Haha~ here's the Valentine's Day thing…three days late…and it was the request by Veldargone. So enjoy, Veldargone~

Title: Poison On Valentine's Day?

Pairings: US/fem!UK. Yep. That's right, kiddos. And no ElisabetaxYaoi this time. ):

Rating: K+

Genre(s): Humor, Romance, Friendship

Dedications: ShowGirl999, TheNinjaWangsta, tintenstern, Chibirisu, and DancesWithCranes. And everyone who fav'd or alerted, of course!

Inspiration: The holiday of love and making chocolate.

Warnings: AU, as well as a female Artie who we have called Alice. Oh, and the dissing of Sarah Palin. Sorry, but she's a moron.

Summary: Alice has finally decided to confess her feelings to Alfred…through a secret admirer note. But when he eats the chocolate along with it, bad things might happen…

Disclaimer: I don't own Window Bird by Stars (I've been listening to them a lot, haven't I?), I don't own the PPC, and I don't own Hetalia~

AND HERE WE GO.

"A-Alfred, I made you some chocolate…I hope you'll accept it!" Alfred looked up from his comic book and saw the cute freshman with the short blond hair that always had a bow decorating it. Her name was Livie, or Lila, or Lulu, or something like that…the only detail Alfred ever bothered to remember was that her brother was in the army, and he owned a lot of guns.

"Wow, thanks!" He took the chocolate from her and unwrapped it. "This looks really great! Thanks!" Lassie—or whatever the hell it was—glowed with happiness and skipped off to tell her friends.

Alfred happily chowed down on the chocolate. He'd gotten a lot today, and briefly wondered why, but then decided not to worry about it. After all, it was free chocolate!

Alice Kirkland, meanwhile, Alfred's best friend since like forever, was watching him with hate-filled eyes. Was he stupid? Uh, stupider than usual? Was he really not aware that it was Valentine's Day?

No, probably not. Dunce probably didn't know when his own birthday was…oh wait, he did, since it was also Independence Day. But that was it!

Alice, though she thought Alfred was the stupidest human being alive (well, besides that Sarah Palin, of course) had made him chocolate. Obviously. Why wouldn't she? Of course, as Alice was a complete tsundere, there was no way she'd give it to him in person. That would be ridiculous.

Instead, she had put in his lunchbox, which was in his locker. (She had his combination, like many of his friends. Alfred could be a bit too trusting at times…) With the chocolate was a little note that confessed her feelings of attraction and whatnot…though the sender had written that it was from a secret admirer. Which she was! And now that she'd given it to him, she could stop pining so much. It felt ridiculous to do, anyway, but she couldn't help herself.

Well, Alfred would never like me in that way anyway, she thought to herself bitterly, and with that, she went to her next class.

When Alfred opened his lunch in the cafeteria, there was a neatly wrapped pink heart with a note taped to it.

Roses are red,

violets are blue,

this secret admirer

really likes you.

"Hey Mattie, look at this." He shoved the note under his brother's nose. "Someone sent me a love note. Weird, huh?"

"Not really. After all, it is Valentine's Day…" murmured Matthew. "Did you forget again?"

"…I guess I did," replied Alfred sheepishly. "So that's why people have been giving me chocolate…I wonder who this is from. He stared at the innocent pink heart. "Well, I hope it tastes good, anyway." He unwrapped the corner and took a bite.

The first thing he noticed was that it was the most disgusting thing he'd ever put in his mouth. The second was his need to throw up rightnowrightnowrightnow. After that, though, he was too unconscious to notice anything at all.

When he woke up, he was in the nurse's office, on a cot. The nurse's aide, Elisabeta Hedervary, was there waiting for him to wake up. "Oh, you're up!" she exclaimed when he tried to sit up. "Don't try to sit up, though. After all, you fainted after eating some chocolate."

"Oh…yeah…" Alfred grinned to himself as the memories came back. "I think I know who that was from…"

"You know who tried to poison you?" asked Elisabeta.

Alfred quickly shook his head. "No, she wasn't trying to poison me!" he protested. "She just can't cook is all…"

"Alfred, you fainted. No one is that bad a cook."

Alfred smiled to himself in spite of Elisabeta's words. "There is one person."

Meanwhile, a certain Alice Kirkland was fuming. She was getting a drink of water during class to try to calm herself down, but it just wouldn't work. She was mad at the American who'd eaten her chocolate. What kind of horrible person faints after eating chocolate? A demon might…

She shivered.

Out the corner of her eye, she could see someone leaving the nurse's office, and when she turned her head to get a better look, she saw it was Alfred. Her eyes narrowed as his brightened. "Alfred."

"Hey Alice!" he exclaimed cheerfully, and ran up to her. "So you know how I fainted after eating that chocolate at lunch?"

"Yes," replied Alice shortly. Where was he going with this…?

"I figured out who sent it!" If Alice had still been drinking water, she would have spit it out all over the American's smiling face.

"…That's fantastic, Alfred…" she muttered. Stan calm, Alice. Stay. Calm.

"Yeah! I know, right?" Alice just nodded. "Oh, and by the way…" He bent down to her height and whispered in her ear, "This secret admirer really likes you, too."

AN: FLUFFY ENDING OH MY GOD.

I almost made it super angsty and sad. You people are lucky my dad was in the room and I asked him and he convinced me to make it happy. So everyone, thank a Bruce tomorrow.

And I'm sorry it's three days late. I just didn't have the idea before the day. And other people were late too! L-Like Ariisha-chan! Who wrote that Gakuen Alice thing that was adorable. If you like Gakuen Alice, you should read it.

(I'm sorry if you don't like female versions…some people have been complaining, but I'm just taking the requests people give me. And then next one is for a yuri thing with Alice and Amelia. So. You can read that if you want, or you can wait for another.)

Also…I have 79 reviews now. I am so happy…I think I might cry. (And this means we'll hopefully hit 100 soon, so maybe I'll try to write a sequel to The Alien and the Rabbit. 'Cause I liked that one, and it seems you people did too.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed~