D-I-S-C-L—how the hell do you come up with a cheer for the word 'disclaimer'? Hell if I know. I just know I don't own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist. Wheeeee…

3…2…1…commence!

Chapter Nine: Splendor with a Chance of Lightening

The train rumbled on, quietly jostling its passengers every now and then when it reached a particularly rough patch on the tracks. Edward sneezed into the bend of his elbow and made a small, irritated groan. Somnel glared at him reproachfully, his golden eyes narrowed. Edward returned the look, and Somnel huffed. Edward got up, stretched a little, and turned to the four students sharing the compartment with him. Hermione and Ron had left soon after coming in, only having time for a short break from their prefect duties. The remainder of the train ride had been somewhat awkward, but was now drawing to a close.

"Well," Edward said, looking around at his soon-to-be students. "I've got to go now. I'll see you at the feast." With that, he turned and walked out the door, holding one hand up in temporary farewell. Somnel wrapped his head around the front of Edward's neck and stared unnervingly at the students as the blond professor left. They exchanged looks, except for Luna who had gone back to her upside down issue of the Quibbler.

Edward blinked and yawned again, waiting a moment for his eyes to get used to the darkness. He had left his suitcase on the train, knowing it would be brought to his quarters later. He looked around, Somnel imitating him. They made a rather imposing image; a man in dark clothes with a snake-like creature wrapped around his shoulders, each staring out into the darkness with luminescent gold eyes. Both were attempting to spot their ride, which Edward had been notified about via owl. Somnel saw it first, shoving Edward's face to the side with one black-clawed foot. The kaivul's human perch scowled, brushed away the offending limb, and followed Somnel's line of sight. There, standing in the shadows underneath a large tree, was an emaciated sort of winged horse. It had red eyes, a black coat, wicked looking pointed teeth, and leathery wings that were each about as long as Edward was tall. The first thing that came to Edward's mind was 'demented chimera', but he soon realized that it was a thestral.

'That's what we're getting to the school on?' Somnel asked incredulously. 'Why couldn't we have just ridden in one of those carriages over there?'

Edward gave him a weary look. 'Those carriages are pulled by thestrals, too. We're taking this because a thestral bearing me and you will get to the school faster than a thestral pulling a carriage full of kids.' Somnel's grumbled complaints quieted, but did not cease. Edward strode forward, glancing up briefly when he felt raindrops. 'Gaah…rain.'

'Come on, let's go! Let's go!' Somnel said suddenly, sounding uncharacteristically urgent.

'What's got you in such a hurry?' Edward asked, walking a little slower just to annoy his passenger.

'Lightening, that's what! Rain means there's clouds which means there could be lightening! If there's any at all, it's going to hit us! Well, it won't effect me, but I'm guessing you'll be pretty much fried.'

"What?!" Edward said aloud, rushing the rest of the way to the thestral, leaping on its back without pause. 'The hell why?' he asked Somnel in his head.

Somnel didn't respond, instead making a very unpleasant guttural sound in his throat. The thestral leapt into the air, beating its enormous wings as fast as it could. The creature and its two passengers sped towards the castle, getting soaked with the increasingly heavy rain. 'Long explanation made short, lightning likes kaivuls. Now lets move! I don't want to experience a severed mental bond a day after it's been established! Do you have any idea how much that would hurt?'

'Your concern is touching,' Edward thought dryly as he urged the thestral to go faster. He squinted, trying to see through the now heavy rain. A smirk crossed his handsome face when he saw the main gates. "Come on, we're almost there," he encouraged the thestral. He was only slightly surprised by the whinny he received in response, and tightened his grip on the creature's neck as they neared the ground. The beast hit the ground running, pulling its wings in as it cantered across the cobblestones. Edward jumped off its back as it slowed to a walk, thanking it and running for the gate. Not even bothering to wonder why the gate seemed to be opening on its own for him, he raced inside. He leaned over and placed his palms on his thighs, trying to calm his breathing and quiet the pounding in his ears. When he was under control, he stood straight—just as the huge doors slammed shut behind him.

'Well!' he said to Somnel with a grin on his face. 'Not even dinner yet, and I've already nearly died. Or at least been nearly unpleasantly zapped.' He resettled Somnel around his shoulders, who had sunk his claws into his skin in order to stay on. 'Think it may be some sort of omen?'

'…Feh. I don't care.' Edward was slightly surprised to hear a slight tremor in the kaivul's mental voice. His grin widened, becoming decidedly wicked.

'Come now, don't tell me the great and terrible kaivul is afraid of heights?' he asked teasingly.

'Uncomfortable.' Edward blinked. Somnel sighed. 'Uncomfortable with heights. We live very close to the ground. When we hover, it's no more than a few feet off the ground. And personally, I'm not exactly an expert at hovering in the first place. Seriously, couldn't you have held onto me? It's not easy to stay on during a ride like that without snapping a few of your measly human bones.'

'Sorry, Somnel. I'll try to be more considerate next time I'm fleeing for my life. Especially when it's pretty much your fault.' Somnel only huffed in reply. 'Oh look, company.'

'What?' Somnel said a bit stupidly.

Indeed, sweeping through the dimly lit corridor like something out of a bard's story was a fierce looking woman with emerald robes, wrinkles, and a strict look about her from her simple shoes to her severely pinned hair.

"Mister Elric, I presume?" she said stiffly. Edward nodded in reply. "Very good. I'm Professor McGonagall. I've been waiting for you to arrive. But I wasn't aware that you would be bringing this…"

"Kaivul," Edward supplied when he realized the reason for her pause.

"Of course. You may discuss the matter with the headmaster after the feast. Please follow me to the Great Hall." With that, she spun on her heal and walked back the direction she came from, not bothering to see if Edward was following her. He shrugged and followed after her, mockingly imitating the stiff way she walked. Somnel bit his ear, and he stopped, giving the kaivul a light smack on the nose.

"Here we are," McGonagall said, holding out a hand to the Great Hall. It was certainly deserving of its title, Edward decided. The walls reached up high enough that their edges disappeared in shadow, seemingly opening right up to the sky, forgoing the ceiling. At least, it appeared so. The sky was a dark, enchanting blue and decorating with a twinkling crowd of stars. Small, thin wisps of grey clouds added to the beautiful image of the evening sky, too dark to be day but too blue and light to be truly nighttime. The hall itself was large and warmly lit by thousands of simple floating candles. Four long tables were arranged, their narrow ends facing the wall that held the large main door Edward was looking in from. Long benches were positioned on both sides of every table, and another long table opposite the door was lined with wooden high-backed chairs. Most of the chairs were filled, while three remained empty: one beside the central chair holding a kind-looking old man, another huge chair at one end of the table, and the third next to a greasy-haired man with a nasty expression and a long hooked nose.

"Your seat is between Professor Snape and Professor Sprout." Edward turned to her, still a bit amazed at the splendor of the Hall. "That's the man in the dark robes and the woman in green. I am going to go prepare to receive the first year students. Feel free to take your seat. If you have any questions for now, I recommend that you ask Professor Sprout." With that, McGonagall left him standing in the large doorway and swept back down the hall they had come from.

Edward turned back to the Great Hall, and said "Wow," softly under his breath. He stepped through the large doorway and approached the long staff table, his plain brown shoes clicking audibly on the hard stone floor. The teacher's at the table were watching him appraisingly, especially the old man in the center (who Edward had met and knew was Dumbledore) and the man McGonagall had identified as Snape. He stopped several feet in front of the table and bowed slightly from the waist, allowing his long bangs to fall into his eyes.

"My name is Edward Elric. It's a pleasure to meet you all."

"Now, now, Edward. Let us forgo such formalities, we are all friends here," Dumbledore said, the candlelight reflecting in his blue eyes like merry stars. "We shall have more complete introductions at the after-dinner staff meeting, but for now please take your seat by Professors Snape and Sprout." Dumbledore gestured to the chair with a wizened old hand. Edward bowed lightly again, and walked around the side of the staff table. He reached out a gloved hand to pull out his seat, not noticing Snape's subtle attention to the innocent white fabric. He sat down with a light sigh, feeling Somnel resettle himself around Edward's shoulders. Edward idly noticed that the tables were all set with rather nice gleaming metal cutlery, but no food was in the large serving bowls or on the wide platters. He guessed that waiters would bring it out.

In a few short minutes, the above-first year students begin filing into the room and taking their seats at the four long house tables. Edward's sharp golden eyes scanned the students attentively, Somnel doing the same from his place on Edward's shoulders.

'Wow. They look so intelligent. And they're so incredibly quiet, too. It's no wonder why they're the dominating species on the planet. They all look so worthy of it,' Somnel murmured nastily in Edward's head. His copious sarcasm would have been clearly evident to a four year old.

'Ah, give 'em a break, Somnel. They're just kids,' Edward said with an inner smirk. He kept his face smooth outwardly, wanting to at least make a decent first impression regardless of the somewhat questionable plans he had in store for the students. A minor scowl made its way onto his face, however, when one of the older Gryffindors gave his housemate a noogie, the younger boy letting out an overloud indignant squawk. 'Never mind…' Edward conceded.

