Chapter 5
Maureen trudged into the living room a blanket draped over her shoulders, trying to hide from the cold. She quickly glanced outside watching as the snow slowly fell and then her eyes averted to Joanne who was lounging on the couch reading a book.
"Hey, Pookie." Maureen softly said, making her way over to the lawyer.
Joanne looked up from her book smiling, "Hey."
Maureen smirked carefully climbing onto the couch, moving until she was comfortably lying in between Joanne's legs, her head resting on her chest. "Warm me up?"
"Of course." Joanne replied, marking the page she was on and then wrapping her arms around Maureen holding her close.
When Maureen was warm enough, she lifted her head, nuzzling her nose into Joanne's neck, followed by soft kisses. Joanne smiled, titling her head to the side a bit, allowing her more room to explore.
Maureen smiled at the fond memory, relaxing a bit more on the couch and diving in to replay the time she used to have with Joanne, only this time when she tried to go back and revisit said memory, it didn't turn out exactly as she hoped.
Joanne slid her hand up, tangling it into Fiona's hair, her eyes fluttering shut, slowly running her leg up and down the back of Fiona's leg. Joanne then turned her head, brushing her lips with Fiona's, and then finally pressing them together for a deep passionate kiss.
Maureen's eyes snapped open, jolting from the image in her head, her heart pounding. Again the thought of Joanne with Fiona made her want to vomit, and now her mind was taking her old pleasant memories with Joanne and replacing herself with Fiona.
"I can't do this." Maureen mumbled putting her head in her hands, a few tears leaking from her eyes. "I was in too deep. This isn't me." She rubbed her eyes, pushing a little too hard, but she didn't care at the moment, she wanted to try anything to get the image of Joanne being all happy with Fiona out of her mind. It was killing her.
"Maureen?" Angel softly asked, holding a letter in her hand.
Maureen took a minute, sniffling, and then finally looked up with questioning eyes.
"Joanne wanted me to give this to you." Angel said handing her the letter, and then some tissues.
Maureen took the tissues first, wiping her eyes, and then she took the letter, "Thanks." She whispered.
"You're welcome." Angel quietly said standing there for a moment and then finally left, leaving Maureen alone with the letter.
Maureen let out a slow breath, her heart racing a mile a minute. Slowly she tore the envelope open and pulled out the hand written note and began reading.
Maureen,
I was going to call you, but I figured after everything you'd probably just hang up on me, so I wrote you a letter, which after thinking about it, you might have ripped this up and threw it away without even looking at it.
Either way I guess it's a good way to get my feelings out, so here goes.
I never wanted to hurt you. I don't even know how things became this way. We used to be so strong and then it was just fight after fight and I don't know what happened. I still love you and I hope one day we can still be friends.
I just-
And that's when Maureen stopped reading. Joanne just wanted to be friends, Maureen wanted more. Maureen crumbled up the letter, throwing it across the room. She then stood up kicking everything that was in her way as hard as she could until she reached the phone dialling Joanne's number.
It rang a few times, but sure enough Joanne picked up.
"Joanne Jefferson."
"You think you can send me a letter and make everything okay!" Maureen yelled.
"Maureen I-"
"No! Just no, Joanne. I want to be with you! And for some strange reason you don't want to be with me. And if you don't want to be with me then we're nothing. We're not friends. We're nothing."
Joanne's face fell a little, a pang of guilt once again washing over her. "Why can't we be friends?"
"Are you seriously asking me that?" Maureen asked.
"You're still friends with Mark."
Maureen paused, silence filling the air. Maureen let out a breath, "Well Mark must not have loved me as much as I love you. Because I can't stand the thought of you with somebody else, Joanne." Maureen said tears in her eyes, "It hurts me so much."
"I'm not with anyone else." Joanne said.
"But Fiona. You're not with her, but it could happen, you two already slept together." Maureen said, "And you have no idea what it does to me. It drives me fucking insane."
Tears finally hit Joanne's eyes, and she slumped in her chair, "What does this mean then?"
"It means goodbye." Maureen whispered, "Maybe one day I can get over it all, but right now I can't. I hate this...I'm a fucking mess...I'm a mess over one person. That person is you."
