Though I said I hoped to get this out over the weekend, that obviously didn't happen. I'm sorry…also, the 100 review special should be out soon as well. It's Harry Potter themed.

And I just remembered…NO ONE GOT THE REFERENCE FROM 'THE RUNAWAY'. Yeah. It was Monty Python, the song "I'm So Worried". Shame on you allllll.

Title: The Farmhouse

Pairings: USUK, and that's it for this part, I think

Rating: K+

Genre(s): Romance, Humor

Dedications: tintenstern, TheNinjaWangsta, Maya-chan2007, XxKuro-koneko-nyaxX, foreversnowynights, SnowGirl999, MataHari-Chan, and anyone who fav'd or alerted.

Inspiration: Erm…well, I dunno. I guess the requests for more Costermonger…plus I like genderbending.

Warnings: There's a fem!Alfred (but don't worry, she's just Al's mom), and this is kinda short, and Artie gets forced into a dress. Oh, and I made Hanatamago a girl. DEAL WITH IT.

Summary: Arthur has decided to pursue Alfred, but when he finally finds out where to meet him, he's ambushed by the boy's mother and forced to do something no man ever would want to do.

Disclaimer: I don't own "Oh!" by Girls' Generation [SNSD], I don't own Kiss of Monochrome from Kuroshitsuji, and I certainly don't own Hetalia, though I shamelessly put the characters in embarrassing positions.

Begin~

Exactly one week after picking up Peter (and then sending him back, as his "parents" had to return from their trip early when their dog-sitter had called and told them their dog, who they had believed to be male for the longest time, was giving birth) Arthur returned to the market, hoping he could find Alfred again. He'd also brought every single fairy, unicorn, and obnoxious flying mint bunny (the last one had a head count of just one—her excuse was that she was too amazingly-spectacular-coolears to have others of her species) he knew to help him scout out the veggie cart.

Unfortunately, no one, magical or human, could find it. They'd managed to locate the two large fish stands (one was owned by some French girl with red ribbons, and the other by a Japanese man), but both owners told him Alfred and that other one whose name they couldn't remember hadn't shown up at all. The Japanese man had even offered him some tuna for his troubles, but Arthur had declined.

However, the girl was apparently a distant relative of the boys and she gave Arthur their address. "It's way out in the country, though, so if you spend to much time there you'll be driving home in the dark."

Arthur nodded. "Thank you." Then he felt it was common decency to buy some fish to thank her, so he did. (And then he ended up buying something from the Japanese man as well, because he was receiving many uncomfortable glares of jealousy.)

After looking up Alfred's address to get directions, he set off. The girl at the fish stand wasn't kidding—it was far out in the country, and it took him an hour and a half to get there.

When he pulled into the gravel driveway of the farmhouse, a black dog suddenly appeared out of nowhere and ran over to the side of his car. It started barking, and after Arthur nervously exited the car, it started to jump on him and try to lick his face.

"Ah! Stop it!" Arthur yelled, fecklessly trying to push the dog off.

"SAM! DOWN!" shouted someone with a woman's voice. The dog sat down meekly.

Arthur turned toward the source of the voice. "Thank you, Miss…?"

She grinned. "I'm Amelia. Amelia Jones. So it's Mrs. Jones to you!" Arthur noticed that she looked just like Alfred. She was probably his mother. "And who are you?"

"O-Oh, I-I'm Arthur. Arthur Kirkland," he replied.

She laughed. "The withered cucumber guy?"*

Arthur blushed. "…Yes."

"Haha! Great! So why are you here?" she asked. There was something about the way she was smiling that scared the crap out of Arthur.**

"I-I'm here to see Alfred. Is he he—"

"Oh, you're here to see my Alfie?" she said, interrupting. "Well, that's too bad. I'm not going to let you see him, and if you insist on trying to find him, I'll sic Sam on you." The dog perked up at the sound of his name. "So I suggest you leave, Mr. Kirkland."

"W-Why…can't I see him?" asked our very surprised hero.

"Well, you see, it's simple. You took my sweet baby's innocent heart and you bludgeoned it with your stupid withered cucumber until it was a pile of heart-scented pulp, which you smeared all over yourself as a goddamn cologne. I don't want him to be hurt more than you've already made him, so I'd like it if you just left."

"N-No, you don't understand!" protested Arthur, nervously glancing down toward the dog.

"What don't I understand?" asked Amelia, putting her hands on her hips.

