A/N & Warning: This is The Chapter guys. And as dubbed by thee, The Chapter has some warnings to go along with it. It's intense. It gets into some heavy stuff. It's very angsty and not fluffy at all. It's very intense. And long.

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters.

Maura rushed through the hospital's front doors the sound of her heels making hurried noises on the tile. She had rushed through the entrance of this hospital so many times in the past year the night receptionist didn't need to see her ID. Instead the older woman in scrubs just pointed her in the direction she needed to go only barely looking up from the computer screen.

Maura tried to steel her nerves and brace herself before walking into the trauma waiting room. The intensive care waiting room was always a sad place. It wasn't like the normal emergency room waiting area. The people in this waiting room had loved ones hanging in the balance of life or death or worse. It was as if the doctors weren't only trying to save the patient's life but their entire families' lives as well. Maura knew because she had been one of those family members on three occasions now. She'd seen this side of the hospital far too many times to ever feel comfortable in a hospital again.

Walking in the room she could immediately tell a cop had been injured in the line of duty. It was another thing she knew from experience. Both uniformed and plain clothes detectives covered the room. Her eyes searched the wide area for the woman she was looking for. It was harder than she expected. Jane blended right in amongst the other grieving cops.

The gruff sound of Korsak's voice caught her ears. She knew Jane would be close to him, he wouldn't allow otherwise. As she was making her way towards his voice the air in the room seemed to shift. A doctor walked into the room calling for Richard Pool's family. A woman in slacks and a Boston Police Department jacket walked towards the doctor holding a little girl in her arms and the hand of an eight year old boy. The florescent light caught the shine of the badge on her hip. The room was encased in an eerie silence. Everyone could hear the doctor's words. He told the woman that her husband was going to be okay. A huge smile broke across the woman's face as she bent down to hug her son. The room felt lighter. Maura knew this feeling too. The pure relief that everyone was feeling was intoxicating. Words were spoken. Afterwards some people left to go home or back on duty.

With the room clearing Maura was finally able to see Jane. When her eyes landed on the detective she felt as if her heart had been squeezed. Gone was the carefree woman from the bar. If Maura hadn't known Jane she would never think in a million years that the woman sitting in the corner of the room was the same person. Jane had that thousand-yard-stare she had only ever seen on Frank Rizzoli Sr. when two of three of his children were in danger of dying. Jane's body was slouched in a hospital chair Maura knew was uncomfortable. Even with the good news the detective was motionless and her face showed a complete canvas of nothing. There were no tears in her dark eyes, no smile on her face at the news. There was nothing. She wasn't fidgeting, her hands weren't shaking; Jane just sat with her hands folded in her lap with a blank stare. It scared her.

Both Korsak and Frost were standing on either side of her, both talking a mile a minute. Frost shot her a look 'do something' he mouthed at her direction. He was totally out of his element and at a loss of what to do. Korsak seemed to share the sentiment. Out of all of them Jane was the rock. She was the glue that held everyone together. She was always so fierce, giving off the calm confidence that was needed in some of the cases. Even when she was hurting she was still Detective Jane Rizzoli and everyone knew not to mess with her. But this, Maura could tell, this was different. Jane wasn't the rock, she was like putty.

As Maura stepped closer she noticed the sleeves of Jane's dark navy button up top were covered in dried blood. Blood, in fact, was everywhere. On Jane's hands her face her pants. Maura had to remind herself that it wasn't Jane's blood, that it was someone else's blood. And that someone else was going to be okay.

Jane didn't show any signs that she registered Maura's clicking heels. Maura noticed a BPD reflective jacket sitting on the chair beside Jane. In these moments when Jane didn't have the strength or the will to keep her walls up Maura – and everyone else for that matter – was always reminded that Jane was not some invincible hero. Jane was just a human being, a woman, doing the best she could.

Frost and Korsak stepped to the side so she could stand in front of Jane. She reached out grabbing the detective's blood stained hand. The hand was limp in her own. She was getting worried "Jane," Finally dark eyes met hers. Jane looked lost, afraid, like she wasn't quite sure what was going on. "Let's get you home." Maura hauled the taller woman to her feet. Jane wobbled a bit, unsteady on her own feet. Maura wrapped an arm around the detective's waist to stabilize her.

The drive to Jane's apartment seemed to take forever. The fifteen minute car ride was completely silent. Maura wanted to say something but all of her words died in her throat. Jane was still staring blankly ahead not moving a muscle except to breathe. Catatonic. Maura thought. Jane was in shock. Maura finally parked her car.

