Chapter Twenty-three.

I don't own Neopets. Tamara and all them are mine.

On My Way to Morrowville
Chapter Twenty-Three

Over the weeks that followed, I realized that I had upset Mom more than I knew. More than she was letting on. As I finished packing the tools and supplies I needed, Mom stayed quiet; not bothering to speak her mind. She never did and I never asked. Though, I could see her reluctance of letting me—her baby girl—leave for a place unknown. Mom was always had a xenophobia—fear of the unknown. She acted like this when the council ordered I leave for the Academy.

At least then, she was sure I would come back. Alive and in one piece. Without mar or tear. At least when I came up depressed and (cough) suicidal, I was at least whole. With only an invisible hole in my chest that only I could feel.

A hole left behind by my best friend's death. One wide enough that Codax could've fit his fist in and still have room left to maneuver.

Speaking of my big, burly, older brother . . . Codax found out about my plans as well. Unlike Mom—who finally accepted that I was leaving—stormed back to my room in a huff.

"Look, you midget bastard! Who are you to leave us like that?"

I sighed. I was hoping to leave without Codax knowing. I knew he wouldn't understand. I didn't even understand it. I just felt compelled to leave. To leave and find Dad and bring him back. I had a feeling that Codax would've done the same if he felt the same.

"I'm coming back though." I said. I looked into my brother's angry, brown eyes. Those eyes used to hold a small portion of love for me and Mom before now. I remember when he used to hold me in his lap as he struggled to read. I didn't see that love I was used to seeing anymore. "Plus, Codax, I'm no bastard. Our parents were married before we were both born."

"Don't use logic on me, bitch." Codax seldom ever cussed. But, when he did, it was easy to tell that his wrath was close to coming completely out. A wrath which not even he could control most of the time.

Fangore growled at him from the dog bed he was laying in. "My Mistress is no bitch for she is no female Lupe or Gelert."

I turned away to smile at Fangore's logic.

Codax caught me by the elbow and spun me around. "I wanna know why you're leaving. Why you're deserting us just like him." Codax refused to refer to him as our father. I knew the pain was too real for him to get over it.

" I'm leaving to find him, Codax." I said, calm and levelly. I didn't feel the need to explain myself to my angry and resentful brother.

"Why?" I knew Codax wouldn't get it.

"Because." I realized I didn't have a real reason. Only that I felt the need to go. "Because I have to 'Dax." I said.

"No." Codax shook his head; his eyes still on my face as though looking for something that told him there was a possibility I was being dishonest. "You don't need to go, Tam. You need to finish school and train neopets for a living. Hunting for a man who doesn't even want us anymore isn't what you're supposed to do."

"'Dax, it's my duty. Trainer yet or not, I have to do it."

"Is this more for personal reasons?" Leave it all to Codax to figure out this was more for my benefit than it was duty.

I didn't answer him. I turned away and started wrapping up the plasti-flex tent that I had found in old scouting supplies in the attic. Codax didn't speak for a while, either. I heard him tap his hip; waiting for my answer which was bound to come.

"Tamara?" He pushed.

"I have to know, 'Dax. I have to know why he left us. Why he didn't come back. Why we don't hear from him anymore." I glanced up at the family portrait on my dresser. Mom couldn't stand to look at it. I could. I kept it. It featured the four of us. Mom sitting on a stool, holding a four-year-old me. Codax was next to her with his hand on her shoulder. Dad stood behind all three of us. As I looked closer at his expression, he looked happy—but there was an emptiness in his eyes that didn't show what his face did.

"He left us because he didn't care anymore, Tam. Why can't you accept it?" Codax shouted.

I stood up and thrust my face up into his. I knew I was dangerously close to pushing him off the edge of his sanity. His self-control. But I didn't care. He could yell and scream at me all he wanted. He could even clobber me into a pulp to extend my leaving time. That didn't mean I wouldn't still leave.

" Why can't you accept that maybe he needed some time away?" I said.

"Because we both know it's not true." Codax shouted back.

"Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. I won't know unless I ask."

"YOU'RE STUPID TO EVEN WANT TO ASK HIM!"

I wondered why Mom hadn't come back to see what was going on. Then again, she had been avoiding me. As of late, she had been having Dan take my place as her assistant. Dash took me in the ERs with him so I could assist him. Mom didn't even look at me much less talk to me. I knew I had hurt her but I didn't know how much. It drove a knife deep into my heart knowing I had done that. But, it couldn't be helped. I had to do something. That was exactly what I was planning.

"'Dax, you guys keep telling me to ask questions if I need help. . . ." I began.

"Yeah. At school. Not at home. And not of a man who doesn't even want us." Codax cried.

" I do need help." I told him. "I've been lost and confused on why he could do such a thing to us. I've asked questions. Questions that won't be answered unless I find him." I pulled the cords of the tent tight on the backpack (now ladened with other necessities). "I don't care what you say, 'Dax. I am going. But I will come back. With or without him."

"I won't let you, Tam." Codax said, planting himself in the doorway. He reminded me of an angry, grotesque gargoyle.

I faced him again; giving him a look that would make Dash cringe. "You don't have to let me, 'Dax. I'm still leaving. Whether you like it or not."

Codax knew the battle was lost. He dropped his arms from the jamb to his sides and stared at me. The angry expression was now gone; replaced with pain. The same pain I remembered seeing on his face when he learned that Dad was probably never going to come back. Pain of loss and abandon-ment. I didn't know what I could say to lessen it.

I approached him and felt his immobile face the same way Mom would when he was upset. His cheek was hot and his jaw clenched under my fingers. "'Dax . . . I'm coming back. I promise. I'm not going to throw away my second year of school just like that. But, I have to know. Aren't you even curious?"