"I didn't mean to…do all that stuff you just said I did! I was in shock, and I couldn't respond, and he didn't give me the time to snap out of it, and I would've gone after him but I had to go pick up my little brother at the airport!"

Amelia narrowed her eyes. "I don't believe you."

"How can I make you believe me?" he asked desperately. By now, he was going to get mauled by a bear—sorry, dog—if he didn't try begging, so it was definitely worth a shot.

Amelia didn't answer. Instead, she grinned wolfishly before poking her head back inside her house and shouting, "Girls! I've found us a willing subject!"

Arthur paled. What was that supposed to mean?

The last thing he could remember was a lot of giggling and the sight of a pink and white dress before a funny-smelling cloth was pressed over his nose and mouth and he went unconscious.

When Arthur awoke, he was surrounded by girls. One was Amelia, and another was the girl from the fish stand, but the others were all unfamiliar.***

"He's awake!" squealed a brunette with orange blossoms in her hair.

"He is? Hey, he is!" said a cheerful Asian girl. She poked his cheek. "Hello!"

"Where…where am I?" he asked, moving away from the Asian girl. He sat up slowly and looked around. He saw that he was in a girl's bedroom, presumably Amelia's.

"You're at my house~" replied Amelia happily.

He turned his head to look at her. As he did, something hit his head. Something that felt like…hair. Hesitantly, he reached up and felt his head, slowly pulling his hands down.

Pigtails. Why were there gigantic pigtails?****

And his legs felt oddly cold. He glanced down, afraid of what he would see.

"A dress?" he exclaimed. "Bloody—why am I in a dress?" It was a girly dress, too, all pink and frilly and short.

"Because, Alice," said a blonde girl with a red headband, "you're a girl. Silly goose."

"At least, for now," said a girl with long blonde hair that had a bow sitting on top of it.

"This is all part of Miss Amelia's plan!" said a tiny blonde with a blue ribbon on the side of her head.

"D-Don't worry! We promise it won't hurt or a-anything like that!" added a girl with short, platinum hair and a rather large chest.

"Nicole here will tell you the details~" said the girl he'd bought fish from, bringing a brunette with glasses and a loose braid forward.

She gave Arthur a cold stare that made him shiver. "You are masquerading as Alice Héderváry, Elisabeta's—" The brunette with the flowers in her hair waved to him, "—cousin. You will meet Alfred, seduce him, and then reveal yourself."

"…Why do I have to do all that? Why can't I just confront him dressed as, you know, a man?" asked Arthur, raising one gigantic worm—sorry, eyebrow.

"Because!" shouted Amelia, slamming her fist on a conveniently-placed table. "It's much more fun this way! And it's my revenge for taking my sweet baby's heart and—"

"Fine! Just don't say all that again."

Amelia smiled. "Very well."

*Withered cucumber guy is totes Artie's nickname now. It doesn't even matter what AU I'm doing, or if it doesn't make sense. I must…make a reference…in everything new… (though that won't happen.)

**D: She's been taking lessons from Russia! And when the commies and the capitalists unite…ohshitshitshitRUNAWAY!

***These girls, who will all be described shortly, are all members of the Yaoi Club~ (Well, except for Amelia.) If you want to see more of their misadventures, check out my new fanfiction "The Yaoi Club" and review it! Or just vote on the poll. Otherwise, it's goin' on a looooong hiatus. (And you should definitely read the other three new ones. They're all Hetalia, don't worry.)

****Because you're now Hatsune Miku. LOL, just kidding.

AN: Sorry about all of those random notes…just a few things that came to mind while I was typing this. If you don't like them, I can get rid of them…

DUDE, I HAD TO RESEARCH WHERE TO PUT THE TICS ON LIZZY'S NAME. NO JOKE. Damn Hungarian last name…urgh.

Though, like I said before, PLEASE go and read the four new fanfictions I just posted. This is very important. It WILL decide the fate of the universe, because if you don't review, I will get so stressed out that I will take it out on the people around me, who will want revenge and then convince the leaders of other countries to nuke *fuzz as the name of where I live is hit by static*. I'm serious. So, um, go pick one. They're called "The Yaoi Club", "Why Us?", "Embers", and "On the Hunt", and I really hope you vote on the poll or review or something. It would be a great help, especially since it would keep a nuclear disaster from happening like in Ukraine or Japan.

Speaking of which, I've got to go write back to my new Japanese penpals, Mana and Yuka. Thank you for reading!