AN:So this one is a bit...weird. Its the grand revealing of mushy Zoro! But Zoro is a person too and has emotions! He...just can't express them because...of me...DX (never mind the fact I have a Zoro+pain=pure happiness thought process)

Monday. Only a day later and Zoro felt like his mind was going to explode! It was impossible yet it happened! What was he supposed to do? He couldn't forget about it, that's for sure!

Every few minutes the memory replayed in his mind. Every few minutes he was thinking about what could have happened if no one called the cops, Robin wasn't there, that other bartender thought Sanji took off early.

Each time something new happened. He would suddenly switch their positions and Sanji would be submissive, they would kiss and he would be submissive to Sanji, or he would struggle and Sanji made him submit. He would give Sanji head or the other way around, Sanji would fuck him, hard, or he would fuck Sanji, it was mainly the first though.

He would swear and degrade him even as he thrust into him. He would bite his shoulder hard enough to bruise as he came inside Zoro, and he would come all over the dirty alley wall...

He was doing it again dammit!

Zoro shook his head trying to clear it and chugged some more vodka he found upstairs straight out of the bottle. He had to do something! He couldn't just hide in his room while Sanji was upstairs doing whatever he does all day, probably cooking for Luffy or something, maybe looking for a job.

How did Sanji do this for so long? Zoro was here half the day on his sick day and he was bored out of his mind. He was going to train but when he did he always just thought about random things, which always led to thinking about Sanji. And as of yesterday all thoughts of Sanji led to that alley and to having sex with Sanji.

Even if Sanji was open to doing that with a man, would he want to do it with Zoro for his first time? Was it his first time with a man? Was he just assuming too much when he thought Sanji only ever had eyes for girls in public?

I mean he could fit into the gay profile, always going on about manners and clothes, he cooked but that itself wasn't gay exactly, but he wore a pink apron!...that a girl gave him...

No Sanji, Sanji wasn't gay...at least if he was he was pretty good at covering it.

But he could just be acting. He was the only guy Zoro had ever met that flirted with every single girl he saw. Maybe he just acted that way so no one noticed he was gay?

But Sanji had girlfriends before...he met them. In high school he dated a lot of girls. And he brought them to some of the parties Luffy dragged him to.

He was kidding himself. Sanji wasn't gay. He liked girls, slept with girls, and did not like Zoro.

What was wrong with him? In high school he decided to never let this interfere with his life! He allowed himself to be near Sanji because he would never knowingly think about him that way again! He could have his stupid dreams if he never let himself have the slightest hope they would become real!

This was it! He was going upstairs and getting rejected! He would fucking kill the stupid flutter of hope that anything more could happen between Sanji and him.

He downed the rest of the bottle and walked as nonchalantly as he could upstairs. Sanji was at the sink, washing last nights dinner dishes. Zoro silently threw the wasted bottle away and grabbed another bottle from the cupboard.

It was a smaller bottle, rum this time. He shrugged lightly and began guzzling from the bottle. He leaned back against a counter and watched the cooks back, waiting to see if his existence would be acknowledged. Apparently not.

He was quiet a few more moments, trying to prepare himself for the pain of rejection.

"About...about the other night..." Zoro started lamely and trailed off. He saw Sanji's back stiffen and he stopped washing.

"I...What...Just...uh, what was that all...about?" Zoro cringed at how awful his question was voiced. He was not good with words, never was, never was going to be.

"What about the other nigh?" he spat in annoyance , "Nothing happened! Don't ever bother me with that stupid shit again!"

Ow "Yeah..." ouch "Yeah, I, I know..." why did it hurt so much? He was expecting this wasn't he? "I'm...I'm going out...tell the others if they ask..."

Zoro walked back to his room, he quickly changed into some pants and a shirt that at least smelled clean. He chugged the entire bottle of rum before he quickly went outside to his car.

Nami was watching some random show on TV, just relaxing and waiting to see if Zoro would get home before midnight. She glanced at the clock, eleven thirty. She shrugged to herself, Zoro had all day to sleep so she really shouldn't have to bother with worrying about if he would actually get any sleep on his sick days.

She sighed, the house felt so empty tonight. Robin was at Franky's and wouldn't be coming home, Sanji was already in bed, and Zoro still hadn't come home. She got herself a glass of water before she turned everything off in the living room.

Right as she put her foot on the first step going up to her room she heard the shuffling of someone clumsily putting keys into the lock in the front door. There was some quiet swearing then the door finally opened.

She listened to the Zoro as he closed and locked the door, but instead of just going to his room as she expected, he just stood there. She walked closer towards the door, was he okay? Did he get hurt again?

She heard a quiet sniffle from Zoro, followed by a broken and muffled sod.

"Zoro...?" she called nervously.

"...y-yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine... I'm... I'm going to go to bed."

"Zoro wait!" Nami suddenly ran the rest of the way to were Zoro was, at the front door, sensing something was horribly wrong.