The students seemed to have just gotten settled at the various tables when the large double doors swung open again, admitting a long stream of short, nervous-looking first years. Edward leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on the wooden table and interlocking his fingers. His mouth was hidden behind his hands, but his golden eyes glinted with light interest. And candlelight.

McGonagall strode up the long floor of the Great Hall, leading the new students behind her. When she reached the short steps that led to the raised floor that held the teachers table, she held up a hand and stood beside a small, waiting stool in front of the table. On the stool was a very ragged, worn looking hat that was slumped on the wooden surface. It was rather unimpressive, until a large rip between the wide brim and the cone of the hat opened, and the hat came to life. It made a sound like it was clearing its throat, though it had no throat to clear. The hat straightened, and opened its 'mouth' wide:

"Hello to you students,

Good evening, welcome all!

Welcome to Hogwarts,

And its Great Hall!

I am the Sorting Hat,

I'll tell you where to go,

Which house is your best choice?

I'll look in your head and know!

Be it Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff,

Gryffindor, or Slytherin!

Put me on your head,

I'll show you where you'll thrive in!

Maybe wise Ravenclaw,

Where those of logic and wit

Can find their smart fellows

And never a problem quit!

Or kind Hufflepuff,

Where dwell the loyal and true

They're dependable and determined,

A Hufflepuff will always stand by you!

Maybe brave Gryffindor,

Courageous and strong

Lead them into trouble,

And they'll always come along!

Or cunning Slytherin,

Guileful and sly

They'll fight to the top,

Always reaching for the sky!

Now you young ones,

Dark times draw near!

Stand together, and fight,

Keep your loyalties clear!

United you can win,

Apart you will fail,

Fading to nothing more

Than some historic tale!

So be strong together,

But I bid you, use caution

Or you'll be spinning in circles,

Driving yourselves to exhaustion!"

The hat stilled on its stool, only occasionally shifting as if to see the various reactions of the gathered students. The awkward silence that followed the Sorting Hat's song was long and uncomfortable, no one really knowing what to do or wanting to take initiative. Eventually, a single set of clapping hands could be heard from the staff table. Dumbledore's wizened old hands came together in applause, the rest of the table gradually following suit. Edward didn't bother unlacing his fingers, merely tapping the pads of his thumbs together as Somnel sat statue-like on his shoulders. The poor kaivul didn't seem to really know what to think. The students didn't either, but joined hesitantly in the applause as well, and for a moment the hall was filled with scattered clapping and murmuring before silence reigned once more.

McGonagall cleared her throat, and seemingly out of thin air (which was actually quite possible), produced a thick scroll that she unrolled and glanced at.

"Abouk, Naza," she said in a stern voice. Almost as an afterthought, she snatched the hat of the stool by its worn top and held it at her side. From the ranks of the first years a particularly short, very pale girl with short black hair and huge brown eyes emerged. She made her way up the two small steps to the stool, and at McGonagall's quiet direction sat down. McGonagall placed the hat on the girl's head and stepped back. After only a few nervous seconds the rip in the hat opened again, the same voice that had sung the strange song announcing in a deafening bellow the word "RAVENCLAW!"

The girl sighed with relief and waited for McGonagall to pluck the hat from her head before she hopped off the stool and hurried a little faster than necessary towards one of the empty seats at the clapping Ravenclaw table.

The Sorting Ceremony continued in that fashion, with the first years sitting on the stool, getting the hat placed on their head, and being rather more loudly than necessary shouted into their proper House.

"Bourny, Susie" became a Hufflepuff… "Coone, Anna" was politely applauded in Ravenclaw… "Grenell, Sacharissa" was cheered into Slytherin… and several others after and in between were sorted. The first years, in alphabetical order by last name, were slowly dispersed into the four Houses. Edward feigned interest, but he could feel the hunger clawing at his belly and he was getting impatient. He hadn't had breakfast this morning and his lunch had been a joke.

'When will this end…' Edward moaned in his head. Somnel, having finally recovered from his shock at the animated hat's bizarre song, snickered nastily at him.

'Hungry, eeeeeeeh?' the kaivul teased. 'Wishing you had woken up earlier now, don't you? Right, Edward?'

'Shut up,' Edward grumbled. 'Or you get nothing.' To his slight surprise, Somnel promptly shut up. He had thought his smart-mouthed new partner would say something witty and threaten to push his face into his plate, or something equally pleasant. Edward didn't question this small bit of luck, however. He knew when to just sit back and count his blessings.

