Chapter 3
Maureen sat on the ground in the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. Her hair was wet from just having gotten out of the shower, and even though she was done she had left the water running, making the small room sort of like a sauna.
She took in a breath and slowly let it out. It had only been two days since Joanne broke up with her, and it was safe to say that Maureen was not taking it well...at all.
She closed her eyes trying to relax, tears trickling down her cheeks. Her eyes snapped back open, there was no way she could relax with everything that was running through her mind. It was too much, way too much.
"If I just... can find a way to get her back." Maureen thought, staring straight ahead at the wall, "But she won't answer my calls. Why?" she continued. "Maybe she's with Fiona?" She paused a sharp breath ripping through her lungs, her stomach instantly dropping, and bile rising to her throat. "I can't stand this." Her eyes darted around the bathroom, a bottle of AZT sitting on the counter, "I wonder if they would do anything..." She pondered, contemplating on taking all the pills, but she shook her head, "Collins and Angel need them." Her eyes shifted, finding Collins razor, "Just a slit of the wrist would end it all. I wouldn't have to suffer from this torture any longer." She slowly got up on her knees reaching out. "Just quick a-"
"Maureen!" There was pounding at the door, causing to her flinch and fall back against the wall she was leaning against, "You've been in there for a while, are you alright?" Came Collins' voice.
Maureen swallowed hard, shaking her head clear, "Ye-yeah. I'm almost done." She said clearing her throat and standing. She walked over finally shutting the water off. When she came back to the counter she eyed the razor again, shaking her head, "I'm stupid." She muttered to herself and then left the bathroom, brushing passed Collins and heading into the bedroom to change.
Collins watched her go into his and Angel's bedroom, finally pulling his eyes away when the door was shut. He turned to Angel sighing.
"At least she's coming out tonight." Angel said, hope in her eyes, "That's a good sign."
Collins shook his head, walking over to Angel, wrapping his arms around her waist, "But she's not the same. She's not carefree Mo, she's all depressed Mo."
"That's what happens when you lose the one you love." Angel softly said, cupping his cheek, brushing her thumb lightly back and forth, "It'll take time, but carefree Mo will be back."
"I hope you're right, because I can't stand seeing her like this." Collins said leaning in to Angel's touch.
Once at the Life Cafe Maureen sat at the table, her eyes on the plate of food in front of her, pushing it around with the fork in her hand.
Mark watched her curiously, raising a brow, "Not hungry?"
Maureen simply shook her head, lost in her own thoughts, thoughts she wish she could pull herself out of, because these thoughts were all built around Joanne. Joanne and her and how they used to be happy, Joanne and Fiona and how Fiona was probably making Joanne happy right now. There was the bile again, her stomach churning. "What does Fiona have that I don't?" she wondered, pushing her plate away and leaning back in her seat, the sight of the food not helping her upset stomach. "What don't have I have that Joanne was looking for?" she asked herself again, so lost and confused, pretty much drowning in her mind and the water seemed to be over flowing, because tears were slowly being forced out of her eyes, but she didn't even notice.
"Maureen." Came a whisper, and a swipe of a small thumb across her cheek, "Hey, let's go to the bathroom, huh?" Came Mimi's gentle voice, tucking a stray hair behind Maureen's ear.
Maureen was slowly pulled from her thoughts, turning to look at Mimi, only nodding. She stood up, following the dancer into the bathroom.
"Maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring her out." Collins said her brows creased with worry.
Roger could only nod along, "I haven't ever seen her like this before. I'm actually concerned."
In the bathroom Mimi grabbed some tissues, cleaning the mascara that was streaked along Maureen's face. She made eye contact with her, the usual sparkle gone.
"It's going to be okay, Maureen." Mimi softly said, "Everything will work out in the end."
"And what if it doesn't?" Maureen asked her voice husked, "Joanne kicked me to the curb like it was nothing, and I don't understand what I did wrong. I know it was a rough start for us, but after that all I did was love her."
"And she loved you...loves you." Mimi said, "She just needs time."