Slowly, Codax nodded. I knew he was curious but he never had the heart to actually leave the house. Leave me and Mom behind (not that he didn't do that all the time to hang out with his friends doing whatever it was that teenaged boys did on Neopia). He was the man of the house now. Leaving would be neglecting his duties.

"So . . . do us both a favor and let me go, 'Dax. I promise I'll come back. I just have to find him." I said.

Codax hesitated. I could see his indecision reflecting in those now, calm pools of chocolate that were his eyes. Dad's eyes. Codax was almost like Dad in many ways. Except the "leaving his family" part.

"Where are you going?" Codax said.

His question stunned me. "To Morrowville." I said.

"Morrowville? Isn't that Eyrie-inhabited land?" I nodded. "I thought you were avoiding Eyries after . . . you know what." He knew better than to say the event.

"I was. But, every wise elder in our village has always said 'stand up to your fears and face them with both eyes open'. I was afraid of Eyries, 'Dax. I still am. I am afraid because of what happened. But Dad's there in Morrowville. If I ever had a chance to find him and ask why . . . this is it. I can't let this pass."

"Just . . . just take care of yourself." Codax's voice shook as he said it.

I looked him straight in the face. "I will, 'Dax. I promise."

To my surprise, He hugged me. A hug which buried my face into his broad chest. My hands went around his waist and I could feel the muscles cording beneath the white, cotton t-shirt he wore. The abs were hard at his lower torso. I realized that Codax had been working out. Exercising as though that would get rid of the pain he felt. Physical pain was better than emotional, he said. Sometimes, I was inclined to agree with him.

Sometimes.

I left the next day after my job at the clinic was finished. Dash hugged me then ruffled my hair before handing me an old army canteen he said he picked up from a merchant. I took the canteen, filled it with water, and slung it diagonally across my chest.

Danica hated physical contact with anybody. Even me. But, she handed me a gift bag and told me to open it. I smiled when it turned out to be made out of the wool of a Gnorbu. I put down my pack and slipped on the cloak. The sleeves were long but other than that, it was serviceable. I loved that the hood was long and deep enough to hide my eyes from the sun. I thanked Dani while tightening the waist strap on the backpack.

Kama handed me a small handbag which stored more neo-food in it than I thought possible. I smiled at Kama and thanked her.

Then, Mom was last. The gift she gave me was one that I treasured over all physical things. She kissed me on the forehead and gave me a blessing in Neopian. Tears filled my eyes. A mother's blessing was a great gift indeed. I had waited all my life for one and now I had one. To many, this might not seem like a big deal. It was to me.

Then, with Fangore, Dilasca, and Arco at my sides and Bluehopper clinging to my back, I waved good-bye to all the people at the clinic and trudged away. We had just gone out of Centerton when a wayfaring merchant offered to let us ride in his cart until we came to the city of Mercelias. It was night by the time we got there and—after flipping a silver dollar to the merchant for his troubles—my neopets and I walked through Mercelias until we came to the outskirts.

"How much longer, Tam?" Dilasca asked as I set up camp. She showed me her hooves, which were now long and splintering; cracking up the sides to her pastern. "I'm so tired, I can't go much farther."

I lit a fire and set a pot of beans and rice over a grate. Taking out my clippers, I beckoned my little Ixi to me. She sat in my lap as I lifted each hoof, trimmed it to size and filed the edges down, and listened to my answer. "Not long, Dilasca. Marrowville is at least a three-days journey from Centerton. That merchant just shaved off a two-days walk."

"We should've thanked him properly." Fangore said, laying on his paws by me.

I smiled as I stroked his thick, coarse, furry head. "You think I should've given him two silver dollars instead of one?"

"Maybe." His head swayed from side to side. "One was probably enough. Just thought I'd make a suggestion."

I lay back and folded my hands behind my head. This was the first time I had actually gone off far away from home on my own. Not completely alone but I wished that Mom was here. Or that I had a softer bed to sleep on.

I glanced over at Fangore who was now watching me. "Do you think we'll find my father?"

"Mistress, knowing you, you probably will."

"We have to face Eyries, remember?" I said.

If Fangore could grimace, I thought I saw him do it. "I remember." He crawled closer to me and nosed my elbow. A deep whine escaped his throat. I reached up and rubbed his face.

"You big old softy." I chortled.

"I'm no softy if you're injured, Mistress." Fangore growled.

I nodded. "I'll need to you protect me."

"I always will, Mistress." He said.

I looked at Dilasca who had her forehooves on my chest; just below the bust. "You and Arco too." I told her.

"Tam . . . you saved me from a hard, cruel life. You snatched me from the jaws of death. Of course I will protect you. You have only to ask."

"What about Arco?" I asked. The green Grundo still had said nothing. He was sitting by the fire next to Bluehopper; warming his leathery back.

Arco let out a small shriek. The translation was lost to me but not to Fangore.

"He said he'll be there." The Lupe said. "As for Bluehopper . . . you think it wise that you had brought her along on this journey? Blumaroos are an Eyrie's favorite snack after all."

My stomach twisted and I stubbornly swallowed the bile that had begun to rise. "You're right. I should've left her at home. Or let Kama take care of her. But the damage is done. We can't go back now. Now when we have only a day left to go."

He licked my chin. "We'll have to protect her too." Fangore said. There was not questioning tone in his voice. Only an observation along with a adament tone.

"Yes. We'll have to protect her too." I agreed.

We fell asleep not long after supper was eaten. At sunrise, it didn't take me long to break camp. With my packs stuffed with supplies, we trudged along the desert; skirting sanddunes and Cobralls. I had my head down; not looking at where I was going when Fangore barked out a warning.

"Archway!"

I looked up, yelping and jumped around the archway that proclaimed we had reached Morrowville.