From Hell To Heaven
A/N Ok so I extended my break over Christmas, I was intending to post a few days ago but I have major revision for January exams. I want to send thank yous to AprilBaby95, Hutch917, spacekitten2700, Jessica, lou3174, JjemIngy and Ec95 for their amazing feedback, really mad me happy and just before Christmas too, which was awesome. x
I want to give a thank you to JessBrinns for adding a story alert and favourite story. Also thanks to brokenangelx1 who also added to favourite story. angelgirl88 also added to favourite story and a story alert, thank you so much for follwoing my story.
alexis47 added to favourite story, story alert and favourite author, you made me smile so much x Star of the week goes to Turquoisjem, I cannot begin to explain how happy I was when I saw an imbox of all your alerts. Turquoisjem left a review, added to favourite story, favourite author, a story alert and an author alert. I was amazed by the response that keeps growing despite being over halfway thruogh my story.
This chapter is more about the EO relationship, what Elliot wants, want Liv wants etc. Hope you like it.
Chapter 17- Home Alone
Elliot unlocked his front door, a brown bag swinging in his hand; Olivia's clothes from earlier this morning, that he had insisted on carrying for her. He strode in, heading to place the bag on the coffee table. He looked back and saw that Olivia had closed the door, locked it, added the chain, and was now jerking the handle slightly to be positive it was locked. When she was satisfied, she turned to see him watching her.
"What?" she demanded, receiving a look of concern. "Come on, El, wouldn't you be at least a little concerned if someone had raided your panties draw?" she asked rhetorically.
He smirked. "Well, I would first be wondering why I had a panties drawer in my apartment at all."
She shook her head at him and she strode forward. "I'm going to take a bath, that ok?" she asked, looking at him expectantly.
He shook his head, striding past her. Did she even need to ask? "You remember where the towels are, right?" he asked emphasisingly, as she rolled her eyes.
"It's still considered polite to ask, even if you know the answer." she smiled.
"Sure, forget the excuses, Benson, go shower." he replied, sending her a wink over his shoulder as he headed through his bedroom door.
Olivia smiled to herself, grabbed the bag from the coffee table and headed straight to the bathroom.
Elliot's bathtub came with a fitted shower. She considered her options as she pushed the bathroom door shut quietly and slid the silver lock across. Showers usually woke her up, but a bath would have her falling asleep. The last thing she needed was to fall asleep on El's couch. She shrugged, so long as she got clean she wasn't really fussed. Ever since she'd been in Interrogation with Harris, she'd felt..dirty. As though she was somehow contaminated from being around him. Like a part of him was clinging to her and stalking her; she needed to rid herself of this parasite. It was a ridiculous notion, her mind kept assuring her; and yet her skin still crawled when she thought back to being in that room with him, the sound of the handcuffs scraping the metal bars of the window, his roaring voice and, worst of all, the affect it had had on her. It was like he had somehow gotten inside her head, controlling her from inside, taking away her breath and pumping pure fear in to her veins.
She sighed, pushing her memories away and quickly divesting herself of her clothes, needing to feel clean. She was mildly jealous of Elliot's shower as she pressed the button and it instantly pumped hot water. She stepped under it and moaned in appreciation as her shoulder muscles began to loosen. She pulled a fresh wash cloth from the rail and squirted some of Elliot's shower gel on to it; smiling when his scent enveloped her. She'd lathered her skin in the gel when there was a knock at the door.
"Liv?"
She glanced at the door, her mind buzzing as she playfully imagined him climbing in the shower with her. She smirked as she soaped herself up.
"I'm just letting you know, I gotta step out for a second." She didn't answer, wondering what could be so important that he'd leave her by herself. "I'll be less than ten minutes, I'm just going down to the lobby. I'll be right back, ok?"
She swallowed heavily before finally finding her voice. "Erm- yeah." she said, hiding her nerves. The last time she'd been in the bathroom alone, it had not ended well. She quickly glanced down and saw her gun on the floor. 'I'm safe.'
"El?" she quickly called, hoping he was still by the door.
"Yeah?"
She hesitated, wondering if she should dare. 'It's Elliot; he'll understand.' "Lock the door behind you?"
There was a moment of silence. "Sure, Liv, I'll take my keys. I'm just downstairs and I'll be right back, I promise, ok?"
This time she didn't respond and despite his warm words, as soon as she heard him padding away from the bathroom door, her brain started coming up with ridiculous ideas to make her paranoid. This past week her irrational side had taken over several times, usually she could control it, as most people could. But on the other hand, there was an unnamed, faceless, psycho wandering around the streets with her name at the top of his to-do list.
She determinedly turned back to the shower head, again lathering her body in the frothy white bubbles that smelled deliciously of Elliot; his scent providing the comfort of safety while he was away. 'He'll be back soon.' she reminded herself. She glanced around and spotted Elliot's razor on the shelf. She chewed her lip, it would be cheeky, possibly rude, but then again, the last time she was in the bath she'd chosen not to shave, a mistake in hindsight. She ran her fingers down her legs; smooth, but not as smooth as they could be. She shrugged. She plucked Elliot's razor up and ran it under the stream of water. She sat down in the tab, pulling her legs up to her chest a little, lathered them up in bubbles and then glided the blades across her skin.
