I think…I might have a pattern?

Every day for a week…and then a week of nothing. And then (hopefully) everyday for a week…and then another week of nothing. :P Sucks to be us.

Title: Most Certainly NOT Gay

Pairings: USUK…nothing else this time, kiddos.

Rating: T, for Silence of the Lambs.

Genre(s): Humor, Romance, slight Angst…

Dedications: SnowGirl999, tintenstern, Lovely Hikari, Chibirisu, Choco-Pocky-Usa-chan, Little Patch of Heaven, Alphine, and everyone who alerted or fav'd.

Inspiration: The request by . I think it was, for Artie and Alfie bein' college roommates and having a grand old time. (Not their words. Mine.)

Warnings: AU…and Silence of the Lambs is a key part.

Summary: Alfred's started college with a terrible roommate. Of course, that situation might change if he just gets to know the roommate…

Disclaimer: I don't own Shiroi Hana by Yui Ibuki, I don't own the planet Mars, and the only Hetalia-related thing I own is the first volume which I bought today and it is the most awesome thing ever. But I don't own Hetalia itself….

Begin~

Alfred F. Jones, 19 years old, was very disappointed in his baby brother, himself, and the people who assigned dorms at the college he'd been accepted into. I'm sure by now you can guess why, but I'll tell you anyway.

They hadn't put him with his brother.

Seriously! He'd specifically requested to be put with his brother, but instead Mattie had ended up with some German albino dude! And Alfred himself…

"My name is Kirkland. Arthur Kirkland. I go to bed at exactly 9:00, I have a pet rabbit, and if you bother me for any reason shorter than 'I'm dying', I will get very angry. Also, don't eat my food."

Some British jerk who thought he was freakin' James Bond! What the hell was up with that?

Well, at least he wasn't always bringing girls over. That would be irritating. Heh, maybe he was gay.

Maybe he was…?

"ARTHUR." Alfred burst into the Brit's bedroom.

"What in the name of—what do you want?" yelled Arthur. He had dropped his pen in surprise at Alfred's entrance. "Can't you see I'm—"

"Arthur, are you gay?"

"W-What?" sputtered Arthur. "What kind of a question is that? And didn't I tell you not to bother me unless you were dying?" he asked, trying to change the subject to something less awkward.

"Well, I was just wondering 'cause I don't know if I wanna room with a gay guy is all, 'cause that'd be really weird—"

"No. Now get out."

Speechless at the sudden calmness of the Brit, Alfred left the room, closing the door on the way out.

"Stupid bloody American," grumbled Arthur to himself. "Asking that sort of question…" He then went back to his Psychology work. "I'm not gay…why would he ask that? Just because I don't bring girls over all the time…" He realized he'd started writing his thoughts out on the paper, and angrily scratched them out. "Maybe he's gay and that's his stupid American way of asking me…"

Oh SHIT.

"ALFRED."

"AAAAAH! WHAT?" screamed the American, who had started a scary movie while his roommate was doing his homework. It was "Silence of the Lambs", and though not much had happened yet, he'd already seen it once before and the memories of Hannibal Lector eating the security guards had already surfaced…

"A-Are you…a homosexual?" asked Arthur, his cheeks going pink.

Alfred's face went from frightened to shocked, and then from shocked to sly. "Why do you ask?"

"Because if you are, I am asking for a room reassignment," replied Arthur bluntly. "It would be rather uncomfortable to be residing with someone with the potential to be sexually attracted to me."

"Oh." Alfred's grin dropped. 'Well, I'm not, so you don't need to worry."

"I won't, then." He decided to go finish that Psychology thing, but just as he was about to disappear back into his room, Alfred asked, "Hey…could you stay?" Arthur raised one gargantuan eyebrow. "N-Not that I'm scared, but uh…this is a really good movie, and you should see it! I even made popcorn!" He lifted the bowl of deliciously buttered snacks.

"Fine." He sat down next to Alfred on the couch. "Give me some of that."

As the movie went on, Alfred grew more and more afraid, and Arthur grew more and more annoyed. The bloody American was clinging to him like a small child or a cat, as well as shaking in fear. "Get off of me."

"AAAA-oh wait, that was you. Sorry." Hesitantly, Alfred unlatched himself.

"That's better, thank you." He reached for some more popcorn (though by now it was nearly gone), but his fingers just met more fingers. He drew his hand back as if it had been pricked by needles. "D-Don't touch me!"

"Huh? Oh, sorry, Artie…"

"I'm going to go finish my work." Arthur stood up to leave, but Alfred grabbed his hand.

"N-No! You can't go yet! I-I mean…you haven't seen how it ends!" he exclaimed.

"Yes I have. This was my brother's favorite movie and I've sat through more times that I could ever care to count. Now let—me—go!" He finally yanked his hand free of Alfred's and went to his room.

Alfred whimpered at the screen. Stupid gay British guy…

"I AM NOT GAY!" Arthur yelled from his room. Alfred realized he must have voiced his thoughts aloud. Whoops… "ALSO, I AM NOT STUPID. THAT IS YOU. ALSO, THANK YOU FOR TAKING UP SO MUCH OF MY TIME. I CAN'T FINISH MY ASSIGNMENT NOW AS IT IS TIME FOR ME TO GO TO BED." The light in Arthur's room went out, leaving Alfred in total darkness.

A half hour later, when the movie was over, Alfred found that he could not sleep. He was afraid the skin-suit guy would come and take his skin…(Alfred liked to ignore details in movies sometimes—this was one of those times.) He didn't want to have to resort to this, but…

"Arthur? Are you still awake?" He pushed the door to Arthur's room open.

The irritated Brit, who also could not sleep, grumbled, "No."

"Oka—hey, wait. If you were asleep, you wouldn't have been able to answer."

"Oh, good job. Ten points to the American," replied Arthur. Alfred got the feeling that he was being insulted (and with Harry Potter, of all things), but ignored it.

"C-Can I sleep with you?" he asked.

"WHAT? Oh, that's it, I'm going to get a new room assignment TOMORROW—"

"No! Not like that! Pervert."

"Oh." Arthur shifted around in his bed uncomfortably. "Well then."

"…So can I?"

"Do what you like! I'm going to sleep."

Alfred silently cheered for himself and crawled into bed next to his cranky British roommate. "'Night, Artie~"

"Whatever."

Maybe this roommate wouldn't be so bad~

EXTENDED ENDING

…But even if he wasn't, that didn't mean he was gay.

AN: The "he" at the end can apply to both~ as well as the last line before the extended ending.

So, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. The next person to get their request published will be Veldargone, and as I did nothing on Valentine's, it shall be in honor of that particular holiday.

Like I said before, I hope you liked it~