Hey, it's me! Where have I been? Well, I'm not quite sure. I went to sleep, and then I woke up, and then…it's all a blur. A BLUR, I TELL YOU.

Title: A Doctor And His Nurse

Pairings: USUK, some implied possible or maybe meddled FrUK

Rating: T

Genre(s): Friendship, Humor, Romance

Dedications: Anyone who fav'd, alerted, or reviewed. I got tired of writing them down…

Inspiration: Corny doctor shows.

Warnings: Mentions of sex poems, and the fact that they could be watching just a regular show, or something else just as common that you have to get on Pay-Per-View…

Summary: Alfred and his favorite nurse discuss what to do after a successful surgery, and why murder is bad.

Disclaimer: I don't own Window Bird by Stars, I don't own PokeFarm, and I certainly don't own Hetalia. There.

Begin~

"The surgery…failed, Nurse," said the doctor solemnly.

The blonde, buxom nurse gasped. "No! What will we tell the boy's brother? He's the only family he's got—"

"I know," sighed the doctor, interrupting. "I'll have to do it. It's the least I could do."

The nurse nodded. "Doctor Smith…"

"Nurse Johnson…"

"Ugh. This is gross. Don't you have anything better?" complained someone who was also a doctor, though he was Dr. Alfred F. Jones, not the aforementioned "Dr. Smith". "I mean, it's completely unrealistic. I don't make out with my nurses when I fail a surgery." He grinned. "Though I do get offers when I succeed..."

"Oh, shut it, you insufferable moron," snapped Dr. Jones' best friend and favorite nurse, Arthur Kirkland. ("MEN CAN BE NURSES TOO.") "That was one time, and I was drunk."

"Sure you were."

"I WAS, OKAY? And you were the sober one that actually accepted the offer!"

Alfred just laughed, his best defense against embarrassment. "Whatever. You liked it."

"And you liked it more, enough to get all—ugh—handsy and disgusting."

"It's the French in me! I can't help it!"

"Right. I suppose that explains those flowers I got every day for a week after that."

"…Artie, those weren't from me…"

Arthur snorted. "They had your name on the cards, and these ridiculous love poems—well, more like sex poems, but you get my point!"

"…I don't remember sending you sex poems, Artie."

"Then who did?" Arthur crossed his arms.

Arthur frowned. "I don't know. But whoever it was, I'm going to kill them…"

"What? Why?" asked Arthur.

"NO ONE SENDS MY ARTIE SEX POEMS EXCEPT FOR ME."

"DAMMIT, I'M NOT YOUR ARTIE." SMACK.

"Ow…Artie, that hurt…"

"Good." Arthur sniffed.

"Hey, you know who I think sent you the sex poems?" asked Alfred a few minutes later. "Francis."

Arthur shrugged. "I suppose that makes sense. Especially since he kept asking me if I liked poetry and flowers just before they were sent…"

Alfred whipped out his phone. "That settles it. I'm setting a reminder to murder him in his sleep for myself right now."

"As much as I'd adore you for doing that, I'm afraid you'll be sent to jail for murder," said Arthur dryly. "And that's not worth it. Well, wait, let me think about it for just a second." He considered the pros and cons or murdering the Frenchman. "Hmm…no. I don't want you to go to jail."

"Because you care about me?" asked Alfred happily.

"No." Alfred's face fell. "It's because I would be reassigned to Antonio, who I hate."

"So you don't care about me?" asked Alfred, sounding slightly depressed now.

"I never said that," muttered Arthur. "I just said that wasn't why."

"Is that your weird, tsundere way or confessing, Artie?" squealed Alfred. He grinned when the Brit started to blush and stutter. "Well, I like you too!" He tackled his nurse.

"G-Geroff me!"

"Nope~"

"Doctor, congratulations on the surgery! I have a special treat for you…" (Apparently in the space of a few minutes, the doctor had performed yet another surgery.)

Alfred turned the television off with the remote. "That doctor has nothing on me," he whisperd to Arthur. "And now I'll prove it to you…"

It just goes to show you, true friendship is two friend sitting and watching doctor on nurse porn together. *shot*

AN: So there you have it. I'm sorry I was gone for so long, and I'm sorry I'm failing at making up for it with this piece of crap, which was originally part of the last special, but then they changed so much I split them up.

Um. What else was I gonna say. Oh yeah. Go to PokeFarm, and if you join, then say Lydiacatfish recommended you. I get stuff if you do. And you love me, right? Right? *crickets* I'm not surprised at all…

Thanks for reading~ I hope you enjoyed!