…

Jane stood perfectly still in the middle of her living room. Jo Friday was sniffing her around her feet, pawing at her owner's legs for some attention. Maura sighed as the dog whined a few times before she climbed into her dog bed. Maura grabbed Jane's hand leading the woman into the bathroom in her bedroom. Maura unbuttoned Jane's top pulling it from her shoulders leaving Jane in just her tank top and slacks. She threw the item in the clothes hamper. She grabbed the badge from her hip and unstrapped the gun from her thigh. She just wanted some emotion to cross her friend's face. She wanted to see Jane smile or laugh or cry even. Jane was never this quiet. Maura pulled a fresh towel from the linen closet and put it on the counter. "You'll feel a little better after a shower." She rubbed Jane's bare arms. "I'll just be right outside if you need anything."

Jane nodded her head. After Maura closed the door Jane stripped completely turning on the water and stepped into the shower.

The water at Jane's feet instantly turned a deep red. Her hands started to shake as she reached for the shampoo bottle. She could still hear the gunshots, smell the gunfire. She remembered the door splintering in all directions. Every time she closed her eyes she saw her friend dying. She saw blood. She wanted to scream at their suspect who a few minutes after unleashing hell on the entry team ate his own gun because he didn't want to go back to prison.

She washed the shampoo from her hair and started working in the conditioner. She went to the academy with both Ricky and his wife. They were good people, good cops. He pushed her down. That's why he got hit. She didn't know what was about to happen but he seemed to have a sixth sense about that kind of thing. He shoved her to the ground and got hit in the leg in the process. He almost died. She started washing her body. The more she scrubbed the darker the water turned. Her whole body was shaking. There was so much blood. An uncontrollable whimper escaped her lips.

Maura heard the sound from the other room. She moved to sit by the door resting her hand against the wood.

Jane leaned her forehead against the tile wall in front of her. A violent shake swept through her entire body. She hit the wall in front of her with her fist. Why did all of this shit always have to happen? Why couldn't the universe just ease up on her a bit? Tears fell from tightly shut eyes. Everything that had happened that night finally caught up to her. She wrapped her long arms around her naked torso as if that sole act would keep her whole. A loud animalistic sound ripped from her open mouth.

Maura wanted nothing more than to open the door and hold the other woman while she cried. She'd seen Jane cry all of twice and that was only recently. But this, what was going on in the shower, was something else entirely. Jane wasn't just crying, she was sobbing. It was the sound of a breaking heart, a shattered soul. Maura felt her own breath catch in her throat.

Jane's shoulders shook harder. Her knees quaked. Her cries reverberated in the bathroom. She couldn't control it anymore. Days and months and years of sleepless nights, hard cases, family problems, Maura, everything she never dealt with was hitting her all at once leaving her weak kneed and out of breath. Her chest heaved as she sucked in air. She clutched her chest letting the breakdown run its course. Jane stood in the shower like this until the water ran cold. With shaky hands she washed the soap out of her hair. Gently she got out of the shower.

Maura heard the water turn off and immediately stood to her feet. The door opened to reveal a shaky Jane in nothing but a white towel wrapped around her body. She was still visibly shaking. Her breaths were uneven and short. Maura grabbed Jane's hand noticing how cold it was. "You have to breathe for me, okay?" She grabbed another towel from the closet in the bathroom and wrapped it around Jane's shoulders. She patted it down drying off the detective's arms. "Like yoga." Maura came around to stand in front of her demonstrating how she should breathe. Jane locked into Maura's eyes like an anchor keeping her safe at harbor. Jane grabbed her hand and tried to breathe like Maura wanted. The grip was almost painfully tight but Maura responded with just as much pressure. Maura led Jane to the bed.

"He – he said he was going to die." Jane said through chattering teeth. Maura was digging around in Jane's drawers for Jane's pajamas. With her back turned to the detective she didn't see Jane flinch every time she closed a drawer or the tremor in Jane's hands increase with every little noise. Jane took a deep, stabilizing breath. You're safe. She exhaled the air slowly. It's just Maura. You're home and you're safe.

Finally Maura found all the pieces to what she knew was Jane's favorite pair of pajamas. Jane felt the bed dip as Maura sat next to her. "He's going to be fine, Jane." She reassured. "He's going to be okay because you were there to help him. He's going to be okay." She reiterated. Maura reached up to rub Jane's bare shoulders. She couldn't determine if Jane's shaking was because her nerves were compromised or if she was just cold. "You should get dressed so you don't get hypothermia."