When she was done, she rinsed the razor under the shower and replaced it on the shelf. She was about to reach for the shampoo when the water suddenly began icy cold, causing goosebump to shoot up on her skin and shivers to creep down her spine. She lurched from her stream of water, landing unceremoniously on the floor, the bathmat doing little to break her fall. She stared up, memories flooding her mind like the the water from the shower.
She strode across the shower room, her arms folded across her chest, clutching desperately to cover her body, despite her being naked from the waist down. She stepped into the grimy cubicle; dirty, cracked tiles, mould festering in the grouting, a bar of soap that had been used on God only knows how many other women. She stared up at the shower head that towered over her, already leaking water. She knew what it would be like as she hesitantly extended her hand to the button, anxiously glancing between it and the shower head. Within a second the water was shivering across her, causing her to tremble from the chill it sent shooting through her. She seemed to seize up in a futile attempt to escape the biting sting on her skin. Each drop of water splashed down her face, in a constant, painful stream. She cuddled her arms to her chest, doing little to ease the numbness she felt.
Olivia stayed curled on the floor as warm tears leaked from the corner of her eyes. She snuffled and forced herself to sit up, taking a deep shuddering breath and trying to settle her racing heart. As she forced herself to her feet, her hip screamed in protest. She knew by morning she'd have a bruise from where she'd hit the unyielding floor. She shut off the water and reached for the brown bag, knowing Elliot would be back soon, he'd promised. The last thing she wanted was for him to find her curled up on the floor, feeling sorry for herself. She yanked a towel from the cabinet at the foot of the bathtub and dried herself off.
She peered in to the brown bag of her new clothes. She rummaged through; she knew she'd bought two sets of pyjamas but she couldn't for the life of her remember what they looked like. In the end she simply grabbed the first ones she saw; a fresh set of underwear, navy blue shorts and cami, cotton but with a delicate lace trim along the v-neck line that only showed enough chest to be respectable.
Elliot didn't have a laundrey basket, so she bundled up her dirty clothes under her arm. She retreived her gun, and then eased the lock across. She dumped the dirty bundle in to the washer, 'El won't mind.' she conceded. She always used his washer and he hadn't moaned yet. She shrugged as she turned the dial, groaning again as her hip gave a dull ache. 'Damn shower,' she cursed, heading towards the window.
She stood close, her breath rhythmically causing cloudy patches to appear. It was nearly ten o'clock now, and the sky had dimmed considerably. 'Melinda would have gone home by now. Poor April, lying in that morgue all by herself.' But she wasn't alone. 'Martine Olivia. Two innocent women. Dead, because of me. No, because of him.' she corrected with a frown, kicking herself for allowing him to make her feel guilty.
She folded her arms across her chest, feeling a chilly breeze sweep by her. She gazed out, critically scanning with her eyes. Elliot's apartment building didn't have a fire escape attached to the side of the building; for which she was relieved. After years of being a Detective she'd heard countless stories from women about how their attacker had come through the window leading off the fire escape; eventually Liv had simply stopped viewing apartments with fire escapes. She was especially glad now, and yet the idea of a stranger coming in to your home through the front door seemed somehow more frightening than if they'd broken in. And she'd rather be here than at the precinct another night. The cribs weren't bad but the mattresses weren't exactly brand new.
Another breeze swirl around her. Something touched her collarbone and she looked down as a hand closed over her shoulder.
"Aah!" she jumped away in shock, her heart racing.
"Woah, Liv!" Elliot exclaimed as she spun to face him. He was increasingly aware that she still had her gun in her hand. He held his hands up, surprised by her outburst.
"Jesus Christ Elliot!" she cursed, taking deep breaths to steady herself. "You scared the crap out of me."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"I know." she interrupted, shaking her head. "It was my fault, I'm just a little-" 'Paranoid? anxious? Terrified?' "-tired." She saw immediately from his eyes that he didn't believe a word of it.
"I just didn't hear you come in." She spotted him looking at her gun, causing her to roll her eyes. "I'm not going to shoot you, Elliot. Give me some credit."
"Liv, I-"
"Safety was on anyway." she added.
'Thanks Liv, that makes me feel loads better.' he thought to himself, but decided to drop it. She had sat down on the couch, tucking one leg under her, wrapping her arms around her chest.
"Cold?" he asked, reaching over and pulling a blanket from the armchair beside her.
"Your damn shower turned cold on me." She decided to skip out the rest; she didn't want him to think she couldn't cope. She'd vowed to herself to be stronger, not to let it get to her. But then something would happen, there'd be a victim, or a piece of evidence, a flash of a memory and her resolve would shatter again.
"Yeah, sorry about that, it's been playing up; my Super's been avoiding me everytime I ask him about getting it fixed."
