Sorry for the wait. I've been busy on my account that isn't this one. I won't tell you what it is, though. You have to find it for yourselves, though I doubt you ever will…muahahaha.

Anyway, yeah, that's really my only excuse. I hope you all are having a happy 4th of July~ if you celebrate it, that is.

Title: Hermits

Pairings: USUK only this time

Rating: K+, but the F-word (and not friendship this time) is used.

Genre(s): Angst, Friendship, Humor, a little bit of Hurt/Comfort

Dedications: Everyone who's read this, whether you've reviewed or alerted or fav'd or just glanced at it.

Inspiration: I really have no idea. Mountains? LFG? It's all a blur.

Warnings: A terrible beginning and some unusually deep stuff for a light oneshot. But not too deep.

Summary: Arthur Kirkland finds himself stranded on a mountain with a hermit for a week. A really ANNOYING hermit. How will he survive?

Disclaimer: I don't own As Long As You're Mine from Wicked, I don't own Mister Heavenly by Mister Heavenly, and I don't own Hetalia.

Begin~

As Arthur Kirkland, mountain climbing extraordinaire, lay dying, he had only one real regret: that he never got a real job. After all, it was the goddamn mountains that had gotten him into this mess! But there was nothing he could do. He was going to freeze to death. He could already feel himself getting drowsy…at least it wouldn't hurt…

"Wait! Stop! No, don't close your eyes! Stop it!"

Correction: he had two regrets. The first was not finding a real job, and the second was not finding out who the foolish git was that was trying to save him and smacking him.

When he opened his eyes again, he was lying under something heavy and warm, and there was a dirt ceiling above him. What kind of a fucked up heaven was this?

"This isn't heaven unless you want it to be." Arthur turned his head. Sitting next to him was a man with short, wheat-colored hair and downcast blue eyes covered by wiry glasses.

"Is it…Hell?" asked Arthur hesitantly. He'd done nothing to deserve this! It was unfair!

"I sure hope not!" exclaimed the man. "Seriously! No, you're alive, Mister. I saved your life." He grinned at Arthur.

"You…saved my life?" asked the mountain climber. "But…why?"

The man shrugged. "It was the right thing to do. Besides, I was bored. Oh, but I do have some bad news."

"What is it?"

"Your legs couldn't be saved. I had to cut them off," he said somberly.*

"WHAT?" He felt around where his legs should be. "B-But they're still—"

"April fools~"** said the man cheesily. "By the way, my name's Alfred. What's yours?"

"G-Git! Why would you do something like that?" yelled Arthur, now very pissed off about the joke concerning his legs.

"Well, Mr. Git, it is going to take awhile before I can escort you back down the mountain." Alfred completely ignored his question. "At least a week. A blizzard came by, so you're stuck here for now!"

Arthur waited for the "April fools," but Alfred's face was completely serious. "Are you…are you kidding me?"

"Hope. I just hope you'll be a good house guest, Mr. Git."

Arthur learned very quickly that Alfred could be very irritating. He liked to refer to himself as a hero and talk about drawing comics, which was apparently his favorite past-time. In fact, he didn't stop talking, even when he was eating.

Arthur seriously considered going out into the blizzard when he found out Alfred only had one bed, but when the hermit saw him eyeing to entrance to his little cave-house, he offered to sleep on the floor.

For the next five days, Arthur busied himself with reading Alfred's comics, which took up an entire bookshelf. As he did so, Alfred drew more and more in some other notebooks. Arthur had asked him why he had so many notebooks and how he got them, and Alfred just said he'd brought them all with him when he'd moved to the cave.

Arthur had to admit, though, Alfred was a decent host. And he spoke like someone who had proper schooling and was from society, even though he lived in a cave. So who was he before he moved to the mountain?

He just had to find out. So he asked.

"Before I moved here, I was a very successful lawyer. I made a lot of money, and I liked my job. I got to put criminals where they belonged. It was great!"

"So why'd you quit?"

"I had to convict a child. I needed some time to think."

"Wouldn't the kid just go to, er, juvie, though?"