Jane looked down at her body realizing for the first time that she was still in just a towel. "Did you bring an overnight bag?" At Maura's nod Jane wiped her hand under her nose. "You can change while I put these on."

Maura moved her hand to Jane's. "Are you sure?" She knew exactly what Jane was going through. It wasn't that long ago when she saw Jane shoot herself. It wasn't that long ago that she had tried to stop a profusely bleeding wound on someone she cared for deeply. She remembered being the way Jane was, covered in the blood of a friend sitting emotionless in an uncomfortable hospital waiting room chair with Korsak and Frost standing guard. She had sat that way until Angela came to the hospital and brought her into a bone crushing hug. Angela brought Maura to the bathroom to clean her up. She held her hand in the waiting room and when the doctor came out to tell them the news Angela dragged her with her to hear it. Maura stood in between Frank Sr. and Angela Rizzoli like a small child on both occasions the doctor came out. So Maura knew how Jane was feeling, but Maura was more willing than Jane to talk about things. Angela had practically pulled all the words from her mouth in the hospital.

Maura sighed as she went into the bathroom Jane had just vacated. She picked up Jane's bloodstained slacks unthreading the belt and tossed them in the hamper. They weren't ever going to get clean. Maura was just going to have to buy her a new pair. Maura knew how the rest of this would go. She would leave the room and when she walked back in Jane would be pretending to be asleep, pretending that she didn't just have an emotional breakdown in the bathroom. They wouldn't talk about this event because they never talked about these events.

Maura changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth and washed her face. She heard Jane call out she was decent. She opened the door. Jane was not pretending to be asleep. Instead the overhead light was off leaving only the two bedside lamps on casting the room in an eerie glow. Jane had also brushed her hair and moved to the left side of the bed leaving Maura's side open. Maura paused; did she really have a side on Jane's bed? Before she could ponder this any further she caught movement on the bed. Jane crossed her legs and started fidgeting with the scars on her hands. Maura sat down. "Talk to me, Jane."

Jane flinched when Maura's hand touched her thigh. "The anniversary is coming up." Jane said quietly staring at her hands and avoiding Maura's eyes. "My nerves are – are sh…cracked because I haven't been sleeping much lately." She was about to say 'shot' but then seemed to remember the events of the day and corrected herself mid-sentence.

Maura wasn't expecting this. The truth was she never knew when Hoyt actually happened for the first time. The incident was like a black hole that everyone liked to pretend never happened. She had asked Korsak for the report just to clarify things about Jane's injuries but he just shook his head at her saying if she wanted to read the report she could find it herself. Broaching the subject with Jane wasn't even an option. She tried once and all it did was make Jane go onto an extremely defensive mode. Maura knew that Jane talking about this was a big deal.

After a few moments of silence Jane continued. "After it happened people kept telling me I should've waited for backup. People that were other cops who I knew wouldn't wait for backup if they were in my position were telling me I should have waited. I was in the hospital forever and everyone just kept telling me how stupid I was. But they didn't get it." The words were falling out of Jane's mouth almost out of her control. She refused to look at Maura as she spoke in case she lost her nerve. "I went down in the basement without backup because I had a gut feeling that Melissa was down there, that he was about – about to kill her. So I went in alone." She swallowed hard. Maura didn't interrupt. "When I saw Melissa tied and bound on the bed I got tunnel vision. I let my guard down and that's when he caught me. He hit the back of my head so hard with a two by four that it broke in half." She moved her hand over Maura's which was now drawing patterns on her plaid pants.

She hadn't talked about this since it happened. The only people that knew the whole story were her, the department shrink and whoever had the guts to read the report that was buried somewhere in the evidence basement. It wasn't that she didn't try to talk about it. The shrink told her it might be easier for her the more she talked about it, so in those early days she tried. But she would see the hurt look on her mother's face or the 'please, I don't want to know' expressions on her colleagues' faces. Instead she would stop mid-sentence and agree that yes, she was stupid and yes, she'd do her best not to let it happen again.

