly and her brow eased up, he knew she had conceded to the truth. He decided to push his luck and move closer to her.
"Liv," he called softly, sitting sideways to face her, despite her having her back to him. "'Livia," he said a little more firmly. Finally, she put her pillows down and faced him. She pulled her legs up and crossed them, knowing she probably wasn't going to like what he had to say.
When she met his eyes, he wordlessly unclipped a holster from his ankle, her weapon cradled within it. She smiled as he handed it over, nodding to the pile beside the bed, her towel and resting on top- her empty replacement holster.
Elliot chuckled. "Knew I'd have to give it back sooner or later, huh?"
She met his crystal gaze, tilting her head to the side in a half nod. "I trusted you. Knew it would be 'sooner' rather than 'later'." He nodded and considered as she settled the returned item on her discarded towel.
"There's something else." He pulled a silver item from his pocket, kept safe since he had retrieved it from his locker. He presented it to her.
Her first instinct was the laugh. "You're kidding, right?"
He resisted rolling his eyes at her reluctance as he held the silver knuckleduster out to her. "I know you're a hell of a shot, but in case you do get separated from your gun; it would make me feel better to know you're protected."
She raised her eyebrows. "I know how to throw a punch, El."
"I'm more than aware of how hard you hit," he joked. "Think of this as an insurance policy." he offered.
"You're my insurance policy."
His heart warmed at her words, but her reluctance still bothered him. He tossed the knuckles on the towel beside her bed, knowing he was getting nowhere. "It's not like you're going anywhere, is it?" she asked, trying to make it sound off hand, despite studying his expression for tells.
He stood and walked away as he spoke. "'Livia, you know I have no intention of going anywhere for a very long time." He reached out and flicked off the light. "You'll always be my partner, Liv."
He turned in the dim light, surprised to see her stood right behind him.
"You could at least say that to my face." she joked, a sincere smile crossing her lips.
Elliot hesitated for a second, knocked off kilter a little by her sudden proximity.
"I don't need to say it to your face, Liv." he said, grazing his hand across her cheek. "You know it's the truth; I mean every word I say."
"I know." she said, stepping closer. "And you'll always be my partner."
"I'll always have your back, Olivia." As he actually slid his hands up her back, coming to rest at the small. "Nothing could damage that. Nothing could ever change my mind about you."
With that he leaned in, his slightly parted lips hesitating for less than a second as he inhaled her heavenly delicious scent, and waited to see if she would allow it and respond. His lips pulled in to a slight smile as he felt her lips brush his, briefly and yet so perfect.
Her own hands were creeping up his arms, coming to rest around his neck. There was a sudden urgency as his grip on her hips became a little tighter and her heartbeat pounded. Within seconds their lips were battling for dominance. After a moment, he backed her up against the metal post of one of the bunks. She gasped as the cold metal pressed against her. She clung to Elliot as the demons started to creep in. 'This moment is so perfect, please don't ruin it!' she pleaded to herself.
Her pulse ran wild at Elliot's touch, but in a way that made her heart skip, not fight for it's next beat. And she could actually feel her body responding, anticipation building rather than dread. His hands eased under the hem of his black, cotton beater, leaving a trail of tingles where his strong, yet soft, fingers traced. But his warm touch did little to keep the bad thoughts out. She thought of vicious green eyes, and in an instant she broke from the kiss. Instead she wrapped her arms around him and simply pulled him closer. Misreading the hesitation Elliot gently pulled her from the bed post and guided her down on to the bottom bunk. He held his weight above her, careful not to crush her. He leaned in for another kiss, quickly deepening it and moaned against her lips, relishing in his actions that had previously only existed in his fantasies. She kissed him back, desperate for the thoughts to go away and allow her one night to be happy.
She broke from the kiss, gasping slightly as her heart raced, though she was now unsure if that was due to Elliot's gentle kisses down her neck or the leering eyes she could picture in her mind. For once there was no moisture in her eyes, for that she was thankful. But as Elliot's lips gliding back up from her collarbone she knew he was going to read her face like a book, like he always could. But his lips brushed hers once more and she sighed internally, at least he-
He pulled away. 'Oh, no' she panicked. He pulled back a little to look at her, a small frown appearing on his brow. "Liv, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." she insisted, trying to pull him back to her, but he resisted.
