"Set a course," Kathryn said, her tone low and flat, "For home."

Chakotay, still suffused with adrenaline, tore his eyes from the image of Earth on the viewscreen to the conn station at his fingertips. He wiped his sweaty hands on his pants and drove Voyager toward a low orbit at half-impulse.

He swallowed. When he turned around to look at Kathryn, she gave him one misty glance and set her jaw.

He understood: she remembered, but assumed he did not.

"Damn," he breathed, tapping the panel a few more times to set the rest of their short trip on auto-pilot. He had five minutes. Might as well take care of it now.

He stood and started walking. "Seven, I need to speak with you in the briefing room immediately." His low voice sounded like a shout over the poignant silence on the bridge.

"Yes, sir."

The expression Kathryn shot him was full of venom. He shook his head minutely – trying to tell her… what? I'm not going to be getting intimate on the conference table with Seven? Or – I'm sorry I'm abandoning you and my post now that we're actually in Sector 001?

He'd make things right. As soon as he took care of this.

The door shut behind Seven. She hung back, near the replicator, emanating uncertainty and peering at him with those wide eyes. "An unexpected date?" she tried.

"I'm sorry, Seven," he said quickly, "But… I'm afraid I can't be with you anymore."

She frowned. Her mouth dropped open slightly.

Chakotay wished to high heaven that he'd never gotten himself into this.

"But," Seven began, voice steely, "You just told me your feelings for me cannot be turned off. I fail to understand your reasoning."

He was ready for that. "They can't. It will be hard for me. But being home changes everything."

She blinked as a blanket of grief passed over her features.

He fought the impulse to embrace her and erase her pain, positive he was doing the right thing. "Seven," he continued, "I hate to hurt you like this. But I believe it will be best for both of us to move on. If you're alright, I'd like to return to the bridge."

"You are contradicting yourself," she said. She appeared to be indecisive about what to do with her hands; they opened and closed at her sides. "When I said the same thing to you, you refused to accept it. Now you expect me to be placated simply by our location while you go back on duty?" Her voice rose. "The Doctor performed a life-changing surgery on me so that we could be together."

Remaining upright and pressing his fists onto the table from across the room, he sighed. The light of the Sun started to filter in and cast long shadows. "All I can tell you is… yes. You're right. I'm a hypocrite. But I have an obligation to fulfill, and it's extremely important to me. I'll never be happy unless I do."

Her head rose, her voice breaking. "Captain Janeway."

He supposed he owed her the truth. "Yes."

Her sour expression appeared minutely alleviated. "I am… not happy for you. This feeling is unacceptable. Why can I not feel pleased that two friends will be together? Instead I would rather you suffer as I do."

"You have every right to hate me, Seven." He exhaled through his mouth. "What I've done is unforgivable."

"You must elaborate on your motive."

He shifted his weight back onto his heels. Owning up to it would be his only escape, however much he had hoped to avoid it. How could he explain this to someone like Seven, who had so little emotional experience and who he had wronged so badly? "I should have told you…" He ran his hands over his face. Earth kept growing bigger in the window and he couldn't shake the sting of that unfriendly glare from Kathryn. "I thought we'd never get home. But I should have told you, just in case –"

"Please arrive at your point, Commander."

His view skittered up to her face – it looked hard as a mask.

His jaw tightened. He forced the words out. "I was only ever available romantically while we were in the Delta Quadrant."

The raw disbelief evidently morphed into anger. "Did you truly have feelings for me?," she said. "Or is that information only available in the Delta Quadrant as well?"

He deserved that. Of course, telling her the truth here would be out of the question – that he'd merely deluded himself into thinking that he was infatuated with Seven because he couldn't have the woman he really loved. He could only be so honest. "Absolutely, I had feelings for you," he said, using past tense so the words wouldn't taste so bitter. "I wanted to be with you very much."

There was a long pause. He had the sense she didn't believe him. But what else could he do?

He exhaled deeply and stared at the window. He could make out North America under the cloud cover.

"I wish to be alone," she said unevenly.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am," he added again, gaze on the door. And he walked out.

Returning to the bridge without Seven turned a few heads, but not Kathryn's. The vice on his chest hadn't given a micron yet.

Earth had grown larger than the angle of the viewscreen could encompass; Ensign Culhane had replaced Chakotay at the conn, so he took his seat next to Kathryn. She seemed as taut as he felt.

"I remember my promise to you, Kathryn," he whispered without pausing to think. "And I intend to keep it, if you still have the same feelings you did four years ago."

Her eyes snapped to his. She pursed her lips. What if she didn't want to remember?

He grew unsure. It had been a long four years. All the moments that made him doubt his chances sprang back up in his mind, worn in his memory like the corners of well-read pages. Romances she'd had, times she'd pulled away, the way he'd acted lately. The lunch with her he'd just refused. Most of all – and the reason he'd gone to Seven in the first place – Jaffen.

"If you don't, I understand," he said, heart sinking, retreating into his chair. "It's been a long time."

"What about Seven?" she breathed.