"When I regained consciousness he was straddling my waist, tracing the scalpel over my face like it was a feather. Just taunting me." Jane swallowed hard remembering his cold blue eyes and the toothy snare across his ragged face. She knew everything about the man that lay on top of her in that basement. She remembered how after he pierced each of her palms one by one he laughed a sick twisted laugh that still haunted her in her dreams. She remembered how he groped her, violating her in her moment of weakness. She knew deep in her heart, in the part of her that was still a little girl being teased on the playground, that if Korsak didn't come in when he did guns blazing very bad things would have happened. Hoyt would have raped her and then killed her. He would have laughed. He would have gotten away with it. Her name would have been engraved on the wall she walked passed every day at work to get to her desk. Korsak saved her life and they both knew it. It was why he didn't have the strength to talk about that night either.

Jane swallowed once more focusing on Maura's hand on her thigh. "It was the first time in my life that I truly wanted to die. I'd seen his victims. I knew what would happen. I wanted to die so I wouldn't feel it. Then he stabbed my left hand with the scalpel and then my right. There was so much pain. I remember thinking that if I could just move my hands I'd be okay. But I couldn't." Jane shook her head at the memory subconsciously cradling her palms together. Maura's hand has stopped moving on her thigh and instead became just a steady pressure. "Korsak came and shot him before he could do anything else, but the damage had been done." She paused. "I don't know why I just told you all of that." Jane admitted weakly looking down at the bedding. "I've never actually told anyone besides the shrink." She gave a short humorless breath of a laugh before silence fell upon them once more. "Korsak told me while we worked on the Stern case that 'no one breaks you unless you let them.' I feel like I've let a lot of people break me." There it was. That one sentence that's been gnawing at her insides every time she came home shaky and bruised was finally out there in the open. Jane's heart hammered in her chest at Maura's continued silence. This is why we don't talk about things, Rizzoli; she thought bitterly, you scare people.

"I'm glad you told me." Maura finally said breaking the silence. Jane snapped her head up looking at Maura for the first time, really truly looking her in the eye. Maura had taken so long to speak because she wanted to get her words right. This was a deeply intimate experience and she didn't want to ruin it with over the top words and psychoanalysis. She reached for Jane's scarred hands. Jane was looking at her with the saddest expression she had ever seen. It broke her heart. "Sergeant Korsak doesn't know what he's talking about." She began with a no nonsense nod of her head. Jane gave a short, dry laugh. "You're not broken, Jane. You know why?" The detective shook her head. "Because people don't break. Cars break. Glass breaks. Tools break. Bones break. But people, people don't break. We bruise. We cry. We hurt. But we don't break. We don't break because we heal. We heal, Jane. We develop calluses and scar tissue to cover damaged areas to protect ourselves. People don't break." She repeated looking Jane square in the eye. "It's okay to talk about these difficult situations. You have plenty of people that care about you." Maura wiped away the tear that was traveling down her best friend's face. "I care about you. I'm always here. I won't think any less of you, I promise." Maura wrapped her arms around Jane bringing the other woman into a hug.

"Thank you." Jane said into the medical examiner's shoulder. After a few moments Jane pulled away from the other woman.

Silence enveloped them for a moment before Maura decided to continue. "I think I need to give a better explanation as to why I left after the incident at the warehouse." Jane nodded her held as the seriousness settled back around the room.

"In the life I grew up with confrontation was frowned upon. There were never any explosive emotions. It was all about saving face in the public eye. It created a very tense, very uneasy environment to be around. So I don't handle emotion well. And after – after…" She trailed off. She couldn't bring herself to say it.

"I shot Doyle." Jane finished.

"Yes. I was just so lost. All of these things were happening all at once and I was just spinning out of control. I wasn't thinking about the whole situation. I just saw my father falling from a catwalk. I saw everything he knew about me, about my biological mother, all the 'could have beens' falling with him. I was just feeling so much. It was like a big melting pot of chaos. I just wanted to not feel anymore. I needed time to understand what happened. I needed to decompress." Maura was staring at the blanket underneath her much like Jane had done. "When my mother recovered I went to a pathology conference in California and then volunteered some time with Doctors Without Borders in Africa. I hated you." Jane flinched. Maura held her hand tighter. "I did. I think you were the only one that I knew could take it. And even then you were the only one there. You were the only one I could blame. I hated you when I was in California. I had a job offer there. I wasn't going to come back." She trailed off. "Then I got a call from Ian and Doctors Without Borders. They needed another doctor for a month. After a while I missed Boston. I was talking a lot with Ian at this point. I told him how I was feeling. He said it was called homesickness. I have never gotten homesick before." Maura laughed at the memory. "He told me I should go home. That the longer I waited the worse I would feel and the harder it would be. He made all of the travel arrangements that night." Maura paused taking a deep breath. Her relationship with the Australian doctor had changed dramatically since he left her for the last time. Now, they were just good friends. They had spent nights in Africa just talking about the things that had happened, the things that had led Maura to Africa. He was the one that convinced her Boston was where she needed to be, that running away wasn't going to make it hurt less. And that was the heart of it. She just wanted to stop hurting.