Joanne sighed, biting her lip, "Okay." She whispered, "If that's what you need."
"I don't want to say goodbye though." Maureen softly said. "I can't picture you not in my life. I don't even remember a time without you in it."
"Me either." Joanne whispered. "I'm going to miss you."
"I'm going to miss you too." Maureen softly said, swallowing hard. "I better go now, or I won't be able to stop talking to you."
Joanne nodded, only because she couldn't talk at the moment, for fear of breaking down over the phone. She let out a slow breath and then replied, "Goodbye."
"Bye, Pookie." Maureen said and then hung up the phone. She sat there for a few minutes and then finally just broke down, for what seemed like the millionth time since all this drama began.
A few weeks later at the life cafe, the gang was there for dinner. Collins looked up at Maureen's full plate, raising a brow.
"Mo, you haven't been eating much lately." Collins said.
Maureen's eyebrows creased, it was the truth, why did Collins have to be so protective. "I...have so." She said grabbing her fork and eating a forkful. "See." She said proving a point.
Collins studied her for a moment, watching her eat, and then looked away.
Maureen slowly chewed, wondering how much of this was going to turn into fat. She definitely had to keep the weight off if she was going to move on from Joanne. Joanne didn't have a specific reason for leaving her, but maybe being a little chunky was one of them. And maybe...just maybe if she lost a few pounds and Joanne saw her in the future she'd want to take her back.
Maureen managed to finish her supper, but when they headed back to the apartment Maureen opted to walk home instead of taking the taxi.
For the next few days Maureen had no choice but to eat. Collins was always around keeping a watchful on her. It was cute in the best friend kind of way, but it was undeniably starting to get annoying.
One night after dinner, Maureen headed to the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. To anyone else Maureen was gorgeous, but right now to Maureen she was ugly. She moved over to the toilet, and sank to her knees. She grabbed her hair tie pulling her hair into a ponytail. Once ready she proceeded to put two fingers down her throat, and thus was her solution to lose weight without Collins finding out.
"So, Maureen is dressing weird and stuff." Mimi mentioned as she slid her arm through Angel's, the two walking down the street. "Baggy clothes. She was wearing one of Collins' sweaters last night when we were all at the loft. That is definitely not her style."
"I know. I'm worried. "Angel said, "Collins and I are thinking about bringing her to life support with us."
"That's a good idea, because she is starting to turn into Roger. All angst and stuff." Mimi said, "I don't like this side of Maureen."
"Me either, chica." Angel agreed. "Me either."
About a week later Collins was able to drag Maureen out to life support. However she didn't join the circle when everyone was talking, she stayed out of the way and in the back, her hands dug deep into her pockets with her head down.
When the session was over everyone headed outside, Mimi walking over to Maureen with a girl by her side.
"Maureen, hey, I want you to meet Krystal." Mimi smiled, nudging Krystal a little closer to her friend, hoping this would brighten up Maureen's spirits a little after everything that had happened with Joanne.
Maureen politely smiled, "Nice to meet you. I know you from somewhere."
"I work with Mimi." Krystal smirked.
"What brings you to life support?" Maureen asked, watching as Mimi slowly slipped away.
Krystal slyly smiled, reaching out resting her hand on Maureen's arm, "Maybe we can discuss that over dinner?"
Maureen's face fell a little, her eyes moving to see Mimi watching with hopeful eyes. She had to give Mimi credit though, she was innocently trying to set her up with someone in hopes that it would cheer her up, but unfortunately Mimi's attempt definitely failed.
"I'm sorry, but I can't." Maureen simply said and then turned around and began walking back to the apartment, avoiding the shocked expression on the girl's face.
"Maureen!" Mimi quickly caught up with her, grabbing her arm, "What happened back there?"
"I wasn't into her." Maureen shrugged.
"You don't even know her." Mimi said confused.
Maureen sighed, "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do for me Mimi, I really do. There is just one major problem with that girl and every other girl out there for that matter."
"And what's that?" Mimi asked.
"None of them are Joanne." Maureen stated and then turned and walked away.