"Liv, something is wrong. What is it? Did I do something? Did I-"
"You didn't do anything. Nothing's wrong." She insisted, trying to smile. She leaned up and kissed him, but as she tried to deepen it she could sense his hesitation. He pulled back again slightly.
"Liv," he said, looking extremely hesitant and concerned. "Liv, is this about-"
She quickly placed her fingers over his mouth. "Don't. Please...don't." She knew that was confirmation enough, but she didn't want him to say it.
"Don't worry. Keep going, I can do this." she assured, starting to unbutton his shirt, reaching up to kiss his neck, trying to tempt him to continue. She knew he was battling in his mind, quickly trying to make a decide on what to do. His hand slid along her arm, stopping at her wrist. She was pleased when she heard the throaty moan that slipped from his lips as she ran her tongue across his bottom lip. Elliot's fingers rested on her wrist pulse point. Her heart was thrumming away faster than the wings of a hummingbird.
"No." she heard him say, moving her hand away from his chest, and moving to look in her eyes.
She felt rejection brimming inside her, confused by his utter refusal. "'No'?" she asked, a hurt and confused look in her eyes.
"Not yet." he corrected. Her frown deepened as she merely looked at him. "You're not ready Liv. I know you're strong," he assured. "And I know you want this, I want it too, God I want you so bad," he said, as he pressed his forehead gently against hers, closing his eyes briefly to emphasise his yearning. But when he opened his eyes he began to pull away. "But you're not ready." he said with finality. "I'm not going to push this Liv, I don't want you to be hurting when you're with me."
He made to get up but she tightened her grip, refusing to let him go. "I'm not hurting, El. I'm never hurting when I'm with you."
"And I want to keep it that way." he affirmed. He removed her arm from his neck and sat back up. She scoffed, disbelieving.
"Elliot, if you're scared you'll accidentally hurt me-" she began, already shaking her head.
"I would never hurt you Olivia!" he interrupted, turning to cup her face in his palm as she sat up straight. "I would never raise my hand to you. I never would never upset you." he paused, dropping his hand from her face. Instead he took her hand, daring to push the subject in the direction Olivia had obviously tried to avoid, given the circumstances. "One step at a time, Liv. I know how difficult this is, I can wait if you need to. You don't have to rush to battle this demon. I'm going to be here for a long time to get you through this; you don't need to push yourself in to decisions."
A single tear fell down her cheek as she listened to his words. After a moment she took in a shaky breath and wiped her face. He lifted his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear.
"He didn't rape me." she suddenly proclaimed in a quite voice. She didn't meet his eyes as she waited for a response.
"What?" Elliot asked, surprised by her sudden revelation.
She wiped her eyes once more and snuffled, before looking up, eyes slightly red but dry. "He didn't do it, El." She didn't need to say who she meant; Elliot knew. She tried to force an impossible smile, knowing this small consolation would go a long way for Elliot. He let out a sigh, trying to return her almost invisible smile but he just couldn't. He felt his own eyes getting moist, and his voice getting thick.
"But that's not all, is it?" Their eyes remained locked for what felt like an eternity, before Liv shook her head so slightly it was barely visible. Elliot dropped her hand, leaned his elbows on his knees and dropping his head in to his hands. He ran his hands through his short hair, letting out a deep breath he didn't realise he had been holding. He had dreaded to think of what Olivia had been through, but now, hearing it out loud, confirmed to be true, had more of an impact than he had expected. He listened as she recounted her story.
"There was a riot, sort of-" Elliot remembered reading that in the report. "He took me down to this basement, I shouldn't have let him but there wasn't much I could do. By the time I realised something was wrong it was too late. I asked him what he wanted and he just said "'What every man wants. And you're going to give it to me.'" She wiped her eyes before the tears fell. She pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Then-" she took a sudden breath as a panic ran through her. She dropped her head to her knees for a second, taking a steady breath in and out, trying to calm herself; 'I've waited so long to tell him, don't back down now.' she told herself. She lifted her head again, taking a breath and continuing. "Then I saw the mattress." She heard Elliot take another deep breath.
