Chapter Twenty-two.

I don't own Neopets. Tamara and all them are mine.

"I Have to Find Him."
Chapter Twenty-Two

"Kama, would you mind watching my neos for me? There's something I gotta do." I asked my best friend since childhood.

"Sure." Kama said, nodding. She picked Bluehopper up and hugged the Blumaroo to her chest. Kama ad fallen in love with the neopet and was more than delighted wen I brought the young Blumaroo with me. "You going to get lunch?"

"Yeah. Sure. Dash probably hasn't eaten anything all day." I told Kama. I knew what her answer would be.

"He never does in the morning." Kama agreed.

Surprise surprise I thought. "Anything special you want?" It wasn't a complete lie. I was going to get lunch from a vendor but there was something else I had to do.

"Just the usual. I'm sticking to a diet." Kama said. Personally, I didn't thiink she needed to stay on a diet-as skinny as she was. She opened her purse-which she had stowed beneath the counter-and pulled out a few, large bills. "By your mom, Dash, and an some stuff from me too."

I took the rolled up bills and stowed them in my cargo pants pocket. "Will do." I said, smiling at her. She had no idea what I was really planning. I glanced down between Arco, Dilasca, and Fangre; trying to decide which to take with me. Arco needed more public-practice so I chose him. The pudgy Grundo sat on my shoulder while I went into town.

I had been planning for this for weeks. Quietly preparing for tis journey to Morrowville. I had filled an old backpack with some old clothes and other necessities, checked how much cash I had left in my home bank, and read my books over traveling supplies. I had only a few more things to get. Though, the memory of me having used them last tightened in my stomach.

No. I thought to myself; scolding the demons that whispered in my ears-reminding me of my friend's death and telling me it was all my fault. Think about Dad. You're doing this because of Dad.

Ever since that letter came a few weeks ago I couldn't help but wonder a slew of questions. Did he ever think about us? About Mom, Codax, and me? What about his own parents, Mam and Pap? Did he ever consider what hi s family was doing now?

I ignored the vendor's offer to help and selected the items I needed. I paid using my scool card and left with two bags of supplies. Having promised Kama tat I would bring back lunch, I visited a food vendor, bought lunch, and returned to the clinic.

Kama took my grappling gear and stowed them under the counter without question. But, she sank her teeth into a veggiburger with gusto; spraying the cover of her record book with crumbs as she thanked me.

I nodded, wordlessly. Too preoccupied with what I had to tell Mom to say anything to Kama.

It didn't take me as long as I thought.

Mom caught me, one afternoon, going through my traveler's checklist; which I had copied out of one of my books. My supplies were spread out over my bed and floor.

"Tam? What's all this?" Mom kicked at a mess kit I had (stupidly) left by the door.

My heart skipped a few beats. It was too late to hide my stuff now. I was planning o leave net week. But, I was hoping to wean Mom into my plans. I knew it would upset her. Mom was fragile-minded after Dad left. Two kids to care for and no man to help her when she needed him. I felt bad now.

"Tam?" Mom's hands were at her hips and er hazel eyes were blazing between angry suspicion and fear.

"Mom, I didn't want to tell you for a while but . . . I'm leaving." I said, my voice choking. I knew what was coming next.

"You're what?" Mom's hands dropped to her thighs. I noticed the corner of her mouth was twitching. I knew I had upset her. It hurt me to do that. Stabbed a knife in my chest where the empty hole (from that fateful day on the mountain) was.

"I'm leaving." I repeated. "But I'll come back." I promised.

"That's not the point, Tamara. The point is . . . you're too young." Her voice was cracking. I almost cried myself. I hated hurting her but I had no choice.

I tossed aside my list in frustration. "I'll be fourteen in less than four months."

"You're still too young!" Mom countered.

I rolled my eyes. To her, I was always too young for something. She babied me. I hated being babied. "Mom, most kids my age would be going to the Academy. I've already been there. I've already finished my first year. I've already pleased the Bosses and I've placed in an early graduation. I've done things . . . seen things . . . that you're average twelve- or thirteen-year-old doesn't do or see. You'd think I was fifteen or sixteen.

Mom stepped over a pack of cloths and held her hands out to me. I recoiled. I didn't want a hug. She wasn't Randi. Only Randi could come at me like that and get something back. But, I was sure even she couldn't get a hug from me right now.

"Oh, hunny! I know Maya's death"–she didn't notice my flinch when she mentioned hername— "took a tole on you. But, running away isn't the answer. I though you were healed." Mom said.

I moved so that my lounge chair was between her and me. "Mom. This isn't about Maya" —wince— "This is about Dad. I have to find him, Mom. I have to. I need to know why he left. If he'll come back."

"Tam, I haven't spoken to him in . . ."

"Nine years, Mom. I know. I was four when he left. That's why I have to know why he left." I was shouting and my voice broke a few times. I knew Mom was beyond being upset and confused.

She reached for me again and I recoiled again; moving out of her reach. When I was getting stubborn, this is what usually happened.

"Tam, why do you feel like you have to do this?" Mom asked.

"Because I do." I didn't really have a reason. I could only feel a sense of duty. One that should come from a trainer with a red vest instead of a trainer with a green vest.

"That's not a reason." Mom said.

"I know." I said. "I'm sorry, but I feel like I have to. NEO can't find him . . ."

"Exactly why you shouldn't go, Tamara." She was irritated. She never used my whole first name unless she was.

"But, I might have a chance." I said, stubbornly. This was why Mom and I didn't get along. Mom was a worrywort and I was stubborn.

Just like Dad.

"What kind of a chance?" Mom stumped me. "Tamara, I thought we agreed you would wait until after school before you went gallivanting. You're only thirteen. True, you're training three neopets but you're still young."

"Which is why I have a chance." I began ticking things off my fingers. "I'm young. I'm strong. I have four neopets at my disposal." I could see she was nearly in tears. "Mom, if you're worried tat I won't come back . . . I will. You have Danica and Dashielle to help you with the clinic. Mam and Pap are just back the lane if you need them. Codax is sort of around. Besides, Fangore, Dilasca will take care of me. Arco too if I really need him."

This time, I hugged Mom; smothering my face into her clean, blue, flowery shirt. I heard her start to sob.

"I just don't want to lose you." She gasped.

I barely reached Mom's shoulders. I reached up and held her face; feeling the dampness of her tears beneath my palms. "Mom . . . you won't."

We stood there, holding one another. Finally, Mom said. "When will you leave?"

"Next week." I said. I felt a little relieved. Was Mom really willing to let me go? Was she willing to let me go after Dad? To find him and bring him back?

"Take care of yourself." She kissed my forehead and I relaxed. She was going to let me go. Then, she turned to Fangore who was seated back on his haunches. He was panting with a wise-guy grin on his lupine face. "Watch out for her, Fang."

Fangore barked. "I will." I translated.