"Time for what?" Maureen asked, shaking her head, "Time with fucking Fiona. The negative size 0, big breasted, supermodel lawyer?" She looked down at herself, rolling her eyes, "I thought Joanne was just an ass person, but no she likes the big boobs, slim waistline, and blonde hair type. I was just a fix for her until she could get what she really wanted. And on top of that the girl is smart! She reads, Mimi, the two of them, they're probably cuddling on the couch reading together." She scowled, "They're probably fucking on a pile of books."
"Maureen!" Mimi began sternly, grabbing her friend's chin and forcing her to make eye contact again, "You're beautiful, come on you know that. You could have anyone. You don't need big boobs, you have perfect ones, and you have stunning, wild hair. And look..." She said grabbing the waist of her jeans, lightly tugging them, "Size 3 is nothing to complain about."
"Well according to Joanne it is." Maureen sighed turning around and crossing her arms, "Thank God I didn't eat supper, time for a diet."
"Maureen." Mimi said reaching out resting her hand on her shoulder, "There are two ways this is going to work out. Either Joanne is going to realize what she has lost, or... there will be somebody else for you. Everything happens for a reason, but wallowing in self-pity isn't going to help."
"I can do whatever I want." Maureen said shrugging Mimi's hand off of her shoulder. She took in a breath and let it out slowly, "I'm a big girl I can handle this." She lied, turning around to face Mimi. "Let's go back out there, I need a drink." She stated and turned and left the bathroom without waiting for Mimi to follow.
The next day Angel knocked on Joanne's door, waiting a few seconds before it was pulled open.
"Hey." She softly smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes, moving aside to let Angel in.
"Hey, sweetie." Angel smirked squeezing Joanne's hand as she passed her.
Joanne shut the door, and followed Angel into the living room, sighing, "I know why you're here and please, Angel, don't."
Angel looked up at her, titling her head slightly, "Don't what?"
"Tell me how upset and hurt Maureen is. I already know. I already feel guilty enough about the whole situation. Going into this relationship I never thought I'd be the one who would hurt her, I thought it would be the other way around and yet here we are. I feel like complete shit for hurting her and I just don't need you to make it worse by trying to fix this. Because right now I don't know how I feel, right now I want to be alone and just figure things out, right now...I don't want to be with Maureen, so I would appreciate it if you didn't try and force that, because it isn't fair to force someone to feel something. It doesn't work that way."
Angel nodded, "You make a very good point. And you're right, I did come over here to try and fix things."
"Which is nice of you to do." Joanne said.
"But I will stay out of it." Angel said
"Thank you." Joanne replied, the room growing silent, until the lawyer spoke again, "How is she?" She whispered, regretting the words, because she already knew the answer.
"Hurt." Angel answered, standing up and walking over to Joanne, taking her hands into her own, "Confused. Just like you are." She studied Joanne's face, "Chica, you need to figure stuff out, because this isn't helping you or Maureen."
"I know, Angel." Joanne sighed, casting her glance elsewhere, "I know."
"You two have been through a lot." Angel said, "Don't just throw it away. You may regret it." She paused trying to read Joanne's face, when she couldn't, she let Joanne's hands slip out of her own, "If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to call."
Joanne slightly nodded, pushing back tears, "Thanks."
Angel nodded, brushing passed her, heading for the door, "One more thing, Joanne."
Joanne lifted her head, turning around to face her. "Yes?"
"Dragging another person into this mess probably wouldn't be a good idea right now. If you can't figure out your feelings for Maureen, then why lead another one on?"
Joanne's mouth hung open, and then slightly shut. She watched as Angel gave her one of those brilliant smiles, waved with her pinkie finger, and graciously left the apartment, not before calling out one last time, "Have a nice day you two."
Joanne watched the door close, and her eyes slowly slid to her bedroom door, Fiona poking her head out, "How did she know I was here?"
Joanne ran her fingers through her hair, a stab of shame getting her right in the heart. It was just supposed to be a night out with the girls, but to compensate for feeling guilty about a certain diva, she drank more than she should have, and ended up coming home with Fiona. "It's Angel. She knows everything."