She grabbed his arm and dragged him upstairs, gently. She noticed he reeked of liquor. She handed him the glass of water she had been holding and flipped on a light. He looked awful! His eyes were rimmed with red, they looked unfocused and were trained on the ground, his face pale except for his flushed cheeks, his shirt was on backwards and his hair was ruffled.

A little surprised to see him so out of shape she inspected him further. He had bite marks and a few hickeys on his neck, his pants were unbuttoned and hung loosely on his hips, and he was trembling slightly.

He gulped down the water she gave him and just stood there, trembling and sniffling every now and then.

"Zoro...are you drunk?"

a small nod.

"Did...did you drive home?"

another small nod.

"Are you hurt? Did you crash or hit anything?" she asked urgently.

He shook his head no this time. Nami gave a small sigh in relief. Then she looked him over again and the disarray of his clothes.

"Come on. We're going to talk about it." she took the glass he was holding and put it on the counter. She then grabbed his hand and led him up to her room. Once inside she dumped him on her bed, he took the pillow and messed with it, avoiding Nami's gaze.

She sat down next to him and made their shoulders touch.

"Tell me what happened."

"I..! I didn't mean to! Really!" he suddenly burst out looking into Nami's eyes urgently.

"Its okay, its okay Zoro!" she tried to sooth him "What didn't you mean to do?"

"I... I didn't plan to go with them! They...were really nice. Bought me a drink. They were nice to talk to, no one else talked to me all day."

"You spent all day at a bar?"

He nodded and looked back to the pillow in his lap.

"I... I don't normally go home with people! I don't do that! Never!" tears started to leak out of his eyes silently. "I really don't! Please don't hate me!"

"I don't hate you Zoro. Its okay to have a one night stand, it happens sometimes."

"No it doesn't! Never!"

"Shhh its ok. Tell me what happened. Who is 'they'? The person who was nice and bought you a drink?"

"...you wont like it."

"Its fine Zoro, really. I'm not going to hate you because of the person who you went with. It doesn't matter, you don't have to say their name if it makes you feel better."

he nodded a little bit.

"He...he was nice to talk to. He bought me some drinks...then...things happened."

Nami nodded and put a comforting hand on his arm. She didn't think he realized he admitted he was with a man but she comforted him anyways.

"He...he took my car and drove to his place...but we didn't go that far! I wouldn't do that! I couldn't do that!"

"Why couldn't you?" she prodded gently.

"Because... I started to think... to think about him! It wasn't the same! And that wouldn't be fair! And...and he would hate me more!"

"Who would hate you?"

"Sanji!" he cried harder and leaned into Nami.

"I thought you didn't care what he thought." she said carefully.

"I do care! Maybe not a lot but I do! He doesn't though! It doesn't matter anyways! He doesn't want me. I'm just some gay idiot! He doesn't want anything to do with me! It, it hurts so much! He's the only one I can see but it would be better if I was blind! I, I tried not to feel this way! I made myself stop in high school, when he kept bringing all those girls! I tried so hard to forget! And then then yesterday, I thought it might have changed, even when I tried to make myself stop hoping! So I went to him to get rejected and he did and I though it would make it better but it just hurt so much more!"

Nami listened quietly and pulled him into a hug. She suspected recently that Zoro might have a little crush on Sanji, but nothing like this! Since high school even!

"Zoro...have you ever been with...anyone?"

she felt Zoro shake his head into her chest, still sobbing.

"Do you love Sanji?"

"yes... I do and it wont ever matter!"

"It's ok, its ok." Nami comforted him with hollow words, gently stroking his hair while Zoro let out years worth of pent up pain gush out in his drunken state.

"He already hates me! You cant tell him! You cant tell anyone I was with someone!"

"Its alright, I wont tell anyone. It'll be fine."

"Thank you." he managed to get out between sobs.

Nami just sat with Zoro, petting his hair until he fell asleep. She waited, then quietly laid him down on her bed and turned off her alarm. She sat in Robin's bed, watching Zoro sleep. He was never that open, especially about his feelings, but it must have been so hard to keep that bottled up inside all that time.

And then to move in with Sanji? He must have been determined to make himself miserable! And he was drunk, Zoro never got drunk! She watched him down an entire bottle of vodka in ten minutes and walk away perfectly fine, he spent all day at a bar, how much did he drink exactly?

It was just so sad! Even though he knew he would never get to be with Sanji, he couldn't even go sleep with some guy he met at a bar. Even dead drunk. But then again, he admitted he was a virgin, and that wasn't something you just throw away that easily. Well maybe for men, but she didn't think Zoro was like that.

She sighed. She would have to talk to him again when he was sober, he couldn't live like this. No one should ever have to live like that, living with the one you love when they constantly put you down...she fell asleep soon after, dreams plagued with the sad sight of her friend crying his eyes out.