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Chapter 4

It was close to three am and Collins woke up with a jolt. He sat up rubbing his eyes, hearing a strange sound coming from the living room. He looked to his left, seeing Angel was still peacefully asleep. He softly smirked climbing out of bed, pulling the covers neatly over Angel again and quietly headed out of the room to discover the nose.

He squinted in the dark, his eyes adjusting until they landed on the couch, finding the source of the sound. Maureen was huddled under her blankets, her body lightly shaky with sobs.

His face fell and he quickly walked over to her, kneeling beside her head, "Mo?"

Maureen sniffled, trying to control her tears, but she stayed hidden, "I woke you?"

"It's okay." He softly said, resting a hand on her back, "Want to talk?"

"I want to stop crying." Maureen whispered, "But I can't. What did I do wrong, Collins?" She asked, but still stayed put, hiding under the covers. "I don't get this."

Collins let out a slow breath, "I...don't get this either, Mo." He honestly said, "But things will get better, they always do."

"I'm not so sure." She said pausing, "I think..." she sighed, her breath hitching a little, "I think I just want to sleep."

Collins nodded, pressing a kiss to the lump he knew to be Maureen's head, "Come wake me if you need me."

"Okay." She whispered hiding her face further into the pillow. Once she knew Collins was back in his room, she cried a little more until she finally fell asleep.

The next day, Maureen finally decided that she wasn't going to live miserable like this, so she got up and showered, making sure she looked extra good.

"Morning, Maureen." Angel smiled, "You look better this morning, where you going?" She asked watching as Maureen headed for the door.

"To get Joanne back." She stated and headed down to Joanne's office.

When she finally reached Joanne's building she just stood outside of it, staring at the front doors. Sure she was determined before, but now she was nervous as hell. She swallowed hard, letting out a slow breath. She chewed her lip while lost in thought, finally deciding to run across the street and get some flowers. After purchasing the dozen red roses, she walked back over to Joanne's building and with the new flower power courage she marched inside and headed straight up to Joanne's office.

The door was thankfully open and Maureen walked right in, spotting Joanne behind her desk looking through papers. "Joanne."

Joanne's head snapped up at the voice, eyes wide at the sight of her ex. "Maureen?"

Maureen froze, stunned for words, something that rarely ever happened to her. She was a flirt, she should have been able to flirt her way back into this relationship, but Joanne was sitting there being all good looking and impressive lawyer-y she didn't know how to speak.

"I...uh...bought you these." Maureen said handing her the bouquet.

Joanne slowly stood up, reaching out for them, "Thanks, Maureen." She softly said, smelling them, "You didn't have too."

"But I did." Maureen quietly said, "Do you want to talk?"

Joanne slowly looked up, biting her lip and then nodded, "Sure. Have a seat I have a few minutes."

"Great." Maureen said sitting down, watching as Joanne did the same. "So, what did I do wrong?"

Joanne sighed, "Maureen...I told you, this isn't about you. I don't know how to properly explain myself I just... "She paused a moment and then carried on, "Can't we just be friends?"

Maureen's face fell, her heart falling into her stomach, or she was pretty sure it fell out of her chest. Nope, actually it shattered into a little million pieces, tiny pieces, ones she would never be able to put back together again.

"I...I can't just be your friend, Joanne." Maureen said tears starting to sting her eyes, "Please, just tell me what I did and I'll change. I promise." She begged. "I want to be with you."

"I... I don't want to be with you." Joanne softly said looking away as she did because she couldn't stand the look on Maureen's face. "I'm sorry." She whispered her own tears hitting her eyes, "I'm so sorry."

"But this isn't fair!" Maureen said standing up, "Please Joanne, please. Give us another try?"

"How many times have we tried, Maureen?" Joanne asked, "There's always another fight and another... and I guess it just all got old for me."

"But I told you I would change." Maureen said.

"I think..." Joanne sat back in her chair, "I think I changed."

"No you didn't. You're still Joanne." Maureen said.

"Maureen I'm sorry. Maybe I just need to be on my own right now." Joanne softly said.

Maureen sighed running her fingers through her hair, "And then we'll get back together?"

Joanne shook her head, shrugging, "I don't know."

"Joanne?"

Maureen and Joanne both turned to look at the door, Fiona occupying it. She finally looked up from the paper she was reading, her face falling at the sight of Maureen, "Oh, sorry...I'll come back later." Without waiting for a response she quickly left the room.

Maureen slowly turned to face her, "Are you two...hooking up?" She asked.

"Wha-what?" Joanne coughed, clearing her throat.

"Have you two done anything since you broke up with me, for no logical fucking reason at all?" Maureen asked, her hands fisting, if she didn't know what the jealously trait felt like before, she sure as hell knew what it felt like now.

"Once." Joanne quietly said, "But we were drunk."

Maureen's stomach flipped, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Maureen?" Joanne sat up watching her, her own stomach upset as well. She didn't want to hurt Maureen like this, everything was just so fucked up right now and it was her fault yes, but she was just so fucking confused.

Maureen let out a slow breath, walking forward grabbing the roses. "You don't deserve these." She said through gritted teeth, turning on her heel and walking straight out of her office.