"He threw me down, tried to hold me down...He pinned me against the-the wall, and..." More tears fell but this time she didn't wipe them away; that's all they were, tears. She wasn't ashamed to cry anymore, she needed to get through this. "I was kicking out and screaming, hoping someone- anyone- would hear me and help. But they didn't. I got away from him and I ran- I ran so fast- but- but he found me." She shuddered as she recalled the incredibly vivid nightmare, of Harris hunting her down.
"When he found me, I knew it was over, he was going to win and there was nothing I could do to stop him." She let out a sob, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth. Elliot immediately sat back up and moved closer to her; how could he have dropped her hand? Broke contact when she needed it most? He extended his hand to her, waiting for her permission for contact. She welcomed his touch, clasping his hand as a support. She was surprised to see faint red rings around his eyes. "It's ok, Liv, take your time. I know you can do this." He held her eyes as he affirmed his belief. She nodded and sucked in a dearly needed breath.
"He beat me, my stomach, the back of my legs." Elliot remembered seeing her limp after she got back, and seeing as she refused to tell him anything about it he had always assumed it was to do with her time undercover. "I tried to run- again- and call for somebody- again!-" She let out another sob, and almost in the same instant she felt Elliot's other arm go around her back, rubbing in firm, supportive circles.
"You did good, Liv. You did everything you should have, there was nothing more you could have done." he assured, knowing the blame and guilt that must be swirling around her head. "It's ok, take your time, there's no rush," he repeated from earlier.
She took a moment. The feeling of his warm, protective hand on her back, as though guiding her on. "He, er- he had me handcuffed...to the bars so I couldn't move. And then-" she started to choke up again. She shook her head and determinedly continued. "He unzipped his pants and said 'You bite me...and you're dead!' I didn't know what to do; I couldn't move, I couldn't fight back, and all I could see was him exposing himself in front of me." She frowned, hating the images that she couldn't discard. "I could hear him breathing, panting like some kind of animal," She glanced up at Elliot, who was listening and studying her face intently. "And then he- he tried to pull me towards him, to-to perform a sexual act on him." After years at SVU, she knew Elliot understood what she meant, but she assumed he had already gathered as much. "That's when Fin came running in; he saved me."
She lowered her legs from her chest and took a deep breath. "Lowell Harris sexually assaulted me." she declared, tears no longer running. "Do I wish I could change it? Do I wish I never went down to that basement with him? Wish it never happened?" she asked rhetorically. "Of course I do, but the fact remains; it did happen and I can't change it. But I can accept it and start to move on. Because, you know what I realised? The more I think about it, and the more I let him rule my life; the more he wins. And I don't want that. He's going to be here tomorrow and..." she paused with a slight frown. "And I'm not sure how I feel about that...but...I'm not shedding anymore tears for that monster; he's took enough from me already."
Elliot's lips twitched in to a smile as he looked on in admiration as Liv-his Liv-smiled. She took a deep breath, no longer weighed down by her demons, no longer carrying around the shadows of that basement.
He had pictured this so often, her trusting him enough to tell him, and everytime he imagined it he saw himself cradling a hysterical Olivia, while she told him all the horrific things she had endured. But he knew she was so strong, so much strong than she gave herself credit for, that she didn't need to be cradled.
"I'm sorry," she said, her expression apologetic. "If I gave you the wrong impression; if all this time you thought I'd been raped. I never intended to give that impression, not at all, I just...wasn't ready." she admitted, reflecting his statement from before. "I was scared- that if I admitted to you what had happened that-" She hesitated and met his eyes. "That you would think of me differently."
"What?" he said in confusion; 'how could she think something like that?'
"El, what good is a cop who can't defend herself? How can I protect other people if I couldn't protect myself?" she accused.
"Olivia, you were a prisoner, literally. You had no weapon, no backup. There is nothing you could have done, and the fact that you're sitting here right now, talking about all this, proves that you did protect yourself. You always say surviving if the main thing, well you did." He assured. He smiled weakly as she did. She had never looked more beautiful, the dim light creating a subtle glow down one side of her face, her hair slightly ruffled yet sleek and shiny. Her eyes had regained their twinkle.
"I want to say thank you-"
"You don't need to." he interrupted. "Always partners, remember?" he chuckled.