Olivia smirked at the image of a short, fat, balding, sweating Supervisor hiding from built-like-a-tank-Elliot, who would undoubtably be barging in to the office and demanding new pipes.
"I was thinking, I don't know how long you'll be staying here, you know you're welcome any time, but I'll take the couch if you want." Elliot said. Olivia frowned a little, wrapping the blanket around herself and pulling her legs up to her chest. When she didn't say anything he continued awkwardly. "This couch isn't the best in the world, I don't want you getting a bad back or anything, and I've crashed on here a million times so..." he trailed off.
"Er- sure, I guess. I mean, you've got a double bed but if you'd prefer the couch then that's fine, it's your bed- I mean, it's your couch. The couch is fine, I guess." She wanted to slap herself. 'Could you have sounded anymore air-headed?'
There was a long awkward silence, a new for them, which added to the awkwardness. Elliot suddenly spoke up.
"Ok, Liv, this is awkward and it's probably my fault, but you know, I've been thinking about the other night in the cribs, quite a lot actually, and-"
'Don't say it, El-' she thought urgently to herself. 'Don't say it was a mistake; don't break my heart.' she pleaded.
"-And I need you to know- well, I don't know about you, Liv- but for me..." he hesitated, he wasn't one to share his feelings, but he forced on. "It wasn't a one-night-thing for me." She stayed silent, shocked by his admittance. "And even if you don't want anything to happen between us, if you regret it and just want to go back to how things were, I completely understand, but I just needed you to know that I'd never use you like that."
He fell silent, his eyes not meeting hers. She thought what to say, carefully choosing her words.
"I don't regret it." she said almost silently.
His head shot up, his blue eyes linking with hers and, though he didn't realise it, offering her a confidence boost.
"You don't?"
She shook her head. "Elliot, I was fully aware of what decision I was making that night. You know how much you mean to me; we've been partners for years."
He didn't say anything, he felt a 'but' coming on.
"But I'm not good with relationships, Elliot, you know that."
He took a deep breath and nodded. He didn't feel rejected, he knew he'd still see her, just not in the sense-
"I'm not saying no, El." A glimmer of hope shot through him. "I'm not ready for a long-term relationship, the whole couple-thing-" she said awkwardly, a slight smile appearing. "But I'm willing to give it a try. I mean, I want to get all this out of the way first but, if you wanted to, like I said, I'll give it a try." she fumbled at the end, cursing herself. 'How long have I wanted to tell him all this and I choose now to get tongue-tied? Are you serious?' "We'll go slow, El."
'Liv, I was a teenage boy once, I know how to go slow.' he thought, but otherwise it was his turn to stay silent, slightly confused whether they were now officially dating or not. "So we're...?" he trailed off.
She smirked. "We're exclusive, if that's what you're asking. I have no intention of being with other men, Elliot."
He smiled, unable to stop it from creeping on to his face. She returned it as he shared the warm smirk with her. "Ok, I wasn't expecting...anything," he hinted. "You know, it's not like I assumed we'd get together again after the cribs, I just needed to know where I stood." 'I needed to know you wouldn't break my heart.'
He chuckled to himself. 'How could someone so beautiful want me?' he chuckled again.
"What's funny?"
"Nothing." He gave a contented sigh. "Come on, Liv, time you got some sleep."
She smiled at the prospect as he stood. She followed suit, standing up, throwing off the blanket and heading for his bedroom. As she opened the bedroom door however, she hesitated. He was plumping the cushions on the couch and then shaking out the blanket.
"El?" she asked confused; he'd prefer to sleep on the couch than with her? 'We finally-'
"Go slow, Liv. Remember?" he joked, folding the blanket in half to make it thicker. He'd coveted her from afar for years and now he finally had her he didn't want to mess it up by being invasive- especially given the circumstances.
She watched him for a moment as he loosened his tie. "El? What if I changed my mind?"
He looked at her, his eyes cautious. "What do you mean?"
"What if I don't want to go slow?" He looked at her for a second, trying to gauge her intentions. "What if I just want to be with you?"
In a few long strides he was with her, wrapping her up in his strong arms. She amorously met his lips, almost in frenzy at their new level of intimacy. Within moments he needed more and lifted her off her feet. Their lips danced alongside each other as she wrapped her legs around his waist. His hands explored her thighs as he held her, gently backing against the door frame. He could feel her pulling him closer, her hand travelling down his chest, tugging at the loops of his jeans in suggestion seeing as she couldn't reach the button. He carried her in to his room, kicking the door shut with his foot.
A/N haha did anyone actually think Liv was going to reject him? As if I would have her do that. ^_^ I thought Olivia would be feeling very confused at the time, which accounts for her hesitation, but of course she could never go without her El. As for the shower scene, I wanted Liv to get a sudden shock, feel as though Harris is still around her, especially what happened at the precinct. I know Elliot would never have left Olivia alone, but I needed him out of the apartment in order for him to come back and frighten her, so I took a bit of creative license there. So, thoughts? Good? Bad? Surprised I'm still alive after such a long break? XD lol Hope you enjoyed it.