"When I got back everything was just so different. I thought you would keep trying to talk to me. I thought when you came to the morgue to get a report we would just slowly go back to normal. But you never came to the morgue. You called me Dr. Isles. You stopped calling. You stopped being you. And I was lost again. I was too timid to take that first step. Then I saw what you were doing to yourself. You were thinner and had this haunted look on your face. Watching you those first few weeks I was back was like the worst kind of heartbreak. You had changed so much. I kept hoping you would come by the house for your family dinners or I could somehow get you alone so we could talk. But you never came. Eventually it just became easier to pretend like we were never friends. Then you were injured and your mother barged into my house demanding that I 'put my big girl panties on and deal with you.' I tried to explain to her that we weren't speaking but she just shoved my purse and car keys at me and pushed me out the door."

Jane laughed. "That sounds like my mother."

"Well I'm glad she did." Maura said with a grin. "Then you were yelling and I didn't even realize that you could have been just as hurt by the whole situation as I was. I read your letter that night and I – I knew your side. It filled in a lot of holes I was missing. I didn't – I didn't know you needed me as much as I needed you." Maura paused searching for the right words again. Jane squeezed her hand. "No one has ever picked me, Jane. I've been abandoned my whole life. I've never been someone's first choice. But you're different, Jane." She said quickly before Jane could interrupt. "You've changed the way I think. You've made me fight for things. You've helped me grow as a person in so many ways. I was homesick because I missed your family, Frost, and Korsak. I missed Bass. I missed Jo Friday, your mother's cooking, arguments your brothers had over sports, and breakfast at the café in the mornings. I missed our movie nights and drinking at the Robber together. Then I was thinking that the only thing on that list that didn't somehow involve you was Bass." Jane laughed and Maura continued. "I realized that the one thing I missed about Boston more than anything was you."

This time it was Jane's turn to pull Maura into an unexpected hug. Maura wrapped her arms tight around Jane burying her face in the soft fabric on her shoulder. "I was tired, Maura. I – I thought you were going to be gone for good. I thought you hated me. And I – I kinda hated myself too. I wanted to punish myself. I deserved what I was getting you know?" She laughed softly, arms still wrapped around her best friend. "But I – I get it Maura. I understand now. And I'm so sorry that I didn't before." Maura nodded her head into the brunette's strong shoulder. For the first time in months it finally felt like their friendship was back on track. A few minutes later they pulled apart. Jane looked at Maura with a slight grin on her face. "Look at us talking about things." She cracked laughing slightly.

"We should do it more often." Maura smiled bumping shoulders with Jane's.

Jane nodded. "We will." She opened her mouth wide as a yawn captured her attention. "Man, I'm tired." She commented when she finished.

"Well, it's been an emotionally draining day." Maura reasoned with her own yawn.

Jane snorted. "No kidding."

They pulled the blanket out from underneath them flipping the bedside lamps off in the process. Jane curled herself around Maura, much to the other woman's surprise. Maura grinned quietly putting her own arm protectively around Jane. Progress was made tonight, they were going to be okay.

…

Then next morning Jane woke up to an empty bed and the smell of something delicious coming from her kitchen. She yawned stretching slightly and made her way to her bathroom and then the kitchen. She grinned at the sight before her. Maura was humming to non-existent music swaying her hips just slightly as she danced around the kitchen. It was so un-Maura like Jane couldn't help but laugh quietly. An image graced her mind of a time years down the road waking up to this every morning after falling asleep with the honey-blond doctor every night. Suddenly all the things she had been feeling over the past few weeks were starting to make sense. "I'm sorry you had to get that call." Jane said making her presence known as she walked into the kitchen.

Maura nodded her head solemnly. "I'm sorry your friend got shot." She placed a plate in front of Jane.

"I was going to go see him later today, during visiting hours."

"Would you like me to go with you?" The doctor asked timidly sitting down with her own breakfast.

Relief flooded Jane's posture. "That'd be nice."

A/N: You guys have no idea how long I've had this in my back pocket.