"Always." she said, leaning across to wrap her arms around him in a hug. Yet as she pushed herself up on to her knees and leaned closer to plant a kiss on his cheek, she came dangerously close to his soft lips, a fact neither of them missed. She pulled back, hesitant given his disapproval earlier. But he closed the distance between them, placing his firm hands on the back of her upper thighs and caressing her lips with his own. She responded amorously, her hands going to his neck to hold him close. His strong hands on the back of her thighs lifted her up, pulling her legs from under her and bringing her under him. He settled between her legs, carefully holding himself, their bodies flush. As he passionately kissed her he came to his senses, realising the enormity of the situation.
"Is this ok?" he asked, cautious of pushing her too far. She nodded quickly, unbuttoning his shirt within seconds. She raked her fingers up his broad, muscular back, receiving a husky moan from him in response. He kissed down her collarbone and on to her chest, enjoying how she squirmed beneath him. He continually glanced up, checking she was ok. He placed his hand around her back, gently easing her up to help remove her beater, admiring the beautiful body it revealed. As he tossed it to the floor, alongside her gun, he searched her eyes again, determined to make sure she was comfortable.
"Liv-"
She cut him off with her finger on his lips, causing him to smile. She ducked under and started kissing his neck, her hands clutching at his back. He instinctively thrust his hips against hers, but also against her core. A delicious shudder ran through her but ice also entered her veins. She flashback to the basement, abruptly removing her lips from his neck. 'No, it's ok, it's Elliot. It's only El.' She smiled, and brushed her lips against his, dismissing the frown on his brow. Elliot's movements were not rough and painful, but gentle. He did not restrain her in any way, he allowed her freedom to move; he caressed her, admiring the natural honeyed tone to her skin. Despite Elliot behind on top, dominating the situation, she knew she could trust him; she was the one in control.
His hand went to the button of her jeans, but he hesitated, pulling from the kiss for a moment. "Liv?"
She nodded almost immediately, causing him to smile. Her heart fluttered as she felt the button pop open in his dexterous fingers. She bit her lip in anticipation, her eyelids fluttering shut as he eased down her zip. Within seconds he had guided them from her toned legs, his hands following every curve of her muscles, and dropped them to the floor. He quickly pulled off his unbuttoned shirt and added it to the growing pile on the floor. He trailed his fingers back up her smooth leg, chuckling as she wriggled with a smile; he'd never have guessed her to be ticklish.
Her twinkling eyes met his as she took a deep breath, still slightly self-conscious, and unclipped the strap on her bra, but didn't remove it. She could see the flames of lust flare in Elliot's eyes. He leaned down, placing his hand at the small of her back then sliding it all the way up, the unclipped strap easily moving aside to accommodate him. He kissed each of her shoulders, before sliding the black straps from her. He noticed her blush as he finally removed the garment, the slightest tint of pink appearing on her tan skin. He smirked a little, wondering how someone so beautiful could possibly be self-conscious. He carefully lowered himself on to her, feeling a fresh wave of attraction roll over him as he felt her breasts pressed against his broad chest.
"You're so beautiful, Liv." His eyes remained locked with hers, as he studied her face. Every detail- forever locked in his memories. She smiled and moved her hands to his pants, fumbling with the button. Elliot didn't miss it.
"'Livia, if you're not 100% with this-" he his voice still husky with attraction.
"No, I am, really, I am! It's just..." She flushed in embarressment. "This is the first time I've been with someone since..." She trailed off.
"Ok. I understand. We'll go as slow as you need, ok?" he said, tracing her cheekbone with his fingertip.
She nodded and passed a reassured smile. He undid his button for her and pulled down the zip. She pushed the images of Harris doing the same, from her mind. 'This is completely different.' Elliot divested himself of his pants, allowing them to fall to the floor; his boxershorts doing little to conceal his growing lust for Olivia. He leaned back to her for another seering kiss, mesmerised how her lips have such an effect on him. He massaged his hands against her breasts, before trawling them downwards, skimming her ribcage and toned stomach, coming to rest at her hips. He hooked his thumbs in the thin fabric of her panties. He tugged one side down ever so slightly, his tongue still dancing alongside Olivia's, exposing more of her gorgeously smooth skin. He could feel her heart pounding against his own, he pulled them down a little more, and then some more, until he slid them off completely.
