Guys do you know how goddamn hard it is to speak Japanese? And I take Japanese! It's just like, Wow, there's a Japanese person in my house living with me, OH MY GOD I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO SAY ANYTHING.

That's a summary of last week for you.

Title: Addiction

Dedications: All of you fanfiction writers out there. No, seriously. That's what this is about. Especially those of you who write Sherlock fanfictioooooon..

Summary: (Not a corny "I'm-addicted-to-you" fic.) "Artie, you see, the thing is…I think I have an addiction. It's bad. …I'm addicted to fanfiction. I don't know anything worse. Okay, maybe heroin and meth. But that's it."

Begin~

It was 11:30 at night when Arthur decided it was finally time to go to bed. Of course, he couldn't go to bed without doing a last-minute check of his email, twitter, Facebook…

And there, at the top of the page, was a little post from Alfred.

Alfred Jones gaaaaaaaaaiz! omg i need to stop goin to teh internets! thur is some weird shite there!

Oh, god. As if the slander of the beautiful language that Arthur cherished wasn't enough…wait, there was more.

Alfred Jones lolz, you probs want an explanationitory. kk. um, just explorin and tryin to not be so upset over Sherlock…

Arthur Kirland As in my show on the BBC?

Alfred Jones yeah and so i was reading fanfiction to help myself out and stuff

Arthur Kirkland You read fanfiction?

Alfred Jones yeahyeahyeah and the weeeeeirdest thing came up! it was all, Sherlock's Penis is Functional!

Francis Bonnefois Mm, yes it is. Yes it is.

By the time Arthur refreshed the page, the comment had been taken down.

Alfred Jones i srsly need to stop going to teh internet

Alfred Jones and i rly need to stop looking at fanfiction

Alfred Jones do u no what Johnlock is? bcuz i didnt

Alfred Jones so i checked it out and I was like :I all apathetic u no

Alfred Jones and then i was all O.O

Alfred Jones and then i was all O3O

Alfred Jones fanfiction is like the worst addiction ever

Alfred Jones besides maybe heroin

Alfred Jones and meth

Alfred Jones but thats it

Arthur was still trying to process that Alfred even knew what Sherlock was to deal with the fact that he read fanfiction for it. Johnlock fanfiction. Eventually, though, his brain managed to catch up.

Arthur Kirkland …please tell me you're not fapping to it.

Alfred Jones why, u wanna c? ;)

Arthur Kirkland Well, it's just Benedict and Martin are friends of mine and frankly it's weird to imagine them having sex or anything of the sort.

Alfred Jones OMG OMG OMG U HAVE TO INTRODUCE ME BRO

Alfred Jones I mean, sherlock's so cute like a doll and shit but then john's got that rugged army sexiness that I'm just like, raawr, come on over here, mm-hmm

Arthur desperately tied to get the image of Alfred trying to seduce Martin Freeman out of his head. It wasn't working.

Arthur Kirkland No.

Alfred Jones plz?

Arthur Kirland No.

Alfred Jones wut, u jealous, bro?

Arthur rolled his eyes. He was far too tired to go into a tsundere tirade, so he just said,

Arthur Kirkland No.

Meanwhile, halfway across the world, Alfred was pouting. He wanted to meet goddamn Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman! They did look good together, didn't they? He was glad he had followed Slinkers' advice after reading that strange series of comics about the show.

It was better than Twilight.

Alfred Jones meanie.

Arthur Kirkland Go to bed.

Alfred Jones its not bedtime, dude. its like 6.

Arthur Kirkland At least stop reading the fanfiction. You'll spoil the series for yourself.

Alfred Jones too late.

Arthur sighed.

Arthur Kirkland Well, I'm going to bed.

Alfred Jones no wait wait wait matte matte matte! does Sherlock really die?

Arthur was tired. He didn't want to come up with a decent answer.

Arthur Kirkland I don't know. Now goodnight.

Alfred Jones gimme a kiss. :3

Arthur Kirkland No.

Alfred Jones but i wuuuuuv u!

Francis Bonnefois Just noticed you deleted my earlier comment…also, if you two do end up kissing, may I watch?

Elisabeta Hedervary May I film it, and anything that happens afterwards of a sexual nature?

Alfred Jones uuuuuuhh…

Elisabeta Hedervary It could be just like a scene in a Sherlock fanfiction I wrote, Alfred! When I heard about all the gay jokes and UST in it I couldn't resist watching it and writing a little story for myself. You could be Watson, if you want. He usually tops.

Alfred Jones suddenly feeling much more interested…

Arthur Kirkland Good NIGHT.

He closed his page, then his laptop, then went to bed.

That night he dreamed of poor nice Benedict Cumberbatch dancing with Martin Freeman and Alfred naked. It wasn't very fun.

But at least Alfred was naked.

AN: Do you see what happens when I'm getting barbecue chips and orange juice at 11:30 at night? DO YOU?

Bee tee dubs, this is a true story, bro. This is what I do. I finish the first season of Sherlock, I read fanfiction for it. The Harry Potter movie franchise finally ends, I spend all night reading ASxS (which when you take away the x just spells ASS) or Albus SeverusxScorpius (shut up shut up shut up) fanfiction. I get back into Psych, I start reading fanfiction for it.

I hate myself for this.

But at least there's ElisabetaxYaoi again! Yaaaay!

BUT IT WON'T LET ME INDENT THE COMMENTS. DAMN DAMN CHICKEN AND HAM.

Also: Benedict Cumberbatch. I cannot even think of the name without giggling. Teehee.

And I made Alfred a Twilight fan for really no reason other than to screw with all of you. I hate it too, guys. That's why there's that story of mine you probably haven't read about it. …Don't read it.

Thanks for reading~ Ja ne!