Chapter nine.

I don't own Neopets. Tamara and all them are mine.

The Funeral
Chapter Nine

Since the incident with the window, I was not allowed to be alone in the dark, half-empty corner room until Kara came back. I wasn't even allowed to sleep alone much less in my own dorm room. It was mostly Kayla's fear that she would come to my room (her being the one to wake me up to go to breakfast since she was my neighbor), knock twice (as is customary before entering an unlocked room) and find me dead. As a result, I was shuttled around between rooms nightly.

Word reached mom about how far I had sunk emotionally. Knowing just how emotionally unstable I was negatively, mom hopped on the first train down to see me.

Alison had requested that Kayla, Bo, Bella, Thor and I attend seeing as how one, Maya was our friend and two, we had gotten to know her rather well in a short span of time. I was reluctant to go. Attending her funeral meant I really did need to say good-bye; an action I had been trying to avoid.

"You have to go, honey." Mom said when I told her my decision. "It'll be respectful to the family if you're there. Besides, it's what Maya would want, isn't it?" She reached for me for a third time but I curled up in a tighter ball; staying as far back in a corner as I possibly could while trying to keep the edge of my bed between us.

"How would you know that?" I asked mom. It frustrated me that she was siding with Teresa—who had told me I should go—against me. Her own daughter. "You never even met Maya. How could you possibly know that?"

"You're right. I don't know Maya. I never met her. I don't really know how much she meant to you, but what I do know is she was your best friend. You spoke very fondly of her, Tam, and that puts it in my mind that she was good to you and she treated you right. Unlike all those other kids at your other school you told me about."

I stared at my mom over my hands which I was resting my chin on. Had I spoken that highly of Maya that mom thought she was a good friend to me?

I remembered all the good times we had together. Playing in the snow. Walking the trail while we talked. We even had a battle once (Maya won) with our neos. Meals.

All those good times spent together. All the plans we had made for the future. All those dreams dashed. All I had left were memories.

Thinking about them brought tears to my eyes. "I just don't want to say 'good-bye'." I said.

"Oh, honey." Mom said, climbing up onto my bed. She scooped me into her lap (just as Randi had done) and held me there, rocking me from side to side in a slow, rhythmic motion. "Don't think of it as good-bye. Just . . . so long."

"That's not any better." I said.

"But, it'll make you feel better." Mom breathed into my hair. "And remember, she's in a better place. Probably watching you. Just as she has in life, so she will in death."

That phrase brought me comfort. At least a small portion of comfort.

While mom held me, she continued rocking me from side to side; humming "How Great Is Our God".

Although Christianity does not necessarily exist on Neopia, some of the old beliefs, traditions, teachings, and songs still existed. Even a handful of families had bibles of which they studied daily.

"How Great is Our God" was a song that was passed down my family's line until it reached me. By now, I knew the words and rhythm and found myself humming along.

The song stuck in my head even a few days later while I attended the very thing I had no desire to attend; Maya's funeral. I went there with Bella, Bo and Thor. Thor kept his arms on my shoulders as though to provide some comfort.

It actually worked.

Maya's mom, Laura, was there with Dahlia (Maya's younger sister) and Alison (Kayla was there too, hugging Alison rather tightly); standing next to the casket that held the prepared corpse of our friend. She lay there, hands clasped at her stomach and the urn full of China's ashes set in the crook of her left arm. They had lived together now they will be buried together.

I lingered there with Thor still holding me. Not once did he let go. I stared down and Maya's immobile face and tears began to fill my eyes. I knew I couldn't hold it in so I moved away with Thor still holding me.

He led me over to a set of wicker chairs and held me as I cried into the green, school-issued vest. Then, I felt hands on the top of my head.

Looking up, I saw the tear-stained face of Laura, Maya's mother, looking down at me. She knelt and clasped my free hand in both of her's and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You must be Tam." She said.

I nodded.

"Maya had done nothing but speak very fondly of you every time she came home. She said you were a good friend." She dabbed at my damp cheeks with a tissue she had taken from her pocket. "I wish we could've met on a better day under better conditions and not at a funeral for my daughter."

"I know." I said, taking in a shaky breath. "I wish the same as well."

"Alison said . . . this was going to be hard for you." She looked at Thor who was trying his hardest to hold back the tears that threatened to show. "For both of you. She said that you had watched my daughter die. Could you explain how this happened?"

"Alison didn't tell you?" Thor asked, in disbelief.

"She did tell me but I wanted to hear it come from you." Laura said.

I looked away. I didn't want to explain it. I was already reliving that day in my dreams. I didn't want to have to relieve it through explanations.

Instead, Thor explained it while I cradled my head in my hands; rocking back and forth and crying bitterly.

Fangore let out a growl and moved in to lick the tears from my face. I petted his head, willing him to comfort me in a way Thor could not.

"So, it was an accident?" Laura said.

Thor nodded but I shook my head.

"No! It's not! If I hadn't gone up there, she would still be alive! She's dead because of me! I'm the one that's guilty! I'm the idiot! Her blood is on my hands!" My sudden outburst caused many faces to turn toward me. But I didn't care. I was going to get this out sooner or later. Better now than never.

Laura rose and looked me straight in the eye. "You're wrong, Tamara. It's not your fault. How were you to know this would happen?"

I was stumped for an answer.

"It's apparent to me that Maya gave you the greatest gift she could have ever given. She gave you life in exchange for her's. Wouldn't you have done the same?"

I started to shrug but later nodded. I really would have done the same. It was one of my wishes; to either die a natural death (either in my sleep or from a heart attack) or to die if one I loved was in danger of dying.

"It seems to me that you are suffering from a common illness, Tamara. Survivor's guilt. When you make friends, you run the risk of being hurt. Either they will betray you because they care less about you than they do themselves and that will lead to pain. They will betray you because they love you and they want to help you. Or, you will lose them to something as permanent as death. The only thing you can do is make up for that lost time by doing the things you love with them and hope that the imminent is not close by."

That was the most profound way of thinking I had ever heard. Laura could only be as old as my mother and already she was speaking with the knowledge and intellect of one of the village elders. Not even the elders themselves would have been able to tell me the same thing.

Or would they?

"When I first heard the Maya was dead, I was immediately looking for someone to blame. When Alison said she was with you and Thor, I immediately thought of blaming you. But, now I understand that it was an accident; caused by doing an act of bravery that resulted in sheer dumb luck that two of you survived and the death of my daughter by a deadly creature. All in all, it isn't your fault, Tamara. And, it's not Thorley's fault either." Laura said.

"But, I shouldn't have gone up there." I said.

"No. You shouldn't have but you did. From my understanding, you went up there to save your roommate. But, you are paying the ultimate price for it. Social probation. And suffering because you just lost your best friend. You shouldn't be the one to feel guilty, Tamara." She looked up and addressed Bella and Bo who also stood with us now. "None of you should." She turned back to me and enveloped me in the biggest bear hug I had ever received. "I forgive you."

While Maya was being laid in the ground, Bella, Bo, Thor and I stood with Maya's family. Laura held on to me until the casket was lowered out of sight.

I have nothing against christianity. i'm a christian myself but, lets face it, christianity is all over the place in our world so why not have a world that has all the basic beliefs and teachings but isn't a widely practiced viewpoint? That's what i was trying to convey here.