Chapter 7

Collins was the first to spring forward when he saw Maureen crash to the floor. The other's jumped up too, but Collins reached Maureen first and gently bent down and scooped up her weightless body. He's brow creased even more with fret at how light she was in his arms. He turned around, heading back to the couch, carefully laying her down.

"Where did she go?" Collins softly asked.

Mimi looked confused, biting her lip, but not saying anything. She didn't have too anyway, because Angel knelt down beside the couch, and gently ran her fingers through Maureen's hair.

"She's here, Collins, she's just lost and heartbroken." Angel quietly answered.

"I know that. She's so...light." Collins explained, "I thought she was eating. I watch her eat."

"Bulimia?" Mark suggested.

Collins head snapped up in Mark's direction, the word stinging his ears.

"Someone go make her some toast." Angel quietly said.

Mimi nodded and headed into the kitchen to fill Angel's request.

"Maureen?" Collins softly said running his thumb gently across her forehead, now kneeling next to Angel, near Maureen's head.

Maureen whimpered and stirred. Eventually she slowly opened her eyes, her vision blurry. "What happened?" She asked her voice hoarse.

"You sort of passed out." Roger answered.

Maureen squeezed her eyes shut, her head pounding. "I need to go home."

"You're not going anywhere." Collins quickly demanded, "You're not moving. You're staying here on this couch, and we're all going to watch you eat!"

Maureen rolled her eyes, "I am eating."

"Yeah, but I bet it doesn't stay inside does it?" Collins challenged.

Angel placed a hand on Collins forearm, brushing her thumb back and forth, silently letting him know it was time to calm down. Angel then spoke, "Sweetie, your cheekbones are starting to become really defined and I bet if you took your huge sweater off we'd be able to see your ribcage." She said as politely as she could.

Maureen rolled her eyes turning away from everyone, "You don't know what you're talking about." She mumbled.

Angel sighed leaning against Collins, "Will you please eat a slice of toast?"

Just that moment Mimi walked in with a plate, heading it over to Collins, who then offered it to Maureen.

Maureen huffed, and then pushed herself up, closing her eyes for a moment due to a dizzy spell, but once that was over she reached out, grabbing a slice of toast, and took a tiny bite out of it.

"Happy?" She asked mustering up all the attitude she could.

"We said a whole slice." Collins said, pushing the plate back to her.

"Fine." Maureen rolled her eyes, picking the toast up, and slowly began to eat it.

A while later Maureen was asleep on the couch, while the others were talking quietly in the kitchen.

"She needs help." Collins said, chewing on his thumbnail, his eyes glued to Maureen.

"As much as I want to see Maureen get better, we can't exactly afford to get her help." Roger chimed in.

"Life Support?" Mark asked, his arms crossed, shrugging his shoulders when he made his suggestion.

Mimi leaned into Roger, wrapping her arms around his waist, leaning her head on his shoulder, "But would she go?"

"I guess there is only one way to find out." Collins answered.

The next day Maureen pretty much dragged her feet, while Collins and Angel guided her to the Life Support meeting.

"But I don't wanna!" Maureen whined.

Collins finally stopped dead in his tracks, turning to face Maureen, cupping her cheeks, both his hands almost swallowing her thin face, "Please Maureen. If you don't feel like getting better for yourself at this moment, then please do it for me. Do it for us." He softly said, "I hate seeing you like this Mo, it's not you. I want the old you back, the Maureen who fought for her performance space, the Maureen who broke the law, the Maureen who could eat 20 meatless meatballs. I want my best friend back!"

"But that old Maureen wasn't good enough for Joanne." Maureen whispered a tear in her eye.

"The old Maureen wouldn't have cared." Collins said, "I know you love her, but I'm sorry, she doesn't deserve you if she won't take you as you are." He lightly grinned, "You two even sang a damn song about it."

Maureen weakly smiled, leaning into his touch, "Fine, I'll go...but I'm not talking."

Collins smiled, pulling away wrapping an arm around Maureen's shoulders and one around Angel's. "Okay, that's fair."

When they got there Maureen introduced herself, but didn't say much and listened to everyone else speak. Oddly enough she almost felt envious of these people, people who were sick and dying. She creased her brow, scared for once of the thoughts going on in her mind. She shook her head, hoping she could scramble the morbid thoughts out of her brain, but it only pulled attention onto her. And that's when Paul spoke.

"Maureen? Is something wrong?" He asked, watching her.

Maureen's head snapped up, realizing the internal battle she was having with herself, also showed on the outside and she was caught. "Oh, nothing." It wasn't like she could express her thoughts, not among people with fateful diseases.

Paul shifted in his chair, his demeanour comforting and assuring, "We're all friends here."

Maureen sighed, running her fingers through her hair, uncrossing her legs, shifting uncomfortably. For someone who was normally comfortable being the center of attention, she sure wished she wasn't at this moment

"It's okay, Mo." Collins softly said reaching out and taking her hand, sending her a squeeze of courage.

"I'm heartbroken." Maureen simply said, "I'm heartbroken, miserable, hungry, self-conscious, and I may have an eating disorder. I don't think I'm good enough..." she paused realizing she might have said too much, but when she looked up at Paul and the others in the circle, they all nodded to her, giving her reassurance. "I feel all those things...and I'm ashamed." She took in a shaky breath, "Ashamed, because the moment I sat down I wished I could switch places with anyone of you."

Paul nodded, taking in what she had said, "Why do you feel that way?'

Maureen sighed looking up at everyone, "I'm sorry." She said, "I know what I'm going through is nothing compared to what you are going through. I just feel so low right now. People keep telling me things will get better, but they just seem to get worse and worse. You go through life taking care of yourself, loving yourself, until you finally find that one person you'd do anything for...and then they just walk out of your life and you can't understand why. I don't understand it. Love ...life... it doesn't make sense to me right now. Why do people have to go through pain? People say it helps you grow? Well I think that's bullshit."

"You've lost a love, Maureen it happens to a lot of people. If you don't believe me now, you should know that eventually you will heal." Paul said. "Sadness flies away on the wings of time."

"You also have time to find somebody else." Someone else spoke up, "You don't have an expiration date."

Maureen's watery eyes darted in his direction. She nodded, "I know and I'm sorry, I should be grateful for my health..." she stopped only so she could sniffle, squeezing Collins hand tightly, "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

Everyone went silent.

"I shouldn't have come here." She whispered to Collins.

"It's okay, Maureen." One of the members said, "We're not judging. You are experience a different kind of hurt and we are all here to listen."

Angel nodded reaching out for Maureen's other hand, "Go on, honey."

Maureen bit her lip nodding. She wiped her eyes and carried on, "I never used believed in love... maybe deep down I knew it could end badly or something. It was easier just to sleep around...or break Mark's heart before he could break mine. But then I found Joanne and she totally changed everything for me. We fought a lot, but maybe that was just me trying to push her away because I knew there was a possibility it could end badly. And it did end. And now...I get why I didn't believe in love. Because I learned that I need love, I changed my life for love, I lived and breathed love, I leaned on it and now I don't have it anymore and it feels like I'm dying. And I wish I was dying, because the difference right now between death and living with the pain of heartbreak, is death ends. This heartache feels like it could go on forever."

A few quotes in here that are not mine:

Sadness flies away on the wings of time. - Jean de La Fontaine

and

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. - Norman Cousins

Also inspiration came from the show Grey's Anatomy. If any of you watch the show, you would have pick up on that in Maureen's last paragraph. :)

Thanks to all those who are R&Ring!