Chapter 4

John was gasping for air.

"But how have I been saved?", he wanted to know.

Cameron looked down. Then she whispered: "You haven't."

John couldn't believe his ears. "But that's impossible. You couldn't have…", he stuttered.

"Yes", Cameron replied and now looked him straight into the eyes. "This was the day John Connor had been terminated."

Instinctively John took a few steps away from Cameron. His head started to turn, and sweat appeared on his forehead.

To learn about his own death was really disturbing. Of course John had always been aware that he wouldn't live eternally, and that his future would be full of life threatening risks. But after all the acts of heroism that had been prophesied about his person, he had somehow assumed that a victory over Skynet could still take place before his demise. If he was to die so early, in the midst of the war, how did it come that he was supposed to be of such an importance? Only to help build a resistance that might achieve a victory much later? Would Skynet actually ever be defeated? Or was his role to gain a mere delay in the extinction of his species? Was that all there was to his glorious fate?

Besides, the fact that of all things it was Cameron who had murdered him made the situation even more complicated and shocked him deeply. Of course John knew what she was. He knew, that while she was still on Skynet's payroll, she must have done many horrible things. That's why even the termination of Allison hadn't really unsettled him.

But that she had killed him? He couldn't and didn't want to believe it. His Cameron!

And what's more, he also became more and more confused. All he had thought to know about himself, Cameron and the future started to fall into pieces.

"But you've said that I had reprogrammed you and sent you to this time?"

"Yes. I've lied", Cameron replied matter-of-factly.

John's resurfacing disappointment, mixed with anger, wasn't unnoticed by Cameron. Hastily, she added: "John, please let me finish speaking, OK? Yes, I've lied to you, and I've had my reasons to do so. But right now, I am telling you the truth, and nothing but the truth. But I beg you not to interrupt me, and to give me a chance to finish. Please, promise it to me!"

Cameron remained silent and seemed to be waiting for a reply. "Yes, all right, I promise", John murmured quickly, since he still had so many questions. So much he absolutely needed to know.

"So, if it wasn't me who has reprogrammed you…"

He didn't finish the sentence.

"Actually, you could say that no one has reprogrammed me", Cameron explained.

Slowly, fear started to take control of his other feelings. And this time it wasn't the fear of disappointments, but a direct fear of his life.

"Then who has sent you here? Who gave you the mission to protect me?"

"No one", Cameron whispered.

"No one? But you're here, aren't you? Someone must have sent you", John stuttered. His head turned faster and faster. There was too much information at once. Too much information that turned his world upside down.

"No. I took that decision all by myself."

Now John started to laugh hysterically. "Cameron. Come on, just listen to yourself! If you want to tell me a fairy tale, just let it be. You're a machine. We both know you just execute scripts and mission directives. Machines either follow Skynet's programming, or someone else has reprogrammed them."

"John", Cameron explained insistently. "That's exactly the point. I am Skynet!"