Finally, "Kuratoa, Yusson" was placed into Slytherin, and there were no more first years left to sort. Dumbledore stood, spreading his arms wide.

"Welcome," he said warmly, looking out at the students. "Welcome." He looked out at the four long crowded tables with twinkling eyes. "New students, welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Old students, welcome back! Now, I have a few words for you, before we are able to partake in our splendid feast.

"First and foremost, I would like to welcome our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Mr. Edward Elric." Taking Dumbledore's words as his cue, Edward stood up and looked calmly out at the politely clapping students. He allowed a light smile to tug at his lips and inclined his head slightly, sitting back down with a slight rustle of fabric. Whispers passed between the students like wind in tree leaves, but died down as Dumbledore spoke again.

"Secondly, I have been asked by our caretaker, Mr. Filch, to remind you all that dungbombs, Whizbang fireworks, and any Zonko's products are not allowed in the halls. The full list of banned items is available on Mr. Filch's office door to be perused at your leisure.

"Thirdly, no magic is allowed in the halls, and the Dark Forest is strictly forbidden to all students." Edward noticed the slightest bit of guilty shifting from a small handful of students, including Harry Potter and a couple of his fellow Gryffindor sitting by him. "Also," Dumbledore continued, his voice grave, "As you were all informed before the beginning of summer break, the Dark Lord Voldemort has returned."

Edward noticed that most people flinched violently, winced, or reacted in other negative ways to the simple statement. 'What's wrong with them?' Somnel remarked snidely, having recovered from Edward's earlier threat.

'Apparently,' Edward replied with disdain, 'These people are so wretchedly afraid of this Dark Lord that they can't even stand to hear his name. They call him "You-Know-Who". Doesn't that sound like it belongs in a children's game? Really, it's just too much.'

Unaware of the silent conversation taking place between the two gold-eyed beings sitting just a seat over from where he stood, Dumbledore forged on. "Over the summer, many sources may have provided you with many different items of information of varying accuracy. I tell you now that Voldemort has regained his body and his powers, and is a serious threat to all.

"Do not fear, however! The Dark Lord is not invincible, and mindless fear only gives him more power over you. Use caution, but keep in mind, that even in the darkest times, one simply needs to remember how to hope.

"And now, I believe I have postponed your meal long enough. Let the feast…begin!" Dumbledore waved his hand, and suddenly the serving plates and bowls were piled high with some of the tastiest looking food Edward had ever seen. He started slightly, idly noticing that a good deal of the first years did as well, some even falling off of the benches. Chuckling lightly, he reached out and started loading his plate, passing scraps up to Somnel as he ate.

"So, Professor Elric, correct?" a smooth, low baritone spoke from somewhere to his right. Edward set down his utensils, turning to a sallow-faced man with a rather large nose and lank, chin length black hair.

"That's correct," he replied carefully. He could tell this man was not someone to trifle with.

"I am Severus Snape, Potions Master," the man said, a light sneer evident in his voice but not his face. He extended his hand and Edward reached out his own, shaking the other professor's hand as lightly as his false arm could manage.

The man, Severus, withdrew his hand as quickly as good manners allowed. "If you don't mind my asking," he spoke smoothly, with a hint of general disdain, "what is that creature that is using you as a perch?"

"Oh, Somnel?" Edward said, keeping his voice light. "He's a kaivul." Mentally, he said, 'Talk to him. Maybe it'll freak him out a bit.' Somnel needed no further encouragement.

"Pleasure. How are you, Professor Snape?" he said, a bit snidely. Severus did not have the reaction Edward or Somnel were hoping for, merely raising a single dark eyebrow as Somnel's disjointed speech made its way out of his strangely moving maw. Other people, however, reacted in a way that more than made up for Severus' subdued response. On Edward's other side, the woman in green—he had forgotten her name—gave a startled little "Oh my!" and a very small, old looking man fell off the stack of books that kept him above table level. Somnel sniggered nastily, then said to no one in particular, "Humans," in a mock-exasperated voice, the effect of it ruined when Edward dripped a bit of pumpkin juice on his snout.

As Somnel spluttered indignantly, Severus raised his eyebrow further and said dryly, "Indeed."

Author's Notes:

I don't really have any excuse whatsoever for putting this off for so long. Most of it has been written for a while, and I just needed to finish it. I am going on Winter Break soon, so hopefully that will give me a good amount of time to write. Thank the weather for this chapter though, because I have a snow day tomorrow and did not have to finish my homework today! Lucky you. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, I look forward to next time.

"It's awfully difficult to remain in a bad mood when the weather has decided the world should be soft and white and quiet. Just sucks the sulk right out of you."