"Maureen!" Joanne called.

"You don't deserve to talk to me either!" Maureen shouted back, tossing the roses into a nearby garbage can as she went.

Later that night Collins and Angel were ready to head out the door. Collins headed over to the living room where Maureen sat staring out the window.

"You're sure you don't want to come?" Collins asked.

"I'm sure." Maureen softly said.

"We will bring you something back." Angel said, walking over and pressing a kiss to Maureen's cheek, "Things will get better, honey."

Maureen simply nodded, not believing a single word. She definitely wasn't in an optimistic mood right now.

The next night Mimi and Roger came over to try and cheer Maureen up, but it didn't seem to be helping.

"Aren't you hungry?" Mimi asked, looking at the pizza in front of Maureen, but she hadn't even taken a bite, while Mimi was on her second slice.

Maureen looked at the pizza, shaking her head. Truth was, she was starving, but she definitely didn't want to feed her body grease or anything for that matter. Fiona was looking nice and thin yesterday when she saw her, so maybe that's what Joanne was into, maybe Maureen wasn't good looking enough for Joanne anymore, so it was time for Maureen to shed some weight. A few extra pounds couldn't hurt.

"Just think Mo, now when you go out you don't have to worry about getting nagged for being too drunk, or too flirty." Roger said trying to cheer his friend up, lightly nudging her in the side.

Maureen nodded, slowly turning to look at him, "You know what? We should go out tonight. Get drunk."

"I have to work soon." Mimi said.

"I'm coming to work with you." Maureen said.

Collins walked in at that moment, Angel and Mark following behind, "Maureen's going out?"

"A lap dance is always a nice pick me up." Angel smirked.

Maureen shrugged standing up, "I'm getting drunk." She said heading into the bathroom to get ready.

"She's always wanted one from you." Mark teased Mimi, "Maybe tonight could be the night."

Mimi playfully smiled.

Collins shook his head, "Let's see what type of drunken Maureen we experience before we start pulling out the lap dance fun."

It didn't take Maureen long to get drunk. The fact that she hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon probably had a lot to do with it, but Maureen didn't care, the only thing she cared about was drinking herself into oblivion, a state where she didn't have to think or remember anything about Joanne.

It was working well for her too. Maureen seemed to be having a good time. She was getting free lap dances, she was meeting new people she was all over the bar. Through Mimi, Angel, Mark and Roger's eyes, Maureen was having a great time, but through Collins' eyes, this was unhealthy. Maureen may have looked happy, but in her eyes something wasn't there. Something big was missing and he wasn't sure how he was going to get it back.

The night ended all too soon when Maureen disappeared for a few minutes, heading into the back room. Collins was keeping a careful eye on her and decided to follow along. Maureen was really intoxicated and normally she was able to take care of herself, but this wasn't any normal situation.

He walked by the stage and into the back room, watching a few people plus Maureen head into another room. He again followed; thankful the next door was left open a crack. He peaked through, keeping his distance, but still making sure everything was okay.

He finally busted in when there was a line of white powder lined up on the coffee table, and Maureen was the first to volunteer to go. He grabbed her arm yanking her to her feet.

"Time to go." He said tugging her out of the room, shutting the door. It was none of his business what those other people decided to do with their lives, but when it came to his best friend, he wouldn't let her do something so stupid.

"Hey!" Maureen slurred, struggling against his grip. "I was having fun!"

"Too much fun." Collins said, "Time to go home, now."

"You're not my father!" Maureen shouted, shoving him, causing herself to stumble back into the wall.

"But I'm your friend! And I'm not going to sit back and watch you ruin your life by doing drugs!" Collins shouted.

"It doesn't matter though! It doesn't matter, Collins! I don't have a life anymore, Joanne was my life." Maureen said, "There is nothing worth living for anymore! Who gives a flying fuck? The world is so fucking cruel, who wants to actually live in it? Heartbreak, it fucking sucks. I lost Joanne... I don't even understand why, and one day... I'm going to lose you too." She whispered tears spilling from her eyes, "Life is messed up! It's one brutal mothering fucking waste of time!"

"There are things worth living for, Mo." Collins said, "Remember a time when you lived for performing? Remember a time before Joanne when you were happy? You can be that again."

"But I want Joanne in my life to be happy!" Maureen said.

"Maybe one day you can have her back, or maybe one day you'll meet someone else, but right now you have to push through this hard time, trust me when I say there will be light at the end of this dark tunnel." Collins said, moving to stand closer, "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but just trust me on this one, I'm best your friend. I think there is a rule about you having to automatically trust me."

Maureen sighed, walking forward and leaning into Collins, wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest, "But it hurts so much, Collins. I...never felt like this before and it scares me because I don't know how to handle it."

"I know." Collins softly said, running his hand up and down her back, "It scares me too, because I have never seen you like this before and I don't know how to handle you."

"Take me home." Maureen whispered, "Please, I just want to go to bed."

"I can do that." Collins softly said, pulling back, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and guiding her out of the club.

I know it may seem like Joanne doesn't have a reason for breaking up with Maureen, but sometimes life... just doesn't make sense.