He reached for his own shorts, breaking from their kiss. He could see the flush in her face, but he wasn't sure if that was apprehension or anticipation. He was surprised when he felt her hand on his own and he feared for a second she had changed her mind; '...more time if she needs it.' he reminded himself. But after a second he felt her hand guiding his own, easing down his shorts. She shivered a little as he pulled away to throw his clothes to the floor, but was soon once again covered by his heat. She placed her hands on his shoulder blades, taking a deep breath to clear her swirling head. She was so caught up in the moment she didn't want to spoil it by being nervous.
Elliot glanced at her before tracing his fingertip down her stomach, circling her bellybutton and then continuing downward. She knew it was his way of preparing her for what he was about to do, to give her a heads up or chance to stop him if she wished. She already felt the moisture that had gathered long before this moment, but as he continued on the agonizingly slow path down her body all she could do was anxiously wait for the contact that could cause sparks.
Her back arched as his fingertip traced the intended destination, smirking slightly at the moisture he had caused. She gasped and moaned quietly in response as he teased her, she knew it wouldn't last long; he was just testing to be sure she was ready. And sure enough, just as she could feel the pressure building inside of her, he removed his hand. He chuckled lightly as she groaned in annoyance by this action. He lined himself up with her body and her eyes met his as she knew what came next.
"Do you trust me?" he asked, knowing the answer already, but needing to hear the words from her.
"I trust you. completely."
He pressed a delicate kiss to her soft lips, but she broke away in a gasp as he pressed in to her. He felt her nails digging in his back as she braced.
She arched her back, feeling a quick pain as he entered her; whether it was because it had been so long or because he was just bigger than anyone she'd been with, she didn't know. But she had a sneaking feeling it was the latter.
He didn't move, watching her response. After a few moments, she relaxed, adjusting to the change within her. "Liv, are you ok? Am I hurting you?" he asked concernedly, cupping her cheek.
She shook her head. "No." She pushed her hand against the small of his back in suggestion, to which he complied. He pulled out, only to bury himself within her once more. She arched her back again, gasping and dragging her nails.
She could already feel the pressure building, amazed by the magnificent man she was with. She clutched at him to hold him close, needing more of him, if that were even possible. El rocked his hips at a ridiculous pace, not slow, but not fast enough for her liking either. She raised her hips to meet him with every thrust, feeling him reaching places inside of her that she had never experienced before. Her gasps and his groans merged together, she could feel his hot breath on her skin as he moved over her.
Before long her moans were getting more difficult to control, her gasps were slipping from her lips more frequently and louder each time. Elliot's thrusts became deeper, faster and more urgent. She felt the precipice of her pleasure approaching, the pressure building as the release became more imminent. Within three more thrusts she toppled over the edge; an explosion rocked through her body, causing her to shudder and contract around Elliot. As Elliot's movement became hard and erratic she could sense he was near too, only for him to release a throaty groan, before collapsing on top of her. They held each other as they rode out the final seconds of their ecstasy.
They lay panting in the bunk. Elliot fell to the side of Olivia, breathing heavily, though a smile played on his lips. Olivia rolled over on to his chest trying to regain composure. She placed her leg across Elliot's, her head resting on his muscular chest. Elliot placed his arms around her, placing a brief kiss on her forehead. He noticed her staring off to the other side of the room.
"Hey," he said, nudging her shoulder slightly. "You ok?"
"Yeah. I'm good. Everything's just...great." she said with a less than subtle smile.
A/N Well? lol Like it ot not? I spent a lot of time considering whether it was appropriate to have the EO scene right after she told him about Sealview, but the only other alternative was to have the EO after the Harris scene, but then again, my ideas for the Interrogation Room scene relied a little on this scene. Oh well, what do you think? I was also unsure on how emotional to make Olivia during this scene (the Sealview bit). I wanted emotion but on the otherhand she's now trying to be strong and wouldn't crumble as easily as she did a few chapters back. My particular favourites in this chapter is when she declares what he did (I love strong-Liv) , but absolutely "You're my insurance policy." I smiled wider than a cheshire cat when I wrote that. anyway, I'll stop rambling now. lol Change to M or remain T?