"He was seventeen, and it was a felony. He got an adult sentence."

"Oh."

After that, there was a long and awkward silence. "Uh…didn't you have any family or friends to support you…?"

"Well, my girlfriend was all like, 'Get over it!' and my cousin was all, 'Hey is your client hot' and my brother had problems and I didn't know what else to do, and I always liked drawing comics, so I packed up as many as I could carry of those notebooks, casual clothes, and instant ramen. And I've been here ever since."

"Which is how long?"

"Three years."

"You've been living in a cave for three years?" screamed Arthur. "Why? You should have left by now, or something! How are you even alive?"

"Food and stuff grows here. If I'm really hungry, I'll kill a rabbit of a squirrel. They're kind of chewy, squirrels…"

Arthur made a gagging noise, then composed himself. "Still, the fact that you've been living in a mountain cave for three years is just…ridiculously amazing and amazingly ridiculous."

Alfred shrugged. "Well, I decided I'd stay up here until I finished my comic, and I've only got about twenty strips left…I should be done by the time the storm's over." He grinned at Arthur. "We can leave together~"

The mountain climber rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, hermit."

Alfred juts laughed at his new nickname and started to write in the dialogue for the comic he was working on.

When Arthur woke up two days later, he noticed the absence of howling wind and the addition of clear sunlight peeking into the cave. It seemed the blizzard was over.

Alfred, who was already awake, was packing up the notebooks on the shelf. "Morning, Sleeping Beauty~"

"Did you finish?" asked Arthur, who had been waiting for the last notebook.

"Yeah! Here." He tossed it to his mountain-climbing guest. "There's only a few, so it shouldn't take you so long to read, and then you can help me pack."

"O-Okay." He opened up the notebook to the first page and began to read.

The minutes later, when he was finished, he handed the book to the anxious artist who, five minutes ago, had stationed himself next to the bed. "What did you think?"

"The ending…surprised me. I didn't think heroic Hero Man would actually kill Evil Bad Guy.*** I mean, in these things, isn't there always another, secret way to save the world?" he asked.

Alfred smiled sadly. "In real life, there's not." He stowed the notebook away in Arthur's pack, which was sitting next to him. There's no room in my bag, so could you carry it for me?"

"Sure." After eating some breakfast, they set off down the mountain. With all the snow, it took them about five hours.

At the foot of the mountain, they were greeted by Arthur's friends, colleagues, and also various reporters, who all wanted to know how he'd survived. He told them he'd found shelter and waited the storm out. (Alfred had sneaked away so he wouldn't be questioned as well.) After that confrontation, his brother had driven him home before he could say goodbye to his new friend.

When he was finally left alone, he searched for any of Alfred's contact information so he could thank him, but he couldn't find anything. Disappointed, he decided to reread the end of "Heroic Hero Man's Heroic Adventures." But he finished that quickly enough, and was left with flipping through the notebook.

It was empty after the last comic, except for a small scribble on the last page, which read:

Matthew J. Williams

74 Independence Road

Hidemaruya, Pennsylvania

That's my brother's address. And his phone number should be 555-555-5555. Call me if you like. And if it doesn't work, look him up, or my cousin, Francis Bonnefois.

-Alfred

Satisfied with what he had found, Arthur grabbed his phone and started to dial.

*Aaaaaand there's the LFG reference! Anyone get it?

**This was written in April. I know it's late. Shut up.

***I'm sorry I can't come up with better names. I'm not one of the writers of Dr. Horrible.

AN: That was actually intended to be the last thing I posted on this, but then I wrote the next one, and so it's not. I don't know when the next one will be up…in a few days or something…but it's probably going to make you at least a little mad. Why? I'm going to reference things I haven't posted. Like that one where *** turns on ***'s *** mode and *** comes over and…I don't want to spoil it, but…yeah. You'd like it. Most likely. I don't know. I'm not publishing it to find out. :P

Like I said, though, I've been busy on my other account. Try and find me. I have one story up so far, and it's PruHun. And relatively new. And in diary format. That should be enough.

Thanks for reading!