Title: Places
Author: BrynnH87
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters as you would clearly be able to tell if you saw the beat up old car I drive.
Pairings/Characters: Blair (with mentions of Jim)
Spoilers: None
Word Count: ~500
Summary: Blair reflects on places filled and places emptied.
A/N: Written for Sentinel Thursday Challenge 437
Warning: Death story
Blair had never had a place in which he truly felt at home before he met Jim. Jim fulfilled that need…and oh so many more…over the ten years they worked together (both paid and unpaid work). Jim was the big brother Blair never had, the home he was always missing, the perfect work partner, the perfect roommate… well, if not 'perfect' per se, at least perfect enough for Blair.
Now, there was an empty place that would never be filled again. Blair had held Jim as he died – shot by yet another bad guy who was just a little too fast on the draw. Blair had been just a little too late with his own shot, and Jim had been just a little too slow on his dive to safety. Suddenly there were noises that shouldn't be there – first the shot, then the pained goodbye, then Blair's own sobs – and a place in his life that hadn't been empty for a decade.
No more 'Stay in the truck, Sandburg' (though, as a cop now, Blair didn't have to obey that order…not that he ever had). No more 'Crap, Chief, your hair is in the drain again." For that matter, no more 'Chief' or 'Darwin' or 'Guppy' or any of the million other annoying nicknames Jim had had for Blair and that Blair would now give all he owned to be able hear again.
There was an empty place in the loft – which Jim had willed to Blair, bless his 'blessed protector' little heart, but Blair would live in a cardboard box if that would bring Jim back. There was an empty place at the desk beside Blair's own in Major Crimes. There was an empty place at the table on poker night and on the sofa on rare evenings that Blair had time that would have been spent watching a Jag's game with Jim. There was an empty space on the bleachers between Simon and Blair, where Jim would have been cheering just as loudly as his 'overactive hippy-boy'.
So many empty places. Blair wondered how a person could go on living with so many empty places.
But, go on he did. He didn't enjoy life like he once had. He didn't laugh as much as he once had. He didn't bounce as much or talk as much. Blair often thought a line from the latest incarnation of "Alice in Wonderland" fit his life now. He had lost his 'muchness'. He had lost the best part of him. He had lost his energy, his purpose, his heart. He had lost Jim.
"Aw, big guy." Blair said for the hundredth (or thousandth) time. "I miss you so much."
Yet another tear rolled down his cheek as he placed his hand on the headstone.
"I miss you so much."
End