As if on cue, Seven chose that moment to emerge. Her face was somewhat contorted; she was plainly fighting for control. Not making eye contact with anyone, she returned to her post right behind them.

Chakotay turned to Kathryn and drew his finger across his neck – it's over.

"Captain, we've reached orbit," Ensign Culhane said with joy.

A great whoop erupted from the ops station. Harry began to applaud, and the gesture soon spread to half the bridge crew. Seven, Chakotay, and Kathryn did not participate – until Chakotay saw Kathryn peek at Tuvok. She then apparently decided her own enthusiasm could not be outdone by a Vulcan's.

"Welcome home," she said, standing with her back to Chakotay. He detected only a small quiver in her voice. "Harry, hail Admiral Paris. Tell him I have an urgent matter to tend to before disembarking, but that the rest of the crew will be free to beam to the surface."

"Yes, Ma'am!"

Chakotay studied her intently as she tapped her combadge. "Captain to all hands. As of now, I'm pleased to tell you we're on ship-wide shore leave." She spun toward Chakotay, smiling faintly. It looked forced, but he couldn't say for sure. "In my ready room, Commander."

He followed her through the door and up to the window, the Yucatan Peninsula stretching across the horizon below them. As they faced the window together, their view slowly rolled into the Atlantic. Chakotay suffered a moment of agonizing stillness, desperate to know how she felt but unwilling to push her.

"I'm so…" she said. "So… relieved to get the crew home. But…"

"Let me guess," he said. She turned her face up to his, and he continued, emboldened by her gaze. "You're not sure you're ready to be home yet?"

Her brows raised. "It happened so quickly. As if a holo-novel I'd been running suddenly ended halfway through the action. It's a selfish thought, I know." She gestured unenthusiastically with one hand, the other on her hip. "But I don't feel ready to leave this ship – this family – and give up my crew."

He couldn't stop his spirits from lifting. This was so her. "What makes you think I, or any of the rest of us, are ready to give you up or cut you out of our lives?"

She gave him a grateful expression, a half-grin with her head tilted. Her hand found its way to his shoulder. "You always did know exactly what to say."

That kindled his optimism. Finally, he started to relax from his myriad anxieties; he was home, yes, but he'd been home for seven years, and this new location wouldn't change that. "I just hope we can still be neighbors."

She puffed out her chest as though preparing herself for something unpleasant. Her hand slipped off of him and she crossed her arms. "Chakotay… based on what the Admiral said, I know you belong with Seven. Don't let me keep you from what will make you happy because of some silly promise we made four years ago." Her eyes, laden with a doubt he was unaccustomed to, gradually crawled up to meet his.

His heart broke – is this what she really believed? "Kathryn," he said with urgency, "I don't know what the Admiral thought she knew about my happiness, but I can tell you this." He took her hand, warm and slight, inside his. "The night we made that promise to each other was one of the happiest nights of my life. If my affection wandered elsewhere for even one second it was because I thought you had forgotten about it."

She pressed her lips together until the surrounding skin turned white, her grip on his hand tightening almost painfully. Then, all of a sudden, it was as though she couldn't keep her emotions inside anymore; they burst out in a single sob before she buried her face in his chest and embraced him. Hard.

He enfolded her in his arms and squeezed her right back. His sense of gravity flipped. Her feelings for him had never been so palpable.

She breathed deeply into the fabric of his uniform, warming his collarbone, perhaps attempting to calm herself. He hadn't ever seen her express this much emotion and wondered how long she had intended to keep it hidden away. He remained silent, more than content to hold her while watching the Sahara Desert rise under the window.

This woman meant everything to him. And she was finally in his arms.

"I was scared to death I'd lost you," she eventually said. Her head pulled up so he could look into her eyes, remarkably steady and clear. "It's been so hard. There were times I had to distract myself from the power of my feelings for you so it wouldn't tear me apart."

"Likewise." He hooked his hands together behind the small of her back. "Now that we're here, think of all the possibilities in front of us."

"I don't know about you, Chakotay," the corner of her lip quirked up, "But I'm ready to kick Starfleet's god damned protocols into the Delta Quadrant and initiate a romantic relationship with my First Officer."

A smile grew until his cheeks ached. "No argument there. Whoever wrote the offending section of the Starfleet Code of Conduct never secretly lusted after his untouchable Captain for seven years."

She closed part of the distance between their mouths. "Seven years, really?" she asked, grinning softly.

Her casual compliment-fishing was the final straw. Nothing could have endeared her to him more.

He darted in and kissed her, deeply and fully. He felt her respond under his lips. One of her hands rested on his jaw with a tenderness that touched his core.

The kiss was long and sweet. Completely unrushed. Every dark corner of him filled with golden light.

"I've had it bad for you since day one," he whispered, once they'd broken apart. "You make quite an impression, Kathryn."

She chuckled into his neck and wrapped her arms around him. "Speaking of impressions…" The words curled deliciously into a double entendre.

He couldn't remember the last time he laughed… but it might have been four years ago, at the end of a long day, sitting next to her in the mess hall, bursting with happiness.